Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world my beautiful, vulnerable self!

Posts tagged ‘tolerance’

Fear Has it’s Place, But No Voting Rights

Stuffing Down Fear is a Recipe for Disaster

Many of us see fear as something we must stuff down in order to move forward; to get past the things which scare us silly and hold us back from achieving our dreams. But stuffing anything down is a recipe for disaster, be it fear, feelings, or those warnings our gut gives us when something really isn’t right.

After going through the volcanic disaster of decades-old stuffed-down feelings expressing their displeasure with their long confinement, I’m less inclined to stuff anything down any more. But what do you do when fear paralyzes you and prevents you from moving into your rightful place in the world? If you can’t stuff it down, what do you do with the darn thing?

Acknowledge and Release

Recently I saw someone say of fear that they acknowledge it lovingly and give it its place in the mix., when it comes to deciding how to proceed, their fear doesn’t get a vote. I rather liked the analogy, and have adopted it for my own, as well as applying it to the feelings I used to mercilessly cram into a small box deep inside my psyche.

It’s ironic that I refused to acknowledge my own, yet told my daughters over and over that their feelings were their feelings. They had no on/off switch (their father used to tell them “you shouldn’t feel like that” as if it was something they could control). What is fear really, but one of those unquenchable feelings?

Initially, fear is in place to protect us from harm. As we grow older, what constitutes harm changes. Our minds take comfort in sameness, so anything that threatens to alter our life or patterns is seen as a threat, and the fear missile is launched. Once launched, the mission can’t be aborted, but it can be redirected towards a benign target. If we catch it early enough, we might even be able to halt the launch, shut down the engines, and put the missile back into storage. It’s still in the warehouse, or maybe even on the launching pad, but for now, the countdown has been halted.

The Key to Gaining Mastery Over Our Fears is An Early Warning System is a matter of both practice and awareness to keep our fears in their rightful place. Shutting them down, stuffing them into a box, or inuring ourselves to their effects is never the right choice. There is a time and a place for those fears to launch; to send out the flares, the red flags, the sirens, and the flashing lights. There are times in our lives when we will be in real danger, unless of course we wrap ourselves in bubble wrap and find a cave to live in. In that case, we’re not really living, so if you ask me, why bother? Life is interesting with a little danger in it. For some who thrive on adrenaline rushes, the amount of danger required can be significantly higher. They’ve clearly mastered their fears better than most.

We all have different levels of fear tolerance. Some of us might be fine with jumping out of a plane, but changing jobs sends us into a panic attack. Others might find moving from one country to another exciting and exhilarating, but the idea of dating puts them in a cold sweat. We are all different and unique, and as such, our fear tolerance isn’t a single level, but situational.

Even so, our evolution as a Human Being (emphasis on the “Being”) depends on gaining mastery over our fears so we can grow and progress.

Fear and Our Comfort Zone

Someone recently said to me “fear is what gets us out of our comfort zone”. I disagree. I believe fear is what keeps us there. It’s our mind telling us: “You don’t want to go out there. There might be goblins, or wolves, or other scary things. Stay in here with me where it’s safe and warm, and you know who’s in here with you.” If you ask me, being stuck in a box with a scaredy-cat is far more frightening than braving the unknown. But I can only speak for myself. I’m also not going to go jump out of a perfectly good plane, but I have friends who do and love it. I suspect I’ve taken risks they’d never even consider.

Still, we ignore fear to our own detriment. There are going to be times when it saves our bacon, even while there are many more when it would hold us back if we let it. Which is why I like the idea of acknowledging it while denying it a say in the decisions we ultimately make about ourselves and our lives.

It’s a lot like a brainstorming session you might have at work. A lot of ideas are thrown out on the table. Some will clearly be unworkable. Others will seem unlikely, but not worth casting away without further discussion, and some will be divvied up right away for further evaluation. I see fear as part of the second group. They may be unlikely, but are worth considering as there may be some merit, if only to remind us to proceed cautiously with eyes and ears wide open for possible pitfalls on a route chosen for innovation and new horizons.

Finding the Right Mix

When we temper fear with our desire for change, we get a healthier version which is caution. A mountain climber uses this refinement when she tests a new hand- or foot-hold before putting weight on it. We back up our computers and save our files somewhere that’s more protected from crashes because of that caution. Still, we don’t allow it to determine our next move. It’s simply built into our process to protect the progress we’ve made so far.

The caution exercised as a result of our fears makes recovery from failure quicker because the damage is minimized. Think how much longer it would take to implement changes if we were back to square one every time we failed. If you ask me, we have our fears to thank for the shorter, less painful falls.

Think of it this way. The parachute would never have been invented had we expected planes (especially the early ones) to remain in the air and land safely 100% of the time.


For more on Fear, check out my Facebook Live

Gratitude; Our Strongest Ally

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I am grateful I’m coming to terms with my fears without letting them freeze me in place.
  2. I am grateful for the people who help me overcome my fears and continue moving forward.
  3. I am grateful for opportunities to test and release my fears.
  4. I am grateful for the new horizons that have opened up since I stopped allowing my fears to vote.
  5. I am grateful for abundance; love, life, freedom, opportunities, mentors, coaches, friends, encouragement, lessons, joy, peace, harmony, health, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love, and Light


About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.

Leaking Moral and Ethical Behavior Through Telecommunication

Fielding Unwanted Callers daughter gets a lot of calls from sales people for her sister, her long-deceased step-monster, and the owner of my house. We’re not entirely sure how her number got on lists for any of these. While I send any and all unrecognized numbers to voicemail where most never leave a message, she, for reasons I’m not at liberty to disclose, answers a lot of them.

Like her with the deceased, I got tons of mail for my dad years after his death. In my case though, it made sense as I was the executor of his estate and had forwarded all his mail to my house. In her case, she hadn’t even seen the deceased for several years prior to her death in about 2006.

In a moment of morbid humor while dealing with multiple calls from  a thickly accented employment agency hack, I suggested she change her outgoing voice mail message to something like “if you’re calling for H, please leave your number and a brief message. If you’re calling for J, her number is… If you’re calling for E, please call {Insert number for a cemetery} and ask for plot 357B.” With luck word would get around to all the cold calling sales hacks who buy lists of telephone numbers and at least the ones for a woman long-dead will cease.

Shutting Down Cold Callers and Bots

We all get those random calls, not only from people trying to sell us something (and clearly haven’t of #GorillaNation, aka “Getting Clients Without Being Salesy”) but from automated bots who steal phone numbers to make it look like a local number we just don’t recognize. The practice has given rise to apps like Hiya, TrueCaller, and Should I Answer? to name a few. If nothing else, the phone hackers keep some of the computer hackers busy trying to create better apps to reduce the annoyance factor for users like you and me.

People have different ways of dealing with the random, and unwelcome callers. Some of us rely on both not answering unrecognized numbers, and apps to alert us when a call is registered as a telemarketer or spam. Others like a few I’ve seen on social media will engage the telemarketer and turn the tables, annoying the annoyer. I doubt it stops them from annoying someone else, but it does keep them busy for a few minutes when there’s zero possibility of making a sale.

I understand there are also ways to tie up their phone line for long periods of time. Again, a method for those who are far more tech savvy than me.

In the end, we all fall back on what we’re best at. For me it’s a combination of blocking, ignoring, and a dose of my twisted sense of humor.

When Ethics and Morals Are Lost in a Sea of Greed

Sadly, especially with elderly victims, these unethical practices generate enough business to justify their existence, at least to those whose moral compass points straight down. It baffles me that people can take advantage of others, all too often, causing irreparable damage and not blink an eye. How they can look at themselves in the mirror is beyond my comprehension. Even in my worst days when I lacked compassion for most of humanity, the idea of stealing from another, especially one who could ill-afford the loss was incomprehensible.

I have to wonder what drives a person to bury their morality under layers of rationalization which says what their doing is morally and ethically OK? How black the soul of someone who steals from the poor, not to help someone else, but to line their own pockets with their ill-gotten gains?

Bringing Back Morality and Compassion

As the morality of our world takes beating after beating in the public eye, I have to wonder where it will all end? At what point will we have reached the very bottom of our tolerance; the point where we can no longer turn our heads or stifle our sensitivity to the suffering of others? Or even, is there such a point?

History has shown we can, in large numbers turn our heads for extended periods of time before our hearts are freed from an extended legacy of service only to ourselves. Sometimes, the pendulum swings and we see massive outbreaks where righteous outrage flies banners denouncing the indignities and abuses. I’m starting to see that isn’t entirely a bad thing.

Using Smoke Screens for Good as Well as Evil we are inundated with news of indignities every day, dragging our attention away from the purpose beneath the smoke screen, could the morally righteous be using the methodology for their own agenda as well? Could they be using the marches, the email campaigns, the blistering messages on Social Media to mask their own activities behind  the scenes? Could there be more examples of sleight of hand occurring beneath the noses of those who seek to oppress and overpower?

The brilliance of this concept gives me goosebumps. Imagine allowing someone to believe you’re losing at their own game, while hiding your true actions in plain sight!

Responding as Expected for Dramatic Effect

I’ve been ranting and raving for a while about how we can’t beat them at their own game of hate by throwing back hate in return. But what if we’re giving them exactly what they want so that underground railroad I’ve spoken of can operate freely and openly? What if the masses who oppose immorality and oppression have manged to create their own Platform 9 3/4?

There is an advantage to sitting in my hermit hole watching what goes on around me, and only commenting on occasion. I sift through what I see and hear, research the rhetoric, look for the concepts which are collaborated in the media all along the conservative to liberal continuum before (if ever) taking a stand and speaking out on one side or the other. I’ve learned a lot in recent months. Not only about how hate kills and emotional belief is unshakable, but that the human mind and heart are incredibly resilient. They may not recognize a trickster or thief at first, but given time to step back and think about it; to search inside for truth, they’ll allow doubts to surface and see the evil grin beneath the smiling face.

Hoisting Them on Their Own Petard

I am beginning to feel people aren’t sitting on the sidelines or accepting from an ingrained belief system as much as they want the world to believe. Many have cast a “you can’t see me” spell without benefit of magic. Instead, they use technology and the media to their own advantage, and the heartless megamonster is happily swallowing the bait and spewing forth fodder for a premature and soon-to-be exposed, unwarranted victory dance.

As with many of the observations I’ve made in the last 5 years or so which eventually became “common knowledge”, or at least were publicly accepted as valid, I’ll sit back and watch to see where this one goes. My money is on the brilliant, heart-centered, compassionate ones whose moral compasses are destined to fight for truth and harmony.

Gratitude Begets Something to be Grateful For

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I am grateful for my daughter Heather who continues to inspire me and make me reach for the stars.
  2. I am grateful for Hallmark movies. Their feel-good themes encourage my pursuit of compassion and kindness.
  3. I am grateful for love. Without it, we’d lose our moral compasses.
  4. I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned about writing and how they’ve taught me to allow the words to flow without trying to force a direction.
  5. I am grateful for abundance; love, inspiration, companionship, joy, dancing, peace, harmony, health, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light


About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, Virtual Assistant and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. She specializes in creating content that helps entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author

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