Care and Feeding of Self

Investing in Your Self

Globally, the diet industry is worth over $200 billion compared with about $38 billion for the self-help industry. While “only” about $76 billion of the diet number is in the US, it’s still twice what people invest in self-help globally. The trouble is, most of those diets don’t work, while investing in self-help, assuming you stick with it, and continue to up your game, is more effective in the long run. Why? Because most diets fail to be all-encompassing; diet, exercise, and lifestyle change.

The diet industry, all too often, focuses on a quick fix which might boost your confidence for a little while, but it’s not sustainable in the long run. When you invest in yourself, be it through books, accountability partners, a therapist, or a life coach, you’re sending a message to your brain that says: “I want to improve myself for the long haul.” It means you understand improving yourself is multi-faceted, and must include your mental and emotional state as well as physical.

Speaking from experience, counting calories, or points, or hyper-focusing on what I’m eating tends to make my brain obsess about food which is exactly what I’m trying to change. Regardless of what so many of the weight loss programs profess, what you eat is only one factor in improving your health. You need to exercise and build muscle in order to help your body burn calories efficiently; not just right now, but for the rest of your life. No amount of calorie counting, stomach stapling, liposuction, or anything else will help keep your weight stable without actually using that body regularly.

Exercise is Key

I’ve invested my fair share in self-help books, and one of the commonalities in most is getting up off the sofa and moving. Whether it’s a 20-minute walk, a regular workout, dancing, tennis, or whatever fits your wants and needs, moving is a panacea for many maladies. One of the commercials for arthritis medication even touts: “a body in motion stays in motion”.

Speaking again from experience, things like dancing and ballet fill my joy meter which keeps me from trying unsuccessfully to fill it with food. Walking gets me out of the house where I get fresh air, exercise, a change of scenery (even if I walk the same route every day), and often lively conversation to boot. Even if my weight doesn’t drop as quickly or regularly as I’d like, my overall health; mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, receive regular doses of health and vitality.

What baffles me while I’m out walking is how many people I see talking on their phones while walking. It’s especially odd when they’re walking a dog. In my mind, the whole purpose of getting out and walking, or frankly, doing any kind of exercise, is to disconnect from the electronics for a little while. If you’re walking your dog, interact with the dog, not some faceless entity on the other end of your cell phone. Otherwise, interact with the people and animals you meet along the way, enjoy the scenery, or simply let your mind wander where it will.

Move Your Body, Clear Your Head

In fact, that’s the reasoning behind the 20-minute walk recommended in “The Artist’s Way”. Sometimes you just need to let your mind go where it will instead of forcing it to chew on old issues, things you can’t fix right this minute, or people you’re allowing to live in your head rent-free. Even when I’m with my regular walking partner, there are times we’ll have a lively, if odd conversation, and others when we’ll walk in companionable silence, each allowing their mind to wander through whatever real or fantastical world it chooses.

Society these days has two major problems in my opinion:

1. Dependence on electronics to occupy the mind.
2. Belief that self-improvement has to be a quick fix.

In over a year of walking regularly, I’ve come to appreciate the down time when I get to admire the scenery, greet people who’ve grown used to seeing us walking every day, visit with the dogs we meet along the way, and observe the changing of the seasons first hand. I’ve seen improvements, not just in my physical form, but in my stamina, in my patience, and in my strength. When we first started, I could barely walk 1/4 mile without exhausting myself (granted, we started walking 3 days after I’d had major surgery). Now I walk 3 miles in about an hour, and even the inclines which used to leave me panting for breath no longer slow me down.

If I wasn’t disconnecting (although I do carry my cell phone in case of emergency, but it stays in my pocket), I wouldn’t even recognize those improvements, or the fact I’ve managed, on a few days lately, to get below a 20-minute mile…without even trying! I’ve also stopped allowing things like pain and minor injuries to stop me from walking. Yesterday, as I stepped off the porch, my right knee gave way for a second. Instead of sitting down on one of my red, Adirondack chairs and whining about it, I told the knee I’d walk slowly until it caught up.

