When the Best Response is Silence

Sounds of Silence

It’s often difficult to recognize when a conversation has run its course. Both sides have shared, and reiterated their positions often enough to know where those positions might converge, co-exist peacefully, and when there simply is no way to achieve equilibrium. Re-hashing the key points–from opposing perceptions is not going to bring those perceptions closer together. In fact, at some point, frustration on the part of one person or the other will ultimately lead to things being said, and feelings being hurt. While walking away might still lead to hurt feelings, it beats saying something which can’t be taken back; beats burning a bridge completely to the ground.

Since I’m typically the one to reach her frustration point first, blurting out something irretrievable before re-engaging the brain, I’ve learned I need to be the first one to zip my mouth shut, and walk away quickly before something thoughtless and unkind escapes. As my retreat is necessarily abrupt, those who rarely do more than scratch my surface are left puzzled, confused, and in some cases, hurt because they took my retreat personally. Trust me when I say I’ve done a great deal more harm to myself, and others by sticking around too long.

Through trial and tumultuous error, I’ve learned to install filters between my rough-edged self and the booby-trapped highways and byways of polite society. Walking away when I’ve reached an impasse, or frankly, when I’m unable to converse in the same language with all its life-installed quirks on both sides, is the best filter I have. Whether or not the other person (or people for that matter) use the time I’ve given them to process the whole scenario or not often determines what the future might bring. I know I’ll spend some time processing and re-processing words and actions myself, trying to improve the outcome, if nothing else.

Walking Away for Everyone’s Good

Even knowing I reached the point of needing to walk away because I didn’t see any way of seeing eye to eye, I’ll still process things on the off chance we’re both able to give a little ground at some point in the future. Meanwhile, I’ll take the time to re-validate my own perceptions since often, the crux of the issue is a dismissal of those perceptions. I may be wrong a lot of the time, but when my gut tells me something has changed, having someone try to convince me its my imagination is a sure way to send me packing.

Learning to trust my feelings has been a long, hard, twisty road. Every time I didn’t, and believed someone else when they told me I was misreading the situation, I paid the price. I may allow a relationship which dismisses my feelings and perceptions to go on for a little while…sometimes longer than I should. In the end, I’ll either blow the whole thing up like a Fourth of July fireworks display, or walk away quietly, with little or no fanfare. Extensive experience has taught me the latter will always be my wiser choice…though there are some who will push until they get the fireworks. It’s their funeral.

I’d like to say I walk away with no regrets, but the truth is, if I’ve allowed a situation to push me far enough to enact radio silence, enough of my feelings were involved, and it mattered enough to hurt when I left. Closing off a piece of my heart isn’t something I do lightly. What I’m still trying to understand is why I don’t see the signs long before I’ve invested so much of myself.

Revisiting the Past to Heal

Granted, in many cases, I had to revisit a pattern from my past in order to heal my own wounds, but also to understand and forgive those who had a part in inflicting them from their own place of trauma and pain. Since my mom left a lot of wounds on my psyche, simply by being unable to love me as I was, those seem to be the character traits I revisit most often, and fail to recognize until I’m in too deep again.

Going silent also means I need to consciously redirect my energies towards something more productive, not only regarding my work and my home, but my social life as well. That’s always part of the reason it takes me so long to recognize I’ve been walking down a dead end street for too long. Re-starting my life in other areas is something I manage fairly well. My social life is another story entirely. Too often, I’ve settled because changing directions held far more perils and pitfalls than I was ready to address, even if the ones I could see were sucking me down into a pit of despair anyway.

This time around, I’ve committed to simply writing it all down, and taking it one day at a time…without the old crowd, or those who dismissed my feelings. Wandering along in silence, with my own thoughts for company isn’t such a bad thing. It gives me time to review the latest round of lessons, and promise myself I’ll do better.

Grateful for all the Wrong Turns

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for choosing silence over pointless, painful confrontation.
2. I’m grateful for the lessons I’ll be taking with me from my latest round of life experiences.
3. I’m grateful for a couple of points of light in the dark corridor I’m wandering at the moment.
4. I’m grateful for a plan, even if most of it is rather vague right now.
5. I’m grateful for ultimately trusting my feelings…trusting myself.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.