Scattered Mind

An Unpleasant State of Mind

I’m in a state of being mentally scattered. My mind barely settles on one topic before racing at warp speed on to the next several dozen. Even my dreams are all over the place, marrying unlikely bed partners like triggers, closed roads, and both wild and domestic felines and canines living in blissful harmony while munching on raw vegetables.

Nothing makes sense right now, be it my dreams, my thoughts, or the unholy mess the American public willingly created by handing the country over to a passel of unprincipled buffoons who care only for increasing the contents of their own wallets. Worse, those who approved of this increasing chaos via their votes continue to wander around in blissful oblivion to the blank check they signed last November.

I feel like I’m in the path of a tsunami or volcano, wanting to move out of the way, yet knowing I can’t possibly get out of the way quickly enough to avoid disaster. In some ways, I’m becoming a deer in the headlights; terrified to the point of immobility. The truth is, I don’t even know which way to move to protect myself and my furry family. I’m frozen in place because I see no direction I could run which leads to safety.

Looking for Elusive Joy

I was reading a series by Nora Roberts a couple of years ago, but had to put it down because I could see nothing but horror coming in the next few chapters. I couldn’t pick that book up now if my life depended on it because a lot of what was portrayed in those pages is a future I can too easily see coming to pass in the next few years…minus the supernatural aspects. At this point, I’ve eschewed my beloved science fiction for lighter, more magical stories because the dystopian worlds the writers depict are nipping at my heels, and those of the people who weren’t sucked in by glamours and empty promises; unlike those who are just happy to be angry, mean and ugly with no repercussions.

A few days ago, I told my walking partner I was going to choose joy as it was something the cult members don’t understand, nor know how to respond to. They see being angry and mean as their G-d given right, and they exercise it as fully and completely as they continue to follow what’s really nothing more than smoke and mirrors. They ignore the fact they’ve sold their souls to the Devil, and he’s coming to collect.

Finding joy, and refraining from falling into the doom and gloom so many are portraying is becoming more and more difficult. Which may be why I’m feeling so scattered. I want to see, feel, and believe something that’s in direct opposition to the reality that’s being shoved in my face whether I want to see it or not. I’m trying to find the silver lining; the road that still leads to possibilities, but the darkness is obscuring more and more of that path.

Keeping My Head Out of the Sand

Suspending my disbelief is requiring more energy and faith than I’m currently able to muster, left to my own devices.I feel like I’m caught in a story line similar to “Lord of the Rings” where darkness obscures everything, and the more I reach for a lighter, kinder, gentler world, the more it gets sucked into the dark, further from my reaching, groping hands.

Sure, I could turn off social media. I could ignore all the latest news of our so-called leaders dragging us further into Dark Ages 2.0. I could pretend our rights and privileges, not to mention the fruits of our labor are being sucked into a gigantic vacuum cleaner called Greed and Hate. But the voters chose Project 2025, and they’re getting exactly what they chose. The sad part is they don’t even see their rights and livelihoods disappearing, but continue to cheer for the Devil and, and remain his willing disciples.

Yet, while there’s still light…somewhere…I’ll continue reaching for it. I’ll continue believing the voices of dissension will get louder and stronger, and will refuse to be silenced. I’ll continue to applaud when other parts of the world take note of the enormous mistake we made, and ensure they don’t follow in our tainted footsteps. And I’ll continue searching for joy in the small things I can still control.

History Continues to Repeat Itself

I don’t know if I can continue believing love and kindness will find a way to beat back the darkness. I can’t ignore history which shows how this kind of ugliness sucks up a lot of once fertile ground before it’s vanquished. I do believe it will be vanquished, though at what cost, I don’t even want to imagine. I suspect the process will take years rather than weeks or months, with a lot of good being sucked away forever first. I’m not naive enough to believe there’s a knight on a white horse waiting in the wings for the right moment to ride in and slay the villains.

Perhaps the answer really is something I’m ill-prepared to do right now; get the hell out of Dodge before everything implodes and sucks us all into a big, black hole of devastation. I know I’m not typically a purveyor of doom and gloom, but with every edict; with every bill passed; with every piece of evidence the little guys who built this country have been sold to the highest bidder; I find it harder to hold on to hope.

While my little spark still sputters and continues to shine, albeit diminished, I know it needs to seek out others who refuse to allow the darkness to win. Now is the time community is going to be of the utmost importance as it’s the only way to keep those little sparks of hope alive. The larger we’re able to build our combined flame, the more likely we’ll find the path that leads us out of this unrelenting, ever-growing darkness, though what will be left when the darkness lifts is anybody’s guess.

Grateful for Continued Clear Thinking

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for my tiny, struggling spark of hope.
2. I’m grateful for a few people in my life who help me keep my spark lit.
3. I’m grateful for deciding not to engage with those I know are helping feed the darkness.
4. I’m grateful for choosing joy and kindness over anger and hate.
5. I’m grateful for finally being able to put my confusion into words, even if they aren’t very joyful right now.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

The Dismantling of America By Haters

Doing My Best to Avoid the Haters

I’ve come to the conclusion the people who are currently dismantling this country, their supporters, and the people who elected some of them hate the country so much, they’re willing to tear it into tiny pieces and hand it over to the highest bidder. Their initial hatred and anger has escalated to the point where they’re completely blinded by the ramifications of their actions, and the overall effect on their own health and well-being.

If the belief that what’s happening only affects other people who “deserve” to be harmed still exists in their closed minds, they likely will continue to explain and excuse regardless of the blatant evidence before them. In the words of Ron White; “you can’t fix stupid”. The trouble is, we’re all being sent down the river, regardless of our awareness. It’s simply more painful to us than it is to the blissfully oblivious.

Whether or not those who voted for this travesty wanted what’s coming or not, in my eyes, they’re responsible for continuing to justify the acts which predicted the outcome. As such, there are many I once considered friendly acquaintances whose presence I can no longer tolerate…and it’s affecting my social life irreversibly. Though it was hardly the motivating factor which led me to change where I go and who I go with, it’s certainly causing me to think twice about going certain places where I know I’m uncomfortable with not only the political, but the social leanings. My tolerance for intolerance is at an all-time low.

Feeling My Own Hypocrisy

I realize this makes me somewhat of a hypocrite, and yet, tolerating hate, exclusion, and the degradation of women is beyond my ability to either comprehend, or accept. As such, I’m uncomfortable (to say the least) around people who’ve proven at the voting box these things are OK with them. Knowing they approved of at least part of this country’s destruction at the hands of the person they chose and his cronies sticks so deeply in my craw I’m choking on all the words that want to come out.

I know the people in my own social world to whom I’m referring here won’t read this, as they don’t follow my blog (I know this because there has been no backlash to similar posts I’ve written), but if they did, I suspect I’d be unfriended and ostracized by them now. I’m perfectly fine with that, as I’m starting to lean more towards my extreme friends who’ve been speaking out more courageously than I for the last few years in wishing to distance myself from the haters, but also the blind justifiers. Neither position will ever make this a better world, and both are feeding the malignancy in the growing Dystopia.

I find myself cheering as Tesla stock tumbles, though my own portfolio has lost a great deal of value in the last week or so as well. Though I don’t actually see it happening, I am cheering every percentage point that draws the evil, Hitler-loving bastard who’s been given more power than any elected official should have, much less an appointee, closer to financial annihilation. Bringing down a few greedy, power mad billionaires would be a boon to our society, if you ask me.

Watching Helplessly

I feel helpless as I watch our National Parks, Voice of America, Department of Education, and so many public institutions being gutted. My heart breaks for citizens being deported or detained illegally simply because they “fit the profile” by the real, violent criminals. I mourn a system of checks and balances which seems to have left the building permanently. The lunatics have truly taken over the asylum, and we’re on the fast track to complete ruin. So much for our still young, 250-year-old nation…if we actually make it to that 250th year.

I’m not usually one for doom and gloom, but from where I sit, the damage done in a mere 3 months makes the writing on the wall stand out in bold relief. Unless we can figure out a way to stand up to this madness, and bring it to a swift end, my grandchildren will not recognize, or even be able to read about the society and freedoms I’ve known and loved. It hasn’t been perfect by any means, but we were at least allowed to try to be respectful and tolerant; we at least acknowledged the non-white people who’ve helped make this country great, if not all the time, at least in some of the historical documents. I only hope we can somehow keep their legacies alive.

My sadness and disillusionment is further compounded as I see no evidence any of our elected officials or influential people are making the slightest effort to be the leaders they need to be to help turn the current tides. It seems like once they left office, or saw favor turn against them, they became the proverbial rats abandoning a rapidly sinking ship. Even the self-aggrandizing newsletters I was receiving from some of my elected officials have ceased. Has everyone who should be standing up for America pulled into their own, personal turtle shells?

Blaming Without Solutions Solves Nothing

Meanwhile, there are a few, like Heather Cox Richardson, who are happy to share the newest calamities and atrocities, but while a few of them promise solutions in their messages, I see nothing more than naming and blaming. Is it going to take another revolution, or worse, another World War? The only allies we have left are the vultures waiting to pick our bones clean. Those who might have stood shoulder to shoulder with us in the trenches have been well and truly alienated. They no longer recognize the United States as a viable, dependable ally, and with good reason.

To say I’m disappointed is an understatement; in my fellow Americans, in my representatives, in all of our elected officials who were supposed to uphold the Constitution, and work towards the greater good…and in myself for feeling so helpless and hopeless, I’m no longer able to find either the silver lining, or a place where I can make an actual contribution to help save us from the inevitable.

Clinging to Life’s Small Blessings

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for still being able to speak my truth, though who knows for how long?
2. I’m grateful for at least being able to say I voted against this…for what it’s worth in the long run.
3. I’m grateful for the small space in time I have left to enjoy the freedoms I’d come to take for granted. Perhaps that’s part of the problem now.
4. I’m grateful for my own, little space on the web even if it’s frequented by few.
5. I’m grateful for the tiny part of me that believes there’s still hope, and a way I can contribute to keeping it alive. If only I could find it.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.