Yo Yo Appetite

Appetite Begone!

One of the biggest roadblocks to my visions of being a svelte seventy-year-old isn’t lack of exercise, or yo yo dieting. No, it’s my dang fool yo yo appetite! One day, my body tells me it’s starving, and I’m eating everything in sight while trying hard to stay out of the kitchen. The next I cook dinner at the usual time and my body says “ho hum. I’m bored with eating. Let’s do something else.” As a result, I’ll lose a few pounds on the bored days, only to find them on the binge ones.

I’ve tried keeping only healthy snacks in the house, but when I’m bingeing it means I eat more as I search for something I really want that isn’t there. When I’m in a bored with eating mood, those healthy snacks might go bad before I’m ready to eat them again. Most of the time, each cycle lasts several days…sometimes, even a week before the tide turns.

That isn’t to say I haven’t dropped 10-30 pounds on a few occasions, nor that I haven’t managed to keep most of it off. But dropping the other 40 or so is an entirely different matter. Meanwhile, with my trainer’s help, I’m building more muscle, and I suspect that’s keeping me from blowing up like a balloon when I’m in binge mode. But it’s not enough to give me a healthy head start when food doesn’t appeal to me.

Controlling the Eating

The control freak in me is not amused by a stubbornly Rubenesque body that refuses to succumb to my control. It makes it extremely difficult to stick to a plan when my body simply isn’t minding. It’s as if my body is a todd whose eating is driven entirely by whims which change like the temperature in Southern California. There’s a reason I’ve been calling it bi-polar weather.

At least I haven’t been driven to wanting only mac and cheese and chicken nuggets. Thankfully, the idea of chicken nuggets makes me gag, even on my worst eating days, and I keep portion-controlled servings of mac and cheese in my freezer for emergencies. I’ve even incorporated air-fried chicken kabobs into my weekly routine lately. Von’s butchers kindly makes them up daily, and will happily sell me as many as I want. Normally, one kabob with a vegetable and maybe my latest obsession, baby rainbow potatoes is a perfect dinner. Tonight, as I entered another appetiteless period, I could barely eat half of one with a little potato salad.

Every time my appetite wanes, I beg the Universe, and any gods who might be listening to please help me keep it at the current, low level. Up to now, nobody seems to be listening. After a few days, I’ll be like a bear coming out of hibernation once again, cussing all the way to the refrigerator.

Moving isn’t Just for Exercise

One thing that seems to help is keeping busy. Adding dance nights is certainly one way to do it, but  the current heat wave is making hard to fit in my daily walk at an hour when I won’t be subjected to potential heat exhaustion. Dancing may be great exercise, but I’ve come to need those daily walks too!

OK, so I know one solution is to pull out the ballet bar, and queue up one of the Broche Ballet videos in the evening when I’m most prone to graze. Another is to work on some of the line dances I’ve been wanting to learn with the help of YouTube videos. But when certain needy felines eye the sofa beseechingly, it’s hard to ignore their pleas to give them my lap to sprawl on, even when nothing on any of my streaming services holds my attention for more than 10 minutes.

If I’m really desperate, I could even clean house. Heaven knows there’s always something other than my kitchen which could use some soap and elbow grease around here! But once again, it isn’t a lack of exercise, but an excess of food that’s bringing me down (or in the case of the numbers on the scale, up). As always, recognizing the problem is the first step in solving it, so I’m hereby accepting I’m the problem.

Occupying My Lonely Mouth

The Japanese even have a word for my binge eating periods: Kuchisabishii, which literally means “lonely mouth”. In recognition of my lonely mouth problem, I bought some Werther’s Originals but I limit myself to no more than 4 a day. I’m finding I don’t even want the 4 as the days go by, but that might just be the unhungry cycle kicking in. And don’t tell me to drink more water. If I drank any more than I already do, I’d spend all day in the bathroom instead of just every hour or two. As it is, I can’t even do our 3-mile walk without a potty break halfway around!

I’ll continue to wrestle with this weighty problem until I figure out a solution, or some way to stretch out the times I don’t feel hungry until I’ve released the 40 or so pounds which have adhered themselves to my small-boned frame. Trust me. I’m not obsessing over this because someone told me I needed to shed the pounds. I’m doing it as part of my journey towards a healthier me. I’m getting there, slowly but surely in other areas. This really is my last hurdle to cross.

Grateful for All the Progress Up to Now

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the healthy habits I have been able to achieve.
2. I’m grateful for the weight I have been able to release and keep off.
3. I’m grateful for the times I’m simply not hungry, and hope to stretch those out indefinitely.
4. I’m grateful for my trainer who encourages me, extra opportunities to dance, and my walking buddy who gets me out nearly every day.
5. I’m grateful for finding my way to solutions via my writing.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Freedom to Switch Things Up

Routines are Meant to be Broken

A few days ago, I mixed things up. First, my walking buddy and I walked in the morning because Summer showed up unannounced,  and I had evening plans which precluded walking closer to dark. Then I decided to run some extra errands; picking up orthotics for my walking shoes, getting gas, washing my car, and as an added treat, an iced Oat milk Espresso to help me stay awake for the evening’s dancing. The only downside, given how the rest of the week got switched up was I totally lost what day it was!

Even so, I got my laundry done on Wednesday, and my food foraging on Tuesday (after picking Maggie up from ERF) as usual, even if training was on Monday instead of Thursday. I’ve been getting the scooping done earlier in the day again, and have been running the robovac almost daily, much to my cats’ annoyance. It’s often enough, they’re even starting to get used to it, and growling at some unknown suspect in my backyard instead.

I am managing to get over 15,000 steps in on the days I walk and dance. I consider anything over 15,000 to be awesome, as it’s my goal and a half. Saturday’s walk, while the same distance, was a bit slower as a lot of the neighbors were outside, feeling chatty despite the heat we weren’t able to avoid completely. After more than a year, they’re used to seeing us nearly every day, and are incredibly encouraging, as well as friendly. Though the political and social viewpoints are often clear by various signs and flags on the houses, a lot of the less tolerant ones tend to stay out of conversations when it comes to friendly neighborliness, giving me hope for a better, kinder future for our country than currently seems probable.

Having Fun Reducing Weight

My biggest success story from the out-of-order errand running was finally getting the right kind of inserts for my walking shoes that allowed my toes plenty of room while supporting my hips so they were better aligned. I was pleased to discover Dr. Scholl’s has come a long way since the last time I bought their 3/4 length orthotics. The machine did more in-depth testing to fit me within a much wider size-range. I’ll be doing my daily 3 miles a lot more comfortably for years to come, despite continuing intermittent crankiness from various body parts. I just need to make sure to check the bottoms of my walking shoes before I’ve worn through several layers! Who knew just walking 3 miles a day could be so hard on shoe soles!

I’ve also started adding dance nights to my regular schedule which means I’ll often be dancing 2 or 3 nights a week now. There have been weeks I could have done 4, but know my body well enough to avoid pushing my luck! I’m getting more exercise on Sundays than I used to what with getting down on the floor a lot with newer, shyer cats and kittens. I may not get back up gracefully, but being able to get up off the floor with my excess weight, arthritic knees, and years that keep marching on is an accomplishment I’ll never minimize.

The excess weight part is something I can, and will get a handle on in the coming months. More 15,000+ step days and paying more attention to what I put into my mouth will contribute to future success in bringing my weight down some more. My trainer has changed things up as well which should contribute to building more lean muscle mass to further burn the calories I do consume.

Challenges Accepted

It brings to mind the optometrist I used to see. On our last visit, she told me my blood pressure was too high after measuring it once. She went on to say I should ask my PCP for blood pressure medicine because there was no way I’d drop the 20 pounds that would help bring it down naturally. Not only did I drop more than the 20 pounds, I found myself another optometrist!

Even last year, my blood pressure was fluctuating, running high under the stress of doctor visits, and an eventual cancer diagnosis. The OB/GYN I was seeing at the time again “suggested” going on blood pressure meds. She also told me I should be getting 10,000 steps a day as it would help with weight and blood pressure. If she could see me now! Even when I’ve only walked and done errands, or chores around the house, I’m getting 12,000-14,000 in a day. Not bad, if I do say so myself. Of course, it also helps to wear my watch most of the day instead of forgetting it on the charger. Nowadays, most of my steps get counted.

Now that I’ve added 2 Physical Therapy appointments to my weekly schedule, those numbers should climb even more, which is good news for the osteopenia that was diagnosed in my neck. Apparently, walking, dancing, and building muscle mass are among the things which can help reverse bone loss, or at least keep it from getting worse. Being able to enjoy the activities which help is an added bonus, if you ask me!

Needless to say, my schedule changes from week to week. Other than appointments, nothing is engraved in stone. Even dance nights have options every week. Better still is sharing those nights with a lovely group of ladies who, like me, don’t need to be part of anyone’s crowd.

Expressing Gratitude Throughout My Day

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for having only localized bone loss at this stage in my game.
2. I’m grateful for already doing a lot of things right. There’s always room for improvement, but at least I don’t have to start at ground zero and change all my ways!
3. I’m grateful for the freedom to navigate my weeks any way I want to.
4. I’m grateful for continuing to find things to write about, even if some might only interest me.
5. I’m grateful for a mind that thinks critically, researches regularly, and constantly seeks truth, or at least provable facts in a world that discourages such things.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Making Sacrifices for Independence

Independence is Worth Any Sacrifice

My independence is both hard won, and essential for my health and well-being. I’ve gone through a lot, both to achieve and maintain it, and know unless I continue to push forward, it’s more easily lost than it was to win it in the first place. Even when my body is aching, and I’m more tired than usual, when it’s time to go out for my daily, 3-mile walk, I go, and other than maybe a mention or two about what’s hurting, I don’t allow myself to whine and complain. I know those daily walks, overall, help far more than they’ll ever hurt.

Today, tired from a couple of hours of foraging, and aching in all new places since I’ve been dealing with the pinched nerve in my neck, I got up, got out, and, although I might have moved slower than usual, managed to complete the 3-mile circuit just the same. I rewarded myself for meeting my goal by spending a few minutes stretching the cranky parts, only to find, despite their crankiness, they were more flexible than usual, and boy, did the stretching feel good! There are ice packs and SalonPas in their immediate future as well. Meanwhile, most of the aches and pains seem to have subsided.

There are 3 older women we see out walking most days (though I’d guess their ages are close to mine), but they not only confine their walk to the small circuit in the neighborhood park, but 2 of the 3 have to stop and rest part way through. Knowing I’m still managing 3 miles, and a much tougher circuit every day with no more than a bathroom break at the halfway point is a huge reminder to keep doing what I’m doing, even when it’s harder than usual. Inevitably, I feel better for the effort, and sleep more soundly too.

Small Steps Lead to Greater Goals

In the general scheme of things, walking ever day is a small part of how and why I’m still independent, but it’s essential to maintaining the ground I’ve gained. When in the past I’d sit around waiting for the pain to abate, at times, resorting to prescription pain killers, and growing more miserable and sedentary by the day, I finally learned movement is the solution, even if that movement is small at first.

When I began walking 3 days after my surgery, I barely made it 1/4 of a mile, and was completely exhausted by the time I got back. My returning strength could be measured by the increases in distance as the days went by. It may have taken me 3 or 4 months to work my way up from 1/4 of a mile to 3 miles, but in the process, I also gained strength and endurance, as well as getting accustomed to asking for help. Believe it or not the last has had a bigger impact on maintaining my independence than the exercise, if only by a little.

I’m finally beginning to realize true independence means doing what I can alone, but being willing to ask for help sometimes to get over the last hill. Many’s the time I’ve asked for help this last year rather than continue to blunder along by myself, getting more and more frustrated by the minute until I gave up, or jury rigged something rather than getting it done right. Life has become simpler, and fuller for my willingness to admit I simply can’t do something by myself, or can do it better with help.

Asking for Help Along the Way

Like having company when I walk, having help to complete some tasks makes the work lighter, and the job go more quickly. I’m learning I don’t have all the answers, and often, another person knows a better way to accomplish the task at hand than I do…if I give them a chance to offer their suggestions. Whether it’s assembling chairs, stringing my ethernet cable from one end of the house to the other, dumping, cleaning and replacing sandboxes when my shoulder is hurting, or figuring out what part to order to fix something in the house, having someone who can contribute their own expertise has simplified my life in more ways than I can count.

The hardest thing for me to learn in my fierce determination to hold onto my independence as long as possible is that asking for help aids my goal. It does NOT, as I once believed, make me weaker or more dependent. Instead, it means I’m able to do more, do better, and keep my already abused body from deteriorating more rapidly than it needs to.

Am I really sacrificing for my independence by asking for help? By moving more? By pushing through the pain…within reason? I think the fact that I am continuing to move and move well, added to the evidence I’m getting things done faster and better with help speak for themselves. If anything, what I’m doing is giving my independence a longer lifetime than I could have if left to my own, clumsy devices.

Grateful for Lessons Learned

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning to ask for help, and for having people around who make it more likely I’ll maintain my independence for years…maybe decades to come.
2. I’m grateful for the strength and resilience I’ve gained simply by insisting my body move regularly, and extensively.
3. I’m grateful for learning I can, and will work through the aches, pains, and tiredness if I just get up off my butt and move.
4. I’m grateful for stretching. Sometimes, it really is a huge reward for insisting on moving no matter what.
5. I’m grateful for ice packs and SalonPas when stretching isn’t quite enough to relieve the body and muscle aches.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Care and Feeding of Self

Investing in Your Self

Globally, the diet industry is worth over $200 billion compared with about $38 billion for the self-help industry. While “only” about $76 billion of the diet number is in the US, it’s still twice what people invest in self-help globally. The trouble is, most of those diets don’t work, while investing in self-help, assuming you stick with it, and continue to up your game, is more effective in the long run. Why? Because most diets fail to be all-encompassing; diet, exercise, and lifestyle change.

The diet industry, all too often, focuses on a quick fix which might boost your confidence for a little while, but it’s not sustainable in the long run. When you invest in yourself, be it through books, accountability partners, a therapist, or a life coach, you’re sending a message to your brain that says: “I want to improve myself for the long haul.” It means you understand improving yourself is multi-faceted, and must include your mental and emotional state as well as physical.

Speaking from experience, counting calories, or points, or hyper-focusing on what I’m eating tends to make my brain obsess about food which is exactly what I’m trying to change. Regardless of what so many of the weight loss programs profess, what you eat is only one factor in improving your health. You need to exercise and build muscle in order to help your body burn calories efficiently; not just right now, but for the rest of your life. No amount of calorie counting, stomach stapling, liposuction, or anything else will help keep your weight stable without actually using that body regularly.

Exercise is Key

I’ve invested my fair share in self-help books, and one of the commonalities in most is getting up off the sofa and moving. Whether it’s a 20-minute walk, a regular workout, dancing, tennis, or whatever fits your wants and needs, moving is a panacea for many maladies. One of the commercials for arthritis medication even touts: “a body in motion stays in motion”.

Speaking again from experience, things like dancing and ballet fill my joy meter which keeps me from trying unsuccessfully to fill it with food. Walking gets me out of the house where I get fresh air, exercise, a change of scenery (even if I walk the same route every day), and often lively conversation to boot. Even if my weight doesn’t drop as quickly or regularly as I’d like, my overall health; mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, receive regular doses of health and vitality.

What baffles me while I’m out walking is how many people I see talking on their phones while walking. It’s especially odd when they’re walking a dog. In my mind, the whole purpose of getting out and walking, or frankly, doing any kind of exercise, is to disconnect from the electronics for a little while. If you’re walking your dog, interact with the dog, not some faceless entity on the other end of your cell phone. Otherwise, interact with the people and animals you meet along the way, enjoy the scenery, or simply let your mind wander where it will.

Move Your Body, Clear Your Head

In fact, that’s the reasoning behind the 20-minute walk recommended in “The Artist’s Way”. Sometimes you just need to let your mind go where it will instead of forcing it to chew on old issues, things you can’t fix right this minute, or people you’re allowing to live in your head rent-free. Even when I’m with my regular walking partner, there are times we’ll have a lively, if odd conversation, and others when we’ll walk in companionable silence, each allowing their mind to wander through whatever real or fantastical world it chooses.

Society these days has two major problems in my opinion:

1. Dependence on electronics to occupy the mind.
2. Belief that self-improvement has to be a quick fix.

In over a year of walking regularly, I’ve come to appreciate the down time when I get to admire the scenery, greet people who’ve grown used to seeing us walking every day, visit with the dogs we meet along the way, and observe the changing of the seasons first hand. I’ve seen improvements, not just in my physical form, but in my stamina, in my patience, and in my strength. When we first started, I could barely walk 1/4 mile without exhausting myself (granted, we started walking 3 days after I’d had major surgery). Now I walk 3 miles in about an hour, and even the inclines which used to leave me panting for breath no longer slow me down.

If I wasn’t disconnecting (although I do carry my cell phone in case of emergency, but it stays in my pocket), I wouldn’t even recognize those improvements, or the fact I’ve managed, on a few days lately, to get below a 20-minute mile…without even trying! I’ve also stopped allowing things like pain and minor injuries to stop me from walking. Yesterday, as I stepped off the porch, my right knee gave way for a second. Instead of sitting down on one of my red, Adirondack chairs and whining about it, I told the knee I’d walk slowly until it caught up.

Moving Through the Pain

Though it responded by sending pain down into my shin and up into my hip, I continued to walk, while allowing everything to ease into the movement. At the moment, I’m not exactly pain-free, given the recurrence of the herniated discs in my neck, but I know just the swinging of my arms, and holding my body erect eases the pain in my left arm and shoulder, and has helped (along with daily stretching and icing) to maintain my regular levels of exercise and movement (12- to 15 thousand steps a day on average).

Of course, you have to be in tune with your own body (another advantage to disconnecting from electronics every day), and only push past the pain safely. I learned how far that is for me, but refrain from offering suggestions to others. I don’t know what you’ve been through, or where your body’s been. I can only say, you can’t listen to yours if you don’t allow yourself to pay attention without distractions.

At any rate, whether you choose to invest in self-help books, accountability partners, life coaches, therapists, or some other form of self-care, the main thing to remind yourself is you deserve to care for yourself first and foremost. Draining your own batteries for the benefit of others will only leave you drained. If you’re waiting around for someone else to improve your life…don’t.

Grateful for Learning to Care for Me

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning my greatest investment is in myself.
2. I’m grateful for the improvements I’ve made in my life, and continue to make.
3. I’m grateful for all I’ve learned about recharging my own batteries.
4. I’m grateful for learning to ask for help. That, too is self-care.
5. I’m grateful for my walking buddy who’s stuck with me for over a year through all kinds of weather and life challenges.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Pain Management With

Working Through the Pain

Once again, I sit at my computer, fingers on the keyboard, with nothing of value to say. I suspect my lack of inspiration is directly related to the drastic reduction in social interactions due to the pinched nerve in my neck. I’ve learned from painful experience I’m no fun when I’m in pain. No matter how much I try to behave like a civilized adult, my whiny, cantankerous toddler comes out when my body won’t stop hurting, no matter what I’ve tried.

Granted, the SalonPas is fairly effective in bringing the pain down to a tolerable level, as is regular icing. But if I’m out in public, I choose not to reek of menthol, and I can’t exactly carry an ice pack around with me. My solution is to stay home, cuddling my cats, icing my back and neck, applying SalonPas abundantly to the afflicted areas, and binge-watching Amazon Prime movies. I’ve actually found a few that took my mind off the whiny toddler, if only for an hour or two.

Although I did manage to get out for a couple of hours this week, I made sure it was somewhere close enough to home I could tolerate the drive when it became necessary to give in to the toddler, and do something to mitigate the pain. It’s not so much the pain is intense, as it is that it’s a constant throb in my shoulder and arm. I do feel bad mentioning it to my walking buddy, as the one time I did, he said it was much like the fibromyalgia he deals with every day, but unlike my current condition, his won’t go away with physical therapy.

Temporary Pain is Still Debilitating

My herniated discs will eventually return to their normal, resting state, thereby removing the pressure on the nerves affecting my left shoulder and arm. His pain has been constant since he was young, and doctors, knowing little about their fallback diagnosis of fibromyalgia, offer him little help or hope of relief. Our daily walks are actually offering us both some relief from the pain, not to mention fresh air and exercise. Though the stretches I do, and the pacing he does at home keep things from getting worse, at the end of the day, I know mine is temporary, even if it recurs every 2-3 years. His is lifelong unless the medical profession gets around to realizing there’s more to this catch-all diagnosis of fibromyalgia than they’re willing to admit.

Staying home with my cats isn’t the worst option. In fact, their purrs and snuggles help ease the pain, and distract me from focusing too much on it. I do miss the extra dance nights I’d added to my schedule, but they were all at least a 30-minute drive, and some were closer to an hour. I’m not sure I could last even an hour once I reached the venue before wanting to head for home, my cats, my ice packs, and my smelly but effective SalonPas. Taking the chance I’d subject others to my pain-induced, cranky toddler is not an option.

The good news is, my first PT appointment is only 3 weeks away now. Meanwhile, daily walks, and weekly personal training remain on my schedule. My trainer, aware of my current situation, is doing her best to work around, and help me work through those recalcitrant discs until they go back to what constitutes normal given my aging, and abused body. Thankfully, the strength in my arm remains constant, and most movement helps rather than hurts.

Small Blessings

Meanwhile, my legs are growing stronger, and, thankfully, my knees and hips have chosen to behave so only one part of my body hurts in the morning right now. Having dealt with waking up all creaky for so long, it reminds me even my neck and shoulder respond well to movement, be it my daily stretches, or simply getting up and moving around the house. Even chores help more than harm, and I was able to do a load of bedding yesterday.

Today is for kitties though. I’ll be doing my usual, Sunday shift at ERF with a whole passel of kittens to cuddle, and older cats to love on until they all find their forever homes. Last week, there were 22 kittens, though all but about 7 were spoken for, and 6 of those were too young to even come out of the crate their mama keeps them contained in.

Distraction from the Pain

It’s funny. Sitting here typing, and talking about kitty cuddles, while Ishtar sits on my desk purring has caused the pain and numbness to dissipate. It explains why I was able to do my 3-hour shift last Sunday with minimal discomfort. Even if I had been in pain and whiny, the cats don’t really care as long as they get their cuddles and for some, treats.

Perhaps it explains why I’m often more comfortable in the company of cats than I am people. I don’t have to pretend to be OK, or mask pain with cats. As long as I respect their space, and give them the attention they want, they don’t really care if I’m feeling social or in hermit mode. My hermit mode is only in regards to humans anyway. Cats and dogs are always welcome inside my hidey hole.

Utilizing Gratitude

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for dance events that are close to home.
2. I’m grateful for my volunteer time which allows me to enjoy more kitty purrs and cuddles while helping socialize cats so they’ll find homes like mine where they’re spoiled and loved forever.
3. I’m grateful for my cats who know when I’m hurting, mentally, physically, or emotionally, and are simply there for me with purrs and snuggles.
4. I’m grateful for learning movement is my friend when I’m hurting.
5. I’m grateful for learning there are times I need to absent myself from most human contact rather than alienating people with my grumpiness.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Stubbornly Healing Myself

Stubbornly Self Healing

I admit it. My patience is about the size of a gnat. Some might say it’s part of my charm, though I suspect most would use less complimentary descriptions. Either way, it’s what’s kept me moving instead of sitting on the couch, eating my troubles away (or unsuccessfully trying) while feeling sorry for myself. Frankly, I don’t have time for that nonsense, no matter how freed up my time might be right now. I have far too much living to do.

Instead, I’m doing everything I can to get those herniated discs in my neck to calm the heck down and stop pressing on the nerves that impact my left arm and shoulder. Whether it’s the daily stretches I’ve learned from several rounds of physical therapy, the rotating ice packs on my back and neck, daily walks, dance nights, or chores, I’m applying what I’ve learned from over a decade of managing this intermittent issue to improve the current status of my life absent the afore-mentioned physical therapy.

What surprises even me is I’ve learned when to push it, and when to (gasp!) ask for help. When the sandboxes needed dumping, scrubbing, and refilling, I knew lifting an awkward sandbox filled with about 20 pounds of sand was ill-advised so I engaged my walking partner to do the carrying. Not only did I spare myself the pain and perhaps, backsliding from the progress I’ve already made, but we got the job done in half the time it would have taken me, going back and forth 4 times.

Improvement Through Consistency

Using my head instead of my oh-so-stubborn heart, I was even able to sleep in my bed for part of the night for the first time in over a week! Sure, I woke up achy again this morning, but as I age, I’ve learned it’s part of my morning routine until I move around a bit, and stretch. Often it’s my knees, which have been surprisingly cooperative lately! After morning stretches, cat feeding, and another liberal application of Salonpas, the aches are mostly gone, and I’m able to go about my regular, daily business, if not in complete comfort, at least most of the way.

Knowing movement eases most of the pain incurred from sitting, or lying still for too long gives me the momentum to unkink the creaky parts (some days, more slowly than others) and move my increasingly less lazy self through my morning routine, and even into extra things like washing bedding, vacuuming, and mopping up more cat vomit.

Though I may, at the moment, be disinclined to travel to more distant dance venues in case the pain becomes less manageable, I’m beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel, simply because I’ve once again taken my healing into my own hands. The years when I’d sit on my butt feeling sorry for myself, and failing to see improvement are long behind me. Perhaps knowing I have less years ahead of me are the inspiration and motivation I need to avoid wasting what I have left in that manner. Still, applying what I’ve learned about managing intermittent pain plays a huge part in my current methodology.

Healing Lessons Learned and Applied

Some of those lessons include:

• Move as much as possible
• Avoid doing things which might exacerbate the issue (aka ask for help)
• Revisit my list of anti-inflammatory and inflammatory foods, and focus on the former
• Add a night time dose of Turmeric to my regimen
• Provide ample opportunities for cat cuddles and purrs
• Use ice, heat, or both to help relieve the symptoms
• Take Aleve as necessary (I learned the hard way, no matter how bad the pain, avoid Tylenol with Codeine, aka Norco as it does nothing for my nerve pain, and gives me insomnia.
• In the event of sleeplessness, use the Ambient Music station on my Pandora account. Rest is as essential to healing as movement.
• Apply SalonPas, BenGay, or similar non-Lidocaine containing products as needed

Utilizing all of these lessons has moved me from counting the days until my first PT appointment, to trying to decide which heavy household chore I’ll tackle today even if I’ll approach whatever I decide slowly and carefully, and stop if I feel like it’s making things worse. As such, I’ll probably give it a few more days before I tackle mopping, but vacuuming is definitely a consideration.

Moving Intelligently

Knowing there are times my movements will be limited, I’ve even invested in a few devices to make my chores easier. I currently have 2 robot vacuums, one with a mopping attachment that seems to work best on clean-ish floors, and a long-handled, battery operated scrubber which makes it easier to scrub things like tubs, and dried on cat barf.

I know I could, like many of my friends, hire someone to clean house for me, I’ve resisted even if it would mean a much cleaner house than I’ve been willing or able to achieve on my own. In the first place, there are areas I’d be embarrassed to let someone who’s profession is house cleaning see. In the second, I don’t really trust strangers in my house, especially after the incident with the plumber who didn’t close the door to the garage securely, allowing some of my cats to go on an adventure.

Besides, having the chores to do myself means I have one more way to remain active, at least until I resume the online ballet classes I subscribed to many months ago when the Zoom ones no longer served me. For now, I’ll move more, and sit less, knock a few chores off my list, learn a new line dance or two, and move ever closer to being pain free again by healing myself slowly but surely.

Grateful for Progress

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned about pain management and movement.
2. I’m grateful for knees which are keeping themselves out of the current equation.
3. I’m grateful for being too stubborn to sit around and wait until my physical therapy begins.
4. I’m grateful for being my own best health advocate.
5. I’m grateful for noticeable improvements.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

A Difference in Perspective

The “Not My Job” Perspective

The scheduler at the physical therapy office I use told me there were no open appointments until May. I said “Maybe you need more therapists.”

Her response? “We have 7 therapists. We just have too many patients.”

I thought to myself: “What’s the difference? If you have too many patients, you need more therapists to accommodate them.” It brings to mind the story about a McDonald’s worker who was given a $20 bill and a quarter for a $10.25 order, and didn’t know how to make change. Besides, the facility is large enough to accommodate another physical therapist or two. It used to house a Hometown Buffet!

As she blithely uttered the corporate line of crap, and miserable excuse for failing to employ enough staff to meet the needs of their doctors in the other building, I wanted to wish upon her a painful injury or pinched nerve, and an equally long wait for treatment. But I knew the fault wasn’t with the employee who was likely clueless both as to how businesses run, and what untreated pain feels like. She’s a symptom of the unfeeling, uncaring, self-involved society who falls back on the phrase: “I’m only doing my job.”

Advocating for Myself

As for me, I’ve grown accustomed to seeing to my own needs anyway. I’ve laid in a large bottle of Aleve (Costco-sized!), a goodly supply of Salonpas patches, and have another 3 tubes of Salonpas gel on order. I ordered a second full-back ice pack along with some smaller ones for my neck. My usual, stubborn self insists on continuing my daily walks, personal training sessions, dancing, and volunteer time knowing all of them will, in their own way, keep me from succumbing to the pain, especially as my worst enemy right now is sitting still for too long.

Sure, I’m back to wearing camisoles and the lightest bras I own to keep the pressure off my shoulder. I’m sleeping on the reclining sofa as I’m unable to lay on either side for long enough to actually get some sleep. And I’ve turned to the Ambient Music station on my Pandora to help my brain let go and actually get some much-needed rest. I’m also doing my morning stretches multiple times each day, and have done some research into additional stretches which are supposed to ease my symptoms.

Is any of it working? I believe so, and if I believe it, then it must be so! I’m still getting the sandboxes scooped, the trash out, the kitchen cleaned up each night, and the laundry done. I’m even convincing myself I can vacuum the sofas and apply the cat claw deterring plastic to them in the next few days. It might not be as effective as the twice-weekly PT sessions I was hoping to start this week or next, but it beats the heck out of sitting around feeling sorry for myself, and in so doing, make things worse.

Wallowing Doesn’t Ease the Pain

Once upon a time, I’d have wallowed in self-pity while sitting on the sofa, clutching the painful parts so tightly, the tension alone made the pain worse. My perspective has changed a lot since then. In the first place, I know movement is my best friend, not sitting still and hoping to hide from the pain. Worst case, I still my mind, and breathe into the places that hurt. Not only do I feel better for having accomplished something every day, but I’m less likely to slide into that dark, dismal place where I’m taking my pain out on others. I know from experience it only serves to alienate people anyway.

As a friend once said, “we’re all hurting at some point anyway, because we’re all getting older.” Nowadays, I don’t think much of it when I get up in the morning and have to walk around a bit to unkink everything. I’ve learned the more I move, the better I feel. Even arthritic knees, hips, and shoulders respond to a little walkabout.

Choosing Movement

I look forward to my daily, 3-mile walks as I know they’re a chance to unkink things even more. Maybe I’ll have to carry my water bottle in the hand that’s not attached to the painful shoulder, and sometimes, swinging my arm with the weight of a 16-ounce water bottle helps. I don’t know until I try. Maybe a knee or a calf muscle will ask for a little extra stretching some days, and maybe I’ll beat my personal record for speed on another.

Regardless of how I feel on any given day, I’m grateful I’m still able to take those walks regardless of the amount of consideration I have to give one body part or another some days. Above all, I’ve learned complaining about the pain only gives it permission to take over my life. I’m no longer willing to do that so I plow through to the best of my ability, knowing when it comes to stubbornness and grim determination, pinched nerves, arthritis, and other physical challenges ain’t got nothin’ on me!

Grateful for and Improved Perspective

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for being too stubborn to allow pain to win.
2. I’m grateful for the daily walks which have become too important to miss without a good reason…and a little temporary pain is never a good reason.
3. I’m grateful for the stretches I’ve learned and the remedies I’ve discovered which allow me to keep moving when once I’d have succumbed.
4. I’m grateful for being at a slower, less stressful period in my life when I can work through current challenges, and be ready for the next round of craziness.
5. I’m grateful for finishing my taxes, albeit at the 11th hour.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

The Joys of Aging

Aging is Life’s Biggest Blessing

One of my favorite sayings is: “Getting old sucks…but it beats the alternative!” Whether it’s aches and pains, wonky sleep patterns, or the increase in time spent in the bathroom, our senior years are a challenge as well as a blessing. Too many people either don’t get the chance to grow old, or do so while watching their quality of life disintegrate. Perhaps that’s why I have been so intent, in recent decades, about keeping both my body and mind as healthy as I can.

Nevertheless, the herniated discs which were diagnosed a decade or more ago will, at times, rear their ugly heads every 2-3 years and send me back to physical therapy. Daily stretches, regular activity, and a slew of anti-inflammatory supplements and foods might keep them at bay a little longer, but sooner or later, much to my chagrin, they return to remind me I’m decades past my 20s. Fortunately, I value my hard-won independence too much to sit around and wait/hope for the pain and discomfort to abate.

This time is no different, though I’ve been diligent about stretching and moving daily. For the last few days, ice packs and OTC pain meds have been my best friends, albeit with increasingly limited success. I even got desperate enough to dip into my stash of Norco, only to learn it did little to nothing for the pain, and kept me awake until after 3AM this morning. Needless to say, it went back into the cabinet, and I went back to the slightly more effective Aleve and Extra-Strength Tylenol.

Exercising to Slow the Aging Process

Interestingly, though my left arm and shoulder are giving me varying degrees of non-stop pain, it hasn’t noticeably affected my strength. I’m still able to lift and scoop sandboxes, schlep the trash cans to the curb, and vacuum up the messes left by my furry children. It may not be comfortable, but, oddly enough, the movement seems to push the pain aside, albeit temporarily.

Daily walks also help because the natural swinging of my arm seems to temporarily unblock the compressed nerves. I was even able to do my 3-hour volunteer shift at ERF yesterday relatively pain-free. Granted, there were a bunch of kittens to play with, and a some new favorite adults to spoil which kept me moving. Imagine 4 motherless, 4-week-old kittens climbing all over you at once; their little purrs sending healing energy throughout your upper body. I don’t think those cranky discs and the subsequent compressed nerves had a chance!

Conversely, standing still with my arm hanging down while they took x-rays sent pain levels spiraling up towards 10. It was a blessing I was able to come home to scoop sandboxes and put out the trash to counteract the inactivity, especially since the ease with which I was able to get in to see the orthopedist is not being experienced trying to exercise the physical therapy prescription.

Remembering to See Aches and Pains as Blessings in Disguise

Still and all, especially in light of my neighbor’s passing yesterday, and my parents’ early demises, I find myself offering up gratitude even for the pain and sleep deprivation because it means I’m still alive, kicking, and even making future plans; something too many are denied.

My social circle gets to continue aging right along with me in spite of cancers, heart challenges, and physical challenges like mine. Most are at least in their 50s, with many of us in our late 60s or 70s and 80s. As I prepare to leave my 60s behind, the fact my mom only made it to 59, and my dad passed just shy of his 72nd birthday stand out sharply in my mind. Both were in a great deal of mental and physical pain before they passed, and at least in my dad’s case, hadn’t felt good in a long time.

The Choices We Make

Having thus far been spared much of the pain they endured, I feel blessed I get to enjoy my senior years in ways they were denied. Much of that lies in the choices I’ve made over the years:

• To quit smoking in my early 40s
• To remain as active as possible
• To develop a healthy regime of supplements and diet
• To love myself enough to keep challenging myself mentally, physically, and emotionally

My joy in getting to experience the aging process in ways my parents never did is deeply rooted in those choices, and the ones I continue to make like:

• Starting and maintaining a daily walking routine after my hysterectomy
• Expanding my horizons dance-wise to keep my body and mind challenged
• Volunteering with cats and kittens to keep my spirit healthy
• Continuing to do my own chores even if my schedule and house are far from perfect
• Seeing my personal trainer every week

In my opinion, getting to grow old is a gift, but how you grow old is a series of personal choices.

Grateful for Being Allowed to Age

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the continued gift of aging.
2. I’m grateful for the people, opportunities, and challenges which make my aging process more comfortable and enjoyable.
3. I’m grateful for constant reminders I’m blessed with being allowed to age.
4. I’m grateful for ice packs, percussive massagers, salonpas gel, and OTC pain relievers.
5. I’m grateful for my walking buddy who continues to get me out and moving almost every day.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Energy Ebb and Flow

Kicking Energy in the Butt

One day, I’m a sloth. The next, I can’t seem to stop moving. Chores are getting done. I walked my 3 miles in just over 20 minutes a mile. Clutter is getting organized. How is it that one day I can hardly drag my lazy behind out of bed and put clothes on, and the next, I’m bouncing off the walls? Is a happy medium too much to ask for?

Some days, I go from one extreme to the other; bouncing out of bed to get a lot done, but collapsing on the couch for a two-hour nap mid-day. My eating is similar from one day to the next, and I’m taking my supplements daily. Energetically, it’s a roller coaster ride in the dark, so I never get to see what’s coming next.

It’s getting to the point where planning a day or two to get some heavy chores done is a wasted effort, because I never know which days I’ll feel up to vacuuming, mopping, and moving furniture, much less when something like a faulty coffee pot is going to throw my entire routine to the wind. In fact, I’m pretty amazed the days I’ve set aside for errands and laundry seem to happen regularly, in spite of the energetic inconsistencies. Unlike trying to pre-plan for other chores, the ones I plan for a certain day of the week seem to happen no matter what.

Planning Isn’t Always the Answer

Sure, I could start planning certain days for major chores, but in the first place, it would take some time to get it worked into my schedule, and in the second, I’d really have to want to do them every week. As it is, I’ve managed to add in vacuuming when I scoop the sand boxes now, and that’s a huge win. Perhaps that’s the key; small changes.

As I look at all the things which have become second nature now, they all began with one, small change. I didn’t try to clean the whole house, or run every errand at once. I began with one room; one or two stops; one personal training day; one, 20-minute walk. Now, I do all the errands I need to on one day, get my clothes washed on one day (bedding happens less frequently, and needs a day all its own), and, when it isn’t raining, get my car washed on the same day I do personal training weekly, and nails bi-weekly. Sandboxes get scooped after my walk, typically, and that’s when I run the vacuum as well.

I don’t wait around for my energy level to cooperate. I do the tasks I’ve set myself regardless, and allow time for the 2-hour nap, if I need it. Whether I’m bursting with energy, or dragging my butt, I walk 3 miles a day. It also appears I’m getting back to dancing at least twice a week.

Exercising for Energy

Perhaps that’s what’s caused the energy roller coaster; a lack of regular exercise; a lack of consistent movement other than walking. If a body in motion stays in motion, maybe that’s what keeps the energy level consistent, and out of the manic-depressive world? It sure has made my writing more consistent again, so it’s worth a try to get my house in order too.

I know going from 90 hours of work a month to maybe 5 has impacted my energy as well, and look forward to getting back into a more robust schedule, even if it means increasing volunteer time, or spending more time doing work that benefits only me. I even had a vision of going out somewhere with my journal and writing in public again, be it a coffee shop, a book store, or a park.

It appears it isn’t energy that’s been waning as much as the onset of ennui. I’m a slug when I’m bored, plain and simple. The answer is to get un-bored! I do love how I can sit down to write a blog post with a problem in mind, and write my way around to a solution. Clearly, I need to get busier!

Grateful, No Matter What

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for solutions.
2. I’m grateful for more dancing, and socializing on my schedule.
3. I’m grateful for the de-cluttering that’s been happening lately.
4. I’m grateful for adding more to my calendar again. It was looking rather sparse for awhile there.
5. I’m grateful for wanting to be more energetic.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Taking Self-Care Up a Notch

Self-Care is Health Care

I’ve noticed as I age our health care system becomes less and less concerned about the things which could shorten what’s left of my life here on Earth. As such, it’s up to me to schedule regular checkups, and follow through on referrals for things like mammograms and colonoscopies. One cancer scare is one too many for me, even if it was caught early enough for surgery to be the only thing necessary, beyond regular checkups with the oncologist for awhile.

Since busyness has been my excuse for putting things off, my current lack of busyness removed any excuses for taking care of the body that’s still doing incredibly well by me. Now that the annual boob squishing is behind me, I bit the bullet and scheduled the consult for the colonoscopy. Though I’m not looking forward to the procedure (and frankly, who does?), I’d “enjoy” undiagnosed, or late diagnosed issues far less.

As it’s becomes apparent people in my age group are more likely to develop health issues since, let’s face it, we’ve used and abused the parts for years, I’m making time for the poking and prodding, whether I like it or not. If nothing else, I’d like to hold on to the remainder of my parts as long as I’m alive and kicking.

Staying Active is its Own Reward

Even so, I must be doing something right. After a day when I closed all my rings and then some with circuit training, a 3-mile walk in the rain, and a few hours on the dance floor as well, the minor aches and pains (mostly in my legs) are a small, temporary price to pay, and nothing some extra stretching won’t cure. They’re also evidence I’m continuing to do right by this used and abused body of mine.

After almost 2 years of weekly circuit training (including shortly after surgery!), I’m seeing a huge difference in balance, flexibility, and of course, strength; all of which have kept me upright, and saved me from a few falls which could have ended badly. While friends are experiencing injuries, or going through hip and knee surgeries, I’m grateful for my body’s willingness to go through a regular regiment to keep it carrying me around, relatively pain-free for a few more years (decades?).

A huge advantage to less injuries and surgeries is being able to continue with the health and wellness activities which contribute to the things which keep me injury-free. It’s kind of a reverse Catch-22 where exercising, working out, and taking my supplements ensures I’m able to keep doing it all!

Breaking Family Patterns

As I think back to my mom at 59, her arthritis was definitely taking it’s toll, and her health was worse than mine is as I near 70. Sure, I have arthritis in my hands, hips, and knees like she did, but the regular activity where I keep pushing myself to do more means I suffer far less from it than she did, and tolerate it getting in my way even less. By the time my dad was in his 60’s he was walking with a stoop, and his activities were limited by emphysema and heaven only knows what else from years of smoking (a nasty habit I quit nearly 30 years ago!).

His excessive drinking probably didn’t help either, but I believe both he and my mom self-medicated for both mental and physical maladies all their adult lives. I’m grateful every day for having learned to love myself enough to avoid going down that road!

Like anyone, I’ve made some choices throughout my life that were real doozies, and I paid the price. But the choices I’ve made concerning my health in the last 30 years or so are proof positive those doozies weren’t for naught. The lessons and strength they gave me are the sustenance which supports me and better health than most of my immediate family members for today, and the foreseeable future.

Grateful for Better Choices

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for choosing self-care over self-medication.
2. I’m grateful for the resiliency, strength, and balance I’m gaining by pushing myself a little further.
3. I’m grateful for opportunities to walk, dance, and have my butt kicked by my personal trainer.
4. I’m grateful for a higher than normal pain threshold which allows me to push through what I consider most of the time minimal pain.
5. I’m grateful for an increase in opportunities to dance, so I’m back up to twice a week most of the time.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.