Challenges of Being Both Strong and Empathic

A World of Overloaded Empaths

At a time when everyone has a cause and an opinion, and is voicing them loudly, Empaths are being particularly challenged to stay true to their own path while offering compassion on a global scale. Though our hearts are tugged by the quantity and magnitude of atrocities being perpetuated by and against humankind, we know it isn’t so much it’s new, as the importance of each and every situation is being elevated to the level it belongs. Still, none of us can possibly support every atrocity; every cause with our full attention and energy.

There comes a point where, no matter how strong and capable you are, you have to exercise self care in the strictest sense, and see to your own needs and causes first. While the voices in your head and heart clamor for attention, you serve none by trying to serve all. Hard as it might be, you have to make some hard choices, not only to maintain your own sanity, but to be of value to the people and things you consider most important.

Many of my friends; all strong women, and Empaths, have reached a crisis of the conscience, just as I have. We all truly care about the people who are being mistreated, neglected, or worse, but only have so much of ourselves to give, and have had to make a conscious decision to focus our energy and attention. It may appear from the outside that we don’t care enough about what’s important to other people. The truth is, we care so much about it all that we know we serve them better by picking a direction and staying the course rather than scattering our energies to the winds.

Staying in Your Own Lane for Greater Effect

The beauty of it is, each of us has been called to help right a particular wrong or two. Strong, Empathic women exist in every corner of the world where they focus their attention and energy on the issues they feel most strongly about. By exercising passion as well as empathy, those energies are supercharged instead of scattered.

When we jump from one cause to the next, none of that energy every attaches enough to make a real difference before we jump to something else. In my opinion, we’re actually doing more harm than good by failing to choose our causes carefully, and remain true to them through every storm, and every missile that’s hurled our way in an effort to shake us loose.

Clinging to what we believe in strongly, and connecting with others who share our passion gives everyone more strength to continue to work to right the wrongs. We bring others together by exhibiting a unity and a consistent adherence to our beliefs. That isn’t to say we don’t listen to opposing viewpoints. It would be foolish to ignore them as it helps us understand why there are opposing viewpoints in the first place. You can’t understand how to get past a road block until you see what it’s made of and how to cause it to cease efforts that conflict with your own—or in some cases, recognize your own ideas and ideals need to be reworked.

Putting Understanding Before Action

Each block, whether mental or physical requires a different kind of effort to clear. You can’t shout down a wall of ice, nor will you be likely to break through one of stone with a flame-thrower. When faced with people who are easily roused to anger, or whose minds are closed from generations of conditioning, trying to force them to see things your way will meet with failure at best, and a vicious backlash at worse. The best you can hope for at that point is to gather your scattered forces, back away, and regroup.

Sure, you can rouse a lot of people who understand why you’re angry, but as it’s not their own true focus, they’ll only remain on board until someone else rouses their sympathies and ire. Once they jump ship, your forces will be in a shambles, and resurrecting your original momentum is impossible. The masses continue to attach themselves to the next big thing.

Remaining focused and working with those who feel as strongly as you do means the energy and attention may be smaller, but it’s consistent. One, giant push might not break through a rock wall, but a continuous, persistent effort can, especially since it doesn’t alert the builders of the wall to bring in reinforcements. Instead, you subtly wear away at the resistance while their attention is elsewhere, perceiving no threats to their values and beliefs.

Consider how you feel when someone viciously attacks your own, long-held beliefs. The first thing you do is go into resistance. If they keep pushing, you build your walls higher, and become even less responsive to the message they’re trying to impart. You shore up any cracks in your arguments, and flat out ignore anything that doesn’t jive with what you believe to be true, fact-based or not.

Every Issue is an Emotional One

Today, people on both sides of some pretty intense issues are using emotions to hold their line; rousing people into a frenzy over stories both true and false, flinging passion-charged bombs into just the right crowd to elicit the desired response, and ultimate level of resistance or aggression. The result is thousands of virtual pissing matches where there are lots of casualties, and no winners. In fact, in many cases, those being fought for are in worse shape than they were before attention was temporarily focused on their plight. I suspect there are more than a few who aren’t thinking the masses for putting them in the spotlight for a few moments.

It might seem like me and many others who’ve finally figured out the game are heartless and uncaring. We have to bear that burden, knowing full well that by focusing our energy and attention in fewer directions, we’re doing the most thoughtful and caring thing we can, not only for the things we support, but for all the others as well. We’re giving them the gifts of flying under the radar, and being able to wear away slowly rather than putting all their energy into an explosion that will meet with equal or greater resistance.

Such tactics will do nothing more than exhaust both sides, give the advantage back to the stronger one, and ultimately, maintain the status quo. What’s broken will remain broken, and will continue to rot from the inside out until something stronger comes along to steamroll over the remains, and once again, rewrite history to suit the winners.

Gratitude Strengthens Your Heart

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful I’m learning to conserve and focus my energies.
2. I’m grateful for friends who understand none of us is capable of successfully fighting for every cause, and much choose what’s important to us so we can each put our passion behind our beliefs.
3. I’m grateful for quiet days to clear my space, rest and regroup, or increase my efforts.
4. I’m grateful for healthy habits which are keeping me sane through times which push the limits of “normal” to the breaking point.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, caring, joy, friendship, compassion, focus, passion, incentives, understanding, peace, balance, health, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Recognizing and Respecting Cries for Understanding

People Ask for Understanding by Being Vulnerable

I have a couple of friends who frequently write about feeling low, in pain, or sick. Up to now, their posts made me feel uncomfortable, and often, I’d scroll past without reading them. It occurred to me today that not only am I being a hypocrite, but they’re being incredibly brave in posting their honest feelings in all their raw, un-sugar-coated glory.

Time and time again, I write about how it’s OK to not feel OK, that you need to express your feelings and reach out for help, how it’s everyone’s responsibility to look out for those who are struggling. Yet when faced with someone who does exactly that, I revert to old, unkind, self-involved habits. I’m both ashamed and unpleasantly surprised by my own actions. I’m clearly not walking my talk, nor am I staying out of judgement. But the first step in correcting a problem is to recognize there’s a problem.

By reverting to old, self-involved, isolationist patterns, I’m doing friends and family a disservice. But worse, I’m cheating myself of opportunities to reach out to others in kindness and compassion. Heaven knows, the world needs more compassion, and less selfishness right now.

Remembering and Honoring My Soul Purpose

While many are jumping from one cause to another like a game of hopscotch, I’m trying to stay true to a small selection. My own selectiveness is due in part to a desire to stay committed to what’s truly important to me, and for which I feel I can honestly make a difference. Even more, it’s a desire to stay out of all the game playing and smoke screens designed to divide us, and keep us in the dark as to all the real atrocities being committed while we have our backs turned, and our attention occupied with rants, protests, and passionate posts.

I’m not saying any of the causes that have been plastered across the ‘net are unworthy. But few have had what I’d call “staying power”. People are easily aroused by the latest cause instead of sticking with what they truly believe in until their attention and actions make a real difference. In forgetting my own purpose and cause, I was guilty of the same thing. Fortunately, there are some who continue to speak out in both actions and words, reminding me of my commitment to do the same.

Today it might mean reaching out to those friends who have been asking for help. Tomorrow, it might mean sharing my experiences on sites like Alliance of Hope, Tiny Buddha, ChangeDirection and many others who remain committed not only to uplifting those who need it, but offering real help from members and professionals connected with the sites. I’ve learned the experiences you’ve had, and what you’ve learned from your own healing process are of great value to others, but only when you’re strong enough; brave enough to not only share, but use what you’ve learned to encourage and support.

Taking Care of Your Own

They say “charity begins at home”. It’s something I forgot for a little while. There’s no way I’m going to reach everyone in the world, or even a small fraction. But I can make a difference in my own small corner of the world by recognizing when a friend or family member needs help and is asking for it in the only way they know how. By now, I should understand many from my generation learned to keep a lot in, and rarely, if ever ask for help.

Though  many are breaking free of old paradigms, initial forays into a different, and tremendously scary new environment are often subtle, or misconstrued as complaining instead of being recognized as an incredibly courageous act. I know how much it took for me to start opening up and admitting my life was anything but perfect. I suspect there were those who found what I wrote uncomfortable, and passed it by, or even hid my words from their sight.

When anyone opens up about past and present struggles, what they have to say isn’t going to be for everyone. In cases like mine, it might only be for a small fraction of the population, at least in the beginning. Specific events are, thankfully, not shared by everyone. Still, dealing with trauma in one of its many forms is pretty much universal. Just as no one gets out of here alive, no one escapes without scars, bruises, and even a few shattered bones and dreams.

Hard as it might be to believe, and harder still to read about at times, those experiences are meant to make you stronger, but they’re also meant to teach you compassion. I’d like to say everyone learns the lesson, but some seem to be here to teach you what compassion doesn’t look like, rather than what it does. Sadly, there are also those who seem to make complaining a way of life rather than an opportunity to ask for help, albeit clumsily.

Being Discerning in Offering Help

Part of my tendency to disconnect, in light of what seems like too much complaining has been my experience with people who get a twisted kind of pleasure out of complaining. They’re not looking for solutions, and if you were to offer any up, they’d find reasons to shoot them down. They are, in a nutshell, miserable for misery’s sake, and hold onto it like a security blanket.

In a way it’s like the twisted idea I had of love. For decades, I honestly believed love was expressed by cruelty, and a love absent of cruelty, and destruction of self-esteem wasn’t real love. For those who embrace their misery, it’s what they know. It’s familiar, and in some strange way, comforting. They expect life to be a certain way, and function best when it meets their low expectations.

With my own warped idea of love, I think I attracted those misery lovers into my life as well. Perhaps that’s why I recoil from what appears to be an excess of misery instead of looking beneath the surface first. It’s one of those knee-jerk reactions that still needs work.

Dig Deep to Find Your Compassion

Instead of recoiling, I have to focus on looking beneath the surface. I also need to give people credit for exposing themselves to negative reactions like the ones I’ve unkindly offered lately. Often, they’re offering their heart openly and honestly in hopes someone will recognize they’re asking for support under the guise of complaints. Negative results simply fulfill the expectations they’ve developed after years of rejection, and even abuse.

I realize now it’s a protective action in it’s own way. If you put yourself out there and people reject you, you’re getting what you expected, and a weird kind of validation for feeling miserable. It actually blows my theory about validation out the window in a way. Though I’d like to believe people shouldn’t require outside validation, the reality is, everyone does at some point.

Giving and Receiving Validation

Whether it’s acceptance within a community, or simply acknowledgement of your pain, it all serves to validate you as a valuable human being, imperfections and all. In fact, offering yourself up when things aren’t going swimmingly allows others within your community to give of themselves. It balances the scales of giving and receiving which, believe it or not, everyone needs.

Just as no one truly wants to do all the giving; the nurturing, the same is true for receiving. Sure, there are some who seem to take and take, but if you look behind the facade, there’s an incredibly unhappy person who has no idea they need to give back so their life is in balance. They don’t value what they’re receiving because, in essence, they’re getting everything they want—and nothing they need.

I’ve erred in one direction most of my life, but my pendulum has swung a little too far the other way. I needed this not-so-subtle reminder to re-adjust my sails and open my heart to those who are now asking for help in the only way they know how.

Blessings Both Visible and Hidden

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for lessons; especially the ones that smack me between the eyes.
2. I’m grateful for friends who are brave and genuine.
3. I’m grateful for music which often inspires me to write more openly, honestly, and rawly.
4. I’m grateful for ideas that have been flowing like a rain-swollen waterfall lately.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; friendship, love, sharing, caring, balance, opportunities, inspiration, motivation, energy, compassion, peace, health, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Positively Positive: Sharing Inspiration

Why I Promote Positivity

About 20 years ago, I began my personal journey out of the abyss. Like everything else in my life, it hasn’t been a straight path, nor an easy one. There was a lot of backsliding, especially in the early years as my brain fought to keep me in the safe, comfortable, familiar place it loved.

But my desire for happiness has prevailed and I’ve managed to flip the switch which gives me more happy days than sad ones, more positivity and gratitude, and less self-pity and blame. A good part of my success has been the manner in which I’m currently using Social Media.

First let me say that I have to have a really good reason to unfriend someone, and putting up negative or uninspiring posts isn’t one of them. (that’s why we have the option to unfollow friends. That way, we simply don’t have to see their posts on our news feed). I do, however, insist on predominantly uplifting or at least humorous posts on my social media pages.

Over time I’ve subscribed to a number of groups and followed people who regularly share evocative, uplifting, humorous, or inspiring material. Those I particularly enjoy are set up on my Buffer account where I share them on my pages to provide something thought-provoking, humorous, uplifting, or inspiring for the people who follow me.

Hate Begets Hate

While there has always been more than enough negativity and downright hatefulness out in cyberspace, the last year or so has seen a dramatic increase in hateful words and acts, anger directed outward, and a general ugliness permeating the whole of humanity. None of us are immune.

Even the best of us (and trust me, I’m no angel!) don’t completely refrain from venting our anger or frustration from time to time. Everyone has a cause they feel strongly about. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. Often, it’s not the message, but how it’s conveyed. I, myself am less than tactful when I’m frustrated. (just ask the rude group who kept assuming any table in the place was for their personal use last night!) I recognize and accept that. There are a number of people who regularly share things that make me smile or think, but have their pet causes. Like most of us, they might get a bit in your face about those causes. If it’s not something I share, I just scroll on by. I know a few posts down will be something I’ll really enjoy.

There is a point to this, I promise. I’m just a bit long-winded getting to it (unusual, I know. 🙂 ).

More Than One Way to Fight for a Cause

More than once, I’ve been called out for not supporting a cause publicly. But I believe there are plenty of people flinging angry words and righteous indignation. It’s not for me to add to that cacophony. Instead, it is for me to try to hold a sort of Switzerland where people can share their viewpoints in a loving way instead of trying to rip out the throats of those who disagree with them.

Do I have things I feel passionate about? Hell yes. But screaming about them from the roof tops isn’t going to change them, in my opinion. Finding ways to love ourselves and the people around us through the chaos and the maelstrom of hate is far more effective in the long run.

Think of it this way. Those who hate and stir it up in others are broken in their own way, but they feed on anger and hate. Those emotions make them stronger and help bury their own pain with things like power and recognition. Though it’s not a perfect substitute, they believe it is what they need.

Hate vs. Love

A few years ago, I attended an event where Marianne Williamson spoke. She said something which has stayed with me ever since. She said that people who act out in anger are doing so because they lack love in their lives. If you think about it, one of the surest ways to still someone’s anger is to wrap them in a warm, sincere hug.

I’ll take this one step further. When you enter a competition, you try to have the best tools and skills so you will prevail. If you went into a competition using only your opponent’s tools against them, you’d always lose. Why? Because they’ve honed those tools to be perfect for themselves and their personal strengths and skill sets. Soldiers have swords weighted for their own physical strength and build. Magicians have wands which complement their skills. If anyone else used their tools of the trade, they’d find the tools wanting when in reality, they’re simply mismatched to the user.

If you’re trying to overcome anger and hate, why would you throw more of the same at it? It’s no different than throwing gasoline on a wild fire. You give it more fuel and it will continue to grow.

I’m trying to do the unexpected in my own small way. I share positive quotes and inspiring stories. I post cute animal videos and tales of triumph over adversity. I’ve even been known to share things slightly political, but only if they’re humorous rather than hateful.

Keeping Dr. King’s Words Alive

I may not agree with a lot that’s going on today, but adding my voice to the already overwhelming complaints isn’t going to change any of it. What will is finding the silver lining or the lesson and sharing that instead. I might still get criticized for having my head in the sand or for not openly taking a stand against any of it. But I’m also not adding to the anger. I’m not fueling the fires of hatred which are burning as brightly as the fires in Montana, and are a million times more virulent. I can’t say it any better than the late Dr. Martin Luther King who said:

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

What he said then still holds true today. So enjoy the happy quotes I share. Laugh at the cute videos if you can. I want to be that beacon of light when everything seems dark. I believe in love when so many around me disagree. I know I’m imperfect and act unkindly at times, and each time I do, I have a nice self-flagellation session. Then I forgive myself and go back to posting positivity. It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it. And some, like Dr. King gave it all to bring the light of love into the sometimes overwhelming darkness.

Finding Gratitude in Every Little Thing

My gratitudes tonight are:

1. I am grateful for the continued inspiration I get to keep writing.
2. I am grateful for the lessons I learn every day.
3. I am grateful for my imperfections as they make me work harder to do better next time.
4. I am grateful for the improvements I’m making in my physical environment. As it is outside, so will it be inside. My inside is getting clearer with each coat of paint and piece of clutter I clear.
5. I am grateful for abundance; friendship, love, joy, sharing, compassion, lessons, challenges, problems and solutions, opportunities, dreams realized and dreams yet to manifest, health, harmony, peace, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

 

 

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, Virtual Assistant and advocate for cats. She believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. She is available for article writing and ghost writing to help your website and the business it supports grow and thrive. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information.