When the Comfort Zone Gets Uncomfortable

Face Change Fearlessly

Let’s face it. We’ve all done it; stayed too long at the party because leaving meant change, and change is scary. This time around, I’ve hung out for months knowing something had changed, and I’d worn out my welcome, but I stayed because old habits die hard; because leaving meant changing a lot of things I’d been doing, so I clung to my comfort zone like a lifeline. I finally realized it wasn’t a lifeline at all, but a crutch at best, and shackles at worst. It got to the point where letting go was the only option I had in order to put myself first.

So here I am, outside my comfort zone, and frankly, outside looking in on a community to which I no longer belong. I have plans to replace what I’m leaving, but putting them into practice is going to take effort and determination. Though I’m good with change in some areas of my life, it’s a struggle in others. Still, I feel lighter for having made the decision, even when I don’t know what the future holds as a result. My stress level has definitely dropped a few hundred points since making the decision though. That, alone is worth the discomfort of impending change.

For now, I’ll continue as I have been the last couple of weeks, writing more, and limiting my time on Social Media. With the changes in plans, I no longer need to have everyone’s events shoved in my face whenever I log on. I can be more selective, and check in only when I need information, or am looking to fill a particular night I know offers multiple choices. Meanwhile, I’m catching up on Hallmark Christmas movies, and giving my cats almost as much cuddling as they think they need.

The Color of Happiness

Some people need mood rings to help them (and perhaps the rest of the world) determine how they’re feeling on any given day. For me, my mood is clear to anyone paying attention by the colors I choose to wear. For a couple of weeks, I was drawn to the darker, more somber members of my wardrobe (which is tough as I don’t have a lot of them!).

At first, I blamed it on my response to the election, but now that I’ve returned to my hot pinks and neon oranges, I realize it was far more, and had been building for the last few months. As soon as I made the decision to step away from what had become too comfortable in some ways, and constricting in others, my mood lightened, and my rainbow bedecked self came shining through. It turned out, I’d been stifling my inner light like I was eschewing my gaudier garb of choice.

The happiness bubbling through my body as I remove things from my schedule which no longer fit; no longer serve my best interests, to replace them with people, places, and things which, worst case, will be neutral for awhile. The simple act of removing myself from uncomfortable, unwelcoming situations is incredibly freeing. My heart knew things had changed, but my head didn’t want to believe it for awhile as it meant, or so I thought, giving up things I loved, and avoiding people whose company I enjoyed.

No Longer Part of a Collection

It wasn’t until I took a giant step back that I realized I was basing my choices on the one thing I’ve worked so hard to release in myself; facades. Funny. The song “Smiling Faces” has been running through my head a lot lately. I finally figured out why, as my intuition screaming at me didn’t seem to be enough until now.

Once again, I allowed myself to be manipulated, more by my human need to belong than anything else. I allowed myself to remain in orbit around a moon which collected orbs like me like jelly beans in an Easter basket; enjoyed in the collective but with little value for my individuality. That’s where the stifling began. The truth is, I’m not alone in needing to be valued for myself. Where I still wander in the dark is the places I erroneously believe I’ll find that. Why it took me so long to realize I was little more than an anonymous member of a fan club will puzzle me for a long time.

Puzzled or not, I’ve returned to my own rather erratic orbit. It might take some time to find my way back to a path going somewhere or other, but at least the path I’m on is my own again. My comfort zone is currently unrecognizable, but I’m willing to live with that too. I’d rather be rootless, where the only thing tethering me to a semblance of reality is my home, my cats, and my books, than held back by something or someone who finds me uncomfortably unrelatable.

I realized it’s perfectly OK for some to perceive me as a closed off, invulnerable, unfeeling loner. They’re not meant to see me as I really am, and maybe my heart knew they couldn’t handle my larger-than-life, messy, chaotic self anyway, and held back my essence when I didn’t know better than to do it myself. It’s nice to know there are protections in place to not only protect my heart; my light from a harsh world, but to protect me from giving too much of myself away to the wrong people.

Grateful for the Strength I’m Finding

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for finding the strength to leave a comfort zone that was no longer comfortable.
2. I’m grateful for the parts of me which are looking out when I’m wearing blinders.
3. I’m grateful for options, and for change, and for new opportunities.
4. I’m grateful for amazing, interesting, unexpected days ahead.
5. I’m grateful for a life outside my comfort zone.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Mis-Reading the Room

Mis-Reading the Room as an Art Form

My expertise lies, not in reading the room accurately, but in mis-reading it…and acting discordingly. I have a particular knack for trusting the wrong people, and invariably, pissing off the popular kids, the ones in power, and the charismatic ones everyone follows without question. The trouble is, I see through the masks and glamours, and believe everyone else does…much to my ultimate downfall.

Many’s the time I’ve either had to eat crow, or leave the scene of my most recent alleged crime. Just as I’m one of the rare few who dreams in color, and remembers many of my dreams, I’m also one of the few to notice the naked Emperor; the man behind the curtain; the desperate need for attention behind the charismatic smile. I’m still learning to accept what I recognize as fake, others are drawn to like flies, and nothing I can say or do is going to clear the clouds from their eyes. In fact, trying to do so only makes me look bad in the long run.

The funny thing is, I’m not the loner some believe me to be. I’m simply attracted to honesty; to authenticity; to people who own their broken parts as well as their strengths; who know they’ll always be works in progress, and accept the challenge. Those folks are surprisingly hard to find because fitting in has been drummed into our heads since the cradle. But if you’re honest with yourself, what has fitting in every really given you that’s truly worth having?

• Fitting in means stifling your own wants, needs, and desires.
• Fitting in means behaving the way you think someone else wants you to.
• Fitting in means being untrue to yourself.

Why Try to Hard to Fit In?

As Dr. Seuss so wisely said: “Why fit in when you were meant to stand out?” What he didn’t mention was, standing out can be a lonely proposition in a world where everyone else is trying to fit in. Seeing through everyone else’s facades doesn’t make you a welcome party guest. Those walls and masks are in place for a reason. People are afraid to be themselves as it might mean not fitting in.

I’ve never been comfortable trying to fit in where I didn’t belong, though heaven knows I’ve made the mistake of trying too often. Deep down, as I notice a mask slipping here or there, and believe there might be a sympathetic soul, I’ve been slapped down, not only for noticing, but for believing it was safe to slip behind that mask and share my observations.

Sadly, some of the most broken, empty souls I’ve encountered are the ones who’ve perfected their act so well, everyone loves the face they show the world, but no one loves who they really are, because they never let it show. Yet they’ve convinced themselves it doesn’t matter as long as everyone loves them. Admittedly, though it wouldn’t be enough for me, maybe it truly is enough for them. I can’t walk in their shoes, so I have no way of knowing, and by the time I start forming a picture of the face behind the mask, I’m already walking out the door, either voluntarily, or by a horde of angry followers, my own reputation in tatters once again.

Hope Springs Eternal

For some reason, I continue searching for my tribe; my people; the ones who aren’t putting on an act; who are comfortable in their imperfect skin. I know they’re out there, but I also know they’ve been burned as many times as I have…maybe more. Many finally learned to be cautious, and trust extremely slowly; a lesson I’m still working on.

I’ll continue to work on my reading skills, but it’ll have to be from a safe distance right now, with my shields up to maximum; maybe even “stun”. I need time and space to heal the wounds received in my latest skirmish, and to re-establish trust in my own feelings. One of the lessons I take away from this round is to trust my feelings even if I have no evidence; even if I don’t understand why the atmosphere has changed. The truth may or may not come to light, but my feelings are never wrong, despite the efforts others may make to have me mistrust them.

I may not be able to accurately read a room, but by now, I’ve been shown over and over my feelings are the most accurate tool I have.

Grateful Even for the Painful Lessons

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for lessons that remind me to trust my feelings.
2. I’m grateful for lessons that remind me to trust people a lot more cautiously.
3. I’m grateful for refusing to stop searching for more people who will earn my long-term trust. I know they’re out there somewhere.
4. I’m grateful for the few I know I can trust, even with some of my crappiest moments.
5. I’m grateful for more time to spend writing, reading, and cuddling with my cats.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.