Staying Alert When It’s Too Quiet

On High Alert

Yesterday might have started with a bang, but by the time I went walking, things had become dangerously quiet. I know better than to drop my guard when the Murphys go silent. While other people are hiding Easter eggs for their kids to find, Mr. and Mrs. Murphy are hiding a different kind of Easter egg for me to stumble on if I grow too complacent. These Easter eggs bear an eerie resemblance to grenades.

I might have gotten up early at the insistence of my cats, but it doesn’t mean I’ll be sleepwalking through the day. Instead, I’ll get a jump on things like my 1st of the month bill paying, and lining things up for Tuesday’s weekly reconciliation. I might even get some dusting done as the pictures on my walls have acquired a layer of dust on top of them thick enough to write an entire blog post. I’ll also be looking both ways before I cross…several times, and opening doors slowly lest there be something (or someone) waiting to dash in, or jump out and startle me.

While I appreciate the temporary calm, I’ve learned the hard way it often means I’m simply in the eye of the latest hurricane I lovingly call my life. It doesn’t help that things on the work front don’t rest on the weekends, in part because it’s often a break from contract work to catch up on administrative tasks where I make my home, and have for the better part of the last 35 or so years. Even the people I work for have referred to the last couple of months, and the months to come as a hurricane, which, for the record, doesn’t exactly keep my stress level down, nor keep me from bouncing on the balls of my feet on high alert.

Herding Cats

It also doesn’t help that each new addition comes with it’s own, unique, complicated set of rules, or that getting all the information I need to comply with those rules often feels like herding cats. While I love my cats, trying to get them all in one place takes either extreme patience, or my personal favorite, bribery ( handful of treats strategically tossed goes a long way!). However, this herd of cats, while easier to work with overall, isn’t so easily gathered neatly together.

All of this is not to say I didn’t take advantage of yesterday’s temporary lull in the insanity. I got my Costco meatloaf and mashed potatoes baked and packaged in single-serving containers, and spent the rest of the day, after my daily 2.3 mile walk, relaxing with the cats. I do see having to lock Ishtar in a room in my future though. She doesn’t do well with me focusing on my work instead of her, and even now, is meowing pitifully, as if I didn’t just give her a few long, loving strokes. I’m not at her immediate beck and call, which is enough to distress her.

I’m also seriously considering writing tomorrow’s blog post tonight as I don’t see a single break in the schedule which would allow me to put fingers to keys and write anything remotely resembling coherent once my feet hit the floor in the morning. Ishy might even decide to cooperate, as she’s currently lying on my desk purring loudly with her ears twitching back and forth like radar dishes. Maybe she’ll swat the Murphys into next year instead of driving me crazy meowing her head off, and getting into mischief. One could only hope!

5 Gratitudes a Day Keeps the Stress Away

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for a break in the storm, even though I know it’s more like the eye of the hurricane.
2. I’m grateful for Ishtar’s attempt to behave and be helpful, even if it only lasts for a few minutes at a time.
3. I’m grateful for the time to get ahead a little bit today.
4. I’m grateful for being woken early by the cats so I can get my day started. I have to admit, I get more done, and have more energy to do so when I don’t lay in bed too long.
5. I’m grateful for Max and Cinders finally spending a cold, rainy night inside the garage for the first time since Sable and Saki joined the family.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Everybody Needs to Heal

Setting the Mind to Heal

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t lived through some kind of trauma by the time they reach adulthood. It doesn’t have to be something major like rape, child abuse, or suicide in order to have left scars, or to have made you close off a part of yourself. There are all kinds of losses; all kinds of pain, and they’re all valid. Your mind chooses to avoid them simply because they’re painful.

Yet the best way to get past not only the pain, but the often harmful coping mechanisms the trauma left behind is to face it head on, reminding yourself you are stronger than whatever knocked you down be it recently, or long ago. The trouble is, your mind is wired to avoid revisiting anything that caused you pain, or felt uncomfortable. It likes having those coping mechanisms in place and sees no reason to let them go.

Unfortunately, your mind likes to lie to you because it wants to keep you from changing, from growing, from evolving. Your heart, however, disagrees. It loves growing, blossoming, creating, and loving; things which often scare the crap out of your change-resistant brain. Like your brain, your heart won’t remain silent about its wants and needs. Often, it speaks loudly, not so much when you’re awake and your brain snags control, but when you’re asleep and your brain is taking a break.

The Heart Leaves Hints

Dreams are where your heart inserts little hints; reminders you have so much more to be and give. It leaves feels hidden in various places in your brain that arise unexpectedly when a word, a song, or an event triggers them. The brain doesn’t even realize it’s been infested with all of these little reminders and encouragements the heart planted when it was sleeping, so it isn’t prepared to stop the feels from rising to the surface once they’re triggered.

Sure, you can ignore the feelings, as many have learned to do, but the heart is persistent. It will leave more and more Easter eggs until you respond in spite of your own best efforts. At some point you realize you have to deal with those old feelings in order to let them go and keep them from coming up over and over again. The trouble is, reliving some of them is anything but a picnic.

I’ve managed to fool myself into believing I’d dealt with all my old crap, be it past traumas, an imperfect upbringing (for which I’m certainly not the Lone Ranger), or the coping mechanisms left behind that are more hindrance than help these days. My procrastination mechanism is working quite well in avoiding things that will allow me to finish healing and releasing as my heart needs me to do. I know I can’t keep avoiding it forever, if only because I’ve made commitments to myself which must be honored.

Finding the Strength to Heal

I put off facing those demons as long as I can, but eventually, the Easter eggs, my heart leaves while I sleep start cracking open, and frankly, the sulfuric stench becomes overpowering. Just as I’ve been decluttering various parts of my physical environment over time, I know I can no longer put off decluttering my mental and emotional environment forever. Eventually I get tired of tripping over things, or having trouble retrieving what I need when I need it, even if it’s something as simple as having the right word while writing a blog post.

I remind myself I get to choose where I go from here. Maybe I move one more box out to the garage, or clear a little more space on my makeshift desk, aka dining room table. But there comes a point when I have to stop rearranging my physical world and address the insistent voices cluttering my mind, heart, and soul. Girding my loins, so to speak, I put fingers to keys and let the thoughts flow (much like how this blog post evolved, midway through scooping the sandboxes). In short, I have to start by shoveling shit before I can reconnect with my own heart.

I can feel my heart jumping for joy inside as all those pent up feelings start clamoring for attention. They line up like a classroom full of rambunctious 5-year-olds waiting to go out for recess. Each one wanting to be first in line, pushing and shoving until the teacher blows her whistle and threatens to keep them inside if they can’t get into some kind of order. The last thing I want to do right now is keep those kids inside!

The Battle to Release Old Feelings

There are pouts and whines, maybe someone gets bitten or shoved into someone else. The teacher comforts the wounded ones before opening the door and letting them rush outside to burn off some of the energy they’ve built up while sitting inside for a couple of hours. Feelings are no different. They all want to be heard. They all want to feel important. Most of all, they want to be released from captivity. They’ve spent too much time crammed together in a small space.

That bursting at the seams and tendency to rush out in a flood is the source of most of the pain. As the feelings rush out, they rip off a piece of my heart, or worse, stick pins into a spot that’s already tender, perhaps even making it bleed. I’ve learned though, that the tears I shed when the pain comes are healing. They wash away the rest of the muck that’s settled in for a long winter’s nap, and clear space for better feelings and memories to move in.

In the end, the feelings I’ve let loose may try to wander back in as they see the space in my heart is no longer so close and constricted. It’s up to me to determine whether or not they’ll be allowed back in. Granted, some sneak back when I’m not looking, to be released and faced another day, but each time I go through the process, I’m left with a little less baggage, and a little more room to build something better, stronger, and less resistant to change.

Gratitude is Balm for Wounds Old and New

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for heart nudges.
2. I’m grateful for dreams that leave feelings instead of details.
3. I’m grateful for the experiences I’ve had which make me who I am.
4. I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned, and the ones I’ve yet to experience.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, joy, peace, harmony, friendship, compassion, kindness, health, balance, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward