Unpacking and Healing

Healing the Deep-Seated Emotions

One of the many things I love about my monthly massage is how it allows me to completely relax and quell those pesky inner voices for a little while, allowing some deep-seated emotions to surface. Although I tend to be rather wordy when I’m awake and firing on all 157 cylinders, I tend to be almost entirely visual in a meditative or dream state which means I get to interpret the visions I receive, for better or worse, before I can unpack the messages and heal what came up.

Lately, I seem to be hyper-focused on my relationship with relationships, so it was no surprise the visual I received this month was in that realm. I know over the years I’ve self-sabotaged, both in who I’ve allowed in, and how it played out. Ultimately, I’ve unconsciously picked people who couldn’t do my still-tender psyche any lasting harm, so those I choose, or allow in are typically as broken as me, or, in recent years, a lot more than me. What I didn’t realize was it was my subconscious trying in its clumsy way to protect my underdeveloped heart from harm.

The methodology it chose is somewhat convoluted, but I’ll do my best to explain. Over the years, I realized I had my wires crossed when it came to attraction, be it simple friendship or more. I’d fail to recognize the usual human signals indicating someone was interested in connecting, and I’d misread the ones which were surface-level only, believing they were the real deal. Needless to say, either a relationship or friendship never started in the first place, or if it did, it was one that would only last until the veneer wore thin, or the other person’s need for whatever I was offering ended.

Letting Go of More Coping Mechanisms

I know now, I need to face those feelings which caused my subconscious to employ such tactics, and explain to my inner child and teenager I no longer need protecting. I’m allowed to recognize an attraction and decide for myself whether it’s mutual or not. My heart has healed enough, and I’ve let go of at least some of those feelings of unworthiness, allowing me to let myself engage more deeply with people who truly love me for who I am, and won’t judge me for my quirks and foibles.

I learned my own coping mechanism of giving people the silent treatment is cruel, and causes unnecessary pain when simple communication will give both sides the opportunity to work through their own issues in a safe space. I suspect my crossed signals explains why some people, inexplicably kept me at arm’s length to the point of coldness. They probably recognized, at least subconsciously I would misread any overtures on their part, and preferred to keep their distance rather then getting sucked into my topsy-turvy world.

Attracting by Being Less Broken

As I begin to recognize where I kept making the same mistakes, and seek to correct the beliefs and behaviours, I’m already noticing a slight unbending from a couple of those people, and an opening up from others I’d only interacted with peripherally before. It’s not that I feel I was unapproachable before, but those who sensed my inability to accurately determine whether a brief interaction was or wasn’t an overture of friendship and deeper connection knew to keep those interactions at a surface level lest they be misconstrued.

While I’m not saying I won’t continue to err as I work through all the twists and turns from both my own and my ancestors’ pasts, being aware of my subconscious confusion will allow me to take a few steps back and ask myself the questions I didn’t know to ask before. I’ll be less likely to accept the messages I’m getting from my subconscious, and unfold the virtual notes I’m receiving to read and interpret them myself instead.

I may walk alone for a little longer but I know this particular wound will take awhile to completely unpack and heal. I know the steps I’m taking now have been a long time coming to the surface. There’s a lot more pain and trauma connected to this montage of feelings than I know quite yet, but I’m girding my loins to dash courageously into the fray, knowing there are a lot of deep-seated fears I’ll be confronting and alleviating along the way.

Grateful for the Winding Road

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for my monthly massages which are a huge part of my healing process.
2. I’m grateful for reaching a point where I can tell my fears they have a voice, but not a vote any more.
3. I’m grateful for all the healing which has led up to this point in my life where I’m dealing with some of the heavy, heartfelt parts.
4. I’m grateful for the hurtful experiences which showed me what I was doing, and how I was hurting others myself.
5. I’m grateful for time spent among other people, and the time I get to come home to be alone with my own thoughts and feelings, and my cats who love me no matter what.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Connecting With Your Self-Worth

Take Back Your Self-Worth

Photo-Marisha Fox via Flikr

Too many people struggle with self-worth these days. Whether it’s parental mis-guidance, peer pressure, or the evil and insidious ad business, someone is always ready to tell you you’re unworthy in some way. For women, the worst of them all concerns body image. I’m here to tell you, no matter what your size and shape, you’re perfect as you are. If women were meant to look like carbon copies of each other, they wouldn’t be born unique in the first place.

Still, too many grew up believing they needed to be thinner, blonder, taller, have straighter hair…the list goes on, and frankly, it’s all crap! Your individuality is your super power. You stand out from the crowd for a reason. Your unique talents, skills, and gifts weren’t meant to hide under a blanket waiting for the “right man” to notice you. If people call you weird, it’s both a reflection on them, and a compliment to you.

