Making Changes for Better or Worse

Finding Workable Change

rutThis year has been one of changes; some intentional, and some thrust upon me in the Universe’s inimitable way of forcing me out of a rut I may or may not have been aware of. What has manifested as a lack of desire to be around people is slowly evolving into a lack of interest in being around the wrong people. I realized I was, once again, trying to force myself into a box of what I perceived was someone else’s expectations, only to discover, I was on the outside looking in more often than not. Worst of all, I was failing to be authentic, and true to the most important person in my life…me.

Missed dance nights and Zoom ballet classes are only the tip of the iceberg. I’ve begun feeling uncomfortable in my own skin because the skin I was attempting to be in was confining, and stifling my breath. Walking in the fresh air became preferable to dancing in a dimly lit room where there wasn’t even a place I could sit and feel included; feel comfortable; feel like me.

I’ve strengthened my resolve to spend more time on on-demand ballet classes. While I don’t get the feedback, I do get the slower paced instruction I need right now. I’m not sure yet what I’ll do about dancing. I know I can’t eliminate it entirely. Where I’ll find a place to dance that makes me feel comfortable and included remains to be seen. All I know is, the handful of people with whom I feel comfortable, heard, and included can’t be found on a dance floor nearby with any regularity.

Retreat Isn’t Always a Step Back

As such, I’ve been retreating slowly but surely for the better part of this year. It was necessary in order to get my bearings and look at my options before re-charting my course. To be honest, I still don’t know where, or what that will be, but at least now I’m open to suggestions.

Part of the process is recognizing who I can trust with the entire, messy, perfectly imperfect conglomeration of feelings and experiences making up the unique person who is me. At the moment, that list is extremely short, and maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be. I’m not exactly an expert on social behavior, tending to retreat when I feel rejected or uncomfortable.

The crux of the matter is I’ve been going through some changes regarding who I truly am, and where I want to go with whatever is left of this life of mine. That confusion is more than likely coming across in my interactions with the people I’ve been around for years. Perhaps the exclusion I’m feeling is simply their discomfort in the presence of my confusion. Either that, or it’s the voices in my head saying “you don’t belong here.”

Replacing Structure with Balance

Though I have spoken a bit to my trusted few about some of my soul-searching, there are aspects I’m not ready to share, just as there are past traumas I’ve shared with no one I currently know, and frankly, have no plans to do so. Some things, I believe, are better kept locked deep, down inside sharing-wise, though dealing with the feelings in my own way still needs to happen at some point.

What I do know is I need to keep my activity level up for my own health and well-being. However, I also need to do so in an environment where I feel a lot more than just tolerated. As such, I missed a dance night, which I rarely do, not because I didn’t feel like dancing, but because I didn’t want to deal with the uncertainty of where I’d be sitting, and who I’d be sitting with. I only knew I had to make a change…when I’m ready.

My ballet classes are another area where I need the structure of regular days and times, while on the other hand, I need to work on things at my own pace rather than trying to manage body control, check lists, and remembering choreography all at the same time. The feedback I do get with live classes is no longer a strong enough motivator. Somehow, I need to self-motivate to set a regular schedule for myself with maybe one or two live classes a week.

Losing People Along the Way

I’m not the person I was a year ago. I know that. I’ve lost people along the way; my daughter, my grandchildren, people I thought were trusted friends and weren’t, and even some I trusted with too much. It’s not that I believe any of them are out to cause me harm. They’re simply not able to engage with me in the give and take necessary to keep any kind of relationship alive and healthy.

This process of change is also seeing me retreating from Facebook, and creating an account on Bluesky. I honestly don’t know right now if I’ll become active there, or simply use it as another place to share my blog posts. Only time will tell. I’m not ready to share the account, or even my presence there overtly in other places. Maybe in time. The good news is, I won’t be inclined to spend a lot of time there, as I’ve only connected with a couple of people I know so far, and I’ve yet to find anyone to follow who posts the inspirational, motivational things I love to see.

For now, I’ll let my fingers do the talking on what seems to be evolving into daily posts. Daily writing, be it here, morning pages, or something else has always been a balm to my perpetually wounded spirit. I won’t solve the problems of the world, but I’ll manage how problems both internal and external are affecting me. That’s really all I can hope to accomplish anyway.

Finding Gratitude in Chaos

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for evolution, wherever it takes me.
2. I’m grateful for deciding to make peace with myself, and going where I want to rather than where I think I need to.
3. I’m grateful for realizing I need to change my own behavior in order to attract people with the morals and ideals I want to embrace.
4. I’m grateful for allowing myself to step back and regroup before walking back into the fray with a more open heart.
5. I’m grateful for knowing some people are done with me, and for realizing that’s OK.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Knowing When it’s Time to Change

Frustration Means Time for Change

Last week, I walked away from over 4 1/2 years of thrice-weekly ballet classes. I was getting frustrated with myself, and the classes in general. I’d hit a wall, and I found myself unable to scale it. Though I didn’t want to give up on myself, and the progress I have been able to make, I knew I needed to change direction. I’d developed a lot of bad habits in my effort to keep up with classes which, being mixed-level, will always be over my head, skill-wise, and knowledge-wise.

I hated giving up something that’s kept me stronger in body, mind, and spirit for almost 5 years, including through COVID, but my spirit was starting to suffer. I did some research and found a site which offers both live and on-demand classes where I can work at my own pace and up-level my beginner skills. Or more accurately, learn how to do correctly execute what I’ve been fumbling through for 4 1/2 years. Still, it took me nearly a week before I took to the barre once again. Now that I’ve started, I feel extremely certain it’s the right decision for me right now.

New Day, New Time, New Motivation

I spent over an hour on nothing but degage’s, piques, and envelopes. (that’s envelopays, not the thing you put a letter or bill in). The teacher started slow and easy, and built on both complexity and tempo with each succeeding video in the series. I might have stopped before bringing up the “speed drills” video, but left my barre in the middle of the room. I’ll go through the last one before the day ends. Best of all, I can come back to this series as often as I like, knowing I’ll pick up something more about the technique each and every time.

I know it’s difficult for a teacher in a room (or Zoom) full of multi-level dancers to break everything down for a beginner like me. It’s really up to me to find the resources I need to become a better dancer. Sure, I could opt for private lessons, but it isn’t really what I want to commit to right now. In fact, being able to choose (for the most part) when I want to study is the one concern I had, and is turning out to be the biggest benefit right now. Today, instead of having to wait until the class I was in started at 5, I pulled the barre out and did my first 65 minutes at 3:00.

My Needs, My Schedule, My Time

I also get to do a live class mid-day tomorrow, though it’s the only live class on the schedule I’ve calendared in so far. Until I’ve upgraded my technique, live, group classes will only get me so far. My level of frustration is the best indication I’ve gone as far as I can in a mixed group class until I back it up about 10,000 steps and work on not only using my core, but how I’m using it from one move to another. Just having it explained differently is already helping me focus more on stacking my vertebrae, or using my obliques for certain things.

I don’t like to think of this direction change as closing a chapter, but I have to allow for the fact it might go that way. For the moment (as I look at the clock and see it’s time for the first Monday night, Zoom ballet class I won’t be attending…by choice), I’m taking things one day, and one series of technique classes at a time. Whatever happens, I’m continuing what I started during the COVID shut down, and working on building a better me.

Grateful for Nudges Telling Me It’s Time for a Change

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for finding the resources I needed when I decided to go rogue on my ballet studies.
2. I’m grateful for the motivation to move from regularly scheduled classes to self-study.
3. I’m grateful for the many things I’ve changed which are building a better body, mind, and spirit.
4. I’m grateful for knowing my frustration was simply the idiot light I needed to make a different plan.
5. I’m grateful for learning some things are only meant to work for me for a given amount of time, and that it’s up to me to recognize what’s no longer working, and find something new which will.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Taking the Pain Out of the Winds of Change

Respecting the Winds of Change

The winds of change can be a real pain; in my case, literally. I woke with a blazing sinus headache which forced me to sleep on the reclining sofa after taking a Claritin. Unfortunately, the cats (read: Mr. Starving-all-the-time Lazarus) saw the movement as an indication breakfast must be served immediately. Between my early rising, and the winds gearing up for a few crazy days, an hour or so of extra sleep while the headache eased was not in my cards today. Nor, as I soon discovered, was a gentle easing into my day.

Work continues to be a bullet train, raging out of control. Things are changing from one day to the next, and it’s keeping my brain busy adjusting to the re-directions. A 30-hour a month job has more than doubled in time required forcing me to be more efficient about completing other tasks. Here it is, halfway through March, and I’ve yet to complete my 2023 books, or do my own taxes! Instead, I’ve added a 40-minute walk to my days, added back ballet 3 days a week, and personal training once, not to mention writing in my blog daily.

Making Space

Granted, I’ve taken liking, sharing, and posting in Social Media off my plate, which frees up time more than I’d realized. Still, the faster I clear space, the faster I find it filled! Take the daily walks. When we started less than 4 weeks ago, we walked for maybe 20 minutes. We’ve doubled that in the last week or so (and finally exceeded my target of 2 miles!). I have to admit, with my crazy work schedule lately, I look forward to those walks with a lot more enthusiasm as it gets me away from my desk, and out of the house for the better part of an hour. Nothing like a walk in a fierce wind to clear out the cobwebs!

I also owe some time to my walking buddy as he left me some paperwork to look over and help him understand and respond to. On my list! The trouble is, by the time I get to the end of the work day, my brain wants nothing more than to veg over dinner and binge watch old TV series’. I’ll need to apply myself to the tasks at hand over the next few days, whether my brain is happy about it or not!

Going with the Flow

OK, so my brain likes the activity, even if it’s not so fond of change. Frankly, the way my life has been for the last couple of years, I think it’s resigned itself to letting those winds blow it where it will. Sometimes, letting the wind carry you along on its merry little jaunt is a lot easier, not to mention more pleasurable, than fighting every step of the way. As it is, I still feel like I’m walking through a hurricane at times. I think my poor brain curls up in a moaning little ball half the time, waiting for the next round of changes to pass through.

If the winds of change are tossing you like flotsam, and you’ve lost all sense of direction, the best thing to do is sit in stillness (mentally, if not physically), allowing yourself to adjust to the new landscape. There’s a good chance you’ll discover you like the new view better anyway!

Grateful for the Many Positive Changes

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for teaching my brain to adapt to change a bit easier than it used to.
2. I’m grateful for learning to sit quietly with the new changes before my brain has a chance to freak out or balk.
3. I’m grateful for windy days that blow the air clean again.
4. I’m grateful for a perfect mix of physical and mental in my days.
5. I’m grateful for hitting the 2-mile mark after less than 4 weeks of walking daily.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Ride the Winds of Change

Time to Embrace Change

The only constant in life is change – Heraclitus

Whether you like it or not, your life is ever-changing. It isn’t a ship stuck on a sandbar you can pile rocks around to keep it from moving. Eventually, the tide washes away the debris, and your ship shifts back into the sea. The question is, will you wait for circumstances to force your hand, or position yourself to move with the flow, and adapt to changing times?

You might believe it’s less risky to hold onto what you know rather than taking the chance of leaping into unknown perils. On this, we’ll have to agree to disagree. I’d rather have some control over the direction I decide to leap, rather than allowing the fates to choose my course.

Granted, control is a somewhat relative term here. Choosing to leap rather than waiting for the Universe to kick me in the ass doesn’t mean my path has been any smoother, or easier than someone who waited to be shoved out of the nest known as their comfort zone. It simply means I’d rather roll with the punches, and take action when I’m prompted, if for no other reason than I’ve had my share of Universal head slaps, and am disinclined to wait for the pain I know will be coming anyway.

Embrace What A Butterfly Learned

Photo – Julie Raccuglia via Flikr

Ask any butterfly if changing from a caterpillar was without its share of pain, and, if they could talk, they’d likely tell you going from worm, to goo, to delicate, winged beauty was no bed of roses…but the end result is magnificent!

Of course, not all changes in life are cataclysmic. Many are simply a matter of floating downstream and watching the scenery change. There are many stops along the way, and lessons to learn before you reach each destination. From birth to death, you’ll go through many changes. Here’s the good news: you’ll survive most, if not all of them.

Will you come through them all unscathed. Of course not! You’re not supposed to. You will, however, come through each of your life changes smarter, stronger, and wiser. Like me, you might look back at some and ask why you had to have the experience. Sometimes, you simply must go through a kind of birth canal in order to shake you free from self-limiting beliefs, and any fears you might harbor which kept you from following your life path.

Harder Lessons Clear the Way

The lessons you learn during those birth canal-like changes will stick with you like a burr in a cat’s tail, poking you a bit when you start to repeat past mistakes. Look back 5 or 10 years, and you’ll start to understand why the lesson had to be so harsh.

Perhaps you were resisting change too emphatically, or had failed to follow the path to the lesson when it was presented to you more gently. Certainly, the lesson is important, or it wouldn’t have been sent to you often enough to warrant tossing your stubborn self to the proverbial wolves to ensure you finally got it, or at least started getting it.

Every choice and decision you make as you move through the hills, valleys, and swamps of your life are made with the best information you have at the time. You can’t reach into the future to see where one choice or another will lead you, but can only exercise best judgement based on what you’ve learned, and can see before you.

The Journey Continues to Evolve

The amount of wisdom and experience you had at the ripe, old age of 18 is a grain of salt in a sea that is in constant motion. By the time you’re 30, you’ve learned that some of your choices were less than stellar, and hopefully, you’re making better ones, at least in some areas of your life.

When I was young, the biggest decision I had to make was my career path. I entered college as a Theatre Arts major, but left as a Psychology major…the first time. Although I failed my first Accounting course (those T-accounts left me lost and confused), I ultimately went on to earn a degree in accounting (where I finally mastered the mystery of the T-accounts, and used them extensively for years afterwards), and spent most of my adult life working as an accountant.

Granted, I didn’t follow my passion by any means, but I wasn’t raised to allow myself that privilege. I was meant to earn a decent living, and support myself and my family. It wasn’t until the family was raised, and I’d amassed a tidy sum in various retirement accounts that I acknowledged how unhappy I was in my chosen career. It took me another 5 or 6 years to realize it wasn’t so much the career, as the employers I attracted who were killing me slowly.

Knowing When it’s Time to Change Direction

Eventually, with a little help from one of my life’s many teachers, I realized I was doing myself a disservice by succumbing to the status quo. My soul was screaming for mercy, and I was tired of dragging myself out of bed every morning to go to a job I hated, then staying up way too late on dance nights trying to assuage my pain.

I’ve seen and enacted many changes in the last 9 years. Each year, I flow more easily into the next batch of changes. I learned no matter what happens, or how dark it gets, I get to wake to a new day, and new opportunities. I’ve gotten in my own way countless times, and watched in amazement as my butterfly wings unfolded when I stopped fighting, and started allowing.

Granted, it helps I hate stagnation and ruts. My soul weeps crocodile tears if I force it to stay in one place for too long. That might sound weird when I think about having lived in the same house for over 40 years, and rarely leave for more than 3 or 4 days, but it isn’t where I’m sitting that makes my soul cringe, but where my mind, and spirit travel.

There’s Freedom to be Found in Change

Photo – Philip Leara via Flikr

Whether it’s melding my two career paths so I have more balance between the two hemispheres of my brain, or opening to new opportunities, new people, and new ideas, the changes I continue to make are giving me a freedom I’d started to believe didn’t exist; a freedom to expand my horizons on an energetic, spiritual, mental, and emotional level.

Change doesn’t have to mean dumping your life in the toilet and starting from scratch. It often means taking what you’ve learned, and allowing it to open your world to possibilities which were once unavailable, or unimaginable. If you can imagine it, you can create a new reality for yourself, and perhaps for others too.

So dive in, and trust in your own talents and abilities to keep your head above water, even if the waves seem especially turbulent at the moment. There truly is calmer water ahead once you stop fighting the current.

Grateful for a Life of Change

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned that allow me to embrace rather than resist change.
2. I’m grateful for the traumas that literally booted me out of my comfort zone, for better or worse.
3. I’m grateful for opportunities that flow when I get out of my own resistance, and my own way.
4. I’m grateful for how much my  world has expanded in the last few years, as I allow myself to love what I do.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, joy, change, opportunities, expansion, growth, peace, health, harmony balance, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author

Change Your Own Trajectory

Overcoming Resistance to Change

The women on my mother’s side of the family are like raw eggs; a clean, unbroken wall of fragility striving desperately to protect their gelatinous, easily scrambled interior. The example each generation sets for the next is one built on illusions; strength being the biggest illusion of all.

In truth, the walls we build and the ability we seem to have for surviving everything life throws us is little more than smoke and mirrors. It’s only our hard, aggressive nature that keeps people from looking beneath the murky surface.

I grew up believing building a wall to contain emotions was how everyone lived their lives. Attacking first rather than allowing anyone to breach your flimsy defenses was the proscribed response to anything or anyone that seemed to challenge the only known way to navigate a perpetually unfriendly, unkind world.

Attracting a Better Class of Winners

Photo-simonrumi via Flikr

It was a sad, lonely existence, growing up believing I could trust no one, and if I made the mistake of letting someone get close, they were sure to hurt me in some way; including, and especially my own family. It’s no surprise I was my own self-fulfilling prophecy.

Over the years, I chose to surround myself with people whose emotional growth was as stunted as mine, and to quickly disengage if I accidentally attracted someone who wanted, and needed to give me more than I was prepared to accept, much less, give in return. More than once, I rejected kindness, compassion, and honest emotions for an angry, broken, defensive person I was more able to relate to. For years, I felt like I was addicted to abuse.

What I’ve learned since was it wasn’t so much the abuse, as the fact I’d learned to believe it was the proper way to show love. I grew up believing I had to earn my father’s love, and his disparaging, and often brutal remarks were my reward, and worse, proof of his love. I didn’t realize how ridiculous, much less, damaging my beliefs were until shortly before my dad died. Without conscious thought, I’d reached the point where I’d stopped trying to earn his love. In truth, I think my own life, and that of my daughters helped remove the blinders from my eyes.

Fanning the Flame of Self-Love

Still, it took a few more years, and another couple of traumas before I had the strength and desire to not only rip down old walls without consideration for the consequences, but to break free of generations of deeply ingrained beliefs. By then, what remained of my blood family had drifted away, busy with their own growing families, and lives. Without their influence, I was given a rare opportunity to look at the woman I’d become, and realize I didn’t like her at all.

I could have remained in that state of self-loathing. Heaven knows, I’d had enough examples throughout my life to support my beliefs. But there was a spark deep inside that refused to be quenched or ignored. Faced with two choices; a deep, dark, oily pit, or a tiny, hopeful spark, I chose what my family and upbringing would deem unthinkable. I started following the spark.

In retrospect, it would have been easier, and considerably less painful to simply slide further into the pit. But the spark offered me something new and different; acceptance, and eventually, the rarest gift of all: unconditional love.

Spark Change from Within

Granted, the dimness surrounding the spark hid the perils I’d face along the way. It prevented me seeing the skin I’d shed layer by painful layer in order to not only reach, but become the spark. Had I known then I’d have to unearth many lifetimes of impacted trauma, and endure the pain of each one, not once, but many times over, I’d have likely given up before I started.

That’s how true change happens. You don’t start with the biggest obstacle, or the most painful memory. You start with a spark promising to light the darkness through which you’ve been stumbling. In cases like mine, you have to encounter, and exorcise a plethora of demons sent to guard sameness, and prevent change before you get the reward of a little more light, and a clearer path. You have to fight the battles you ignored for too long before you can open your heart to kinder, gentler possibilities.

I was taught to believe the worst of everyone; to expect mistreatment if I showed the tiniest crack in the walls around my emotions. I had to learn myself there’s a spark of human kindness in everyone. Some wear it on the outside, proudly, and generously sharing with anyone. I’ve learned in my own way, those people walked through fire themselves before they could fan their spark into a blaze.

Using Trauma to Trigger Change

Most people guard their spark, sharing it only with a trusted few. They’ve yet to learn sharing helps add more fuel to their own fire. Too many follow the path I did, guarding their spark, and burying it deep within themselves until it rarely, if ever reaches their eyes. They’re lost, cold, and stumbling in a darkness of their own making.

The lucky ones experience some kind of breakthrough that forces their hand; pushes them out of the comfy nest they’ve created behind thick, yet surprisingly unstable walls. Like me, they learn how little pressure will bring those walls down, exposing them to the harsh light of day.

In a way, my outer self blistered and burned like the skin of someone who’s spent their life indoors when they first expose themselves to the sun. But like a controlled burn to rid an area of flammable undergrowth, there were parts of me requiring forcible, and permanent removal before I could make progress towards turning my spark into a brightly burning blaze.

Being Alone is a Choice

Old beliefs and habits didn’t die easily. Belief in myself after decades of unworthiness, and believing I was unlovable had to be built from scratch, out of the ashes and rubble left after I trashed my walls beyond recognition.

Those first stumbling steps were made with neither roadmap nor support. And yet, for some reason they felt right, if only because I felt a huge, unnecessary weight had been lifted from my soul.

Help came when I needed it. First in the form of encouragement from my daughter. The efforts I made with her encouragement and support yielded the kind of friendships I’d only dreamed were possible, and only for others who were far more worthy than me.

I realize I’ve only made small inroads into old, out-dated beliefs. I’ve only saved one person from slogging through an entire life alone, unloved, and miserable. I have to believe my own Phoenix-like path will provide light, and encouragement for others who’ve felt constricted by a set of beliefs and values that never fit right; never felt right, and made for a miserable, inhumane existence for untold generations.

Grateful for the Fires that Tempered Me

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for all the factors which combined to force me out of my self-made pit of darkness.
2. I’m grateful for the love and support I’ve attracted since I learned to step out as my authentic, vulnerable self.
3. I’m grateful for continued opportunities to step outside my comfort zone and become an even better version of myself.
4. I’m grateful for the people who’ve taken time to assure me I’m not alone in my struggles, or my triumphs.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, joy, challenges, opportunities, happiness, friendship, community, family, peace, health, harmony, balance, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author

Change is the Only Constant

Making Space for Change

I used to write at night all the time. As I move forward after deciding to end my Morning Pages habit for awhile, I wonder what happened to stop my nocturnal writing sessions, and to leave me dulling my brain with mindless sitcoms and romantic comedies after dinner? Running a few cart and horse scenarios through my brain, I wonder whether it was the late night TV that soured me on writing first thing in the morning, or did I sour on writing, and try to smother it in the late night brain swaddling?

I could ponder the unanswerable indefinitely, or take what’s come out of it and use it to broaden my horizons. In short, after putting Morning Pages on hiatus, I’m considering doing the same with the TV as well. Once I made the decision to stop writing as soon as I wake up, albeit more brain dump than anything, I stopped turning on the TV while I ate lunch. Granted, that was typically only for as long as I ate since I’ve moved my daily meditation to right after lunch, but perhaps it primes the pumps for my after-dinner habit?

Like so many of the habits I’ve formed in the last couple of years, I started meditating after lunch rather than before because I was cutting too many sessions short when hunger pangs overtook my consciousness. A full belly means my body is happy for awhile, and refrains from nagging my brain with visions of snacks I don’t need, and quick fixes instead of healthy meals. Now I’ve added a Nuun tablet in water to my after-meditation routine because it seems to bring me back to fully conscious motivation faster than plain water.

Creating and Maintaining Healthy Habits

Already I’m seeing the benefits of this new habit (courtesy of my daughter). I’ve gotten more writing done in the last couple of days than I was doing in a week lately. Yet, is it the Nuun, or the fact I’ve finally accepted it’s time to let my recent hit or miss approach to Morning Pages become a hiatus for now? Was I getting bogged down by taking the time to write, or feeling guilty when I didn’t?

Heaven knows I can guilt myself even better than my mother could! All too often, I catch myself on a downward spiral into guilt over not taking Dylan back to the vet last October and insisting on more tests. Or in November and December when he started peeing on the kitchen floor instead of being quick to blame it on Max coming into the kitchen when I opened the door.

Self-administered guilt is a tricky devil. It sneaks through the cracks disguised as something benign, then whacks you from behind. It makes you doubt yourself, question past actions that can’t be changed, and wallow instead of allowing yourself to heal. Mine has had years to hone its skills, and doesn’t take kindly to being ignored, or worse, ejected. It’s learned to lie dormant until I’m in a weakened emotional state before pulling out all the stops, and crashing in like a tidal wave to drown me in depression and self-recrimination.

The worst part of succumbing to the guilt is it inhibits my productivity which helps increase my guilt ten-fold. The less I accomplish, the more guilty I feel; about the original subject, plus my lack of progress. I’m ripe for a rapid downward spiral into despair. Thankfully, I have a secret weapon these days.

Being A Beacon in the Darkness

When we went into lock down for COVID, I got tired of all the angry, hateful posts I was seeing on social media. It didn’t matter what the topic was, I knew the anger was feeding my own despair and frustration, so it had to be feeding many who were already teetering on the edge of sanity.

I set out to keep my page upbeat and cheerful. Whether it was sharing uplifting posts from some of the groups I follow, writing a daily gratitude post, or doing a Facebook Live, it meant showing up, and finding something positive or uplifting to say in spite of the newest challenges.

I’m not saying there weren’t days when it was difficult to find the silver lining, but part of keeping my own sanity lies in admitting I, too struggle sometimes. The best part about sharing my rocky road is hearing others say they, too needed to know they weren’t alone. It reminds me of a friend who once said; “You’re so positive all the time. It makes me want to slap you!”

Perfection isn’t Relatable

It made me realize people don’t want to hear someone say their life is all roses and champagne all the time. They can’t relate because, quite frankly, NO ONE’s life is perfect. The most beautiful souls I know are mosaics of all the challenges they’ve faced and overcome intertwined with the joy and love they share.

Until I learned to admit I was no different, and that my seemingly perfect life was a poorly constructed facade I thought I had to erect in order to fit in, I lived in an isolated tower in the sky, disconnected from everyone.

It wasn’t until I let go of the belief I needed to seem perfect, or be positive all the time that I was not only able to connect with people, but to resume the writing I’d drifted away from for most of my adult life. I was finally able to share my own pain, sorrow, struggles, and guilt, and to imbue my characters with a humanity and depth I’d denied myself.

I suspect part of the problem the last few weeks has been expecting to maintain the status quo, and to sustain standards that no longer served me. Just as I periodically admit to being unable to find anything positive to say because life has kicked me around the block a few times, I need to admit it’s time to change things up, release an old habit or two, and do a virtual house cleaning. There are things I’ve tucked into corners and closets that need to be brought out into the light of day so I can finally face them, and let them go.

Knowing When to Cut Your Losses and Move On

Photo – Philip Leara via Flikr

I know from experience the harder I have to fight to keep something, the more likely it is I need to let it go. Yet time and time again, I fail to recognize an attachment that was once an asset has become a liability.

Cars, refrigerators, computers, and clothes wear out and need to be mended or replaced. So too do old ways. While some are meant to serve you for longer than others, holding on for too long only serves to hold you back.

I let my writing, my health and my sanity suffer because I held onto something that had outlived its usefulness. In so doing, I wandered away from my path for awhile, and spent undue time wallowing in what I’d lost in the last year or so. Thankfully, I woke up soon enough to recoup some of the ground I’d lost without substantial time wasted.

The world is opening back up. My routines are beginning to change. There are new lessons to learn, and mountains to conquer, but not until I let go of some old baggage that no longer serves me, and is, in fact weighing me down. I feel worlds better simply by admitting I need to let go and move on. The closet clearing will happen along the way, and soon I’ll have space for something new; something exciting; something to shake my world to its core, and lift me past obstacles I didn’t realize were holding me back.

Expressing Gratitude to Maintain Balance

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for epiphanies that get me moving forward after excessive stagnation.
2. I’m grateful I’ve learned the signs that tell me I’ve held onto the past for too long.
3. I’m grateful for virtual de-cluttering.
4. I’m grateful for the people who’ve been patient with me while I learned to be a human instead of a series of masks and walls.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; inspiration, motivation, release, expansion, friendship, love, joy, health, harmony, peace, balance, opportunities, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author

The More Things Change

Seeing Change in My “Not-to-do” List

There are a lot of things I’ve sworn I’d never do over the years: get married, have kids, divorce, bungee jump, sky dive… many are now part of my history while some are permanent fixtures on my “Not To Do” list. Lately, I’m considering removing one I thought I’d leave there forever; get a tattoo.

I recently saw a woman with 3 butterflies flitting up from her back and onto her neck. I was intrigued enough to consider what had become a very strong life symbol for me lately. Right now I’m thinking a small one on the inside of my right wrist. Meanwhile, I’ve started noticing not only butterflies in the wild, but tattoos as well. The latest was a larger one on a shoulder. The wrist still feels right to me but you never know. Then there’s the question of blue ink or a colorfully resplendent monarch or painted lady.

Fortunately, it isn’t a decision I plan to make in the near future. Heaven knows I have far more pressing matters before me. I truly have been evolving from a caterpillar to a butterfly over the last few months. Not only have I become more focused on my writing and online publishing, I’ve also made a firm commitment to invest in my marketing skills.

New Directions, New Guides

Towards that end, I’ve parted company with the coach/mentor I’d been working with this year, turning instead to a course in marketing. I’ve hung out in the Facebook Group “Gorilla Army Nation” for over a year now, picking up tidbits here and there. I knew I wasn’t ready to commit to one of their programs before now. I dabbled in a couple, and got bogged down in the last one.

Fortunately, about the time I was feeling frustrated and stupid, they realized the course I was trying to get through really was overly complex. They came up with one which broke the steps down into much smaller pieces, offering more help, a private group, and tons of encouragement along the way. I took a leap.

I’m not barreling through the course or having almost immediate results like some people, but I feel I’m in good company, working through it slowly, methodically, and with the freedom to ask even the dumbest questions without fear or embarrassment. Both staff and students are supportive, and have already helped me over a couple of humps that stopped me in the larger course. It never occurred to me that if a section didn’t apply, I could simply skip it and move on!

Through the course, I’m learning I do have skills. They’re deeply hidden beneath my misconceptions and underdeveloped social skills. But they are there! And I finally got the answer to the immortal question “How many ICA’s should I have?” that fits with my own thoughts and feelings. (the answer is pretty much “as many as you need”). It is even possible to have thousands of different ones, though for me, a dozen or so should cover it all, at least for now.

Learning to Go Where Life Takes Me Somewhat Gracefully

At the beginning of 2019 I had a certain vision of how the year would unfold. The reality, 9 months in isn’t even close.

Yes, I’m still writing, and sporadically working on “Rebuilding After Suicide”. But I’ve changed directions on it, and am not sweating so much that I’m way behind schedule on the latest re-write. I have been posting chapters of my first novel, “Sasha’s Journey” to ChapterBuzz where I’ve been getting some helpful feedback from other authors.

This year also saw me establish a publishing schedule on Medium, and more recently, receive an invitation to join the writing team of one of the publications. While a huge boost to my ego, not everything I submit to them has been accepted, but I am also being featured every month or so by the Medium team. Recognition might be coming slowly, but since it took me almost 6 years to get to this point, I’m not complaining. In fact, I’m celebrating it as a win!

Seeing Change as a Journey

The butterfly I’ve accepted as a symbol of my journey doesn’t go through the physiological change in one fell swoop. She crawls around as a caterpillar for awhile. One day, she spins herself into a chrysalis where she hangs from a branch for about 10-14 days while her body transforms. Even when the chrysalis opens, she must continue to hang from the branch and pump fluid from her abdomen into wings which were crumpled up inside her temporary home. Once her wings dry, she can finally fly.

I’ve spent the last few years writing lots of words, but also learning what working as a writer really means. I’ve had to establish my own presence and figure out which of the many possible directions I wanted to take. Now, I’m in the stage where I’m strengthening the tools I need to get there. It’s a process, like the butterfly emerging from her chrysalis. Some of it is instinctual, but for me, the business and marketing end really isn’t. I’m having to shed old ways and ideas and learn new ones before I can truly fly. The largest and most obstructive was the idea that I couldn’t market myself. My way was well and truly blocked until I let go of that self-limiting, and utterly false belief.

In some ways, I feel like I’m still in the cocoon, while in others, I feel like I’m already soaring up to the treetops, playing games of tag with the other butterflies.

Traveling My Own Crooked Path

Unlike the butterfly, the steps I need to take aren’t laid out in a nice, precise pattern. I can jump from place to place, learning pieces of things and coming back when I’m ready for more. There’s also room for trial and error which is a good thing, as I don’t always listen to all the instructions; haring off to try something that popped into my head semi-formed. Sometimes it works out splendidly, but mostly it requires another trip to the drawing board.

Such is it with the idea of a tattoo. I’ll think about it for awhile, noticing every butterfly tattoo that crosses my path. I’ll think about a series starting with a chrysalis, then slowly opening to reveal the butterfly. Still, I won’t act until I’m certain it’s what I want; and maybe it will remain an image in my head. I can no more say than I could have predicted on January 1 where I’d be today.

I go where I’m guided to go. Sometimes my guide is my higher self and leads me through a fairly well thought out series of steps. More often, my impatience kicks in or my ADD mind starts spinning. Then I jump around from task to task until I finally exhaust myself and set some guidelines and due dates. I’m learning to accept that a certain amount of structure is a good thing. But I have to make sure and leave space for my imagination to continue to run amok. It’s where the magick happens!

Finding Reasons for Gratitude in All I Do

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for change. Life may no longer be predictable, but it’s always interesting.
2. I’m grateful for guidance which has come to me from several different directions this year. I’m sure it’s been there, but I had to be ready to see and hear it.
3. I’m grateful for my solitude. It gives me time to think, to imagine, to go in and out of frustration, to change plans, and to make others.
4. I’m grateful for my friends who continue to be encouraging even if it looks like I have nothing to show for my efforts; even if it appears, to the causal observer that I’m living the life of a retiree. If they only knew!
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, inspiration, imagination, guidance, support, encouragement, persistence, joy, health, harmony, peace, prosperity, and philanthropy.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Clearing My Resistance to Change a Step at a Time

Change Doesn’t Eliminate Cravings

I try to keep my eating and exercise habits healthy. But every once in awhile the old, self-destructive habits rear their ugly heads and I spend the day planted in front of the TV, or want a big, gooey takeout pizza so badly it’s all I can do to keep my hand off the phone. Sometimes, it’s a craving for sugar. Recently, it was jelly beans.

I told myself I could have some if I walked up to Von’s, but it was too hot to make the trek. Finally, after fighting the urge for a couple of hours to no avail, and seeing I would get nothing done until I had some, I compromised. I drove to Costco and made myself walk the whole store before I could grab my treat and take it home like a bear packing it away for winter.

Alas, I was thwarted on several levels. First, I started to get a migraine and had to find a place to sit quietly with my eyes closed until it passed. Unfortunately, I’d parked far from the store entrance, so my only alternative was the rest room. Just my luck, some woman had gotten her child a talking toy to entertain him while she shopped, and I got to listen to several minutes of “this is how we brush our teeth!” and “this is how we tie our shoes” in one of those perky, Sesame Street style voices that made me want to fly from the cubicle, oblivious to the pants hanging down around my ankles, and smash the thing into a million pieces. (I maintained a reasonable amount of decorum, more for the sake of preventing a full-on, head-cracking migraine than out of consideration for the mother and her child). I began to wonder if, like me, she sought sanctuary in a grey-walled cubicle, if only to have something entertain her child while she decompressed.

When my vision finally returned to normal, I left my dubious sanctuary, washed my hands, and went to find help in my search. Sadly, Costco no longer carries the industrial size jars of Jelly Bellies. It was probably for the best. I ended up at Von’s anyway, coming home with 2 small bags instead of the vat full of my sugary treat. I ended up eating more than I should have from one bag and stashed the rest away for my next sugar craving that won’t be quashed by chocolate or yogurt bars. At least the next time would be less frantic and probably require a smaller fix.

Healthy Habits Most of the Time

Like many of you, I put a lot of time and effort into creating habits which will give me more energy, keep my body healthy, and most of all, keep the doctor from insisting I control things like blood pressure and sugar with medication. But I’m an imperfect being, and sometimes, those old, unhealthy habits will demand attention, much like my cats insist they haven’t had any treats in ages. Like my cats, my last tumble off the healthful wagon might have been a day before. Still, part of me is a whiny, bratty child.

Most of the time, I can actually overrule the crappy food demons. I guess I can resist certain things better than others. Easier to convince myself I don’t need a pizza than to quell the desire for sugar in its most basic form, I suppose. Either way, I know I’ll feel crappy afterwards, but memories of feeling lousy fade when I’m in the midst of a full-on sugar attack.

Thankfully, these cravings don’t hit often any more, so falling off the wagon now and then isn’t a serious hit to my overall health. Even so, I wish I could make the cravings stop forever. I’ve even wished, in a rare moment of insanity that I was allergic to chocolate so I’d never be driven to eat it. I came to my senses before my mind made it real.

We Control Our Minds…to a Point

I know power over the mind is a real thing. You can stop a craving, change a mood, and even heal yourself with enough focus. I’ve even been reading about changing your DNA by the power of the mind alone! Though an amazing possibility, I’m on the fence on this one, waiting for more definitive proof and time tested techniques before I do any rerouting within my own meat suit and neural system.

Nevertheless, forming the habits I’ve already formed, however imperfect they may be did take a certain amount of retraining. I had to somehow convince myself I’d be happier if I was healthier instead of finding solace in sugar, salt, and fat. Some of it took actual health issues or scares, and some, finally getting tired of limitations.

That’s how I quit smoking for the last time (third time was a charm). I realized it was interfering with my dancing by taking away my stamina. It was finally enough to make me drop the nasty habit entirely. Though it took a few more years, establishing a regular gym routine came about for a similar reason. My knees and shoulders were giving me pain and grief. I knew deep down strength training would solve most, if not all of my problems in those areas.

Giving Myself a Break for Imperfections

A year and a half later, I rarely miss one of my thrice-weekly gym days. I’ve also added a daily walk to the mix. I thought that one would be hard to set but apparently, once you set a couple of healthy habits, it’s far easier to convince yourself to add a few more. Or at least, that’s how it’s shaken out for me.

Even mornings when I get up and really don’t feel like suiting up and hitting the pavement, something makes me do it. I can’t justify coffee or breakfast until I’ve made my 1.3 mile circuit. The funny thing is, no matter how slow and grumpy I feel when I walk out my door, by the time I’ve finished, I feel a lot better, and more ready to face the day.

Maybe changing physical activity rewires your DNA all by itself. I can’t argue that it raises my vibration, even if it’s only from grumpy and bored, to accepting. It’s still a better place to start my day.

Re-Wiring Myself for Better Habits

There’s a saying: “A body in motion stays in motion”. I have to wonder if it applies to change as well. Once you start making changes to your life, your mindset, or your environment, it seems to be easier to make additional changes. It’s as if the hard-wiring we all have making us resistant to change weakens as we keep making small changes. You fool it by keeping the changes small at first. When it starts accepting the small changes, you throw in a couple of larger ones.

Eventually, the change-resistant hard-wiring gets so confused, it can’t differentiate between mutability and stasis. In essence, you alter your DNA via the wiring in your brain because you’ve eliminated a natural resistance. If nothing else, I’ve discovered I’m less averse to change these days in areas I once held fast with dogged determination.

In the coming weeks, I’ll be exploring other change-resistant areas in my psyche. I’ll share with you my findings, and where I’m still resistant, my efforts to break that resistance and form healthier habits for my mind and spirit as well as my body. Care to join me on this journey?

Could You Use Some Support to Make a Few Changes?

Do you want to make changes to your life or routine, but can’t find the time or motivation? Are you still trying to do it all instead of asking for help? Would taking a task or two off your plate give you time to be kinder to you? Maybe it’s content creation, or perhaps it’s getting your books in order and creating a budget. If this sounds familiar and you’re ready to streamline your life and give your business space to grow and thrive, CONTACT ME and let’s talk!

 

Gratitude is Great Fuel for Staying on Track

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the changes I’ve made in my life.
2. I’m grateful for an increased willingness to try things I’d have run from not so long ago.
3. I’m grateful for small changes which become huge improvements.
4. I’m grateful for an outlook that gets better and more positive every day.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; friendship, stamina, energy, strength, flexibility, love, joy, dancing, hugs, health, harmony, peace, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Time for Change Again

Riding the Winds of Change

I’m feeling somewhat alienated lately. Friends I once hung out with, laughing and carefree now gravitate towards others who share their need to frequently vocalize dissatisfaction with their lives, or conflicts with others. I want no part of it and as a result I find myself once again on the outside looking in.

Overall it’s a good thing. I’d rather steer clear of the whining and complaining. Perhaps things will shift and the negativity will run its course. Meanwhile, I’ll either have to find others to hang with until this cycle peters out, or revert to my normal, isolationist patterns.

Don’t get me wrong. I have no issue with friends needing to vent their spleen, and to find others who share their current mindset. There are times I’ve needed to do so myself, and am grateful people put up with me while I did. Right now, I know if I stayed there too long I’d start absorbing the negative energy and find fault instead of joy with my own life. Though I enjoy having a pack to run with, I’m OK being a lone wolf for awhile too. Perhaps I’m being pushed into being alone so I can spend more time working on my projects and business. I’ve always believed things happen for a reason

To Everything There’s a Time; a Season

A friend recently pointed out I have my own cycles. Sometimes I simply need a long stretch of alone time. Nothing is wrong. I need to be alone to do some self care and work on me for a little while without distraction or interruption. It could be I’ve waited too long to indulge my inner hermit.

She must be indulged even if it’s simply a matter of taking a few days to lay low and get things done. Doing multiple loads of bedding has even crept into my dreams. It’s a not-so-subtle reminder I need to wash the sheets and comforters from both beds which usually requires 3-4 loads. I need to get caught up on blog posts again and schedule another month’s worth of posts for Medium. I also have to finish compiling blog posts for my opt-in E-book.

That doesn’t even take into consideration the rewrite I’ve had hanging over my head for a couple of months. Clearly, disenchantment with the energy the people around me are exuding means it’s time I got myself organized, which requires alone time. Either I make it for myself or the Universe makes it for me.

A Time to Build My Network, and a Time to Do the Work

I’ve learned we all have cycles we go through; ups and downs, highs and lows. I know I need time to indulge my social side, and time to be alone with my thoughts, dreams, and hopes. Times to look deep inside myself and decide which of the many paths laid out before me I want to take, and what I’ll have to do to make it happen.

Lately, I’ve given those hopes and dreams short shrift. I’ve done the easy stuff like writing blog posts (easy for me, anyway), and setting up posts for Medium. I’ve shirked the tougher stuff like putting together the E-book or starting to re-write my memoir.

The truth is, I only hurt myself when I take the easy road. Pushing the big dreams into a corner while I essentially play games with myself is cruel and unkind. I deserve better. Perhaps that’s why I’m so sensitive to my friends’ complaints. Except I know I have no one to blame but myself.

Nobody is turning my attention away from what’s important but me. No one is criticizing me, or throwing obstacles in my path. There’s nobody to suck my energy except my old fiend, procrastination.

Re-Focusing My Energy

It doesn’t mean I haven’t been taking care of business. The new web pages went live recently, and are performing well. I made doctor’s appointments I’d been putting off. I’ve made and consumed 2 batches of gazpacho, and have the ingredients for several other batch meals with which to re-fill my freezer.

Again, those are the easy things; the stuff I do without thinking about it. Some of it is actually therapeutic. In fact, I’m getting more exercise these days too! All good things, and I can’t complain. And yet, I know I can do better; accomplish more.

It all starts with a single step in the right direction. Maybe distancing myself from people who need to air their grievances, no matter how valid, is exactly what I need to do right now. Again, it’s no reflection on others, but a reminder I need to keep working on myself, even if that means more alone time than I’ve taken recently.

Turning Sloth into Productivity

More important is to use my alone time wisely. Too many Hallmark movies and evenings spent parked on the couch are starting to turn my brain to mush. Though my cats love the extended cuddle time, it isn’t going to benefit any of us in the long run.

I guess I need to step back and re-set every so often, re-evaluating my priorities, and reminding myself to keep the goals front and center. It doesn’t mean putting in an endless stream of 18-hour days (unless the muse strikes and I become oblivious to the passage of time). Those days and that mentality are behind me.

It does mean putting my butt down in front of the computer, my fingers on the keyboard, and doing the writing and revisions I’ve committed to doing—for no one else but me. It means giving my business the attention and effort it deserves instead of haring off on the next adventure in People-land. There’s a reason I can only handle so much people-ing before I need to disappear into my turtle shell for some R and R.

Once again, I am detaching for my own sake. People and places will still be there when I resurface, and I’ll appreciate them more for my absence, and for the time I take to move closer to my dreams. If some of them have moved on by the time I resurface, I’ll know it was a necessary migration for all concerned. It wouldn’t be the first time I changed my social environment, and it certainly won’t be the last.

Living for the Adventure and Wonder of a New Day

I’ve learned the only certainty in life is change, so I might as well embrace it. Fighting change only exhausts me. Swimming upstream may have been my pattern for awhile, but it doesn’t mean I ever got very far doing it. Give me a canoe floating down a lazy river instead. I’ll enjoy the scenery instead of fighting a losing battle to go back where I came from. If it had anything to offer me in the future, I wouldn’t have moved on in the first place.

Do You Need to Shake Things Up So You Can Bring Your Dreams Closer?

Are you trying to do everything, yet falling farther behind? Are you doing too much of what you hate and not enough of what you love, because you feel pressured? Would you like to take a task or two off your plate? Maybe it’s content creation, or perhaps it’s getting your books in order and creating a budget. If this sounds familiar and you’re ready to streamline your life and give your business space to grow and thrive, CONTACT ME and let’s talk!

 

Seeing Each Day’s Wonder Leads to Gratitude

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for friendships and activities which fueled me, but are no longer the fuel I need to move forward.
2. I’m grateful I’m ready to follow some of the changes that have been clamoring at my door.
3. I’m grateful for my ability to be happy in my own company.
4. I’m grateful I’m learning to put myself first and to accept that I have a right to expect commitment to myself before anyone else.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, friendship, possibilities, opportunities, losses, growth, space, motivation, self-sufficiency, peace, health, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats, and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Adaptability: Going With the Flow

Adaptability Makes Change Flow Smoothly

Life changes. People come and people go. Friendships blossom. Some seem to bloom and grow while others wither and die; often inexplicably.

Perhaps we’re changing and fail to see it. Or maybe circumstances change. We move, or find a new interest, or find alternatives when a place or event becomes unavailable. Maybe it’s simply a life event; births, deaths, marriages, new jobs, big moves. We all experience them, like it or no. The only way to avoid change is to wall ourselves up in a cave and never come out. Even so, we’d change as we age, alone and cut off from the rest of the world.

Change is inevitable. We have two choices: adapt or fight it. Most of us, by the time we reach adulthood, have discovered the futility of fighting it. We’ve probably exhausted ourselves fruitlessly on more than one occasion trying to hold onto something which has served its time. But letting go and opening ourselves up to new possibilities is hard. It’s scary.

Like it or Not, We Must Move Out of Our Comfort Zone

Stepping out into the unknown; leaving our comfort zone; allowing ourselves to be immersed in new things can be, for some, a frightening and daunting experience. The smart ones (and also the successful ones) learn to not only adapt, but to embrace those moments when you feel like you’re free-falling. They thrive on the adrenaline rush of not knowing how or where they’ll land, or even if the landing will be safe, or leave them broken and bruised.

For those people, a life without change is as frightening as it is for people for whom change is something to be avoided at all costs. They can’t imagine a life full of mind-numbing sameness where everything is predictable and expected.

Most of us, I believe, fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. We sometimes struggle to leave our cozy, predictable existence to try something new; a restaurant, a vacation spot, a new group of people. Yet when we do take a leap and broaden our horizons, we’re usually pleasantly surprised at the outcome, and thus, encouraged to spread our wings even further.

Adapting Doesn’t Have to be Complicated

For me it’s been as simple as going to new places to dance, and to dance differently than I’m used to. My typical hangouts provide a mix of two-step, line dances, couples dances, and a smattering of West Coast Swing and Nightclub Two-Step. I’m comfortable with the mix, and if I don’t get to do the occasional WCS or NC2, I’m not terribly disappointed. Those dances are not what draws me to a club or lately, someone’s in-home studio.

But as my options narrow and I start hanging with a younger, more adventurous crowd, I find my willingness to leave my comfort zone (especially since I have people willing to go with me) increasing. In fact, I’m often the one to suggest someplace new.

To my utter and complete surprise, I looked back at the last few weeks and realized I’d spent far less evenings alone than was my wont. I’d ventured further out, stayed later, and picked up a couple new tricks along the way. Though I’m not ready to go to the newer places alone yet, I suspect even the minor resistance will soon disappear, and I’ll find my way to the new venues whether alone or with friends.

Adapting Happens When We’re Not Even Looking

In short, I’m adapting. Circumstances have changed. Options have, at least temporarily disappeared, and the amount of dancing I get in a single night has lessened. I’ve convinced myself more nights will bring me back up to my usual levels, and find it easier to win the argument when my brain tries going back into hermit mode.

Life does that. It gives and it takes away, forcing us to adjust to new circumstances whether we like it or not. Forcing us to grow into better, stronger versions of ourselves.

But there was a time I fought it, and fought it hard. I stayed tucked cozily inside myself, little realizing I’d locked myself in with some pretty voracious and unpleasant demons. They gnawed away at my guts, and I responded by becoming an angry, unpleasant human being. There came a point when I didn’t even like my own company.

Help Comes When We Need it Most

Even so, there were people who found me tolerable, and because they took the time to look beneath my crotchety surface, found something worth saving. Maybe they saw someone who reminded them of their former self. Maybe in our own broken way we created a support group, helping each other build the ladders out of our own pits of despair. Whatever the reasons, and however they found me, I’ll always be eternally grateful that the Universe saw fit to find people to help instead of giving up on me as a lost cause. I know I’d pretty much given up on myself by then.

So many people at one time or another find themselves in a place they neither want or know how to get out of. They convince themselves it’s the life they deserve and slog through each day with no real interest in anyone or anything. They spend their days at jobs they hate, and their nights in front of a computer or TV, disconnected from the world; disconnected from themselves.

Maybe life beat them down every time they stuck their nose out of their shell. Maybe they developed a misguided belief they didn’t deserve better. Or perhaps they simply feared what they didn’t know and couldn’t control. So they surround themselves with sameness, boring, destructive, stifling, and eventually, crumbling. Sameness can’t be maintained indefinitely so at some point it either falls apart, often devastatingly, or the person behind the self-made walls lives an illusion far-removed from reality.

Offering Gives Others a Choice, a Role in Their Own Lives

We can’t force others to adapt to change any more than others forced me. We can, however offer tools and support even if they’re rejected repeatedly. Like me, there will come a time when one of the tools resonates, and a willingness to at least try overcomes the fear of change.

The people who kept offering me tools in spite of my constant resistance are heroes in my eyes. They may not have changed the world, but they changed mine. We all have within us the ability to change a single person’s life for the better if we’re willing to accept their resistance and even rejection for awhile.

We can’t do it for the gratitude as that may never come. I know I never thanked the people who gave me my first leg up out of the darkness. We have to do it because it’s an integral part of our humanity. We’re not here to fix each other, only to fix ourselves; to be the best us we can be. But we can be there for those who are having trouble making the changes alone, and simply need a friendly face, a listening ear, a light in the darkness.

Will you be someone’s light?

Gratitude Isn’t Time-Sensitive

My gratitudes today are:

1. I am grateful for the people who saw something in me worth saving.
2. I am grateful for opportunities to pay it forward and offer someone else a tool they might need to escape their own darkness.
3. I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned, the bruises I’ve earned, the successes and the failures. They’ve made me stronger, more resilient, and more willing to adapt when my world gets turned upside down.
4. I am grateful for friendship. They have changed over the years. Some have come, many have gone, but all have left me a better person.
5. I am grateful for abundance; love, caring, compassion, friendship, joy, dancing, community, opportunities, inspiration, motivation, peace, health, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

And special thanks to Danae Thomas who offered me the first of many tools, and months of support to help me start climbing out of my own pit of despair.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws , of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward