Time to End the Abuse With a Little Self-Care
There comes a point, many times in a life when you have to make a difficult choice. Do you keep slogging through, unhappy, and maybe taken for granted, allowing a relationship to go on, or do you cut your losses, and allow yourself the opportunity to find happiness elsewhere? Do you let another person; another job; another living situation tear at you until you can almost see parts of yourself disappearing bit by precious bit? Or do you accept that nothing you can do or say is going to make this one work, no matter how much you give up; how much you try?
What if it’s a family member? A spouse; a sibling; a child. What then? Do you keep giving them chances to rip your heart out, stomp on it a few times, then hand it back to you like a piece of spoiled fish, knowing you’ll come back with a fresher piece once you’ve had time to lick your wounds, and worse; forgive them yet again? When is enough enough?
I’ve pondered this question several times lately, and came to the conclusion I needed to cut a few ties and build walls high enough to make it clear the door was well and truly closed, barred, and bricked over. None of the decisions were easy. I could have talked myself out of each one a dozen times. But the truth is, I love myself too much. I’ve worked too hard to get as far as I have, even knowing I still have a long way to go to be fully healed from all the trauma in my own life and that of my ancestors. These people I’ve left were really only a small part, but they were a part I could and did finally jettison. It was time. And yes, one was related by blood.
Different Breaks; Different Reasons
I don’t really look to carefully at which ones were harder to cut than others. To be honest, any relationship I invest time into; that I give my heart to is going to be hard to end. One is perhaps more difficult if only because there are places we have in common neither of us will give up, nor should we. So she has yet to accept my withdrawal, or even recognize how high the walls have gone up. In time she’ll grow tired of slamming up against a brick wall and take her attentions elsewhere. There are plenty who accept them willingly, so I doubt she’ll miss me once she accepts the break is beyond her control.
One asked for an explanation, and I gave it to her. She may not see things as I do, nor understand why I needed to make the break, but accepts my right to my feelings. I appreciate her acceptance if not her understanding. How well do I really understand the people around me? No matter how sensitive or perceptive I am, I’ll never be able to get inside a person to fully grasp what they’ve been through, nor why they respond the way they do. I certainly can’t expect others to be able to do that with me.
The last was a family member, and frankly, that was the easiest one to end. It was a long time coming, and involved a couple of blocks and nothing more. I’ve spent years holding out hope we’d eventually manage a semi-normal relationship. Every year or two, she might drop me a crumb; a picture of her daughter, an announcement of her latest pregnancy. But now she’s the mother of 3 and has made it abundantly clear there are others she’d rather have in her life than me. So be it. For a moment I became her Fairy Godmother and granted her dearest wish. She’s now free to select the mother of her choice, and I’m free to stop hoping for a miracle.
I’d like to say I’ve walked away without a qualm, but being an Empath is often a double-edged sword. So many times as a child and teenager, I was told I was too sensitive. Though I don’t see it as a fault any more, I do hurt more than my share when I have to walk away from someone I’ve grown close to. Even if the ones I leave don’t have a wound; a scar to show for the brief time I was in their life, I have one from them. I can’t go in halfway. I’m either in the deep end up to my neck, or I’m sitting on the edge dipping my toes in and nothing more; uncommitted, and unaffected by the changing tides. Frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The tides of my own life are changing yet again. I’m looking forward to what comes in as I continue to make space. Another de-cluttering adventure will yield many surprises, as they always do. New opportunities, new people, new experiences; all guaranteed to teach me something I need to learn.
Outer Changes Heal Internal Dysfunction
It’s already begun in other ways too. Having reached the end of my options with Western medical practitioners, I’ve turned to other options, and learned a lot about the damage I’ve been doing to my body. Suddenly, I’m eating healthier and smaller quantities. The weight that insisted on clinging to my body despite my best efforts is finally allowing me to release it little by little. Maybe I had to let go of one thing to convince another it was time to move on?
Everything in my life is interconnected. I know this on a conscious level, but often lose sight of it when I’m hyper-focused on one area. I forget my struggle might become a success if I figure out where the real logjam is and clear it first. All in all, it boils down to self-care, whether that means healthy eating, more sleep, meditating, exercise, or something less tangible like my emotional and mental well-being. Health concerns remind me to keep those things at the forefront all the time instead of just when I’m feeling sick, or sad, or depressed. A little preventative de-cluttering pays enormous long-term dividends.
Gratitude: My Favorite Self-Indulgence
My gratitudes today are:
- I’m grateful for friends who can read between the lines, and check in on me when I’m a little off.
- I’m grateful for options; to stay in or go out, to hold on or let go.
- I’m grateful for music. Sometimes it inspires, sometimes it soothes, and sometimes it helps me release what’s stuck.
- I’m grateful for all of my cracks. They let the starshine and love in. It took me a long time to realize that, but I’m glad I finally did.
- I’m grateful for abundance; love, friendship, release, de-cluttering, opportunities, lessons, inspiration, motivation, health, peace, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.
Love and Light
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is Holistic ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward