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Archive for the ‘energy’ Category

When Your Vibration is in the Cellar: Baby Steps Are Key

When Life Kicks You to the Curb

https://www.flickr.com/photos/anieto2k/8156999698/in/photolist-dqNKPQ-8xXrZz-a2tqF7-ecib3q-aR5rxR-23UMduh-aWLsg4-aQ6X3p-dTTc5c-dcyQ5m-b1FLUp-drS8ZF-bsmN5R-nNhBzE-6ssEeg-9jEcfZ-aVXtzx-j6LK2o-aNpZyT-dCTfD3-dvswdt-b3pgdi-dtXu4B-6LJawW-8CFHEg-8aL7Jf-hDdmuC-anA578-cPoDxo-9qmjuQ-dtXueV-qsdJSm-dqq1i2-2cGG4pp-dqq1sP-hp14Hw-cbnjHE-7bv7xs-chavXC-7uLgNT-8E3GL9-ar7X3y-aai6ME-nt1LXG-gZvg1N-S1DgTf-8kUop7-6532HD-exeWcJ-di6ynQThe last month has been trying on pretty much every level; mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially. You name it, and I’ve taken a hit directly or indirectly. I’ve shed buckets of tears, though primarily in the privacy of my own home with the cats my only comfort.

That isn’t to say friends haven’t reached out, because they have—in huge and unanticipated ways. Some tell me I’ve been there for them, yet I can’t see it from my vantage point, any more than I’ve recognized, when a man was interested (not that it’s happened lately anyway. I travel in a world that tends to be weighted in favor of men).

The Games People Play

It makes me wonder where else I’ve had tunnel vision, oblivious to what’s right in front of my face. I suspect my long, unsatisfying foray into the Corporate world is one. I never learned to play the games, and found myself cast as the unwitting bad guy, or even buffoon on far too many occasions. Granted, some of that was because I didn’t allow myself to connect with co-workers or staff. But most of it was because I never learned the rules for office politics. Frankly, I never wanted to. I don’t like politics in general, and have always believed they don’t belong in an office.

It seems a bit ironic really. People go to work for a company, contributing to the company’s success, yet believe they need to go to extremes to assure their own success. How much personal success can you really claim when the ultimate recipient is owners or stockholders. You get what they’re willing to give you, and nothing more.

The Rocky, Peril-Infused Road to Success

Yes, the road to personal success is difficult and fraught with peril more often than not. In the end, both https://www.flickr.com/photos/nhoulihan/4038592452/in/photolist-79SQQm-TfUffd-pgu9hJ-qfYXYE-pDVWDB-6UQgZM-KFog6C-TFYhqd-29TMHM-fP6i28-j73ZT5-atsnGd-C4HxXs-5eRdT5-YoKVff-24PBcMS-28G1ckh-AqrzL-haocsM-o1RCfj-4iigfF-6hbQxG-TCfZem-qVx4n8-U63bC7-dCTxQg-amkKyF-eiY1qF-Ct5hqm-hSGXpV-BcaCh-8c2bVB-27RWaS2-eQjYy1-cJWTgw-ehKQWJ-AJSt63-ay4RXc-cxa1zW-UFe9Vq-aC3EP1-pkL1fr-ehKSrs-qxMMJj-bvMGyV-VG1fkR-ay4Sgv-aDNaMx-aE1tNY-h7171rthe successes and failures are your own. You get to keep the lessons for the failures without having someone else’s castigation added to the mix. When you fall on your face, it’s only you who has to get up, dust yourself off, look at what didn’t work, and try again with the new insight you’ve gained.

At the moment, I feel like I’ve failed more than I’ve succeeded, but I have no one to blame but myself. I’ve succeeded at a few things, though, and am proud of those successes. Those, too are on me alone.

From the failures I’ve learned to reach out and ask for help because I don’t know everything about everything. There are areas where my experience and talent is decidedly lacking. Those areas give me the opportunity to network and develop new relationships.

The successes teach me what I have to offer to others; where I can offer to help them with their own gaps in experience. But most of all, they teach me more about connecting.

Creeping Slowly Out of My Hermit’s Hut

https://www.flickr.com/photos/binnyva/14856573264/in/photolist-oCPPCU-8f1nit-kNH87E-8rNdoG-6KCefX-9Bgqr6-Yi8x7C-XC2S6P-56Q2W-Vh4pvh-32EGJ7-M1eaS-ptvU3v-9Awj7L-wKmp31-8AvCj7-7bqtC-a5fJwH-kNFH9k-9G6tXM-24uVDRG-dDd9qu-Kwohct-Urtf8U-YDnn4J-6omdkQ-Dsesvd-puLasy-24vk2io-ktRkX-bbbDnP-pGjrym-4BEGNG-5jHBoS-5uRazj-9G9pbW-HcTbbD-a5ixA3-289TB1G-a5fHdv-i6HTk-4nHJbV-92qx88-smAuU2-WRJBho-7fLn3G-QENbeM-XS7dj9-kdP5rm-7f3qBEI’ve used the excuse: “I’m a writer and an introvert. I’m better off working alone” far too many times. I recognize it’s an excuse to be a hermit. Even more, I’m learning I don’t want to be a hermit all the time. I want to be around people and be part of a community. I want to let people see that I succeed sometimes and fail others, just like them. Besides, being a perpetual hermit is extremely unhealthy. Far too many psychopaths live in that world. I’d rather not be looked at through the same glass as someone whose moral compass hasn’t pointed to true North in a very long time, if ever.

I’ve learned to recognize when my sunny disposition has gone astray. Signs like negativity, judgemental-ism, excessive self-criticism, and even lousy eating habits show me clearly when my mood has taken a trip to the dark side. The years I spent wallowing in self-pity, angry at the world, and in an undiagnosed state of depression come back to haunt me. Yet they also scare me into making changes, reaching out to friends, or getting out of the house whether I want to or not.

Changing Perspective

So far this week, I’ve gone to the gym after first talking myself out of going, spent an evening dancing Created with Canvaafter trying to convince myself I shouldn’t share my sad state with others, and reached a saturation point with Hallmark movies. The last one, alone has pushed me a little ways out of my funk to get a few things done I’d been avoiding for ages. I’d convinced myself once again that I wasn’t worthy, lacked the necessary experience, and didn’t want to do those things anyway.

Sometimes, it’s a matter of perspective. We look at the things we accomplish as nothing special. We convince ourselves out accomplishments are no better than anyone else’s. We deny our part in making the world a better place. Or we minimize our contributions by treating them as commonplace acts performed by everyone.

Showing Up

There’s a time and a place to call “bullshit” on ourselves. I found mine when a friend knocked on my door on a cold, rainy night with a container of split pea soup. Her simple act reminded me how much my own simple acts mean to others. I realized it isn’t so much the what as it is the doing in the first place. Showing up is often the greatest gift of all, both for the giver and the receiver.

Over the years, I learned the climb from abject depression to joy is a long one, and isn’t accomplished in gigantic leaps while yanking on your bootstraps. It’s accomplished one step at a time, and often one backwards for every two forward. It’s easier to take 100 baby steps than it is sometimes to take one giant leap. In the time we gear ourselves up to take that giant leap, we could have already been there by putting one foot in front of the other, testing the ground with each step, and asking for help over the tougher spots.

Raising My Vibration A Baby Step at a Time

I may be in a bad place personally, financially, even professionally at the moment. I’m trying to get out of it, but my vibration is in the toilet. With each baby step I take; each proffered hand I accept, I leave the darkness a little further behind. The darkness is no longer the friend it once deceived me into believing. Instead, I reach towards the sunshine, the light of friendship, love, caring, and sharing.

The friends who show they care in so many ways are making the baby steps bigger by reinforcing the ground I walk on. I still have a long way to go, but knowing I don’t have to go there alone keeps me putting one foot in front of the other a lot more easily and readily these days.

A Heart Filled With Gratitude Vibrates on a Higher Level

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I am grateful for friends who have made the effort to get to know the real me.
  2. I am grateful for changes in perspective.
  3. I am grateful for baby steps.
  4. I am grateful for clear, sunny days when the wind finally dies down.
  5. I am grateful for abundance; emotional, spiritual, mental, health, connection, inspiration, love, motivation, opportunities, challenges, peace, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws , of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.

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The Mind Might be in Denial, But the Body Knows!

Inattention Provokes Physical Reaction

Writing my morning pages today after doing the unthinkable yesterday and skipping it without a valid reason (gasp!) I realized how little attention I’d been paying to my writing, among other things, since November began. I’d like to say it was a gentle realization with soft music playing, and a gentle breeze teasing tendrils of my hair from my customary messy wad on top of my head. But the truth is, the Universe gave it to me with both barrels, as usual.

Yesterday, after sleeping until 11, which I haven’t done in months, I recognized the tell-tale signs of infection in my right ear. I took the entire day off to be lazy, improve my eating habits which had been pretty awful lately, and supercharge my body with homeopathics and natural remedies (turmeric and propolis are my go-to’s, in case you’re wondering).

I woke this morning slightly later than I’d like to find the pain had subsided but now the ear felt like it was filled with fluid. Moving around has helped a bit, but the pressure remains. However, that didn’t stop me from immediately grabbing pen and notebook (after feeding the resident furballs, of course) and resuming my morning routine.

Morning Pages vs. Brain Dumping

If you’re not familiar with “morning pages” you might want to pick up Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. It’s a great book if you’re a creative who needs to learn to honor the artist within, begging to be allowed to come out and play. One of the biggest take-aways I got from the book was the practice of writing 3 pages longhand every morning, aka “morning pages”. The idea is to sit down and write before you do anything else in the morning (coffee and cat feeding notwithstanding) to clear your head of all of the accumulated folderol from both the previous days’ challenges and the dreams from which you’ve just awoken. If you’re like me, those dreams alone can clog up the works as they’re quite vivid and memorable most days.

In many ways, I guess you’d call the morning pages journaling, but in a very raw, directionless way. In the past, I’d have called it a brain dump, though those typically were a fingers-to-keyboard kind of exercise as I type much faster than I write.

The purpose of the morning pages is not to pour out your guts as fast as possible but instead, to slow your mind down, forcing it to connect with your entire being instead of running amok like a hyperactive child on a sugar high.

I’ve found a great deal of insight from my morning pages though admittedly, there are days when I struggle to sit still long enough and slow my mind down sufficiently to write those 3 pages. Today was one of those days when the process worked.

Recognizing the Wake-Up Call of Physical Ills

I’ve learned that maladies in the body are simply a reflection of dis-ease in our energy field, which, left uncleared start manifesting in ways meant to get our attention. Yet it took slowing my mind down, getting the words on the page to connect the dots this time.

Once I started putting it together, I realized I’d not been communicating via my writing for quite some time. My ear was giving me a huge wake-up call that my hoarse and phlegm-y throat had failed to do.

I needed to get back to my writing!

While pouring out the contents of my muddled and over-stressed brain through the fingers of my right hand, I saw what I’d been, unbeknownst to me, making a concerted effort to ignore. I hadn’t written a single blog post, or even started one since the end of October. I hadn’t edited more chapters of Forgotten Victims as I’d planned. I had barely even interacted on social media for the last 25 days. In fact, I’d developed a bit of an aversion to it. No, more of an ennui. Nothing held my attention. I spent my days (when I wasn’t working on accounting clients) watching sappy Christmas movies and playing word games on my computer.

Finding the Blessing Buried in the Muck

On the up side, I increased my vocabulary a bit and kept my mind somewhat sharp, but my creative side was screaming for attention. Have you ever tried to quiet a 2-year-old mid-tantrum? Well, Creative Sheri knows exactly which buttons to push to get Unproductive, Slothful Sheri’s attention. In fact, administering physical pain is a particular favorite.

I may have created a bit of a monster when I chose to release my creative side, because once released, there’s no effective way to stuff the creativity back into a box permanently. What Pandora released when she opened that box has nothing on the creative monster once I gave her permission to come out and play. She is especially cranky when I make excuses for sitting down in front of the computer and writing. The words that come out don’t really matter. They just have to find their way to page, screen, or whatever medium I choose.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Are Signs

https://www.flickr.com/photos/swampa/8512656992/in/photolist-dYeAm9-5MBAS5-4wH48T-5M2k2z-9j9QT2-8RVu1X-6juK2V-a18M9W-5taS34-fMS1SQ-cDQLUb-6GZmA2-oUv5Wv-5AvF8V-paqKFx-4LicMW-s48LVr-57gaP7-39DFEc-nu6Svm-bCRkBB-21uvr7L-7H9fXU-h4hoeh-8kP7PC-3F7yE-AXQ82E-RCHfaj-ftXr8F-6agM2v-pCAFRA-57uGKU-5qGnVx-gYU9Q-6aCF6B-7SC734-5hDawR-6pT1cL-58x9Gg-7tPaUX-pfNVHB-7BnSAE-a56YeV-83T4NJ-6wgZex-e58EmP-9tnDYY-gmjSdW-55pwGE-4CCrfbMaybe it was the Hallmark movie I watched last night about a writer who left home to follow his passion. Maybe I related well to his being stuck and needing new inspiration. More important was his regular routine. He went to the same coffee shop every day, sat at the same table with his laptop and wrote. Writing my morning pages every day only gets me halfway there.

I choose to believe that things are put into our path for a reason, be they physical pain, a message delivered via movie or book, or a person who helps us find our way back to our true path. When we do our best to ignore the signs and signals as I’ve been doing for the last month, those signs and signals become more persistent, and eventually, painful. Like the lessons we’re given, the signs that we’ve wandered off path are not about to be ignored indefinitely.

Sure, I could be one of those who self-medicate with alcohol or drugs to shut those voices and the pain out. Fortunately, I’m not. I have a strong aversion to drugs of any kind and if I have one drink per month, that’s a lot. So I’m forced to acknowledge the signs, the warnings, and especially the Universal head slaps which tell me I need to get off my ever-lovin’ arse and do what I was meant to do—WRITE!

Getting Back on Track…Again

This is my long-winded way of saying I’m back and will do my best to entertain you with regular blog posts like this, both here and on my website. I welcome your comments and would love to hear about what motivates you and gets you back on track when you stray.

The Many Faces of Gratitude

What would a blog post be without my gratitudes? Here are a few for today.

  1. I’m grateful for the subtle and not-so-subtle reminders that I’m not being true to myself.
  2. I’m grateful for family and friends who inspire and challenge me.
  3. I’m grateful for the reams of words I’ve poured out on pages like this one as well as all of my works-in-progress.
  4. I’m grateful for the people I’ve met lately on social media. Some inspire me to greater things, and others show me what I don’t want to be or aspire to. All are helpful in their own way.
  5. I’m grateful for abundance; the words that flow from my fingers, the portfolio I don’t always appreciate, the dreams that fill my head at night (and other times too), love, friendship, communication, health, joy, compassion, kindness, generosity, peace, hope, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, Virtual Assistant and advocate for cats. She believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. She is available for article writing and ghost writing to help your website and the business it supports grow and thrive. She specializes in finding and expressing your authentic self. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author

September 8, 2015 Going Where the Energy Guides Me

“What Goes Up Must Come Down. Spinning Wheel Got to go ’round”

For the last couple of days, I’ve been guided, directed or simply inspired to get things out of the way. I don’t mean shuffle them to another place (my favorite method of cleaning), but to actually clear the way, make room and give myself space to make progress. On Monday, that meant getting a plumber in to unclog my kitchen sink while I vacuumed, mopped and emptied sandboxes. In the midst of my cleaning, my vacuum cleaner stopped sucking so I started fiddling with the hose to try to find the blockage.

I finally resorted to running water through the floor attachment and was rewarded for my efforts by a gigantic wad of cat fur which had gotten lodged in the middle of said attachment.

But that wasn’t the end of my suckless woes. Something had also lodged itself inside the inflexible portion of the hose. Once again, I inserted the garden hose into the vacuum cleaner hose and added water. Again, I was rewarded by a giant clump of something nasty, this time, less pretty than mere cat fur. But water and a screwdriver finally cleared the obstruction and I was on my way to clean floors (though, thanks to my darling furballs, it didn’t last very long. My bathroom alone had to be re-swept twice more before I retired for the evening.)

Meanwhile, a wonderful plumber who had been referred by members of a locally-oriented Facebook group was not only clearing the obstruction in my sink, but took the time to explain how I could fix it myself next time, and all without charging a premium for working on a holiday!

Today found me completing my household chores before heading out to run my weekly errands, augmented by a few more as a result of my daughter’s impending birthday.

The Energizer Bunny’s Got Nothin’ on Me

You’d think that after four hours of shlepping through near-100-degree heat I’d have been ready for a long nap and a tall, cool drink. So did I, but as it turns out, what was I thinking? It was all I could do to settle long enough to do a 50 minute meditation before I was, once again, bouncing off the walls.

Feeling like I’d been connected to an electrical transformer, I took care of a couple more chores, then sat down to watch a little TV (and believe me, these days, “little” is the operative word). As has been my wont these days, boredom settled in very quickly and I only stayed put because my lap was occupied by some sadly neglected furballs.

Watching Patterns Change Before my Eyes

Lately, my analytical brain has been screaming for attention to the point where I’ve reverted to playing games which require strategy, math and analytical skills to complete. I sit and play the games until my analytical side tires, then work on my writing. My current project a fairly ruthless edit/revision of the first NaNoWriMo novel I wrote, and my goal is to complete this pass before November 1 so I can, once again, immerse myself in the annual 50,000-words-in-a-month writing frenzy my daughter got me into nearly 2 years ago.

I’d like to say progress is smooth, but frankly, I edit, I put it aside, I pick it up the next day and re-edit. Some days, I’ll get through an entire chapter and others, I’m lucky to manage the re-edit and half or even a quarter of a chapter before my mind shuts down. Fortunately, it’s taking longer and longer to reach that point, though progress is not exactly getting better. Where I could only manage an hour at first, I find myself glued to the computer for 2 hours or so these days. I see a desk littered with Power Bar wrappers and Werther’s in my future if this continues.

An Explanation for this Insanity

I may have finally received an explanation for this craziness that’s driving me. A former teacher posted a comment about the energy being wild, then followed it up with a post about the Solar eclipse which is set to coincide with this week’s new moon. Being fairly sensitive to solar and lunar events, I’m starting to see why I feel so out of control. Even my sleep pattern has worsened. Rarely am I able to get to sleep before 3 or 4 in the morning, and a couple of my cats must be as disturbed as I am, since they are still restless and disruptive when I’m trying to go to sleep. Scrappy Doo has been locked in a spare bedroom so many times in the last couple of weeks that, last night, when I went to lock him in again, he was standing with his nose in the corner of my guest room. Apparently, he realized he needed a time out!

If you’re anything like me and have been unaccountably productive, especially when it involves clearing space or cleaning, you, too might be especially sensitive to the astral activity this week. I’m going to keep my crystals close and spend extra time trying (and that is the operative word right now) to meditate. Even those morning stretches can help, especially when you do them before you actually get your day started. My cats are growing accustomed, though not willingly, to waiting for breakfast while I stretch out on the floor with my Miracle Ball, breathing and stretching before I do their bidding and move to the front of the house where the cat food and dishes must surely be clamoring to be filled.49a1d-tower-card16

I thought to wind this up with my gratitudes, but as I started to do my usual review, a vision of the Chariot popped into my head. But before I could even get the image inserted here, I was drawn to the Tower Card. 61285-chariot

In my experience, things always happen for a reason, and the fact that I was first drawn to a card which indicates rapid movement only to have it overridden by a card which indicates rapid change accompanied by a ripping asunder of old ways and ideas, I can only wonder what the Universe has in store for me this time, while fastening my safety harness and getting ready for a wild and bumpy ride. Trying to hold onto anything or nail things down would be an exercise in futility so I won’t even try, but I also know that whatever I’m forced to release this time will only be in my own best interests. The reality is, what I believe is valuable and worth keeping right now may just be the first thing that’s ripped out of my hands, and once I’ve had time to process, I’ll realize it was time.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I accomplished so much cleaning and organizing in the last two days.
2. I am grateful that the back problems which plagued my in July and August have pretty much disappeared, leaving me with a valuable habit; stretching in the morning as soon as I get up.
3. I am grateful for a weekend of celebration with my daughter and son-in-law as we celebrate the end of her 28th year in her current human form.
4. I am grateful for a strong, healthy body which continues to allow me to be independent. I am also grateful for the chores and other tasks I need to do every month as they help keep that body healthy and strong.
5. I am grateful for all of the progress I’ve made on my book in the last couple of weeks and look forward to many more productive sessions.
6. I am grateful for abundance: health, happiness, harmony, motivation, inspiration, energy, love, joy, celebrations, peace, philanthropy and prosperity.

Blessed Be

I’d appreciate your taking a moment to visit my Facebook pages at https://www.facebook.com/SheriLevensteinConawayAuthor?ref=aymt_homepage_panel and https://www.facebook.com/HLWTAccounting . Please also drop by my website, http://www.shericonaway.com and check out my Hire Me Page. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!

July 17, 2015 Taking Good Care of Mind, Body and Spirit

Putting the Final Touches on the Healing Process

Today I treated myself to a massage with my amazing massage therapist, as I felt I’d done everything else I could do to put my neck, arm and shoulder back into alignment. Though with Barb “Massage Therapist” is such a simplistic name for what she truly does. A couple of years ago, we took a healing class together and though I ended up learning a lot about myself in the process and cleared out some personal, energetic baggage, she truly put the pieces together and has built on her already impressive toolbox of skills.

Going to see her today was as much for the body work as it was for all of the other things she puts into it, including helping me find that missing thread I needed to heal myself. Although we’ve had many tremendously successful healing sessions together, I’d have to say that today’s was over-the-top extraordinary.

First off, we added a verbal aspect to the session which is atypical for us. Since I finally learned how to relax and not try to help (at least most of the time), I tend to go into a meditative state while she works. Today, however, there was intermittent dialogue as well as the extra effort she made to keep me comfortable with an arm and shoulder that needed extra support at times and changing positions at others.

Visualizations and Revelations

From long association, Barb has learned that I get a lot of visualizations during meditations, Tarot readings, massages and pretty much any kind of spiritual, energetic practices. When the visions came today, I shared them with her in a kind of free associating manner. This allowed her to help me understand and expand on them. I’m getting a bit confused about the order of the visuals, but the first two were of a ghost-like fairy rising up from my shoulder and trailing a long strip of white light behind her while the muscles and tendons in my shoulder became the gnarled old roots of an ancient tree. Then, I was digging through the roots, breaking them up with some kind of wooden tool and working them into the already rich soil which was the result of centuries of fallen leaves being reabsorbed into the earth. Once the soil was broken up, I saw sunflowers growing in abundance and a small pool of water forming amidst the sunflowers.

She interpreted the sunflowers as my supporters or my fans, or perhaps both. The more I think about it, the more it fits. I felt like I was an integral part of this enormous, ancient spreading oak tree and felt the leaves waving around my head, caressing my cheeks when suddenly I realized that I was the tree…or the tree was me!

The long and the short of it is that my shoulder and arm have felt much better all day today, so I feel that I reached a point where I’m ready to release the things which turned them into a mass of painfully knotted muscles. That release is exactly what I hoped to do when I impulsively asked for the appointment after yesterday’s acupuncture session.

There Are Times When We Need to Give Ourselves Time to Look Inward

I spent the rest of the day doing a few small chores, but mostly meditating and finishing Ray Bradbury’s Zen and the Art of Writing. I also added more words to the list of prompts I started when I began reading the book (though in truth, they’ll ultimately become a part of the word map I started for the Holly Lisle writing course I’m slowly working my way through. But as I finished the book, I was inspired (though after I began writing I’m not sure that’s the proper word) to write what became the first 9 pages in longhand of a tale depicting my own worst case scenario, five years from now as a result of the choices I made a year and a half ago. For some reason, I needed to write about losing everything, being unable to afford vet bills to save three of my cats (though I didn’t specify which three except that one was my soul mate cat because I knew that would be the most devastating) and selling off my furniture, clothes and even most of my books.

At times, the tale I wrote seemed so real that I found myself sobbing as I wrote. I don’t know if I’ll re-read it (though I probably will) nor if I’ll even finish it, but I do know that it was, in some way, part healing process and part getting me writing, caring more about the process than what actually came out. Of course, I changed the names to protect the not-so-innocent too!

We All Have the Tools Within Ourselves to Self Heal, But Sometimes, a Little Help From a Friend Can Kick Start the Process

Though we are all capable of self-healing, being objective about locating and correctly interpreting our own blocks can sometimes present a challenge. I’ve learned that finding friends and practitioners who can not only help amplify the messages and answers we receive so we hear and recognize them, but can also help see things in the messages we receive that we are too immersed in the problem to see for ourselves. Like everything else, I believe such people are put into our lives when we are ready to utilize the skills for which they can offer guidance. Even if we know what to look for, they elude us until we establish a foundation which is open to their teachings.

So tonight, I feel comfortable releasing the fears and worries which knotted my neck and shoulder, but I also feel like I’ve released the negative expectations of the path I’m on, despite the fact that there is still no certainty of success, nor a guarantee that I can safely release any thoughts of obtaining temporary accounting work just to make ends meet. I have faced the demons by writing about them and truly believe that the power rests with me and not with them.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the people, the skills and the tools to self-heal.
2. I am grateful for my house full of healthy, happy, demanding fur babies.
3. I am grateful for a social life which, while not extremely active is extremely satisfying and has the diversity I need to get me away from my cave for several hours a week.
4. I am grateful for the words of some of my favorite authors which inspire, encourage and push me to keep up the effort.
5. I am grateful for abundance: resources, inspiration, motivation, love, friendship, understanding, harmony, peace, words, health, prosperity and philanthropy.

Blessed Be

I’d appreciate your taking a moment to visit my Facebook pages at https://www.facebook.com/SheriLevensteinConawayAuthor?ref=aymt_homepage_panel and https://www.facebook.com/HLWTAccounting . Please also drop by my website, http://www.shericonaway.com and check out my Hire Me Page. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!

May 24, 2015 Judging vs. Avoiding

Today’s Epiphany: Why I Feel So Strongly About Certain Personality Traits

I was talking to a friend last night about an individual who’s behavior annoys me. I believe my exact words were something to the effect of: She really annoys me when she… I know I should allow it to annoy me, but it does. Then it came to me. I currently have no relationship with one of my daughters because she behaves in the exact same manner and I do not tolerate it from her, so I’m not likely to tolerate it from others.

For the most part, I have learned to simply distance myself from people who believe it is OK to use or manipulate other people in order to get what they want. In social situations, it isn’t always possible, and I’m still learning how to do so without being rude, unkind or offensive myself.

Theoretically, We Attract What We Exude…But What if We Don’t?

On an energetic level, we typically attract likes. People with positive attitudes attract others like them while those who love drama and complaining will attract the same as well. Manipulators attract other manipulators who understand them, but they also attract those who seem to function better if they’re serving someone else’s needs instead of their own.

I try to live my life with gratitude and positive energy, and yet, there are still times when the opposing energy sneaks into my life, and I have to ask myself why? That’s when brutal honesty kicks in and I’m forced to realize that I’m attracting something I don’t want because I’m putting a strong, emotional message out there about not wanting it! It may be my behavior or it may just be errant thoughts but either way, it is a huge red flag that there is something within myself I need to fix, and I need to fix it now.

I paused for a few hours to allow what I’d already written to both settle and percolate in my mind. I believe that when I’m writing something that’s more serious than usual, it helps to let the thoughts settle. This time, however, it had a rather unsettling effect. I found that I started feeling like I needed to cry, yet I don’t feel sad, nor are the tears actually building up and ready to fall. It’s like whatever sadness is causing the need to cry isn’t inside of me at all, but is part of the Human Energy Field and, as an empath, I’m feeling it. But as an empath who has learned to detach from the emotions of others to some degree (not always with rousing success), I know that the sadness and the need to cry aren’t really mine.

Detachment is Easier from a Distance

I spent the day alone with my cats, and yes, sticking to my self-imposed schedule. I completed some work for a client, though a large chore I wanted to complete was not even addressed. I did, however, get, not only my normal hour’s meditation in, but a couple of short guided ones as well. I would consider it a successful day. Because the only human contact I had was on the phone with my daughter or via the internet, it is no surprise that I’m able to remain detached from the emotions which are tickling at my senses. It is far easier to keep my distance when the humans in question keep theirs.

At one point in this afternoon’s meditation, I got a vision of the flashing lights of a police car and immediately felt that I was being cautioned, not only when I’m operating a car, but in other areas of my life as well. It wasn’t clear what those other areas might be. I was simply receiving a warning to proceed with caution. In hindsight, this might also refer to my dealings with humanity in general and even in particular. As I receive still more emotional twinges, I’m inclined to follow the advice I received and proceed cautiously, wherever possible, looking before I leap. If I can stay away from humanity altogether for a few days, that might be optimum.

The productivity calendar seems to be working well as a supplement to my To Do list and I’ve bravely extended it out for a few more days with some of the entries, like my daily meditations and gym visits, being extended out indefinitely. I have a full work week of daily scheduled tasks now, though I am understanding with myself if I don’t get to all of them…yet. Interestingly, I did not schedule my blog posting. I find that there are days when I’ll just dash it off late at night, while others, like today see me just working on pieces of it throughout the day. For some reason, I’m hesitant to actually dedicate any particular time of day to the task. But this process is a moving target so there might come a time when I’ll need to regiment my blog posting too.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for days without human contact and shields which protect me from the most virulent of human emotions.
2. I am grateful for the company of my cats who love me unconditionally and constantly entertain.
3. I am grateful for the success of my new project management system and look forward to increasing productivity as a result.
4. I am grateful for so many things that my mind is spiraling out of control with the joy and wonder of it all. I feel like shouting to the Universe, I am so very blessed! Thank you!
5. I am grateful for abundance: blessings, joy, love, presence, success, productivity, health, harmony, peace, prosperity and philanthropy.

Blessed Be

And now for some shameless self-promotion:
I’d love it if you’d visit my Facebook pages at https://www.facebook.com/SheriLevensteinConawayAuthor?ref=aymt_homepage_panel and https://www.facebook.com/HLWTAccounting. If you get a minute, please also drop by my website, http://www.shericonaway.com and check out my Hire Me Page. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!

March 19, 2015 Like Dust in the Wind

There’s a lot of crazy energy out there right now. Can you feel it?

It took me awhile to realize a couple of things. First, not everyone dreams in technicolor with larger than life images and scenarios, only to remember the entire thing when they awake. Second, there are a zillion different energy sources, generating both high and low levels at all times. Third, not everyone is sensitive to the energies, and even those who are, are sensitive to different things in different ways.

Me? I tend to take my cues from my cats. If it is stirring them up, chances are, it’s stirring me up as well. This goes for earthquakes, solar flares, thunder storms and many other energies not directly attributable to humankind. Unlike my cats, or maybe simply because they don’t get out much, I also react to the energy in a room. Is it joyful? I’m buzzing with the joy of it. Is it angry? I’m feeling like I’ve been buried under a ton of dirt. Is it contentious? I’m probably going to find my way to the nearest exit. Is it uplifting? You’ll find me front and center, just soaking it all in.

I bring this up because we’ve had some serious energy explosions over the last few days, and kids, it ain’t over yet! Bad enough, our dear Father Sol has been tossing off pockets of energy large enough to dwarf the earth, but it comes at a time when the Moon is getting into the action by moving close to us, the weather is massively unpredictable (a few days ago, the weather service was predicting temps in the 80’s in my area. For the last two days, we’ve barely hit 70, it’s been overcast and in some places, there was rain and rainbows!), and to top it all off, there’s a solar eclipse quite literally on the horizon.

So, what does all of this gobbledy-gook mean to the average Joe?

The average Joe is probably oblivious, not only to all of these conflicting energies building, multiplying and at odds with each other, but he’s probably adding to the chaos by allowing his own emotional energies to run unchecked. But for those of us who are sensitive to one or more of the energy sources, Space Mountain at Disneyland seems like nothing more than a spin on the merry-go-round right now. I can’t speak for everyone, but I can tell you that the peaks and valleys I’ve been hitting for the last week or so make me incredibly grateful that my work seldom takes me out of my own little cocoon, and when it does, it is often where like-minded people can be found.

It is, however, putting a real damper on my exercise routine, so I’m looking for other outlets until the storm passes. I can manage one, maybe two days out and about, but more than that and I start twitching like an epileptic in full seizure, but my twitchiness is only visible to those who can see such things.

For those who have or do come in contact with me right now, please trust me when I tell you that if I seem distracted or withdrawn it is only because I have focused my attention on maintaining the shields which normally need little or no attention, but right now, they are being challenged in ways I’ve truly never seen before.

Even more sensitive than me and others like me, are the animals.

I can only imagine how this is affecting my cats. I see them acting out or racing around the house one minute and curled up in a cuddle puddle the next, but no matter what they are feeling, there are always at least two of them sticking very close to me, and when I do go out, they are waiting at the door, nearly frantic from wondering when I’ll be back. Even my two ratters wait impatiently for me to park my car so I can reassure them that the world is not coming to an end, but is just swallowing itself whole so it can spit itself back out all bright and shiny and new.

As I left the club where I dance tonight, someone said to me “I guess you’ll go home and go to sleep now?”

I had to laugh. Even under normal circumstances, I’m rarely in bed before 1 and am typically up by 8:30. I laughed even more when she said that 8:30 was really early. For me, after years of getting up around 6:30 or 7:00 to work in an office, 8:30 is a luxurious sleep in! Because of the crazy up and down energetics around me, I actually tried to go to bed early the other night, turning in around midnight. What I got for my trouble was an hour or so of tossing and turning and a raging migraine in the middle of the night. Clearly, it is not the will of my body and HEF to settle that early. I am a nocturnal creature, after all.

It’s after midnight now, and this is when my Muse starts kicking up her heels. This is when I finally figure out something to blog about or find a way past that plot block which has had me avoiding my book for the last few days, or spending an hour writing page after page about one of my characters as I make an effort to get inside the head of someone I simply cannot relate to. More importantly, this is when I most easily shut down the side of my brain that wants to check the spelling of every word, the grammar in every sentence and altogether screw up the creative process. That side of me gets to see the light of day and the finished draft only when I’m ready for the nit picky editorial stuff.

It’s the middle of the night when at least some of the crazy energy has found a home for the next couple of hours that I truly do let my Muse and my ADD run totally amok, and we have an incredible time doing so. I think fondly of the nights I was up until 3 AM, cranking out 8,000 words in a five hour writing marathon. I find ecstasy in the plot twists which seemingly come out of nowhere when my internal editor is fast asleep and blissfully unaware of all the rules we’re breaking. And I fall madly in love with some characters while falling madly in hate with others.

In the light of day, I read excerpts from the stories of my fellow Inklings and wallow in depression, honestly believing that I’m not half the story teller they are. But in the dark of night, I am a creative genius and I am invincible. But I lied. The crazy energy is anything but dormant right now. I feel it whirling around me, a hurricane picking up bits and pieces of human-kind as it slips unnoticed between the cracks in our houses, the cracks in our minds and the spaces in our hearts. If it was evil, I’d call it insidious, but this energy is more like a curious, hyperactive child. It samples this and tastes that before losing interest and moving on to something else, unaware of the havoc it leaves in its wake.

Fortunately, I have learned to soften the effects on myself in the hours before dark gives way to dawn.

The healing class I took a year or so ago didn’t take me where I thought I wanted to go at the time, but instead, it gave me so much more. It gave me self-awareness, the courage to take my leap of faith, and most of all, tools to use when I needed self-healing or an energy barrier to set me apart from all of the chaos. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve found a new technique which I came upon quite by accident. My spine was incredibly tense, all the way up into my skull. I found myself spinning energy around my spine, starting in my skull and working downward, focusing on each area individually, moving on only when the tension had subsided. With a little practice, I was able to create these spins of energy wherever I might need it on my spine. I simply stop for a second, think about the place which feels tense and soon, it is sheathed in spinning, healing, relaxing energy. I can only believe that this technique came to me when it did because there was a need. One thing I’ve learned is that if we get out of our own way, the Universe will provide what is needed when we need it.

The word right now is “Release”

The crazy, chaotic, conflicting energies carry one message which is common to all of them. “Release old habits, patterns and things which no longer serve you, or we will release them for you.” I’m neither foolish enough nor cocky enough to ignore their message.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that the Universe intercedes on my behalf.
2. I am grateful for my sensitivity to energies, no matter how uncomfortable it might be at times. Without that sensitivity, I would miss too much and take a great deal longer to learn my lessons.
3. I am grateful for new techniques which, as time goes by, show themselves to have multiple purposes.
4. I am grateful for my cats who stick close while I’m scrabbling around trying to remain somewhat grounded.
5. I am grateful for abundance: love, joy, life, integrity, imagination, chaos, energy, change, harmony, peace, health and prosperity.

Blessed be.

And now for some shameless self-promotion:
I’d love it if you’d visit my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/SheriLevensteinConawayAuthor?ref=aymt_homepage_panel and my website, http://www.shericonaway.com. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!

December 15, 2014 Feelin’ groovy again. #shericonaway

If you wait long enough, the answer will come.

All it took was my weekly pilates class to make it clear why I’d been feeling so…well…yukky the last few days. As I struggled to keep up, I realized that I do much better in the Pilates class when I keep up my regular gym routine which I had sadly neglected last week. Today, after doing some exercise, I managed to run a couple of hours worth of errands and have gotten trash, sand boxes, and yes, even floor scrubbing done. Some of this has been on my list for weeks, but I had reached the point where, if it didn’t get done, my Christmas tree was in danger of remaining in the box this year. That would never do!

Chores aside, an hour of exercise in the morning means a day of much more energy overall. Many of my friends would say it’s simple physics, and if I’d really thought about it, I’d have known the answer. Lack of exercise like lack of sunshine can lead to depression, and laziness is just one symptom. So it occurs to me that exercise is to depression like garlic is to vampires.

Admittedly, the lack of exercise last week also had a negative impact on my ability to complete said chores. Only the bathroom floors and the worst part of the living room got scrubbed today, though everything was vacuumed. I get to look forward to more floor scrubbing tomorrow, but hey, it’s raining again, and that makes me happy! (especially since I don’t have to commute in it!)

With Christmas fast approaching, I’m back in list mode again!

My “To Do” list is growing again. This week sees my expectations high for myself and I plan to complete:
1. Finish washing floors
2. Complete November bookkeeping for both clients.
3. Continue adding to my latest novel.
4. Call my broker
5. Help socialize some foster kittens (fun stuff!)
6. Go to the gym at least three more times this week.
7. Put up Christmas tree
8. Decorate Christmas tree
9. Wrap presents
10. Send Christmas box to my son-in-law

That should keep me busy for the rest of the week, and ensure that I won’t be sleeping too late like I did last week. I swear, sleeping too late in the morning is the kiss of death when it comes to having a productive day! These cold, rainy mornings make it hard to leave my warm, cat filled bed, but I have six days to get this place ready before my daughter arrives, so there’s no time for dilly-dallying now!

I know I’m in good company, though. Every one I know is rushing hither and thither, trying to get all of their chores done so they can enjoy their holiday. Let’s make this an especially giving one, remembering those in need!

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for an end to my doldrums and a new beginning for my healthy habits.
2. I am grateful for a halfway clean house (I’m well on the way to getting it the rest of the way clean now!)
3. I am grateful for the rain. We surely need it after so much drought. Maybe this time, the powers that be will figure out a way to keep more in reserve for our next dry season.
4. I am grateful that my boys are cooperating (with just a little bribery) while I put drops in their ears twice a day.
5. I am grateful for abundance: motivation, inspiration, energy, rain, love, joy, happiness, harmony, peace, health and prosperity.

Namaste

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