Yo Yo Appetite

Appetite Begone!

One of the biggest roadblocks to my visions of being a svelte seventy-year-old isn’t lack of exercise, or yo yo dieting. No, it’s my dang fool yo yo appetite! One day, my body tells me it’s starving, and I’m eating everything in sight while trying hard to stay out of the kitchen. The next I cook dinner at the usual time and my body says “ho hum. I’m bored with eating. Let’s do something else.” As a result, I’ll lose a few pounds on the bored days, only to find them on the binge ones.

I’ve tried keeping only healthy snacks in the house, but when I’m bingeing it means I eat more as I search for something I really want that isn’t there. When I’m in a bored with eating mood, those healthy snacks might go bad before I’m ready to eat them again. Most of the time, each cycle lasts several days…sometimes, even a week before the tide turns.

That isn’t to say I haven’t dropped 10-30 pounds on a few occasions, nor that I haven’t managed to keep most of it off. But dropping the other 40 or so is an entirely different matter. Meanwhile, with my trainer’s help, I’m building more muscle, and I suspect that’s keeping me from blowing up like a balloon when I’m in binge mode. But it’s not enough to give me a healthy head start when food doesn’t appeal to me.

Controlling the Eating

The control freak in me is not amused by a stubbornly Rubenesque body that refuses to succumb to my control. It makes it extremely difficult to stick to a plan when my body simply isn’t minding. It’s as if my body is a todd whose eating is driven entirely by whims which change like the temperature in Southern California. There’s a reason I’ve been calling it bi-polar weather.

At least I haven’t been driven to wanting only mac and cheese and chicken nuggets. Thankfully, the idea of chicken nuggets makes me gag, even on my worst eating days, and I keep portion-controlled servings of mac and cheese in my freezer for emergencies. I’ve even incorporated air-fried chicken kabobs into my weekly routine lately. Von’s butchers kindly makes them up daily, and will happily sell me as many as I want. Normally, one kabob with a vegetable and maybe my latest obsession, baby rainbow potatoes is a perfect dinner. Tonight, as I entered another appetiteless period, I could barely eat half of one with a little potato salad.

Every time my appetite wanes, I beg the Universe, and any gods who might be listening to please help me keep it at the current, low level. Up to now, nobody seems to be listening. After a few days, I’ll be like a bear coming out of hibernation once again, cussing all the way to the refrigerator.

Moving isn’t Just for Exercise

One thing that seems to help is keeping busy. Adding dance nights is certainly one way to do it, but  the current heat wave is making hard to fit in my daily walk at an hour when I won’t be subjected to potential heat exhaustion. Dancing may be great exercise, but I’ve come to need those daily walks too!

OK, so I know one solution is to pull out the ballet bar, and queue up one of the Broche Ballet videos in the evening when I’m most prone to graze. Another is to work on some of the line dances I’ve been wanting to learn with the help of YouTube videos. But when certain needy felines eye the sofa beseechingly, it’s hard to ignore their pleas to give them my lap to sprawl on, even when nothing on any of my streaming services holds my attention for more than 10 minutes.

If I’m really desperate, I could even clean house. Heaven knows there’s always something other than my kitchen which could use some soap and elbow grease around here! But once again, it isn’t a lack of exercise, but an excess of food that’s bringing me down (or in the case of the numbers on the scale, up). As always, recognizing the problem is the first step in solving it, so I’m hereby accepting I’m the problem.

Occupying My Lonely Mouth

The Japanese even have a word for my binge eating periods: Kuchisabishii, which literally means “lonely mouth”. In recognition of my lonely mouth problem, I bought some Werther’s Originals but I limit myself to no more than 4 a day. I’m finding I don’t even want the 4 as the days go by, but that might just be the unhungry cycle kicking in. And don’t tell me to drink more water. If I drank any more than I already do, I’d spend all day in the bathroom instead of just every hour or two. As it is, I can’t even do our 3-mile walk without a potty break halfway around!

I’ll continue to wrestle with this weighty problem until I figure out a solution, or some way to stretch out the times I don’t feel hungry until I’ve released the 40 or so pounds which have adhered themselves to my small-boned frame. Trust me. I’m not obsessing over this because someone told me I needed to shed the pounds. I’m doing it as part of my journey towards a healthier me. I’m getting there, slowly but surely in other areas. This really is my last hurdle to cross.

Grateful for All the Progress Up to Now

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the healthy habits I have been able to achieve.
2. I’m grateful for the weight I have been able to release and keep off.
3. I’m grateful for the times I’m simply not hungry, and hope to stretch those out indefinitely.
4. I’m grateful for my trainer who encourages me, extra opportunities to dance, and my walking buddy who gets me out nearly every day.
5. I’m grateful for finding my way to solutions via my writing.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

A Never Ending Science Experiment Called “Life”

Sometimes, It’s About the Lesson

Each and every one of us is on a journey. Contrary to the typical description of a journey, this one isn’t filled with road trips, rest stops, scenic views, amusement parks, camp grounds, and fast food. Instead, this journey is one of self-discovery; one of endless science experiments where trial and error are the keys to moving past the current location, and embarking on a new journey to a fresh destination.

To put it another way, we’re continually faced with lessons to be learned. Perhaps they show up as a logic problem one time, a lesson in chemistry the next. We have to use what we’ve learned before to set up the next experiment before we can start working on the newest set of unknowns. Another time, those unknowns might show up as missing pieces of a 2000 piece jigsaw puzzle, or a Rubik’s cube with some of the stickers removed. Regardless, it’s up to us to figure out how to rearrange the pieces, or concoct the missing compound to complete the puzzle…so we can start working on the next one life throws us.

Sometimes, we get frustrated, and want to throw in the towel…sometimes we actually do. Maybe that was actually the right answer a time or two because we needed to go back and learn something else before we could complete the puzzle and move forward. Maybe we just needed to step away until we were able to look at things from a different perspective…when our frustration at missing that key piece of information is no longer clouding our ability to see.

There are even times when we give up on a particular puzzle and the lesson it carries entirely and go in a different direction. Maybe that was the purpose of the puzzle all along… to show us it’s time to recognize a particular road is a dead end, but there are many others we could take instead once we stopped trying to solve something we weren’t actually meant to solve. The lesson at those times might just be learning to let go.

Let It Go

The more stubborn among us might struggle with letting go, and need to experience a lengthier bout of frustration before admitting the path we’re on is no longer worth the price we’re paying. Despite knowing that stubbornness and tenacity have gotten us through numerous, seemingly solutionless puzzles, there comes a point, and maybe several, when the puzzle really is unsolvable, and it is so for a reason.

Still, it may take failing an excessive number of times; finding no matter how much you tweak things, you never get any closer to the end of the maze because this particular puzzle was meant as a change of direction. By it’s very design, it shines a spotlight on the end of a particular path so you can get on with the life you’re meant to have rather than staying stuck in a lesser one you’ve convinced yourself you deserve.

Far too many of us believe we don’t deserve to reach for the moon, so we settle somewhere that doesn’t fill our joy meter, repeating the same experiments over and over without getting any closer to the solution, yet failing to realize it’s time to broaden our horizons and make some changes which will allow us to, once again, succeed. Sometimes, the solution is to leave the small, safe island we’ve parked our butts on. Maybe we need to build a raft and paddle off into the unknown waters, only to find they were no more than a moat in the first place.

The Less Obvious Solution

Maybe the solution is as simple as getting your feet wet and wading out a few feet where you’ll find the beginning of a brand, new road, and discover the island was a self-imposed illusion you used to maintain a fragile facade of safety. But one, good tidal wave would wash the island away. In my experience, the Universe (or whatever you want to call it) hates stagnation. At some point, if you don’t give up on the puzzle you can’t solve, and move on to something else, your hand will be forced, and the transition will be far bumpier than if you’d taken the leap on your own. I came up with the terms Universal head slaps, or drop kicks with good (and painful) reason.

Any good scientist knows there comes a time when you have to gather up the detritus from your latest round of experiments, toss it in the dumpster, and try a completely different approach. Continuing to add things to the already fetid mess will only compound the problem. There are simply times where you have to conclude “I can’t get there from here”. While you keep focusing on what’s not working, you’re missing endless possibilities; new opportunities well within your skill set which will yield results and take you to as yet unimaginable heights.

After all the successes you’ve had, there’s no shame in admitting there’s a puzzle you can’t solve. But there is shame and regret in refusing to allow yourself to admit the path you’ve taken simply isn’t meant to be so you can put your time and energy into one that is waiting to take you beyond your wildest dreams.

Never give up on the trial and error you experience on the road to untangling your life path. Just understand there will be times when the puzzle you’re working on is intentionally impossible. Those arrive when you’ve squeezed the last drop out of the tube of toothpaste. It’s time to toss it and open a new one, or in this case, a new horizon.

Grateful for Life’s Science Experiments

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for my stubbornness, but also for learning there’s a time and a place to stop being stubborn and let go.
2. I’m grateful for all the science experiments I’ve solved up to now, and for the many which still await me.
3. I’m grateful for learning to find the joy in the journey; in the puzzles, rather than expecting to find it only when I reach my destination.
4. I’m grateful for writing lulls which allow me to collect my thoughts before embarking on the next writing journey.
5. I’m grateful for a house full of cats who distract me when I start becoming too hard on myself.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

What’s in a Dream?

Messages in Dreams

I had a dream the other night I can’t get out of my head. In the past, a dream well-remembered contained a message, though all too often, the message was something vague I was being tasked to figure out. This one follows the pattern, much to my frustration.

In the dream, everyone is involved in a quest of some kind. Each level has a color (1 is silver) and involves several puzzles the team must solve. As the quest had just begun, everyone involved was on Level 1 at one step or another, and had brought whatever knowledge and skills they had to the game. The end game wasn’t clear. All I really remember is that everyone played and each of us was on a team.

I seemed to be the most skilled person on my team, and though I don’t recall actually leading the team, I seemed to figure things out most often. We reached a point where I was suddenly pulled off the team, and handed several pieces of fabric in different shapes, all in a rust color. Somehow, we all knew Level 2 was blue, and Level 3 was rust, so I wasn’t sure why I was being given colors for Level 3 instead of, at best, Level 2.

A Solo Quest?

As the dream went on, I was suddenly walking along a road past all the Level 2 tasks, and I was walking completely alone. I somehow knew without being told someone or something wanted me to skip Level 2 entirely, and that I  had come into the game with all the skills that were supposed to be acquired in that level. Whoever it was also wanted me to be far enough ahead that none of the other people would be able to catch up with me.

Beyond that, nothing is really clear, and I have nothing going on in my life (that I’m aware of, anyway) which correlates to any kind of quest, competition, or leadership role. The fact that certain specifics from the dream remain clear in my head days later, when I didn’t write any of it down is the tricky part. It means there is something I’m supposed to figure out, and act upon. What that might be is anyone’s guess at this point.

As I’ve done so often in the past when faced with this situation, I’ve asked for clarification when I meditate, and tried to suss out more details while writing my Daily Pages…thus far, to no avail. I decided it can’t hurt to take it to a blog post where I often talk myself around to solutions, or can tap into the combined wisdom of my readers who might recognize the symbolism.

Looking for Clues

I do remember one of the pieces of fabric I was given was circular, and at some point, the miscellaneous pieces became some kind of clothing which identified me as having progressed to Level 3. The silence at this level was heavy inasmuch as I was the only person there, and for miles between me and the people still making their way through Level 1. The landscape wasn’t barren though. There were trees, and a unique terrain. There just weren’t any people, animals, or even insects.

Over the last few days, I did feel twinges of recognition where there was something in my life the dream was asking me to act upon, but even those twinges have faded back into the recesses of my subconscious, leaving only confusion in their wake.

Frankly, there isn’t a whole lot going on in my life at the moment. For the most part, I’m focusing on my physical health, and have seen a marked improvement in the pinched nerve affecting my left arm and shoulder, despite the long wait for Physical Therapy. Movement and stretching seem to be my best friends at the moment. I’m stretching every morning, and finding more reasons to get up and move throughout the day, whether it’s housework, cat care, or an extra day of errands. I suspect the first 12 sessions the orthopedist gave me will be more than sufficient to work out the rest of the kinks, where it used to take several months.

Focus on Physical Movement

Although improved physical health isn’t helping me solve this dream-induced riddle, it’s certainly moving one problem out of the way, freeing my brain to work on the dream rather than pain abatement. Granted, the drastic reduction in work-related responsibilities I encountered a few months ago has given me more opportunities to step away from the computer. The addition of a foster cat also means getting up more often to not only see to her needs, food and environment-wise, but to give her attention as she remains isolated from the other cats.

At this point, I guess I’ll continue focusing on possible quests, improving skill sets, and some kind of solo mission as those are the main components of the dream lodged in my memory. In a way, they seem to be poking at a locked door in my memories, slowly chipping away at the blockages preventing the door from opening. In some ways, it’s like a door that’s been bricked over, then covered with plaster. Maybe there was even a large piece of furniture in front of it for awhile that’s since been moved out of the way.

At the moment, the plaster seems to have been removed, and I’m facing a wall of bricks. I’m slowly chipping away at the mortar, and somehow know care must be taken to clear the doorway. Otherwise, I might already have tried blasting the bricks out of the way, or removing them with an air hammer. Whatever is hidden behind the door is somewhat fragile, and must be handled like the most delicate piece of blown glass.

Patience Revisited…Again

Once again, patience seems to be the game plan, calling upon all those still-immature resources in my virtual tool box. The answers to the riddles won’t come by bulldozing my way through, or trying to force the answers to appear full-blown. My normal tendency to blow past the steps from problem to solution won’t work here. Instead, I’m being asked to continue honing my still-developing skill of patience, while bringing into play those more mature ones of stubbornness and perseverance.

While I’m thinking I hope I’m up to the task, and won’t fall back on old habits of giving up when things get too hard, I know previous tests of patience have strengthened that skill beyond what it was when I allowed frustration to prematurely end a quest. If nothing else, this is another lesson meant to improve on a skill which, if no longer in its infancy, is still barely beyond the toddler stage.

Grateful for More Lessons

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the harder, more challenging lessons.
2. I’m grateful for messages, even if it takes me awhile to decipher them.
3. I’m grateful for opportunities to improve on my patience.
4. I’m grateful for quests, even when their purpose isn’t immediately clear.
5. I’m grateful for increasing opportunities to move my body.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Frustration: My Uninvited Guest

Discomfort Abounds

I really hate when I’m feeling down, or lost, or lonely, or left out. I know it’s part of the normal cycle of things, but slogging through muck of my own making is not my idea of a good time. Yet that’s where I seem to have landed the last few days. I suppose growing tired of it is part of the process of yanking me back out by my bootstraps…a not-so-subtle reminder I’m still the captain of my own ship for the most part. Still, through all the cycles I travel, this one is my least favorite, even as it’s probably where I do the most healing.

My cats sense my distress, becoming clingier than usual, even to the point of waking me in the middle of the night to give and receive comfort. My body senses it, producing random aches and pains at both rational and irrational times. My sleep pattern changes, leaving me retiring early and sleeping in later than usual. I know it’s gotten bad when not only Artemis, but Ishtar and Pyewacket take turns sleeping on top of me while Lazarus joins in to demand attention every time I crack an eyelid. When I sit on the sofa, everyone crowds as closely as possible, and, unlike normal, stays put when I get up to go to the bathroom.

Causing my cats discomfort adds another layer to my already energy sucking misery. Maybe in its own way, that’s part of the process too. I can avoid exposing other people to my crankiness simply by keeping to myself. The cats don’t have that luxury, nor do they seem inclined to avoid me when I’m feeling sad in the first place. Realizing I’m causing my fur kids distress is a wake-up call in and of itself telling me to get my act together and stop upsetting everyone in the household with my seemingly pointless moping.

Neverending Challenges

Granted, the last year or so has had more than its share of challenging moments. People drift in and out of my life these days, but few remain for more than a cycle or two. But all have their purpose. Some were meant to help knock me out of my comfort zone before drifting off so I could see whether I’m able to maintain the shifts on my own. Others slip in for mere moments to remind me to be more discerning about who I trust.

I’m beginning to think I’m in a period when I’m meant to remain on the sidelines; jumping in to participate for a few minutes before returning to my seat in the corner to watch until there was an opening for me to join in again. I’m spending a lot of time in my personal bubble, the way I did before I began trying to fit in, and deluded myself into believing I had arrived, so to speak. Learning I was only included to a point, and as long as I gave more back then I could ever hope to receive threw me for more of a loop than I realized…until now.

Breaking Down to Re-build…What?

The last bits of that ship are pieces of driftwood, scattered far and wide now. Some have become part of the sea floor, while others have gone aground far from the shipwreck site, carried, by tide and time to places where sun, sea, and air will complete their demise. That ship hasn’t so much sailed, as disintegrated. Yet, is it so different from The Tarot in Tarot, which depicts a building crumbling to the ground in various scenarios depending on the deck? Is this simply a time when old ideas and structures are no longer useful, and must be destroyed before rebuilding on a stronger, more resilient base?

I suspect this all represents the old wounds and traumas I’m supposed to be healing through this cycle, but honestly, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be healing right now. I continue to drift as if in a heavy fog. Nothing is solid or clear. I wander in a dream-like state, never getting close enough to make out the details, and frankly, it’s frustrating as hell! Give me something I can sink my teeth into already! Let me recognize something in this soup I can actually masticate and digest. I’ve learned through painful experience the only way out of my current state is to have something to focus on; a piece of my past history to process, work through, and release. With all the 11:11s I’ve been seeing for the past few days, I know I’m getting closer, but close is only good in horseshoes and hand grenades. I want it now!

Normally, I can write my way around to a solution, but without a rudimentary understanding of the problem I’m supposed to be solving, I’m at a loss, and that irritates me more than anything! The control freak in me is having seven kinds of fits right now because she can’t get ahold of anything long enough to exert control. Frustration has become my uninvited guest right now, and it’s already stayed overlong. I’m ready to evict it along with all the baggage it brought in. If only I knew where to start.

Grateful Even When I’m Down

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for my increasingly clingy cats.
2. I’m grateful for my writing, even when it fails to bring me solutions.
3. I’m grateful for consistency, be it daily writing, regular chore days, or constant healing opportunities.
4. I’m grateful for knowing the current cycle is only temporary.
5. I’m grateful for continuing to get up and go about my daily business, no matter how pessimistic I’m feeling.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

3 Solutions for Erratic Memory

Give Your Memory a Boost

The human brain may seem to have an unlimited capacity for remembering, but after a lifetime of lessons, experiences, memories, and an abundance of useless factoids, your retrieval system is stretched to its limits…and then some. With the added challenges of age and ADD, I found myself frustrated more often than not every time I lost a bit I desperately needed to remember.

At wit’s end, I finally came up with a solution—or to be accurate, three solutions.

• Solution 1: Write it down
• Solution 2: Create a routine
• Solution 3: Do it as soon as you think of it

I know these sound simplistic, but let me give you details, and a few examples.

Solution 1: Write It Down

As a writer, I have a billion ideas for stories, characters, blog posts, and groceries flying through my head at any given time. After losing things time after time, and growing more and more frustrated by what I mistakenly assumed was lack of memory, I realized I needed to use someone, or something else’s memory to augment, not my memory itself, but my retrieval system.

When my existing, manual system broke down I knew I had to find a more lasting, semi-permanent solution. Jotting things down on random bits of paper or sticky notes is all well and fine until you:

1. Lose the bit of paper, or
2. Can’t decipher your own handwriting

Luckily for me, our digital age provided other solutions. If I’m mobile, be it out and about, or wandering my house and yard, like so many of you, I’m rarely without my phone. I’ll use my almost-ever-present phone’s Notes app, or shopping list function to jot down a reminder of some sort which can range from a few words to an entire blog post.

If I’m near, or in my virtual office, I’ll commit it to memory either in a Word document, or the beginning of a new blog post, if it’s a blog post idea I’m trying to remember. If the idea comes while I’m writing my Morning Pages, I’ll highlight the passage, then mark it with a sticky note flag with a few words explaining the idea, or a suggested title for the post.

When ideas are coming hot and heavy, I either add them to my growing list of blog ideas in the Word document I created for that purpose, or again, jot it down in a Note on my phone. Though there are still times I lose ideas or tasks because I assure myself a few mental repetitions of the idea will be enough to stick it into an easily retrievable portion of my brain, using one of these methods has ensured I retain more than I lose.

Solution 2: Create a Routine

For years, I was inconsistent about taking all my supplements every day, scooping sandboxes, and washing and moisturizing my face. Starting to do daily Facebook Lives was a perfect opportunity to turn them all into a regular routine because it meant I got up from the computer after breakfast to make myself presentable for the live video.

Since I was in the bathroom already, I could pick up wastebasket and scoop, and get the sandboxes scooped before brushing my teeth. Since I already had a full cup of water in my hand, it was a short hop to going through all of my bottles and taking those pesky supplements. My ADD brain was happy because I always take my supplements in the same order so as not to forget everything.

As the same was true for making coffee, cleaning the kitchen, and getting things ready for the next morning’s breakfast, those became a routine as well. Soon, all regular tasks became an opportunity to start a new routine.

Laundry and the limited supply of gym clothes I wear unless I’m going out mean I do laundry after I finish dancing and chatting around 9:30 every Thursday so the clothes I hang to dry are ready for drawers and clothes racks by the next day.

One of the things I’m most likely to put off is cleaning floors. Though my current system is imperfect, thrice weekly ballet classes have led to Swiffering the living room and hallway at least 3 times a week, thereby keeping the house felines’ game of tracking-the-sand to a livable minimum when combined with regular sweeping while I’m scooping.

Each time I find a task I’m slacking off on, or forgetting entirely, I now look for a place in my regular routine where I can slip it in without unduly stressing myself out, or adding too much to the list. Where there isn’t a good fit, I see an opportunity to add another routine to my schedule. Oddly enough, I’ve learned it doesn’t tie up my day, or take away from my newly created, regular writing routine much, if at all.

Do It As Soon As You Think of It

I’m notorious for letting supplements run out, using the last of a condiment in the kitchen, or letting the toilet paper in the bathroom enter the critical stage. As the cats have yet to be trained to retrieve something I’ve forgotten, I’ve had to develop a method for ensuring I never run out.

Since most thoughts are gone from my brain in a nanosecond or less, I came up with a workable solution. When I use the last of something, I immediately (or as soon as possible) go to the cupboard or garage for a replacement. It doesn’t matter if it’s a jar of cinnamon, a roll of paper towels, or a bottle of potassium. As soon as the vessel is empty, I make a move to replace it—well before my erratic memory relegates it to the slag heap where it sends anything it deems unimportant—which means almost everything.

Even so, there are times I’ll get to the cupboard or garage and forget why I went there in the first place. Often, going back to the scene of the crime can jostle the memory loose. What that means is I go back to the room I was in when I thought about retrieving a replacement. Invariably, I’ll either see or feel something that reminds me of the mission I so quickly forgot.

Imperfect at Best, But Better Than Nothing

None of these solutions, either collectively or separately means remembering everything, but nowadays, I rarely forget to take all my supplements, make coffee, or replace the toilet paper, so I consider the exercise a success. Most of all, I get to continue to evolve and grow as circumstances, needs, and goals change.

None of my routines are exactly engraved in stone, though a few have become non-negotiable. (If I don’t get my coffee as soon as I head, fully dressed, bed made, contacts in, and morning pages writ to the kitchen, I’ll start the day on the wrong foot, and nothing good comes of THAT!)

As long as I remember enough of my blog ideas to fill my queue, enough of the story ideas to use when I’m ready, epiphanies for edits to one of my WIPs, and the things I do to keep myself healthy, I consider my multi-faceted, memory-retrieval system a smashing success.

Feel free to use one or all of my methods, or come up with some that work for you. And please share any new ones you discover. I guarantee I’m not the only one who would benefit from your suggestions.

Grateful for Improvements

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for lessons I’ve learned that help me improve my life on so many levels.
2. I’m grateful for routines that ensure I get things done regularly.
3. I’m grateful for tools that augment a memory retrieval system that bogs down regularly.
4. I’m grateful for another day to improve my life and world.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, lessons, tools, joy, challenges, successes, failures, opportunities, friendship, peace, health, harmony, balance, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author

Step Up and Speak Your Truth

Be Part of Upholding Truth, Or Step Aside

Violence against cruelty and violence doesn’t work. Neither does passive resistance. The truth is, success lies in surprising your opponent whether it’s a football game, or a fight for justice and equality. It also depends on unity. Neither game can be won alone, and in fact, trying will only result in disaster for the one who attempts to take everyone and everything on without support.

No one possesses all the skills and abilities needed for prolonged resistance; for a slow but steady push forward. All skills, personalities, talents, and proclivities need to work together to create a synergy which makes the whole exponentially stronger than the sum of its parts. No contribution is too small; too inconsequential to make a difference. Every single one of us is strong in their own way. I believe Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez offers the encouragement and motivation we need in her YouTube video following the death of Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

Everyone has something to give. — AOC 9-19-2020

With the help of what the media deems important news these days, it would be easy to either lash out in anger, or fall into the depths of despair. Many are. But what does either do except feed the beast; fuel the engine of hate and cruelty which, throughout history has been the war horse of oppressors, and in the end, brings about their own downfall. But not without resistance; slow, steady, quiet, unobtrusive resistance.

Humans Have Always Resisted Oppression

Think about the underground railroads of the Civil War, WWII, and likely elsewhere as well. They weren’t about jumping out from behind a rock or tree, and bashing those in power down with the butt of a rifle. Instead, they carried information; they moved innocents out of harm’s way; they chipped away at the foundation of oppression, allowing it to self-destruct to the point where it could be taken down more easily. Why? Because it was a tactic those in power neither understood, nor expected.

Those who use intimidation, hate, and divisiveness to gather strength and power don’t understand how or why anyone would work together when there’s no clear benefit for the individual. They know little of teamwork, or shared goals, or self-sacrifice. So they don’t know how to recognize it, much less counteract its effects.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Humanity is one, gigantic, connected organism. What happens to one, happens to us all. I think that’s why so many Empaths are feeling disoriented, nauseous, headache-y and off-balance these days. Conflicting emotions on a global scale are tossing us around like flotsam in a hurricane. There are days it’s all we can do to stabilize ourselves, and get our own swirling emotions under control.

Using the Gifts You’re Given to be Part of the Solution

I’ve taken that one on as one of my own purposes. I learned the hard way how to filter what I feel. It’s an imperfect science, but has given me a bit of respite in this chaos of energy and emotion. I’ve offered to help other Empaths and HSP’s learn to protect themselves whenever I can. Some accept, while others choose to figure it out themselves. I understand it’s a lesson they need to learn without outside interference.

I’ve also learned my place in this ongoing effort is my words, but more, it’s in showing up every day to use those words. (I choose not to use words that imply fighting too much as that, to me reeks of fueling the beast with negative energy.) Whether it’s inspiration, motivation, or the balm of compassion, words are the tools, and the gift I was given.

I figured out rather late in life I’m not good in crowds. The energy overwhelms me, even when it’s mostly positive (which is rare in a large group of people). My own filters and shields are only good to a certain point, after which I begin to feel exhausted and drained. However, more and more, I’m getting visions of standing before and above a crowd, using my gift to uplift and inspire; to help others recognize their own gifts, and place in this whole, crazy jumble.

Maybe I’ll see that vision enacted physically, where I’ll feel the energy of the people to whom I speak. Perhaps it’ll continue to be virtually where time, technology, and distance help me filter the energy when my own resources falter. Like all goals and dreams, I’m not making hard and fast plans aside from showing up, writing often, speaking out, and honoring my truth.

Inspire and Uplift

I’ve also learned it’s a waste of time, effort, and breath to try to educate those who are passionate in their beliefs. In fact, it isn’t my job or my calling to change anyone’s mind. Instead, it’s to inspire those who are ready to take their place as part of the community of humanity; uplift and strengthen the ones who either falter, or think their gift is too small, or that they, themselves are unworthy.

I am inspired by the work, the words, the actions of so many who’ve come before me. At times, I feel unworthy myself; unable to rise to the levels they did. It’s those times when I take a few steps back, recharge my batteries, and remember my job never was, and never will be to initiate change alone. I was meant to be a cog in the wheel, not the whole wheel. Maybe I’m only a tiny screw in the smallest cog, but without me, the wheel would be less stable.

Those personal moments; those epiphanies are what put the words in my head , the compassion in my heart, and the motivation to share them with others who might be feeling small, insignificant, unworthy, or frustrated. I may not have to reach of Brene Brown, Marianne Williamson, or Lisa Nichols right now. Neither did they in the beginning. What they had was the courage to speak their truth, and continue speaking it until one person, then another listened.

Speak Your Truth, Even if No One is Listening

I’m learning to be less concerned about whether anyone is listening to me, and more concerned about making my ripples. Eventually, they’ll join with other ripples, and together we’ll make waves. It doesn’t matter if none of us ever rise up to stand out in those waves, but that we took part in forming them. Many of us are happy to be an anonymous part of the whole anyway. I know I’m not comfortable with notoriety right now, though maybe that’ll come in time. Many share that with me too.

What I do know is I believe wholeheartedly in what Jane Elliott teaches:

There is only one race. The Human Race.

We’re all in this together. In my opinion, it’s about time we all took our rightful place and acted like we belong here instead of merely taking up space and treading water until our time is done.

Grateful for Both Gifts and Purpose

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the many strong, inspiring women who have and are showing the rest of us what we’re truly capable of.
2. I’m grateful for the gifts I’ve been given. I may never be the leader of the pack, but my part in this story is important nonetheless.
3. I’m grateful for those who step up, sacrifice, and shout from the rooftops so those of us who are more circumspect can do what we can without too much fanfare.
4. I’m grateful for a heart filled with love and compassion that works overtime to push out anger and hate.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love strength, compassion, inspiration, motivation, dedication, community, support, joy, health, peace, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Healing Our Anger: Hurting Others Isn’t the Solution

An Uncomfortable Walk Down Memory Lane

I happened to be in the neighborhood, so I took a walk past the house I lived in from the time I was 12 until I was 18, and left to spend most of the year in the college dorms (I actually moved into an apartment when I was 20, but I didn’t consider the house my home after leaving for college, even though most of my stuff was there for a couple more years).

I stood in front of the house, noting how big all the landscaping had gotten. Yucca (one of my mom’s favorites), now towering over the 6-foot walls, and the small patch of grass still ruthlessly manicured around the planter. Through the huge iron gate one of the later owners installed across the archway in the front wall, I allowed memories to flow while noticing changes. The most obvious was a second story added over the master bedroom. The original floor plan had a kind of half second story with a balcony overlooking the family room. In our version, it had 3 bedrooms and a bathroom with on oddly slanted roof which wasn’t good for much, but was a good place for our cats’ sandbox.

Walls and Gates: A Sign of Our Tumultuous Times

That gate made it clear it was no longer my parents’ house, but it also made me sad. The need for such a structure is truly a sign of the times. Friends who live near there report an increasing rash of robberies. People are coming from outside the area to burglarize the homes of people they assume are wealthy.

In truth, some people live in homes that were purchased for 30 or 40 thousand in the late 60’s and early 70’s, but are now valued (at least according to Zillow) from the 900 thousands to over a million. Small wonder those living in apartments and worse consider the residents rich and worth driving for miles to steal from.

It made me sad to realize how many people have become so angry they’re willing to drive for miles and risk arrest to take what they believe they’re entitled to, but can’t see ever having the means to acquire. And it’s not just theft. It’s the words spoken, injuries inflicted, and even murders. For what? The American Dream which has been folded, spindled, and mutilated until only the rare few get to experience it?

What’s Happened to the American Dream?

Or is it simply that we’ve lost sight of what the American Dream really is? It’s not stuff. It’s not where you live. It’s the freedoms we still have and the choices some of us still see we have, while far too many others don’t.

Maybe I’m naive, but I think when people believe they have no way to improve their lives no matter how hard they try, they’re going to get discouraged. When they see their children going without, or even getting shot at in the streets outside their homes, they get angry.

That anger infests their lives, and combines with desperation to create a “nothing-to-lose” attitude. They take risks because they see no other way out of the hell-hole they live in.

Fueled by Anger, Frustration, and Discouragement

Things I took for granted; a nice home, regular meals, new clothes, books, a car to use when I learned to drive; compared to those who are struggling from paycheck to paycheck just to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. I was and still am wealthy beyond anything they know. Kids watch their parents work long hours, never getting ahead. They see the defeat in their eyes. In their position, I suspect I’d get angry too, and feel like I had nothing to lose by taking what I want from those to whom it seems to come easily.

People are acting out their own pain with every act they perform. When it affects someone else personally, their own pain is triggered. It might not be poverty and defeat, but it is their own pain, and can be set off by just about anything because it starts in our minds.

When you add all the hate being spewed on the nightly news, social media, and even social circles, the stew of humanity grows more and more toxic.

When Did We Stop Trying to Get Along?

I talked to an acquaintance this weekend who sought to avoid a mutual acquaintance because of the political views she aired on Facebook. (they ultimately had a very civil conversation, by the way). Is this what we’ve come down to? Hating each other for the views we share?

I got called out recently because I said I was unfollowing people already who were posting political bashes. Someone accused me of dumping friends for small slights. I tried to explain I simply chose to stop seeing their posts on my news feed, but had no intention of removing them from my friends list. My words fell on deaf ears. The man chose to read what he wanted to see. He wanted to be angry with me no matter what. I’m not sure why I tried to reason with him, knowing he’d stopped listening after letting his feelings be known.

Putting Up Walls to Keep Us Safe

In the 1960’s I walked 2 miles across the San Fernando Valley to school alone every morning. It never even occurred to my mom I could be in danger—back then I wasn’t. No one ever approached me on the long walk down city streets. I felt perfectly safe, and actually enjoyed the time alone to think my thoughts and dream my dreams.

In the last 30 years or more, no parent in their right mind would allow their child to walk that far alone. We know it’s not safe; that too many outcasts, weirdos, and just plain angry people prey on other peoples’ children.

The ugly wrought iron gate on my parents’ old house is a sign of the times. People who “have” put up walls, barriers, and fences to keep out those who “have not”, but are willing to risk prison to have some of it. We’re too busy being angry about this cause or that to try to understand why others are angry too.

We’re too angry and misguided by the constant barrage of propaganda to care enough to sit down with each other and try to understand—more, to try to get to the truth buried in the bullshit.

Finding Reasons to Be Grateful In Spite of it All

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for reminders to be more open-minded and compassionate.
2. I’m grateful for the ability to see how much I have instead of how much I don’t.
3. I’m grateful for a house with no big, ugly gate.
4. I’m grateful for the walls I’ve taken down over the last decade or so.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, compassion, fact-checking, opportunities, inspiration, friendship, connection, dancing, joy, peace, health, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

Need Help Pursuing Your Own Dream?

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About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws , of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Turning the Tide: Confirmation Needn’t Divide Us Further

Could Kavanaugh’s Confirmation Be the WASP’s Death Rattle?

In the aftermath of the Kavanaugh confirmation I was all set to write a research piece about the major contributors to the campaigns of his staunchest supporters. My plan was to encourage those displeased with the confirmation to boycott businesses owned by those supporters. But after stepping back from my emotional response it occurs to me I needn’t bother. What’s actually happening is the WASP male stranglehold we’ve seen for generations is seeing the writing on the walls. Like the dinosaurs before them, they’re facing extinction, and like any cornered animal they’re fighting hard and playing dirty.

Their most effective weapon so far has been to keep us fighting amongst ourselves. They make decisions which are clearly not in the best interests of the country, or engage in activities they know will incite emotional responses on both sides of the table. They rub their hands together in glee the more we raise our voices and stomp our feet impotently over their carefully constructed hot buttons.

In the end, though, those who don’t wake up and see past the haze of cigar smoke will simply fall into the tar pits of oblivion along with the men and their consorts who are so desperately afraid of losing the lofty places of power which are crumbling beneath their feet. As they built them atop the bodies and souls of people they steamrolled over or baffled with their bullshit, they have no infrastructure with which to maintain the integrity of those ivory towers. Soon they, themselves will be the ground upon which we, the people rebuild on a firmer, more resilient foundation.

Using Unexpected Tactics

So my original concept; to point fingers at the major political contributors and influencers, encouraging people to do business elsewhere, while questionably admirable at its roots, would have been a fruitless effort to use their own tactics against them. At best, it might only have delayed the inevitable. At worst, it would have resulted in further retribution collected from those who deserve it least and who’d bear the brunt of the ensuing hardship. Even if we could make a difference to the financial status of the giants, they’d simply retaliate by cutting jobs and raising prices. Once again, the little guys would bear the brunt, not those who’s money trees we’d seek to shake.

Like the brontosaurus and Tyrannosaurus Rex, the good ol’ boy, WASP coalition isn’t long for this world. They fight an uphill battle in a world where they are becoming a smaller and smaller minority. Their smoke screens, fake news, and highlighting of emotionally charged issues are coming under scrutiny. Not by everyone, by any means. At least not yet.

There are still many who are quite content to believe whatever they’re fed by their “trusted” sources. Like the Pied Piper’s rats, they’ll follow their dying leaders right into the abyss without question or hesitation. But enough are questioning, discussing, and dropping the emotional knee-jerking to heal wounds and bridge gaps.

We Must Come Together to Thwart The Misuse of Power

They’re counting on us to stay divided. We need to show them, instead, a growing community which is united and determined to avoid the pitfalls we’ve been succumbing to until now. We are learning to step back from arguments over emotionally charged issues; to open our hearts and minds to people with dissenting opinions and beliefs. In so doing, we’re finding more common ground than points of disagreement. By learning to listen instead of shout, we run the risk of learning something new which might even make us stronger.

When all is said and done, people not only want to be treated fairly themselves, but to see others treated that way as well. Certainly, definitions of “fairly” vary, but at some point, we can and will come upon common ground.

Judging someone by their faith, skin color, gender, or sexual preference, or worse, assigning unfavorable standards to those who might be different in some way is ludicrous and short-sighted. Every single one of us is different in our own way, though I prefer to use the word “unique”. Even those who profess to be the superior race, gender, whatever, are unique each in their own way. The same-ness they use to connect with their elitist, entitled group of swine is weak and growing weaker with each new excuse they cobble up for excluding or ostracizing yet another group. It’s all arbitrary, and they’re slowly rendering themselves redundant. If you ask me, that redundancy can’t happen quickly enough.

Our Most Powerful Weapon is Compassion

Our best response to all the diversionary tactics, the disrespect, the cornered animal behavior is to arm ourselves with two things; logic based on fact, and compassion. Those who seem to view sexual predators, abusive behavior and outright bigotry as positive qualities don’t know how to deal with something so simple. Compassion alone is completely beyond their ability to comprehend. If it ever found it’s way into their tool box, they probably tossed it away as a weakness not to be tolerated. In his article “Power Causes Brain Damage” published in the July/August 2017 issue of The Atlantic,  Jerry Useem puts forth a viable explanation for the failure of those in power to recognize or utilize compassion.

In between all the rhetoric and emotional insanity, there are new stories every day highlighting acts of compassion which epitomize the strength of working together for the common good; of setting personal needs aside to help someone else. Better still, they are stories of love across all real and imagined borders where we’re continually encouraged to hate with no valid reason to do so.

Becoming Part of the Solution

As I see it, it comes down to a choice. We can continue to be part of the problem until we, too tumble into the abyss. Or we can take control of our emotions, throttling them back before reacting, and use the cognitive part of our brains to recognize we’re being manipulated, and take ourselves out of the reactionary mix.

I still cannot comprehend the reasons some of my friends are choosing one side or another. I respect them enough to recognize they have their reasons, and don’t allow those reasons, whatever they might be, to affect our friendship. We all walk the path we’re supposed to, even if that path is inexplicable to others. We don’t owe anyone justification for what we think or do. We only have to reconcile it within ourselves. The one thing I do find unacceptable is if someone expects justification from others, but insists their own ways are right and require no explanation or reason. Ya can’t have it both ways. Double standards are at the root of our current problems, and people are speaking out against the practice both overtly and subtly. They must be eliminated before we begin building our new foundation.

I’ll leave you with a final thought. When you take the time to listen to someone who doesn’t share your values or beliefs, you might actually learn something or see a viewpoint you hadn’t considered, but might prove valuable in the overall scheme of things.

Gratitude Blurs the Lines Between Us

My gratitudes today are:

1. I am grateful for the opportunity to share different viewpoints.
2. I am grateful for friends who don’t share my opinions and beliefs.
3. I am grateful for the dying dinosaurs. They once served a purposes, but show us how that purpose has changed or become obsolete.
4. I am grateful I’m able, after a time, to step away from emotional responses and look at things logically seeing cause and effect.
5. I am grateful for abundance; diversity, friendship, love, joy, compassion, kindness, connection, peace, harmony, health, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws , of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.