As Perfect As Our Dream Selves
Like many women, I spend a lot of time focusing on my weight. Whether I do it overtly or not, I am telling myself I’m not good enough at my current weight and that I need to lose some of my excess baggage. The trouble is, as long as I keep telling myself I’m overweight, I’ll continue doing things to maintain the status quo, hard as I try to alter my behavior.
I realized something recently which rather confounds me. In my dreams, I’m always at my ideal size and weight! What this means is, deep down inside my subconscious, I am perfect just the way I am. I’m not critical of my weight or my complexion or any of the million and three things we find to dislike about ourselves or at the very least, want to improve upon.
It made me realize we have many conflicts within ourselves. The obvious one is mind vs. heart. And maybe this is simply one aspect of that conflict. Our mind sees fault and our heart—well, it sees, if not perfection, lack of imperfection. Our heart loves us unconditionally and our mind nitpicks us to death. While our heart thrives on adventure and change, our mind wants to keep things the same at all costs.
Live a Peaceful Life. Stop the Internal Strife.
Do you see where I’m going with this? We seem to spend our lives fighting with ourselves, and it has to stop! If we can’t find a way to make our own facets get along and find compromises, how are we going to successfully maneuver the 60-lane high-speed highway of humanity, all struggling to make their internal voices get along?
I’ll be the first to admit people annoy me, sometimes constantly, while others, it’s a dull rumble at the back of my mind. In pretty much every case, if I take a step back and disconnect from the situation, I’ll find what’s annoying me is something I fight within myself. The harder I’m fighting to control or change something I, myself am guilty of, the uglier my response when I see it in someone else. Think how much more pleasant I’d find other humans if I’d just stop hating all the things that make me unique. If I’d stop considering those qualities flaws.
Amplify the Heart’s Voice
I suspect the me I see in my dreams is my heart’s attempts to show me the part which really matters is anything I want her to be. She isn’t constrained by physical characteristics, false modesty, or vanity. She goes on adventures and sometimes things don’t turn out so well. But she gets up, deals with the consequences, and moves on, happy to be alive.
In my dreams, I never go shopping and find nothing fits right or looks good. I never overeat or otherwise abuse myself. That isn’t to say I haven’t been awful to other people, but those dreams invariably wake me, leaving me shaken and confused about what transpired in the depths of my subconscious.
Not all my dreams are memorable or self-involved. Often I’m someone else entirely, or even playing multiple parts. Sometimes, I don’t even remember what I dreamed or even that I did, but those nights are rare. My already overactive imagination runs rampant when I stop thinking about all the mundane crap we fill our lives with, and allow whatever lurks in my shadows to come out and play.
Coming out of the Shadows
Maybe that’s really the answer. If we let our shadow selves come out and play more of the time, we’d have less time to think critical thoughts about ourselves. We’d be less inclined to judge others by the faults we’ve manufactured and magnified about ourselves.
I was listening to a web broadcast talking about comparison, but I think what they said works as well for judgement too. Essentially, when you find yourself judging someone else, step back and recognize 5 things in them you find amazing. But don’t stop there. Look at yourself, and recognize 5 of your own amazing qualities. By doing this, you’ve cut off 2 damaging and pointless processes in your mind. You’ve stopped looking at someone else through your own pain and discontent, and you’ve cut that discontent off at the knees by seeing yourself in a kinder, more accepting light.
When a person is unhappy or discontented, the emotions color their outlook; darken how they look out upon the world. Take them low enough, and they fail to see even the most beautiful visions through their darkened viewpoint. A conversation with them about the virtues of almost anything is an exercise in frustration.
Asking for Help When the Gloom Overtakes Us
Yet we all go down that road at times. We see everything that can go wrong, and nothing that has already gone right. We are Eeyore’s who can see darkness on the sunniest of days. Sometimes we can pull ourselves out of it alone. We can make a conscious effort to see the beautiful flowers, smell the delectable scents, and hear the sweet sound of birdsong.
But sometimes we can’t, and find ourselves sliding further and further down into the abyss of misery and gloom. We might know on a conscious level that getting up and moving, or a change of scenery will help improve our outlook. But we’ve reached a point where we don’t think we are worth the effort. Hard to believe we personally could sink that low, especially on one of our good days. But we are all there at times.
Offering Help to a Friend in Need
You might look at someone who is always happy and smiling, always has a kind word for someone else. But I promise you, they have days when they struggle too. There are times when their body gives up for a while, forcing them to stop and deal with everything they’ve been holding back or covering up with their sunny disposition.
What’s my point in mentioning this here? It’s simple. If we’re conscious of our own drops in mood and do our best to counteract them, we’ll become more conscious and sensitive to the moods of the people around us.
I have a good friend who lights up the room whenever she walks in. She’s a spark of energy, much like Tinkerbell, flitting around the room, bringing everyone joy. But there are times I can feel her energy wane—when she’s expended so much energy keeping everyone else up, she’s worn herself out—used herself up. She won’t admit it unless someone asks her point-blank. Even then, she’ll try to sidestep the question.
Nevertheless, she, too has to step back and recharge from time to time, even if she waits until her body forces the issue with a sucker punch to the gut. I can see some of myself in her too. She doesn’t easily ask for help. Sure, she’ll ask for rides because she doesn’t see well at night, but I have yet to see her ask for help with something which affects her deeply. Granted, I may just not be one she feels comfortable reaching out to, but I do see her struggling with some pretty hairy stuff, though she may not realize I see it.
Clear Your Crud and Be A Friend
At any rate, returning to my point about consciousness and sensitivity, being aware and available to those who may not willingly reach out and ask for help is something we can only do if we stop allowing the negative voices to tear us down. When we stop listening, or tell them they’ve said their piece and can now go sit in the corner and think about their meanness for awhile, we’re ready to listen to what those around us aren’t saying, but are communicating silently. We can offer help even if it’s rejected 75 times because maybe the 76th will be our opportunity to help someone climb over a few of the boulders that have tumbled down and are blocking their way.
Our perfectly imperfect selves may be just what another person needs to refocus on what’s good and beautiful in their lives and send the sad, depressing, down-pulling side of themselves back into the dark corner it crawled out of. That side will always be within each of us. It’s our choice whether or not to allow it to affect our lives.
When All Else Fails, Try Gratitude
My gratitudes today are:
- I am grateful for friends who help me see my beauty, and realize the faults I see are my dark side trying to gain a foothold.
- I am grateful for opportunities to help others, but also for finally learning to accept their help when I need it.
- I am grateful for days when I feel unmotivated, only to have them turned around by a chance word, a bright spot amidst the darkness.
- I am grateful for sunshine and rain, darkness and light, days when everything goes right, and days when things seem to snowball downhill fast. It gives me perspective and the realization that nothing stays the same for long. The only constant is change.
- I am grateful for abundance; love, friendship, joy, discovery, inspiration, motivation, opportunities, green lights, energy and even sloth, health, peace, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.
Love and Light
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws , of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward