A Lifetime of Weight Obsession

Only a Number

For as long as I can remember, I have been obsessed with my weight. At times, only marginally, but more often, to the point where I weigh every day. In part, it’s because I’ve been overweight most of my life, and in part, because my mother made a point of mentioning it every time she saw me. While her opinion no longer haunts me, I still carry more weight on my 5 foot 5 frame than I’d like, and more than is considered healthy by the medical profession.

Thankfully, for the last 15 years or so, I’ve been able to maintain it at a much lower level than it was at my most unhealthy, and I’ve managed to keep off most of what I released the last time I had a really good run of lowering the numbers on the scale. I get especially obsessive if those numbers go over a certain point which, by the way, is far lower than what I used to consider my “eek zone”.

Still, for the last few weeks, I’ve gone up more than down, and was starting to get really pissed off at myself, knowing it wasn’t for lack of exercise despite ditching the ballet for awhile. However, adding more dance nights has added exercise, and cut down the number of hours I can wander into the kitchen to graze, thereby starting to move those numbers back in the “right” direction.

Owning the Fluctuations

Admittedly, my eating habits are my own worst enemy. Allowing myself to snack late at night is the biggest culprit, but by no means, the only one. There are days I watch what I put in my mouth with almost surgical care, but those are more the exception than the rule. Most days, I do really well with breakfast and lunch, but slide into the worst habits imaginable come dinner and beyond.

In my defense, I try to keep healthier snacks in the house, and at times, I even portion control, but it’s all the other times which kick my seldom-decreasing butt. Still and all, walking 3 miles, 6 times a week, doing an hour of circuit training with my personal trainer, and now, dancing 2-3 nights a week isn’t going unnoticed. I’m healthier than I’ve ever been at this weight, or even 20 pounds less. I’m noticing my clothes are fitting me better, or looser in certain areas. Dances which would have left me winded are now barely raising my heart rate. And I’m closer to a 20-minute mile every day…without even trying!

So though the numbers on the scale haven’t dropped as much as I’d like, and the amount of belly fat I’m carrying is still excessive, I’m choosing to focus on the positives, and in so doing, love myself enough to stop eating too much, and the wrong things. Sure, I’ll always wish I had a flatter belly, but I’m afraid that ship has sailed. Short of having it surgically removed (which I’d never do!), we’ve become old, tried and true friends after decades of being together.

Healthy No Matter What the Numbers Are

As long as I’m able to walk, dance, circuit train, and do my own chores, I’m still ahead of the game for a woman of my advancing years. I’m certainly in a better place than many of my family members who have either passed on, or suffer from a variety of physical issues. I’m not without my share of aches and pains, but they pass, and are not debilitating. It’s nothing a little Arnica cream, or the occasional dose of Aleve won’t alleviate, and I always keep moving, pain or no.

I wish I could promise never to obsess about my weight again, but like the belly fat, it’s become an integral part of who I am, and maybe it’s not entirely a bad thing. If nothing else, I don’t allow myself to go past a certain point before I start watching my eating like a hawk for at least long enough to get it below a certain point (which does change as I continue to work on being healthier). I can honestly assure myself I’ll never see certain numbers again, because I simply won’t allow it. That, alone is a huge accomplishment for me!

Grateful for the Small Successes

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for my perseverance, even when I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle.
2. I’m grateful for the improvements I see and feel.
3. I’m grateful for knowing the only one making a big deal about my weight these days is me.
4. I’m grateful for feeling healthier, stronger, and with better stamina simply by including a few things in my regular routine.
5. I’m grateful for the manageability of the aches and pains I do have on occasion.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

I Came, I Stretched, I Conquered

All About That Stretch

As I’ve been mentioning, my weekly activity level has seen a rather dramatic increase of late. Despite missed walks due to rain (until we figure out how we’d managed to avoid getting drenched in the past, anything over a drizzle is going to have to keep us inside), my body is letting me know I’m not likely to pull one over on it. A Saturday morning spent dumping, cleaning, and refilling all the sandboxes, and vacuuming the cat room, plus 2, longer-than-usual dance nights are taking its toll, albeit temporarily.

By the end of dance night #2, my left knee was catching, and refusing to take weight. Fortunately, some stretching and icing when I got home set it to rights in short order. Good thing, since the next two weeks are 3 night dance weekends, and the one after that is the 4 day cruise. In the meantime, I’ve stepped up my stretching, and will continue adding more to it to support the increased activity.

Granted, I don’t dance all the line dances, either because I dislike some, or don’t know them, but both venues I visited this week had long walks to the restroom, meaning added steps to accommodate my hamster bladder. The second one also had a steep set of stairs which added to the fun for my knees. But Sunday saw me either sitting on a low stool, and getting back up from it, or standing on a concrete floor for 3 hours at the animal rescue with no noticeable discomfort.

Using This Body for All it’s Worth

This much-abused body will somewhat willingly accommodate an increase in activity, but it requires both care and stretching in return. I’ve given up stomping and jumping completely, preferring to gently tap my foot when those movements are required of a dance. I apply Arnica cream liberally to knees, IT band, and hips. But most of all, I stretch often; when I get up in the morning, in between dances when I feel myself stiffening up, and at random times throughout the day. I see a lot more of those random times in my immediate future.

Ice packs and my massage gun are becoming my best friends, and nothing beats a good neck stretch which can be performed almost anywhere. It’s a small price to pay for being able to continue to share the dance floor with the 20- and 30-year-olds. I may move more slowly, and take smaller steps, but the only dances I have to avoid are those with a lot of twisting or stomping. If those movements can be modified, I’m still good to go.

Sometimes, I’ll watch the younger crowd doing those movements I must now avoid, and wonder, when I was that age, if someone had warned me about cranky joints, would I have listened. In all honesty, I know the answer, which is why I don’t waste my breath trying to warn anyone. They’ll do what I did; play as hard as they can until their bodies start to complain, then continue to play hard until the noises their bodies make can no longer be ignored.

Tools of the Trade

At that point, they’ll discover ice, massage guns, and Arnica cream, and keep on going, perhaps a little more gently…and perhaps not. Somewhere along the way, they might endure knee or hip surgery, or have injections of some kind to reduce the inflammation, fluid accumulation, or tears, but they’ll be back on the dance floor as soon as physically possible. A huge part of the time frame for healing will depend on their dedication to physical therapy, and their personal threshold for pain.

As mine is rather high, it meant I was back on the dance floor 6 days after knee surgery, and 2 weeks after a hysterectomy. I may have been taking it easier, and choosing my dances with more care, but sitting on the sidelines, or staying home were not options for me, nor will they be for the younger generation with whom I now share the dance floor. I’d be willing to bet most of them are far more knowledgeable when it comes to things like Yoga stretches than I was at their age, and as such, are better prepared to avoid, or manage injuries. It’s definitely a case of “if I knew then what I know now”!

As time goes on, and I continue to avoid the intense pain of herniated discs, daily stretches are worth the time and effort expended. When another part of my body is giving me trouble, I have stretches I add to help them stay healthy and avoid anything more serious than temporary pain from overwork.

Using What I’ve Learned

Though I still haven’t added back the ballet classes I have cued up with Broche Ballet, I do utilize the plies, releves, and foot stretches; sometimes when I’m sitting, and others from a standing position. It may only mean doing a grande plie to put the cats’ food dishes down, but who said stretching had to always be a structured thing? Any opportunity to loosen up the joints is time well spent.

Thankfully, I’m in good company with people who want to keep moving for as long, and as well as they can. Though they may mention a particular part that’s being cranky, they don’t let it slow them down, and know what they need to do if something is hanging up. Like my locking knee the other night, often, an ice pack and some elevation will solve the problem, with additional stretching added in to help keep those issues at bay for awhile longer.

As avid dancers (or any kind of regular activity), hurting at times goes with the territory. All of us, at some point, have moved wrong and twisted something, or overdone it and fatigued muscles. I’m not alone in having danced entire weekends with kinesio tape on an ankle or knee. When the alternative is to sit a session out, there’s really no other viable option. My own experience with taped knees goes back to my 20’s!

I have every intention of walking, dancing, and otherwise moving this body of mine for as long as I can get it to cooperate. If it means regular stretching, ice packs, and kinesio tape, I consider it all worth it!

Grateful for all the Movement

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for a body which continues to bounce back, no matter how much I abuse it, as long as I also give it the care it needs.
2. I’m grateful for an increase in regular activity. Not only is it good for my physical health, but for my mental health as well.
3. I’m grateful for the new group of people with whom I’ve been expanding my horizons. Overall, they’re a terrific influence on me.
4. I’m grateful for being a walking billboard for “70 is the new 50”.
5. I’m grateful for all the lessons I’ve learned about stretching, and overcoming body aches and pains. Slowing down, much less stopping is not on my menu!

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Lessons Learned: The Reality of Friendships

Friendship Without Dancing

It’s another Thursday night when I’m sitting at the computer after walking and dinner, having once again talked myself out of getting cleaned up and going dancing. I’m not even feeling sad, or like I’m missing out on anything. In fact, I looked at tonight’s set list and realized I’d been out of the loop long enough that there are a number of dances I don’t even know now, whereas, I used to at least know 95% of them, even if I chose not to dance a lot of the simpler ones. Has it really been nearly 2 months since I was going regularly?

While sitting here trying to decide tonight, I realized part of the issue stems from the rude awakening I received last year when I discovered my expectations of friendship were grossly discordant with reality. Not only did I fail to understand friendships are as multi-layered as onions, but they require nurturing, just like any relationship, and I’ve clearly missed the entire series of courses which would have allowed me to fully comprehend not only the process, but the reasons behind being seemingly forever relegated to the outskirts of town, at least as far as the dance community is concerned.

One of the challenges I’ve been unable to surmount is the how to make the most of the brief encounters between dances. Others seem to be able to communicate in ways I cannot even fathom, much less recognize. As such, I’ve never really gone beyond the surface with most of the people. There are a couple of exceptions, but only because they date further back, when I was still new to the country dance world, and able to start from scratch. But those people, like me, are on the outskirts of the community these days, so we relate to each other better than those who trip lightly through the tangled maze of those who’ve figured out the rules of the game, the levels of friendship, and how to travel from one level to another.

Separating Exercise and Friendship

Part of my challenge right now is getting enough exercise in other ways, and keeping my calorie consumption at a lower level as well. Meanwhile, I’m working through the friendship levels as I would a tricky accounting problem. I know the answers are there, but I’m not quite sure how to get there at the moment. Unlike accounting, the rules aren’t as clear, nor do I have as much experience figuring my way through.

At least I’ve reached the point where it no longer bothers me. I’ve detached enough that I’m OK with traveling on the outskirts of a town which showed I was just a few steps above a visitor. I’m learning that when people tell me they’re my friend, they mean something completely different from the picture I’ve formed in my head. I’m learning most of them aren’t able to fully accept the soft, vulnerable parts of my I was willing to share. I’m learning to save those parts for a small group of people whose understanding of friendship is closer to mine.

With the rest, I can still be supportive and friendly, but only to a point. I’m having to re-educate myself as to what that means, and how to read the room, as it were so I know how much, or how little to actually give of myself based on the level of friendship being offered. It means holding back and allowing my inner Empath to truly recognize how much someone is able to handle. To be honest, for most of the people I know, it’s a whole lot less than I realized. To many, I must have felt like touching an electric fence at times.

A Better Relationship with Friendship

The hardest part for me now is getting past the knee-jerk reaction I’ve developed to the word “friend”. When talking to someone recently who said “I’m your friend” it set all sorts of alarm bells going off in my head, and a loudly unspoken response of “are you really?” I no longer trust the word when uttered by most people, and that’s a truly unfortunate turn of events which could have been avoided had I understood my expectations were unrealistically high in the first place. I’ve now dropped those expectations down to ground zero, pending further analysis of future actions.

The truth is, I no longer trust the word “friend” any more than I trust words like “god” or “good christian”. Despite the fact I’m feeling happy and light-hearted most of the time these days, I’m sad that I’ve had to move another word to my “guilty until proven innocent” list. In no small measure, it means I’m reverting to interacting superficially with almost everyone. It took me a long time to stop doing that, but until I understand the multi-faceted world surrounding the concept of friendship, I see no way to navigate it successfully.

I do understand my hurt feelings this year are in large part due to expecting more than others were able or willing to give. My disappointment in others is also disappointment in myself for failing to develop relationships which would have met with my expectations. I did learn if someone labels me a loner, or invulnerable, it’s more of a reflection on them, and what they’re able to handle. But it’s also a neon sign they’re not able to handle my messy, complicated, vulnerable self on anything more than a superficial level. I need to respect that, and keep my sharing to a minimum where they are concerned.

Grateful for Lessons and Blessings

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the lessons I learned over the last year. It may take me awhile to put them into practice, but I definitely got the message.
2. I’m grateful for no longer needing to go dancing, or be around people who are surface level friends.
3. I’m grateful for being happy and joyful in the comfort of my home, and the company of my cats.
4. I’m grateful for an abundance of work which has kept me far from bored for the last couple of months.
5. I’m grateful for the handful of friends who truly can and want to know me on the deeper level I consider friendship to be.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful.

Emotional Support Kitties

When Frustration Hits, Cuddle Your Kitties!

The last few days have been rather frustrating (though all’s well that ends well when you have a great team!) and even my emotional support kitties are feeling the pressure. Max spent a good part of the morning walking around the house, howling, while Lazarus hung close, but not too close. Though I never figured out what Max wanted so badly he was howling about it, he seems to have settled back down. He did, however, take issue with me removing the blanket of fur he’d left on the loveseat. I guess it was his way of marking his territory. The one time Ishtar sat on it recently, he acted like someone had stolen his teddy bear! But today, she actually licked his face instead of hissing at him, so we’re making progress!

Speaking of progress, the daily walks are another mood booster, and frustration buster. On my more frustrating days, I tend to walk faster, and today, we got down to 20 minutes, 25 seconds per mile! Had we not stopped to talk to one of the people along our route for a minute, we’d have probably made it to a 20 minute mile! I was definitely more relaxed by the time I got back; ready to jump on yet another Zoom call to share knowledge, and work on some reporting requirements.

As it is, I’ve started making to do lists to keep track of all the tasks I need to complete. Last week, I had about 16, and all but one, non-critical one are complete. This week I’m up to 7 so far, and that’s after already completing payroll today, despite a few setbacks. It’s funny though. As frustrating as things have been lately, I’m also feeling energized. I find I’m completing my evening tasks earlier and earlier lately. Max and Sable aren’t complaining since it means an earlier dinner time for them!

The More You Do, the More You Do

It also means, unless I’m working later to finish a few more tasks on my list, I’m looking for something to do by about 8. It occurs to me starting to add back on-demand ballet classes at 7 or 8PM will fit perfectly into the gap, and give me some much-needed, additional exercise as well. Whether or not I’ll have the energy and drive to add it back the first week of the month remains to be seen. As it is, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day are work days for me so I can stay ahead of the monthly billing.

I’m even planning to set my alarm so I can get my provision foraging done early to get a jump on tasks which aren’t dependent on others finishing their day. It’s coming as a complete surprise to me how much frustration; at least when it’s resolved successfully, can actually be inspiring and motivating. The crazier things get, the more I seem to be getting done, both personally and professionally.

Best of all, my cats seem to understand their assignment, and, for the most part, are doing their best to smooth my rough edges. I could call my Christmas movie binge watching a waste of time, but combined with all the kitty cuddles, I know it’s much-needed down time for me, and snuggles for my poor, neglected felines. (their words, not mine) I may jump up and down more often than they’d like, but it isn’t long before someone claims my lap again once I’m sitting, perhaps with a hot mug of turmeric tea laced with honey and fresh lemon juice.

Different Strokes for Different Folks

To some, spending Christmas and New Years alone in the house, working a few hours (or perhaps a lot of them) while others are celebrating with family and friends sounds like an incredibly sad pursuit. For me, it means I can work without interruptions because everyone is busy with family and friends, leaving me to knock out work, or write another blog post. That, alone will clear space in the days to come, allowing me to pivot on a dime if something new gets added to my life, or load.

Circling back to the original theme of this post, emotional support comes in many flavors. It might be pets, or walks, or some other kind of movement. Perhaps it’s a long phone conversation, or getting immersed in a good book. It could be as simple as curling up on the sofa with a cup of tea and a couple of cats to watch a movie which requires no mental involvement, and in fact, minimal attention to follow the story line.

Whatever works for you, it’s important to see it as a necessity rather than a luxury. Your sanity; your mental health and well-being depend on it!

Grateful for Every, Single Minute

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for my emotional support kitties.
2. I’m grateful for my daily walks.
3. I’m grateful for the people in the neighborhood who have come to recognize us as we toddle along our regular route day after day.
4. I’m grateful for hot cups of tea, soft, snuggly kitties, and warm, fleece blankets.
5. I’m grateful for movies which don’t require much brain power, and are purely entertaining.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Finding Balance in an Unbalanced World

It’s All About Balance

Whether it’s crazy dreams that stick in my head for days, low-grade headaches, or simply a feeling of being just off-balance enough to feel queasy, it’s been one of those weeks! Just when I think I’ve caught my balance and can move forward without fear of tripping over my own feet (a rare moment in and of itself!), the room starts to sway again…figuratively, thank goodness. Living in one of the more earthquake prone areas of the world, swaying ground isn’t exactly news around here. In fact, my daughter and I spent a week with jumpy stomachs back in ’94 when aftershocks were frequent, and many were over 5 on the Richter scale…but I digress.

I’m not sure whether I’m feeling like I’m forgetting something, or waiting for the next shoe to drop. Either way, it’s not making it easy to find my footing in a world that’s been topsy-turvy for awhile now anyway. Just when I’m congratulating myself for putting another demon to rest, I get one of those Universal head slaps, and a voice saying “don’t get too comfortable, now!” Meanwhile, I’m waiting…and waiting…and waiting…(you get the picture) for that next shoe to drop, and frankly, the anticipation is starting to make me squirrelly. As if I wasn’t there in the first place!

In fact, I had to wait until I was getting tired, and my brain had wound down to a mere merry-go-round before I could even settle enough to write something today. Sure, a vet appointment for Scrappy Doo, errands, and client work were in the mix somewhere too, not to mention another migraine threatening to turn the day painful. Thankfully, at least that was circumvented! Scrappy Doo even rewarded me for sticking him in a box and making him see the man with the pointy things by cuddling up and purring the attempted migraine away, with the help of his little buddy, Artemis.

Whether it’s the Weather

Maybe that’s why I’m feeling unsettled though. There’s a lot of pressure behind my eyes. The likely culprit is our crazy, bi-polar weather which can’t decide whether to be hot or cold, calm or blustery, damp or arid…so it gives us everything all at once much to the dismay of my sinuses. Rules are changing all around me right now. I have to pick one area to keep up with, and let the rest find their own way for the moment, or I’ll go bat shit crazy (or more than I already am)! Out of necessity, I’ve chosen work, although, I’ve managed to pick the area of my life that’s the most insane and hard to pin down. Little did I know when I started this journey in 2021 what a wild and crazy ride it would become a couple years later.

I’m not complaining though. I’m learning new things, and truly enjoy this roller coaster we’ve been on lately. I have a tendency to wallow or stagnate if left in too quiet an environment for too long. And thankfully, this time around, the ride is mostly fun and exciting, and predominantly positive. My brain is certainly happy for the excessive stimulation, even if there are times I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. At least I know I’m in good company!

The Times They Are A’Changing

But the days of sitting down at the computer with my coffee and breakfast, and easing into my day are nothing but a memory now. Work typically starts as soon as I check email, or Google messages these days, which isn’t surprising as, by the time I sit down, it’s already 11 or 12 on the East Coast.

Because of the time difference, I’ve been able to fit walks, ballet, and errands into my schedule fairly seamlessly. I can knock out the things that come in while I’m still sleeping first thing in my morning, then manage those which come in after working hours between about 3 and 7 my time. If you ask me, despite the current, insane pace of things, my schedule couldn’t be more perfect!

So maybe my unsteadiness is simply the result of my loosey-goosey schedule becoming a little more regular. Or perhaps I’m excited about the whirlwind one part of my life has become, and anxious to resume my normal activities at their previous levels in less than a month. I do tend to rush in without preamble at times; sometimes it works in my favor, and others…not so much. So having to hold back a little longer in multiple areas of my life is, in and of itself, a bit crazy-making.

I did read something helpful the other day I’m trying to implement; at least as much as my ADD brain will allow. When I sit down to meditate, or lay down to sleep, I start a litany of “I love you”, and direct it towards my own heart. Some days, it works, and others, my brain doesn’t want to shut up and listen. But some is better than none, right?

Grateful for My Abundant Life

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for my wild and wacky world which no longer tolerates stagnation.
2. I’m grateful for Claritin to keep the physical part of my head a little clearer until the weather figures itself out.
3. I’m grateful for dancing which keeps my mind sharp, my body healthy, and gives me a break from the insanity some parts of my life are experiencing right now.
4. I’m grateful for my cats who, despite nasty things like vet visits still love me and are there to help keep my stress levels from blowing me up into a bazillion, tiny pieces.
5. I’m grateful for my walks which are also helping keep the stress levels manageable right now.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Counting My Blessings

Every Moment is a Blessing

If I ever lose sight of the many blessings in my life, things like yesterday’s 6-week, post-surgery doctor visit jump up and down, waving their arms to remind me how much I have to be grateful for. Having lost a number of family members, and members of my dance community to cancer over the years, the best news of all was mine hadn’t gone further than the parts they removed, so no radiation or chemo would be necessary. Sure, I have 2 years of regular doctor visits ahead of me, but that’s is a minuscule blip on my life’s radar compared to what would have happened had my body not firmly rejected the foreign cells in a way which I couldn’t ignore, nor rest until I had a diagnosis. Not everyone gets so lucky.

Too many people don’t have any signs or symptoms until the cancer cells have had a chance to dig their heels in, and start spreading. Getting a message when they were barely discernible as even in the danger range at stage 1A is alarming, but manageable, even if it means I have another 6 weeks before I can get back to all of my daily activities, including lifting those 5 gallon bottles of water myself!

I do get to enjoy lighter workouts with my trainer right now, but she’s chomping at the bit, waiting for the day she can kick my butt around the block again, and we’re halfway there as of today. Meanwhile, I’ve gotten to add daily walks back to my schedule, even if I skip a day every now and then. I’ve given myself notice, though, that I can only skip one day a week, rain, shine, wind, or other elements which seek to, if not thwart, make walking a bit more challenging.

Resuming Normal Activities Quickly

I was determined to resume most of my regular activities as soon as possible, and managed to do so after 3, short weeks which, I’m guessing, is unusual. But when did I ever do things the way normal people do?

I was up and walking the halls of the hospital the day after a C-section, and dancing 6 days after knee surgery. I took a walk the day after returning home from the hospital, and slowly lengthened the distance and time until I’m walking close to 2.5 miles, and just under an hour a day. My current goal is to be able to do the entire ballet class again, and I’m getting close. Monday, I got all the way through adagio during center work.

Admittedly, I was hurting yesterday, but I also ran around doing errands after my doctor’s appointment, and may have lifted an overly heavy bag of Costco purchases wrong. But the resilience that seems to come with thrice-weekly ballet classes rose to the occasion, and I’m ready to walk again today, and take my second ballet class of the week tonight.

Then, and Now. What a Difference!

The funny thing is, I seemed to be happy sitting around, eating myself obese while I was married. Granted, “happy” is used loosely in this case. I was probably at my least healthy just before I realized I deserved to be truly happy, and ended 11 years of a soul-sucking marriage. (that seems to be a theme in my past life. Soul-sucking jobs, soul-sucking relationships…and finally getting fed up enough to end the cycle). With those memories still fresh enough to be frightening, I may be overly obsessive about weighing myself every day, but it keeps me from going back to that sedentary, unhealthy life. Maybe it thwarts the soul-suckers too. There are definitely less of them these days!

I suspect the key component in no longer allowing toxicity to invade my spirit is times like this when I’m recognizing and appreciating how many blessings I have, and showing gratitude for them all, no matter how small.

A Blessing’s a Blessing No Matter How Small

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for an extremely positive diagnosis.
2. I’m grateful for a body that recognizes unwelcome invaders sooner rather than later.
3. I’m grateful for a willingness bordering on obsession to get up and move more, watch my weight more carefully, and eat more healthy than not.
4. I’m grateful for adding more healthy habits to my daily routine.
5. I’m grateful for the people who help and support my daily, healthy habits.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Starting the Day With Gratitude

It’s a Day for Gratitude

Today, I woke up. Sure, it was later due to daylight savings time, and the cats were annoyed breakfast was delayed yet again while I slowly got my lazy butt in gear, but I woke up, was able to rise without assistance, and with minimal creaking joints to begin my day. Looking out the window, I saw the neighbor’s home health care worker arrive, and back into the driveway to remove a wheelchair from her trunk. There but for the grace of ballet, line dancing, and sheer stubbornness could go I in another decade or so.

Today, I got to work for a couple of hours, walk almost 2 miles, and do about 50 minutes of ballet. I even did my morning stretches! It was a very good day.

Sure, I have to cut ballet short; not because I don’t feel like I could do the center work, but because there are things I’m not supposed to do for a reason. Unfortunately, I don’t know I’ve overdone it until after the fact, and frankly, I’m not willing to risk another hospital stay if I damage something that’s not quite healed. So I err on the side of caution, and avoid doing some of the stretches which are soooo good for my back, because they’re not so good for my healing parts.

Mindfully Healing

It’s enough I’ve increased my walking to just under 2 miles, and over 40 minutes; that I’m able to do the barre part of ballet again, and I’m able to do the leg stretching which also loosens up the hips that have been a bit cranky the last few days. My patience is being tested, but I’m diving back in faster than the doctor expected while still doing my best to honor the temporary limitations on my activities. I’m line dancing and driving again, while lifting, downward dog, pigeons, and two-stepping have a few more weeks to wait.

Instead of being annoyed by what I can’t do, I’m grateful for what’s been added back to my routine. Tomorrow, I even get to do a modified version of a workout with my personal trainer! Then I get to do my own errands! While that doesn’t seem like much to some people, try doing without those things for a couple of weeks, and having to depend on other people for the smallest things!

Blessings in Disguise

Meanwhile, the walking I’ve been wanting to add back to my schedule is there to stay for both me and my walking buddy who need each other to get our butts out there day after day. I get to challenge myself to add just a few more steps; another block; more fractions of a mile, if not every day, every other day. Now that we’ve done all the blocks, and looped all the way around and into the park, the challenge becomes how to add enough steps to push myself a little without adding too many and risking having to miss a day or two to recuperate.

I got a taste of that yesterday when my leg started cramping up a block or so into our walk. I wasn’t willing to give up though, and found a handy wall to support me while I did a round of leg stretches before getting back on track, and even adding to the day’s walk! It reminded me to add mindfully, be it ballet, line dancing, or walking. I may not like having to limit myself, but I like it a lot less when my body calls the shots!

It’s a huge comfort knowing it isn’t everyone who, less than 4 weeks after major surgery is walking almost 2 miles a day, line dancing for an hour or so once a week, and doing a 45 minute barre 3 times a week. Had I followed the doctor’s orders strictly, most of that would not be happening. Like the Little Engine that Could, I kept telling myself “I think I can. I think I can.” Next thing you know, I could!

An Attitude of Gratitude

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for knowing when to push my body, and when to give it time to work back up to my pre-surgery self.
2. I’m grateful for refusing to sit around waiting, and for taking action in reasonable amounts.
3. I’m grateful for the people who are helping me get back to my normal routine. It may take a couple more months, but by the time the dance weekend in August, and the cruise in October come around, I’ll be ready to dance my socks off again…maybe even better than before!
4. I’m grateful for aging gratefully rather than gracefully.
5. I’m grateful for the decision to move my gratitude posts back to where they started…and where they belong.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.