Whaaaaat? How can being called “weird” be a compliment? I’ll tell you why. If someone calls you weird it means you’re not conforming to rules that never made sense in the first place. You have the courage to stand up for what you believe in, to show off your special talents and abilities, and most of all, to question what others deem normal. I fully agree with the statement: “Normal is a setting on the washing machine.”

Embrace Your Uniqueness

You were never meant to conform to a set of arbitrary rules, or look like everyone around you. Your beauty isn’t determined by someone else’s opinion. In fact, your true beauty isn’t the pretty packaging you’ve been given this time around at all. It’s what’s in your heart, your mind, and your spirit. It’s in the way you treat others with compassion, refraining from judging them. It’s in the way you know everyone has hidden parts, past traumas, and insecurities you may never see. Everyone has days when they’re doing their best to get through it when all they want to do is hide themselves away until their personal storm has passed.

I look at it this way. When you’re judged unfairly, and seen wanting overtly how does it make you feel? Pretty rotten, right? So why would you do that to yourself, or allow other people to make you feel unworthy? They can’t possibly know your true value, especially if they never bothered to get to know you on more than a superficial level with their unrealistic, and myopic world view and guidelines as a measuring stick. Your outsides are not a reflection of your insides. You’re so much more than what most people take the time to see.

The trouble is, too many buy into the lies they’re told, believing they need to be thinner, have less wrinkles or bulges, or a different shade or texture of hair in order to be accepted. In truth, those who are unaccepting need to be ditched for a better group of friends. And yes, that includes family members who set impossible standards, and keep changing the rules to set you up for failure.

Halt the Abuse

I take issue with ad campaigns who coin cutesy little words like “muffin tops”, “camel toe” and the like. Such terms are not only cruel and insulting, but demeaning to women in general. They put too much focus on the body, and too little on the essence of the person. Sadly, enough women buy into the bullshit to create a billion-dollar industry, not only for beauty aids and treatments, but for psychiatrists and pharmaceutical companies, life coaches, and gurus seeking to ease the pain and trauma of never being enough.

If everyone was taught from birth they’re enough, none of this would be necessary, and maybe bullying would die on the vine too. People don’t bully others because they love themselves as they are. They do it to take attention away from themselves, and take their anger and pain at feeling unworthy out on someone else in the mistaken belief making someone else feel unworthy will improve their own self-image. If it worked, would they keep bullying other people?

Abusive behavior is a reflection on the abuser’s own misery at being unable to live up to impossible standards. Those who lash out have yet to realize they, themselves can get off the merry-go-round by choosing to stop trying to be a cookie cutter version of a person. Wave that freak flag around, and flaunt those differences. Getting comfortable in their own skin will free them once and for all; from the need to abuse, from the endless string of useless beauty products, and worst of all, from the need to self-medicate to mask the pain of constant failure.

Change the Story You Tell Yourself

One of the best exercises I ever learned was to look myself in the mirror every morning before I brushed my hair or teeth, or otherwise made myself presentable, and say an uplifting mantra. Mine is:

I’m beautiful, sexy, sassy, and delicious!

Sure, it’s corny, and I felt foolish the first few times I said it, but the silliness makes me smile, and who doesn’t look beautiful when they smile? After awhile, I started noticing positive aspects of my appearance rather than the ones I thought needed improvement. Pretty soon, I saw lots of things I loved, and became oblivious to the ones I didn’t. It’s not because the flaws had disappeared, but they no longer ran my life.

When I do see myself wanting, it’s rarely, if ever because of my physical appearance. Instead, it has more to do with the way I present myself. I know those are things I could change, but if I consider doing so, I weigh the cost of behaving in an unauthentic manner vs. achieving whatever attention it is I think I want. Most of the time, authentic wins over short-term satisfaction because I know whatever I achieve will be short-lived unless I commit to continuing the performance indefinitely. (Think Katherine Hegl in “The Ugly Truth”)

Love Your Perfectly Imperfect Self

Photo-Per Se via Flikr

Realizing I’m not everyone’s cup of tea was probably the most freeing revelation I ever had. It was further magnified when I saw how true I could be to myself by accepting I was never meant to appeal to everyone. The years I tried were fraught with failure, frustration, and self-loathing. In retrospect, it’s not a life I recommend to anyone.

Let me reiterate. You deserve to love yourself for who you are, not some idealized, impossible version of perfection. You were not meant to be a carbon copy of anyone. You are perfect the way you are. If the people around you don’t believe it, you need to find other people, not change yourself to please them.

Allow Gratitude for Individuality and Uniqueness

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful I learned to stop trying to live by anyone’s standards but my own.
2. I’m grateful I raised the standards for my friendships and found an outpouring of love, compassion, and acceptance.
3. I’m grateful for choices, including the one to ignore what “they” think others should look, act, or live like.
4. I’m grateful for inspiration which flows freely from my fingers when I let passion lead the way.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, self-worth, joy, compassion, acceptance, honesty, vulnerability, peace, health, harmony, balance, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author