Care and Feeding of Self

Investing in Your Self

Globally, the diet industry is worth over $200 billion compared with about $38 billion for the self-help industry. While “only” about $76 billion of the diet number is in the US, it’s still twice what people invest in self-help globally. The trouble is, most of those diets don’t work, while investing in self-help, assuming you stick with it, and continue to up your game, is more effective in the long run. Why? Because most diets fail to be all-encompassing; diet, exercise, and lifestyle change.

The diet industry, all too often, focuses on a quick fix which might boost your confidence for a little while, but it’s not sustainable in the long run. When you invest in yourself, be it through books, accountability partners, a therapist, or a life coach, you’re sending a message to your brain that says: “I want to improve myself for the long haul.” It means you understand improving yourself is multi-faceted, and must include your mental and emotional state as well as physical.

Speaking from experience, counting calories, or points, or hyper-focusing on what I’m eating tends to make my brain obsess about food which is exactly what I’m trying to change. Regardless of what so many of the weight loss programs profess, what you eat is only one factor in improving your health. You need to exercise and build muscle in order to help your body burn calories efficiently; not just right now, but for the rest of your life. No amount of calorie counting, stomach stapling, liposuction, or anything else will help keep your weight stable without actually using that body regularly.

Exercise is Key

I’ve invested my fair share in self-help books, and one of the commonalities in most is getting up off the sofa and moving. Whether it’s a 20-minute walk, a regular workout, dancing, tennis, or whatever fits your wants and needs, moving is a panacea for many maladies. One of the commercials for arthritis medication even touts: “a body in motion stays in motion”.

Speaking again from experience, things like dancing and ballet fill my joy meter which keeps me from trying unsuccessfully to fill it with food. Walking gets me out of the house where I get fresh air, exercise, a change of scenery (even if I walk the same route every day), and often lively conversation to boot. Even if my weight doesn’t drop as quickly or regularly as I’d like, my overall health; mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, receive regular doses of health and vitality.

What baffles me while I’m out walking is how many people I see talking on their phones while walking. It’s especially odd when they’re walking a dog. In my mind, the whole purpose of getting out and walking, or frankly, doing any kind of exercise, is to disconnect from the electronics for a little while. If you’re walking your dog, interact with the dog, not some faceless entity on the other end of your cell phone. Otherwise, interact with the people and animals you meet along the way, enjoy the scenery, or simply let your mind wander where it will.

Move Your Body, Clear Your Head

In fact, that’s the reasoning behind the 20-minute walk recommended in “The Artist’s Way”. Sometimes you just need to let your mind go where it will instead of forcing it to chew on old issues, things you can’t fix right this minute, or people you’re allowing to live in your head rent-free. Even when I’m with my regular walking partner, there are times we’ll have a lively, if odd conversation, and others when we’ll walk in companionable silence, each allowing their mind to wander through whatever real or fantastical world it chooses.

Society these days has two major problems in my opinion:

1. Dependence on electronics to occupy the mind.
2. Belief that self-improvement has to be a quick fix.

In over a year of walking regularly, I’ve come to appreciate the down time when I get to admire the scenery, greet people who’ve grown used to seeing us walking every day, visit with the dogs we meet along the way, and observe the changing of the seasons first hand. I’ve seen improvements, not just in my physical form, but in my stamina, in my patience, and in my strength. When we first started, I could barely walk 1/4 mile without exhausting myself (granted, we started walking 3 days after I’d had major surgery). Now I walk 3 miles in about an hour, and even the inclines which used to leave me panting for breath no longer slow me down.

If I wasn’t disconnecting (although I do carry my cell phone in case of emergency, but it stays in my pocket), I wouldn’t even recognize those improvements, or the fact I’ve managed, on a few days lately, to get below a 20-minute mile…without even trying! I’ve also stopped allowing things like pain and minor injuries to stop me from walking. Yesterday, as I stepped off the porch, my right knee gave way for a second. Instead of sitting down on one of my red, Adirondack chairs and whining about it, I told the knee I’d walk slowly until it caught up.

Moving Through the Pain

Though it responded by sending pain down into my shin and up into my hip, I continued to walk, while allowing everything to ease into the movement. At the moment, I’m not exactly pain-free, given the recurrence of the herniated discs in my neck, but I know just the swinging of my arms, and holding my body erect eases the pain in my left arm and shoulder, and has helped (along with daily stretching and icing) to maintain my regular levels of exercise and movement (12- to 15 thousand steps a day on average).

Of course, you have to be in tune with your own body (another advantage to disconnecting from electronics every day), and only push past the pain safely. I learned how far that is for me, but refrain from offering suggestions to others. I don’t know what you’ve been through, or where your body’s been. I can only say, you can’t listen to yours if you don’t allow yourself to pay attention without distractions.

At any rate, whether you choose to invest in self-help books, accountability partners, life coaches, therapists, or some other form of self-care, the main thing to remind yourself is you deserve to care for yourself first and foremost. Draining your own batteries for the benefit of others will only leave you drained. If you’re waiting around for someone else to improve your life…don’t.

Grateful for Learning to Care for Me

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning my greatest investment is in myself.
2. I’m grateful for the improvements I’ve made in my life, and continue to make.
3. I’m grateful for all I’ve learned about recharging my own batteries.
4. I’m grateful for learning to ask for help. That, too is self-care.
5. I’m grateful for my walking buddy who’s stuck with me for over a year through all kinds of weather and life challenges.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Taking Time for Quiet Reflection

Pain Doesn’t Get a Vote

The last few days, post-cruise, have been somewhat isolated by choice. In the first place, the recurring herniated discs in my neck have been busy putting pressure on the nerves controlling my left shoulder, arm, and wrist making it hard to find a comfortable position for sleep. Added to the mix was the need to give up my usual anti-inflammatory aids; turmeric, bromelain, fish oil, and Aleve because I had to do a colonoscopy prep. Needless to say, had I not remembered to use the somewhat smelly, but incredibly effective Salonpas gel in combination with regular administrations of ice, I’d be ready to bite someone’s head off by now.

Even so, I spent most of the 12 hours I spent trying to sleep, on the sofa; many of them with ice on my back or neck, and a cat sleeping and purring on my legs. Morning stretches are occurring multiple times a day, and I’ve added back a couple which particularly stretch my shoulder where the worst of the pain tends to settle. Daily walks, except for cleanse day and colonoscopy day, continue. The arm swings which naturally occur while walking seem to help, though I’ve moved my watch to my right hand, and my water bottle to my left temporarily.

What does all this have to do with quiet reflection, you ask? Being in pain tends to limit or completely defer any plans I’ve made to clean or lift, leaving me ample time to hang out in my head. While I might have fallen into old patterns and felt sorry for myself, I’m learning to use the time more beneficially, finding reasons for gratitude and hopefulness instead.

Focus on Hope and Gratitude

For example, I was able to get an appointment with the orthopedist for Monday so even if the physical therapist is backed up a couple of weeks like they were last time, the wait will begin much sooner. It’s also been 3 years since I needed to seek physical therapy for this issue instead of the 2-year span I’d experienced in the past. Seems the morning stretches and increased activity are helping. I was also reminded to pull out my list of anti-inflammatory, and inflammatory foods which assured me I am, for the most part leaning more towards the anti-inflammatory ones.

I get to return to my regular vitamin and supplement regime now that the cleanse is behind me, and got a clean bill of health as well. Knowing my boobies and my innards are clean and cancer-free takes a HUGE load off my mind, especially after last year’s scare. If nothing else, it means I’ll be around for awhile, all other calamities and age-related health challenges considered, to keep spending my children’s inheritance on myself and my furry kids.

Meanwhile, I continue to keep my heart and mind focused on the best possible outcomes for everything my busy mind dreams up as concerning. I know my career, and finances are due for opportunities to promote work-life balance in ways I know will surprise and excite me. My social life is already improving, but know what I’m seeing at the moment is only the tip of the iceberg.

Letting Childish Wonder Lead the Way

The key to it, I’ve learned, is to never lose my childish wonder, and to always allow the next chapter to unfold as it will, instead of to my will. That seemingly all-knowing creature, the ego, tends to act more as a roadblock than a road to opportunity because it thinks it knows what’s best for me, when in reality, it’s focus is on maintaining the status quo, and avoiding change at all cost. I know what my life requires right now is flexibility, and a readiness to embrace whatever changes the Universe throws at me.

Ego may not like the path I’m taking, much less being shoved into the proverbial closet, but it’s mucked with my life enough over the years, to no good end. I’ve learned to adapt, and so must ego. Even the things I’ve been stuck to, like maintaining my current residence, and traveling minimally may get shaken, not stirred in the next few months. While it still makes me nervous, I’m learning to be OK with whatever the Universe sees fit to change.

Sure, my stomach’s butterflies are more abundant these days, but they’re present whether I’m excited or nervous, so why not assume it’s excitement? Doing so raises my vibration which means the Laws of Attraction are bringing me more things to be excited about which is exactly what I hope for anyway!

An Attitude of Gratitude

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for pain abatement due to liberal doses of turmeric, ice, and Aleve.
2. I’m grateful for changes which will improve my life, even while annoying m ego.
3. I’m grateful for a clean bill of health.
4. I’m grateful for new experiences, friendships, and opportunities.
5. I’m grateful for friends who understand when I’m quiet for a couple of days, but know when to nudge if it goes on for too long.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Upgrading Outside to Heal Inside

Spending on Myself to Heal

Years ago, my dad used to joke he was spending my sister’s and my inheritance. At the time, I told him to go for it, as he’s the one who amassed whatever he had in the first place. There was no inherited, or even gifted money as my mom had spent every dime of what she’d received when her father passed. As far as I was concerned, he deserved to do whatever he liked with that money.

Fast-forward to today. I’m, finally getting over the need to hoard, and the resistance to spending the money I’ve earned (or in some cases inherited and invested) on myself. I took the comparatively small amount I received from my father’s estate and invested it in stocks which have now increased significantly in value. It was all I inherited, or stand to inherit as my grandfather left half of his estate to my mom, and the other half, divided between my two daughters. Though I could have used the money at the time, it meant figuring out how to manage on my own during one of the hardest periods of my life, both financially and emotionally. I can now look back and say I made it work, despite more setbacks than successes for a number of years.

Learning I Deserve a Few Luxuries

As I look around my space which has been in pre-remodel demo mode since 2011, I know there are things I could tackle if I was willing to throw enough money at them. At the moment, I’m taking things in smaller bites. The vertical blinds in my living room, and the minis in my bedroom were old, broken, had seen better days decades ago. They were the first to go, with the added bonus of blinds on the kitchen window which faces the street and the morning sun. That big bullet bitten, I looked at the old, second-hand couch and love seat which were no longer doing my back any favors, and decided they were the next to go.

It all started with the first cruise I took without sharing a cabin, and continued when I booked 3 more over the next year or so. Not only will I be cruising alone again, but I’ll have my balcony on all 3. Sure, it’s an added luxury and expense on cruises I’ll spend out of the cabin dancing for many hours, but it also means I can start each day quietly with a leisurely, and smaller breakfast outside with the scent of the ocean filling my head and heart. I know myself well enough to know first, I don’t require more than a bowl of oatmeal, some fruit, and coffee to start my day, and second, I have no will power when it comes to buffets.

The truth is, I go on the cruises to dance, and to get to know the people in my dance community better, not to eat my way through the days and nights, only to come back a little disgusted with myself for the resulting weight gain. With each trip, I’m learning ways to manage by tendency to go a little crazy at the sight of endless food. My body thanks me in the long run for being more resistant.

Focus on What Makes Me Happy

But I digress. In the spirit of my dad, and in my own response to his declarations, I realize I, too, deserve to spend my daughters’ inheritance. I may not have earned all the money I have directly, but I’m the one who invested most of what I didn’t earn, and allowed it to grow into the tidy sum it is now. I’m the one who has the right to feel free to spend it frivolously (something I think I’m mentally incapable of, to be honest), or use it on things which make me happy. OK, so paying off one of my mortgages might seem like a small, silly thing to some, but to me, it’s huge, and will soon lead to owning my home free and clear. Paying off the first is a smaller bite, and with a little planning, won’t involve reducing my assets by much, if at all, this time.

Meanwhile, the areas where I spend most of my time are slowly becoming a little more pleasant. I use the two little robots regularly to vacuum and mop, I got a little gadget which allows me to scrub the tub, and even the more stubborn spots on the floors without annoying my back. I’ll soon replace the seating in my living room with the first pieces of furniture in decades that aren’t hand-me-down. Not that I don’t appreciate the hand-me-downs, but I love being able to choose my own and have it covered in fabric I chose. Next up will be painting the exterior of my house which it desperately needs. Hard to believe the last time it was painted, I was still married! Talk about decades ago!

Planning for the Future, and the Now

I also want to look into a living trust as there are things I’ll leave one daughter and a couple of the grands, and things I’ll leave to the one person who has been there for me this year while I’ve struggled with a cancer scare, surgery, and post-surgery, and who’s kept me walking (3 miles a day now!) through rain, wind, heat, and emotional turmoil.

When our later walk time due to the heat was being threatened due to earlier darkness, he found headlights for us to use while walking through the unlit park which is on our route. In fact, we’ve both become rather fond of walking through the park, watching the trees loom before us in the light of our headlamps. On the rare occasion we walk during the day right now, it feels odd to be able to see everything clearly.

Knowing I’m Truly Blessed

Granted, none of this would have been possible had I not been gifted with my dream client a few years ago. Not that there wasn’t help along the way in the form of a few small clients, and stimulus checks from the government during COVID. Somehow, despite draining my IRA and 401K’s; thousands spent when Dylan’s health failed, and a variety of smaller annoyance like dying appliances, I found my way back to being financially comfortable again.

With the biggest worry we all face, aside from our health and that of our families, both furry and human, now a thing of my past, it became glaringly apparent another healing session was overdue. This one revolves around the lesson my dad inadvertently gave me so many years ago; I deserve to spend the money I’ve amassed in any way I see fit. I’m under no obligation to leave it, gift it, or spend it for the benefit of my progeny, though frankly, it’s more than likely there’ll be plenty left by the time I’m finished with this Human experience.

For now, it means solo cruises and improving my space, but with each small step, I’m learning I have everything I need, and a lot of what I want too.

Grateful for All the Gifts I’ve Been Given

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning to release my old, tired lack mentality.
2. I’m grateful for learning I deserve a few creature comforts with no guilt attached.
3. I’m grateful for the small but significant improvements to my space.
4. I’m grateful for opportunities to ultimately make the larger improvements I envisioned years ago.
5. I’m grateful for all the opportunities I’m being given to improve myself, my space, my finances, and my health on all levels. I hope I send my soul into the next lifetime with a lot less baggage than it came into this one with.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Putting it All In Perspective

Ready for an Improved Perspective

Upon receipt of some pretty frightening news applicable to a dear friend’s journey, a million thoughts started running through my head, perspective-wise (after I sent as much healing, loving energy her way as I could while my pity party is winding down). I realized the Universe sent me a pretty easy outcome after the initial, frightening diagnosis this year. As such, the minimal amount of support I have has been enough to get me through the emotional parts, which, for me, were truly the worst of it. I’ve had some dark moments along the way, but for the most part, my sanity and overall strength remain intact.

Meanwhile, those who, both now, and in the past, have infinitely more challenges to overcome were, and are well supported by a loving partner and an extensive community. While I was busy feeling sorry for myself, I completely missed the fact the Universe provides not only the necessary tools, but tailor’s the lesson to fit the subject’s circumstances. Having minimal support, I received a lesson which required less outside support, and allowed me to increase my personal strength. It’s also giving me a chance to hone in on where I actually do have support, and to give gratitude for where, and who it’s coming from.

Admittedly, there were times I didn’t handle things as well as I might have, but that’s a lesson in and of itself. Those times gave me the opportunity to re-evaluate where I am, how I’m honoring the blessings bestowed upon me, and the areas where I still require a lot more work. Instead of wallowing in my imperfections, I’m beginning, once again, to see opportunities to learn, to grow, and to give of myself. The ugly head of selfishness (and not the good kind) has been roaring through my life the last week or so, and it’s time to vanquish it once again. I know it’ll come back to haunt me the next time I lower my defenses, but for now, it’s said its piece, and I’m ready to remove myself from its clutches and move on to bigger and better things.

It Starts With Small Changes

Although it seems unrelated, I decided to begin by making improvements in my environment, starting with new blinds for my kitchen, living room, and bedroom. Though I’m not yet ready to tackle finishing the paint job my daughter started a few years ago, there are things I can do to make this space a little cozier. If I can improve how things look both inside and out, I am hoping it’ll inspire me to get out mop, bucket, and rags and start polishing up the interior which has been sadly neglected for the last 6 months or so. My little robots help a lot, but there’s a lot which can only be accomplished with some elbow grease and soapy water.

Up to now, I’ve lacked the motivation to improve my space, but remembering first that I still can as long as I don’t overdo it is half the battle. Being grateful for that independence adds another argument in favor of just starting somewhere. I’ve finally learned I can’t vaccuum, and mop, and de-fur the furniture in a single day. Even trying to mop the entire house would send my back on a rampage. But breaking it down into small, manageable pieces (and allowing my robotic mopper to keep things from getting any worse in the meantime) is entirely do-able.

The extra hours of work are allowing me to start making much-needed improvements, but it’s still up to me to bring forth the effort, in between dancing, ballet, walking, and the increased work load. I simply need to get rid of all the excuses and mental road blocks. It’s time to flip the switch and stop saying “I hate to clean”, replacing it with “I get to mop the kitchen floor”, or “I get to sand the bathroom walls”.  How many people do I know who are physically unable to do even half of what I can do?

Focusing on What CAN be Done

I may never reach the heights of productivity of my friend, Joleen (who I admire beyond words). I won’t be doing my own remodel work any time soon, despite my wish to install the cabinets which have been in a shed in my backyard for too many years now. But I can start with the small, cleaning tasks, and work my way up to the more complicated ones in time.

The key right now is remembering to appreciate what I have instead of bemoaning what I don’t. It’s about getting up out of my desk chair, and actually making some much needed changes which don’t require a financial investment; just an investment of time and energy, both of which I have in abundance. I know this because those 3-mile walks aren’t taking as long (unless we stop to chat with neighbors, or pet a dog), and the hills no longer leave me winded. In fact, I’m often well past the first long-ish grade before I realize I even climbed it!

Granted, I’ve done a little comparing of lives on my way to putting my own back in perspective. That’s usually a bad idea, but it made me see how much I do have, even if it’s not a lot of people I can turn to in difficult times. Even at my worst, I’ve always come through for myself, and probably always will.

So Much to be Grateful For

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for finally turning myself around.
2. I’m grateful for an improved perspective.
3. I’m grateful for remembering I’m my own, best friend.
4. I’m grateful for new, exciting developments in the next few months.
5. I’m grateful for an end to the pity party.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.