Moving Through the Pain

Though it responded by sending pain down into my shin and up into my hip, I continued to walk, while allowing everything to ease into the movement. At the moment, I’m not exactly pain-free, given the recurrence of the herniated discs in my neck, but I know just the swinging of my arms, and holding my body erect eases the pain in my left arm and shoulder, and has helped (along with daily stretching and icing) to maintain my regular levels of exercise and movement (12- to 15 thousand steps a day on average).

Of course, you have to be in tune with your own body (another advantage to disconnecting from electronics every day), and only push past the pain safely. I learned how far that is for me, but refrain from offering suggestions to others. I don’t know what you’ve been through, or where your body’s been. I can only say, you can’t listen to yours if you don’t allow yourself to pay attention without distractions.

At any rate, whether you choose to invest in self-help books, accountability partners, life coaches, therapists, or some other form of self-care, the main thing to remind yourself is you deserve to care for yourself first and foremost. Draining your own batteries for the benefit of others will only leave you drained. If you’re waiting around for someone else to improve your life…don’t.

Grateful for Learning to Care for Me

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning my greatest investment is in myself.
2. I’m grateful for the improvements I’ve made in my life, and continue to make.
3. I’m grateful for all I’ve learned about recharging my own batteries.
4. I’m grateful for learning to ask for help. That, too is self-care.
5. I’m grateful for my walking buddy who’s stuck with me for over a year through all kinds of weather and life challenges.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Emotional Support Kitties

When Frustration Hits, Cuddle Your Kitties!

The last few days have been rather frustrating (though all’s well that ends well when you have a great team!) and even my emotional support kitties are feeling the pressure. Max spent a good part of the morning walking around the house, howling, while Lazarus hung close, but not too close. Though I never figured out what Max wanted so badly he was howling about it, he seems to have settled back down. He did, however, take issue with me removing the blanket of fur he’d left on the loveseat. I guess it was his way of marking his territory. The one time Ishtar sat on it recently, he acted like someone had stolen his teddy bear! But today, she actually licked his face instead of hissing at him, so we’re making progress!

Speaking of progress, the daily walks are another mood booster, and frustration buster. On my more frustrating days, I tend to walk faster, and today, we got down to 20 minutes, 25 seconds per mile! Had we not stopped to talk to one of the people along our route for a minute, we’d have probably made it to a 20 minute mile! I was definitely more relaxed by the time I got back; ready to jump on yet another Zoom call to share knowledge, and work on some reporting requirements.

As it is, I’ve started making to do lists to keep track of all the tasks I need to complete. Last week, I had about 16, and all but one, non-critical one are complete. This week I’m up to 7 so far, and that’s after already completing payroll today, despite a few setbacks. It’s funny though. As frustrating as things have been lately, I’m also feeling energized. I find I’m completing my evening tasks earlier and earlier lately. Max and Sable aren’t complaining since it means an earlier dinner time for them!

The More You Do, the More You Do

It also means, unless I’m working later to finish a few more tasks on my list, I’m looking for something to do by about 8. It occurs to me starting to add back on-demand ballet classes at 7 or 8PM will fit perfectly into the gap, and give me some much-needed, additional exercise as well. Whether or not I’ll have the energy and drive to add it back the first week of the month remains to be seen. As it is, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day are work days for me so I can stay ahead of the monthly billing.

I’m even planning to set my alarm so I can get my provision foraging done early to get a jump on tasks which aren’t dependent on others finishing their day. It’s coming as a complete surprise to me how much frustration; at least when it’s resolved successfully, can actually be inspiring and motivating. The crazier things get, the more I seem to be getting done, both personally and professionally.

Best of all, my cats seem to understand their assignment, and, for the most part, are doing their best to smooth my rough edges. I could call my Christmas movie binge watching a waste of time, but combined with all the kitty cuddles, I know it’s much-needed down time for me, and snuggles for my poor, neglected felines. (their words, not mine) I may jump up and down more often than they’d like, but it isn’t long before someone claims my lap again once I’m sitting, perhaps with a hot mug of turmeric tea laced with honey and fresh lemon juice.

Different Strokes for Different Folks

To some, spending Christmas and New Years alone in the house, working a few hours (or perhaps a lot of them) while others are celebrating with family and friends sounds like an incredibly sad pursuit. For me, it means I can work without interruptions because everyone is busy with family and friends, leaving me to knock out work, or write another blog post. That, alone will clear space in the days to come, allowing me to pivot on a dime if something new gets added to my life, or load.

Circling back to the original theme of this post, emotional support comes in many flavors. It might be pets, or walks, or some other kind of movement. Perhaps it’s a long phone conversation, or getting immersed in a good book. It could be as simple as curling up on the sofa with a cup of tea and a couple of cats to watch a movie which requires no mental involvement, and in fact, minimal attention to follow the story line.

Whatever works for you, it’s important to see it as a necessity rather than a luxury. Your sanity; your mental health and well-being depend on it!

Grateful for Every, Single Minute

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for my emotional support kitties.
2. I’m grateful for my daily walks.
3. I’m grateful for the people in the neighborhood who have come to recognize us as we toddle along our regular route day after day.
4. I’m grateful for hot cups of tea, soft, snuggly kitties, and warm, fleece blankets.
5. I’m grateful for movies which don’t require much brain power, and are purely entertaining.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

The Small Stuff Can Make or Break You

Small Wins, Great Improvements

With a little help from a friend, I finally got the LED shop lights in my garage hooked up to the switch on the wall, thanks to an outlet another friend had put in for me a few months ago. The old-fashioned, fluorescent bulb style lights my ex had hard-wired in after trash digging on one of his construction jobs were getting worse and worse. Whenever there’s any dampness in the air, they don’t want to come on, and as they’re the old style of fixture, I can no longer get ballasts or bulbs for them. Eventually, I’ll have to disconnect them, and take them all down, but for now, my garage is as bright as day in all the previously dark corners.

Having my car out of the garage to install the lights meant a couple of other fixes could happen as well. It makes me so happy to flip the switch, and have all the lights come on without the finickiness of the old fluorescents! The small things in life make me so happy! Speaking of small things, I was panicking because SCE had scheduled 2 maintenance outages 10 days apart, and the second was supposed to be on November 30th. To most people, it would be a small inconvenience, but I use the last day of the month, especially when I’m lucky enough to have it fall on a weekend, to prep for monthly billing. Having the power out most of the day would have been a massive inconvenience, to say the least. Fortunately, the powers that be rethought their plan and moved the second outage to December 7th which is much better for me! Another small win for my team!

Internal Setbacks

At the same time, a lot of small stuff has been weighing me down of late; things I know are fleeting, yet have allowed to drag my heart and mind away from what’s important. Even though I know it’s a temporary lapse, it’s wreaked its share of havoc on my life for the last couple of weeks. However, that havoc, and the mindset which sapped my energy and motivation for a time has brought me full circle to where I’m writing daily. In so doing, I get to put things back into perspective, and fan the flame of my spark of hope with each post I write.

As I see it, these mental and emotional setbacks which force me back to basics (e.g. writing regularly) are reminders I’m neglecting myself in some fashion. Just as failing to take care of my physical self leads to an increase in aches and pains, and flare ups of arthritis, neglecting my mental and emotional self creates a plethora of internal aches and pains when the floodgates open, immersing my heart and spirit in old, unhealed traumas and outdated coping mechanisms. Only writing seems to allow me to work through those deep-seated, toxic cesspools.

Stretching the Mind, Body, and Spirit

Just as my body needs to stretch and move every day, so does the body housing all of my emotions, both experienced and withheld. As such, stretching my emotional self through my writing, is as necessary, if not more so, than stretching my body regularly. In both cases, the stretches need to be uncomfortable, if not a little painful in order to be effective. Failing to take the time to air those emotions is the internal equivalent of sitting on my butt all day. In both cases, I get stiff, sore, and need to move things around until they’re loose enough to flow more easily.

Admittedly, it’s usually easier to move my body than the well of unmanaged emotions I’ve bottled up for decades because, all too often, I have to remove another layer of protection to get to the next pit of feelings. I was taught from early childhood how to bottle things up, but not how to work through the pain, express the emotions, and let them go. Although I’ve made significant progress in this second half of my life, old habits still come roaring in when I let my guard down.

This daily writing is doing so much more than simply airing the emotions and preparing them for release. It’s also addressing those coping mechanisms which are all too happy to jump in in a misguided attempt to protect me from harm when instead, they’re doing more harm than good. If I’m ever tempted to give in to them, I have only to look back at my parents and the lives they led. If I am certain of nothing else, it’s the fact I do not want to live my life like they lived theirs. Only now do I see what a cold, lonely, depressing place that would be.

Stop Sweating the Small Shit

Yes, I have my sad, lonely, depressed moments. The difference between me and my parents is I’m able to own those moments, and dig deep inside to release the pressure they only released by drinking excessively. Even then, it was only a temporary release, as they never actually worked through the impacted emotions to free themselves from the relentless grip on their lives. Truth be told, they’d be mortified by the way I air my deepest thoughts and feelings semi-publicly like this. (I don’t delude myself I have a huge following, but the one I have is precious to me)

While I may sweat the small shit for a little while every so often, I’ve learned, and am still learning to write about it, and even talk about it to my few, precious, real friends when I need to, but also to help myself keep healing. I do hope, in being able to drag things out of my psyche, autopsy, and release them into the much wider Universe, I truly am (as some have suggested) helping someone else out there realize old lessons in suppressing emotions were dead wrong. Only by pulling them out, sometimes kicking and screaming, examining them microscopically, and going through the process of feeling them once and for all allows the healing process to proceed.

We are all a huge conglomeration of feelings and experiences, yet all too often we try to deny the feelings. Kindness and compassion aren’t just words on social media. They’re gifts we give, not only to ourselves, but to the Universe itself because we touch every, single soul on this planet in some way, and perhaps elsewhere in the Galaxy as well.

Grateful for Breakthroughs

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for friends who offer me new experiences.
2. I’m grateful for my following, even if I’m never going to be an “influencer”. I know what I write isn’t going to resonate with the many, but rather, with the few.
3. I’m grateful for the plethora of ideas which have been filling my head, and spilling out onto the screen the last couple of weeks. May it continue unabated.
4. I’m grateful for the encouragement I’m getting, letting me know my words aren’t falling on deaf ears. I know those who’ve given up on me don’t really matter in the general scheme of things. They weren’t meant to walk my path for long, if at all.
5. I’m grateful for learning to let go of other peoples’ expectations; even if some of those people are blood family.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Pushing Myself Physically, Closing Doors Emotionally

Compensating with Excessive Physical Effort

According to most of my friends and fellow dancers, I’m a lot more active than most people so soon after major surgery. In my defense, I thought 3 months was excessive in the first place, though in some instances, it’s been spot on. I’ve increased my daily walks, albeit accidentally, to about 2.65 miles, but I know when I need to cut back.

Case in point: Thursday night, after walking 2.65 miles, dancing most of the line dances between 6 and 9, and spending about 35 minutes working on a couple of the new ones at home, I woke up after a mere hour of sleep with my legs complaining. This continued hourly until I finally took a couple of Aleve around 7, and finally, got up and moved. Clearly, I overdid the exercise, or underdid the stretching, or both after the plethora of exercise.

Friday began with 45 minutes of circuit training with my personal trainer who decided it was time to step things up a notch or twelve. Though my legs were tired afterwards, it meant they were well warmed up for 90 minutes of ballet an hour later. I’d already decided to go dancing again, so I knew I’d better respect the body that had already been well-worked by 2, and shortened my walk to about 1.5 miles instead of the usual 2.65. It’s not that I didn’t think I could make the 2.65 mile circuit. It’s because I knew if I did, I wouldn’t be dancing very much later. I may be pushing my limits every day, but I also know how far I can push them without being in complete misery for the next few days.

Overcompensating

There is a slight down-side to pushing myself to return to my normal (or better) activity levels as soon as possible. I’m allowing myself to feel a bit envious of the love and support being showered on someone else right now, who’s also in healing mode. I know it’s silly, but my feelings are my feelings. Eventually, I will work through them, and stop feeling sorry for myself, but for now, I need to sit with the feelings, and allow myself to have them without judgement. In the meantime, the more I move my body, the better for me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Right now, I might feel like it’s small compensation for the lack of support I feel I’m attracting, but I’ll be stronger in the long run.

I also know the outward show of strength I learned as a trauma response when I wasn’t supported as a child works against me at times…but it’s all I know after so many years of using it as a fallback whenever times got tough. I know I don’t easily allow people in, nor do I know how to ask for support in a healthy way. Before I can form complete sentences, the trauma response kicks in and chastises me for whining. Though I’ve learned to stop blaming myself for those trauma responses, I’m still working through the tendency to be overly responsible for everything that happens in my life. The healing journey continues, in spite of those areas where I’m still stuck.

Meanwhile, I continue to move my body in hopes I’ll ultimately cause all the stuck energy to move itself along until it pushes through the clogs, or I find a way to loosen them to improve the flow. I suspect pushing myself to get out of that sticky, stodgy comfort zone will start to make a difference as long as I’m persistent and don’t let up when it becomes harder. I understand I can’t help who I am right now, but I can make small changes to clear the way to become a better person inside and out. It begins and ends with gratitude.

Grateful for Another Round of Lessons

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning to let myself feel the feels, even when they’re unpleasant.
2. I’m grateful for learning the me I am now isn’t the me I have to remain.
3. I’m grateful for understanding lack of support is a direct result of my own past actions and behaviors.
4. I’m grateful for learning I can wallow in self-pity for a short time, but then I need to get moving in one way or another.
5. I’m grateful for knowing I have a long way to go before I learn to let people get close to me, because each time I get burned, I fall back into old habits, even if I don’t go back as far, nor stay there as long.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Is Being Vulnerable Crazy?

Living Where Vulnerable Was a Bad Thing

Like many from my generation, I wasn’t raised to be open and honest. Instead, I was taught the world was a cruel place, and sharing your feelings was an invitation for abuse. Unfortunately, the Empath in me writhed in pain having to hold my very essence deep inside. I built walls around my heart, and locked my soul in what would ultimately prove to be a Pandora’s box awaiting the right moment to explode into a veritable flood of unprocessed sewage filled with long-suppressed emotions.

For decades, I had no idea why I felt like a square peg in a round hole, not only with my family, but everywhere I went. All I knew was there didn’t seem to be any place I fit, and the faulty belief system I was raised with forced me to believe the problem was with me. Somehow, I was sharing too much, being too honest. Most of the time, I vacillated between feeling like a crumbling wall held together with spit and sealing wax, and a raw, festering wound where my feelings oozed out unprotected, and stinking with infection.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I asked “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I make friends? Why do I always end up alone, or the butt of someone’s cruel joke?”

Fitting In While Honoring Self

Every so often, I’d find someplace I seemed to fit, but it didn’t last. I had a foot in two different, and incompatible worlds, and didn’t know how to break free of the one that was slowly killing the person inside; the person I was meant to be. I remember attending a party with the meditation group I’d joined. One woman said to me: “You’re so buttoned up. I’d just like to pull you apart and break you free.” I found her comment hurtful at the time, and it was probably the reason I later pulled back from people who might truly have helped me pull my foot out of the world where I was born, but didn’t belong.

In those days, I dressed conservatively, typically in oversized shirts and long pants, and wore my hair pulled tightly back from my face. Though I was slowly learning to be whoever I was and not what I thought others expected, I had a long way to go before I left my ill-fitting shell behind. The woman’s assessment was not far off the mark, if delivered rather tactlessly. It did teach me to look beneath the surface, and refrain from judging people by what they allowed the world to see (I later learned she hid her own pain as her marriage was crumbling).

Nowadays, I believe letting people see my true, honest, vulnerable self is not only a right but a responsibility. I’ve learned it’s the only way to form deep, loving, lasting connections. And it led me to follow Brene Brown whose upbringing wasn’t so different from mine when it came to having a healthy emotional life. It’s made me look back at my own life, and estranged family and realize there was never anything wrong with me at all. It was about going out into the world, shedding a lot of preconceived ideas, and finding my own, true tribe.

Validating Feelings

Unfortunately, I had to marry a man who was more like my family than I realized, and who, like them abused alcohol to unsuccessfully hide from the part of himself that was the most honest and real. To my credit, it only took me 10 years to realize I’d made a poor choice, and to take steps to fix it. Learning to open up came several years later, but getting out of a world where suppressing my emotions was considered normal was the first step.

My parents were both long gone before I truly started figuring it out, though my dad was still alive when I first began to emerge. The more comfortable I became with my feelings, the further apart we grew. I realize now I made him uncomfortable. He, too was raised to keep his feelings stuffed inside, and often used a phrase I’d come to hate when my ex used it on our daughters:

“You shouldn’t feel like that.”

I assured my girls their feelings were their own, and didn’t have an on/off switch, but it took a long time for me to recognize it was true for me as well. I’d heard it so many times, and learned to buy into it in exchange for what I mistakenly believed was love and acceptance, that it was hard to shed. Doing so meant, in my confused mind I was no longer lovable or acceptable to my family. Eventually, I had to come to terms with it, since it’s become my reality, and ultimately my salvation.

Shedding an Unwieldy Burden

At times, I stop and think about how much of a burden I dropped when I no longer felt compelled to live by the standards I was raised with, or seek the approval of people who would always find me lacking. Yet since I stopped trying to maintain bonds that were never tight or enduring in the first place, I honestly haven’t noticed a gap in my life where those bonds should have been. Their lives and mine have taken completely different trajectories, and I’m OK with that. They were a part of my life as long as they were supposed to be, and that’s enough.

Today, I’m comfortable being my overly emotional, over-sharing, physically demonstrative self. The burden of trying to fit into skin that would never fit has been lifted, and I’m drawn to people, and they to me who understand how beautiful vulnerability is, and how important it is for bringing hearts together. My birth family might think I’m crazy or odd. Perhaps the ugly duckling of fables.

I’m still evolving, and learning to show more of my heart; more of my essence, but I’ve gone through the worst part of the evolution, the part where the caterpillar turns into a puddle of goo before reforming into a butterfly. Maybe that’s why I’m so attracted to the bright, happy creatures, and see them everywhere these days. They truly are the embodiment of transformation, and I believe I had to turn myself completely inside out in order to become myself.

Feeling Gloriously Grateful

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful I had the strength to break away from beliefs that never fit.
2. I’m grateful for the people I’ve grown close to since allowing myself to be who I am, and not who they expect.
3. I’m grateful for the freedom I now enjoy, and for opportunities to be vulnerable and stay out of judgement myself.
4. I’m grateful for a life without clear structure where how I spend each day is an adventure, and often brings lovely surprises.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; freedom, joy, love, vulnerability, inspiration, motivation, acceptance, peace, health, balance, Being, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Challenges of Being Both Strong and Empathic

A World of Overloaded Empaths

At a time when everyone has a cause and an opinion, and is voicing them loudly, Empaths are being particularly challenged to stay true to their own path while offering compassion on a global scale. Though our hearts are tugged by the quantity and magnitude of atrocities being perpetuated by and against humankind, we know it isn’t so much it’s new, as the importance of each and every situation is being elevated to the level it belongs. Still, none of us can possibly support every atrocity; every cause with our full attention and energy.

There comes a point where, no matter how strong and capable you are, you have to exercise self care in the strictest sense, and see to your own needs and causes first. While the voices in your head and heart clamor for attention, you serve none by trying to serve all. Hard as it might be, you have to make some hard choices, not only to maintain your own sanity, but to be of value to the people and things you consider most important.

Many of my friends; all strong women, and Empaths, have reached a crisis of the conscience, just as I have. We all truly care about the people who are being mistreated, neglected, or worse, but only have so much of ourselves to give, and have had to make a conscious decision to focus our energy and attention. It may appear from the outside that we don’t care enough about what’s important to other people. The truth is, we care so much about it all that we know we serve them better by picking a direction and staying the course rather than scattering our energies to the winds.

Staying in Your Own Lane for Greater Effect

The beauty of it is, each of us has been called to help right a particular wrong or two. Strong, Empathic women exist in every corner of the world where they focus their attention and energy on the issues they feel most strongly about. By exercising passion as well as empathy, those energies are supercharged instead of scattered.

When we jump from one cause to the next, none of that energy every attaches enough to make a real difference before we jump to something else. In my opinion, we’re actually doing more harm than good by failing to choose our causes carefully, and remain true to them through every storm, and every missile that’s hurled our way in an effort to shake us loose.

Clinging to what we believe in strongly, and connecting with others who share our passion gives everyone more strength to continue to work to right the wrongs. We bring others together by exhibiting a unity and a consistent adherence to our beliefs. That isn’t to say we don’t listen to opposing viewpoints. It would be foolish to ignore them as it helps us understand why there are opposing viewpoints in the first place. You can’t understand how to get past a road block until you see what it’s made of and how to cause it to cease efforts that conflict with your own—or in some cases, recognize your own ideas and ideals need to be reworked.

Putting Understanding Before Action

Each block, whether mental or physical requires a different kind of effort to clear. You can’t shout down a wall of ice, nor will you be likely to break through one of stone with a flame-thrower. When faced with people who are easily roused to anger, or whose minds are closed from generations of conditioning, trying to force them to see things your way will meet with failure at best, and a vicious backlash at worse. The best you can hope for at that point is to gather your scattered forces, back away, and regroup.

Sure, you can rouse a lot of people who understand why you’re angry, but as it’s not their own true focus, they’ll only remain on board until someone else rouses their sympathies and ire. Once they jump ship, your forces will be in a shambles, and resurrecting your original momentum is impossible. The masses continue to attach themselves to the next big thing.

Remaining focused and working with those who feel as strongly as you do means the energy and attention may be smaller, but it’s consistent. One, giant push might not break through a rock wall, but a continuous, persistent effort can, especially since it doesn’t alert the builders of the wall to bring in reinforcements. Instead, you subtly wear away at the resistance while their attention is elsewhere, perceiving no threats to their values and beliefs.

Consider how you feel when someone viciously attacks your own, long-held beliefs. The first thing you do is go into resistance. If they keep pushing, you build your walls higher, and become even less responsive to the message they’re trying to impart. You shore up any cracks in your arguments, and flat out ignore anything that doesn’t jive with what you believe to be true, fact-based or not.

Every Issue is an Emotional One

Today, people on both sides of some pretty intense issues are using emotions to hold their line; rousing people into a frenzy over stories both true and false, flinging passion-charged bombs into just the right crowd to elicit the desired response, and ultimate level of resistance or aggression. The result is thousands of virtual pissing matches where there are lots of casualties, and no winners. In fact, in many cases, those being fought for are in worse shape than they were before attention was temporarily focused on their plight. I suspect there are more than a few who aren’t thinking the masses for putting them in the spotlight for a few moments.

It might seem like me and many others who’ve finally figured out the game are heartless and uncaring. We have to bear that burden, knowing full well that by focusing our energy and attention in fewer directions, we’re doing the most thoughtful and caring thing we can, not only for the things we support, but for all the others as well. We’re giving them the gifts of flying under the radar, and being able to wear away slowly rather than putting all their energy into an explosion that will meet with equal or greater resistance.

Such tactics will do nothing more than exhaust both sides, give the advantage back to the stronger one, and ultimately, maintain the status quo. What’s broken will remain broken, and will continue to rot from the inside out until something stronger comes along to steamroll over the remains, and once again, rewrite history to suit the winners.

Gratitude Strengthens Your Heart

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful I’m learning to conserve and focus my energies.
2. I’m grateful for friends who understand none of us is capable of successfully fighting for every cause, and much choose what’s important to us so we can each put our passion behind our beliefs.
3. I’m grateful for quiet days to clear my space, rest and regroup, or increase my efforts.
4. I’m grateful for healthy habits which are keeping me sane through times which push the limits of “normal” to the breaking point.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, caring, joy, friendship, compassion, focus, passion, incentives, understanding, peace, balance, health, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward