Care and Feeding of Self

Investing in Your Self

Globally, the diet industry is worth over $200 billion compared with about $38 billion for the self-help industry. While “only” about $76 billion of the diet number is in the US, it’s still twice what people invest in self-help globally. The trouble is, most of those diets don’t work, while investing in self-help, assuming you stick with it, and continue to up your game, is more effective in the long run. Why? Because most diets fail to be all-encompassing; diet, exercise, and lifestyle change.

The diet industry, all too often, focuses on a quick fix which might boost your confidence for a little while, but it’s not sustainable in the long run. When you invest in yourself, be it through books, accountability partners, a therapist, or a life coach, you’re sending a message to your brain that says: “I want to improve myself for the long haul.” It means you understand improving yourself is multi-faceted, and must include your mental and emotional state as well as physical.

Speaking from experience, counting calories, or points, or hyper-focusing on what I’m eating tends to make my brain obsess about food which is exactly what I’m trying to change. Regardless of what so many of the weight loss programs profess, what you eat is only one factor in improving your health. You need to exercise and build muscle in order to help your body burn calories efficiently; not just right now, but for the rest of your life. No amount of calorie counting, stomach stapling, liposuction, or anything else will help keep your weight stable without actually using that body regularly.

Exercise is Key

I’ve invested my fair share in self-help books, and one of the commonalities in most is getting up off the sofa and moving. Whether it’s a 20-minute walk, a regular workout, dancing, tennis, or whatever fits your wants and needs, moving is a panacea for many maladies. One of the commercials for arthritis medication even touts: “a body in motion stays in motion”.

Speaking again from experience, things like dancing and ballet fill my joy meter which keeps me from trying unsuccessfully to fill it with food. Walking gets me out of the house where I get fresh air, exercise, a change of scenery (even if I walk the same route every day), and often lively conversation to boot. Even if my weight doesn’t drop as quickly or regularly as I’d like, my overall health; mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, receive regular doses of health and vitality.

What baffles me while I’m out walking is how many people I see talking on their phones while walking. It’s especially odd when they’re walking a dog. In my mind, the whole purpose of getting out and walking, or frankly, doing any kind of exercise, is to disconnect from the electronics for a little while. If you’re walking your dog, interact with the dog, not some faceless entity on the other end of your cell phone. Otherwise, interact with the people and animals you meet along the way, enjoy the scenery, or simply let your mind wander where it will.

Move Your Body, Clear Your Head

In fact, that’s the reasoning behind the 20-minute walk recommended in “The Artist’s Way”. Sometimes you just need to let your mind go where it will instead of forcing it to chew on old issues, things you can’t fix right this minute, or people you’re allowing to live in your head rent-free. Even when I’m with my regular walking partner, there are times we’ll have a lively, if odd conversation, and others when we’ll walk in companionable silence, each allowing their mind to wander through whatever real or fantastical world it chooses.

Society these days has two major problems in my opinion:

1. Dependence on electronics to occupy the mind.
2. Belief that self-improvement has to be a quick fix.

In over a year of walking regularly, I’ve come to appreciate the down time when I get to admire the scenery, greet people who’ve grown used to seeing us walking every day, visit with the dogs we meet along the way, and observe the changing of the seasons first hand. I’ve seen improvements, not just in my physical form, but in my stamina, in my patience, and in my strength. When we first started, I could barely walk 1/4 mile without exhausting myself (granted, we started walking 3 days after I’d had major surgery). Now I walk 3 miles in about an hour, and even the inclines which used to leave me panting for breath no longer slow me down.

If I wasn’t disconnecting (although I do carry my cell phone in case of emergency, but it stays in my pocket), I wouldn’t even recognize those improvements, or the fact I’ve managed, on a few days lately, to get below a 20-minute mile…without even trying! I’ve also stopped allowing things like pain and minor injuries to stop me from walking. Yesterday, as I stepped off the porch, my right knee gave way for a second. Instead of sitting down on one of my red, Adirondack chairs and whining about it, I told the knee I’d walk slowly until it caught up.

Moving Through the Pain

Though it responded by sending pain down into my shin and up into my hip, I continued to walk, while allowing everything to ease into the movement. At the moment, I’m not exactly pain-free, given the recurrence of the herniated discs in my neck, but I know just the swinging of my arms, and holding my body erect eases the pain in my left arm and shoulder, and has helped (along with daily stretching and icing) to maintain my regular levels of exercise and movement (12- to 15 thousand steps a day on average).

Of course, you have to be in tune with your own body (another advantage to disconnecting from electronics every day), and only push past the pain safely. I learned how far that is for me, but refrain from offering suggestions to others. I don’t know what you’ve been through, or where your body’s been. I can only say, you can’t listen to yours if you don’t allow yourself to pay attention without distractions.

At any rate, whether you choose to invest in self-help books, accountability partners, life coaches, therapists, or some other form of self-care, the main thing to remind yourself is you deserve to care for yourself first and foremost. Draining your own batteries for the benefit of others will only leave you drained. If you’re waiting around for someone else to improve your life…don’t.

Grateful for Learning to Care for Me

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning my greatest investment is in myself.
2. I’m grateful for the improvements I’ve made in my life, and continue to make.
3. I’m grateful for all I’ve learned about recharging my own batteries.
4. I’m grateful for learning to ask for help. That, too is self-care.
5. I’m grateful for my walking buddy who’s stuck with me for over a year through all kinds of weather and life challenges.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Hiccups in the Healing Journey

Healing with Boundaries

I changed up my routine this weekend; sitting on the front porch with my coffee before fixing breakfast and sitting down at the computer. Although my street runs from one of the main thoroughfares down into my neighborhood, there are certain times when it’s actually quiet and peaceful. Saturday morning is one of those times when the silence is broken occasionally by a passing car, but more often, by the cheerful chirping of the local avian population.

Sitting in one of my comfortably padded, red Adirondack chairs left temporarily vacant by Max and Cinders, I pondered the events of the last couple days and nights. On both dance nights this week, someone I’d disconnected from earlier this year was there, which was not unexpected. As usual, we ignored each other, even while in a small, conversational group. What I found odd, but interesting was I no longer felt waves of negative energy emanating from her. Instead, I felt an odd, deadness, almost like a black hole where she was standing.

I know I’ve set some pretty solid boundaries, and set my shields on stun in her case,  but this is the first time I’ve felt someone’s energy disappear entirely. My guess is she’s somehow blocked me too, which is for the best for both of us, but it’s definitely a new experience for me. I’ve read about higher vibrations, and getting beyond certain types of energy, but I don’t flatter myself I’m there yet. Heaven knows, I fight feelings in myself which are hardly higher vibrations, so I have a long way to go before I can hope to completely rise above the negativity of others.

Selectively Sensing Energy

Granted, I’ve been liberally applying my friend Lorna’s imaginary, heart-shaped confetti whenever I’m in the same place as this person, while surrounding myself in golden energy to keep my own space as positive as possible. I’ll still feel the occasional twinges of annoyance; quashing them immediately as self-defeating and pointless. I’m human, after all, and subject to the usual highs and lows as I follow the irregular path of my healing journey. I’m also feeling more alone than usual again.

The deadness of her energy field might puzzle me, but I’m unwilling to probe the matter further than to suppose, having pretended all this time she’s not even there has simply made it so I no longer detect her energy at all. At this point, I chalk it up to another lesson learned in allowing myself to trust someone too much when doing so means being untrue to myself. Doing so means, when things go south, I’m apt to go overboard protecting myself from further interchanges.

Over the years, I’ve learned through both necessity, and trial and error I need to protect my own energy. For a number of years, I was doing too good a job, resulting in complete disconnection from most of the human race. Though the method I first chose came at a time when I was under energetic attack I didn’t really understand, I wouldn’t recommend encasing oneself in a mirror ball. It might have thwarted the attacks but it prevented me from either healing, or making healthy connections for decades. When I finally emerged, I was nearly as vulnerable as a newborn without the benefit of parents to protect me until I could stand on my own so lessons were painful and brutal for awhile.

Learning to Trust Through Trial and Error

Even now, I tend to trust too easily under certain circumstances, not at all under others, and retract like a turtle into my shell when I discover I’ve misplaced my trust…yet again. I haven’t given up on finding people I can trust with my soft, mushy self, but I’m more cautious than an aquaphobic at the sea shore, especially after another setback from misplacing my trust yet again. I know there’s a happy medium but I still suffer from extremism in this area. Either my “switch” is on, or it’s off. Though I need to install a dimmer, I haven’t been in a state of balance long enough to do so.

I know something is changing though, as I’m learning, consciously or not to block some energy so completely I no longer sense its existence, though realistically, I know it has to be there somewhere. Unfortunately, I’m no longer sensing any truly safe places either, and know it’s because I’ve retreated back into myself again. Though I’m ready to dip my toe back in that pond, there’s a part of me which is, as yet, unwilling to take the risk. In a lot of ways, I’m back to that oblivious girl who wouldn’t recognize a safe place, or for that matter, a willing soul if they smacked me on the head, or dumped a bucket of ice water over me.

All I can do now, is hold onto the spark of hope and faith inside me which continues to believe I deserve to be surrounded by people who love and support me; to have a more active social life, and be less of a hermit. Beyond that, I cannot see, nor comprehend right now, but I can still work on my healing.

Grateful for My Own Journey

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the lessons that hurt like the dickens, but help me heal at the same time.
2. I’m grateful for my turtle shell. There are times I need to pull back and regroup.
3. I’m grateful for the few who truly support me, even when I’m a real PITA.
4. I’m grateful for kindred spirits.
5. I’m grateful for my writing. Sometimes, it’s the only person I can talk to freely.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Check Engine Lights Remind You to Find Balance

Check Engine Lights Remind You to Balance

Everyone has ups and downs; highs and lows; days when you’re in high gear all day, knocking out tasks right and left, and those when simply getting out of bed is a major accomplishment. Problems arise when you try forcing yourself to be something you’re not, or ignore the signs until your engine shuts down due to lack of proper maintenance. If you wait until your engine seizes up and refuses to go any further, you risk damaging what would be a well-oiled machine were it given adequate amounts of healthy food, water, exercise, recreation, and rest.

Too many are brainwashed into believing they need to work hard to get ahead. If they’re not making progress at the expected rate, they think working harder is going to solve the problem. The truth is, working harder isn’t necessarily the answer. How many people work themselves into an early grave, and all they get is frustration, and ultimately, failure to achieve what they think they’re supposed to?

Sure, successful people seem to work 90 hours a day, from the outside looking in. Certainly, there are some who do, eschewing family, recreation, and a social life. I see it in the same way many women starve themselves to stay thin, yet never believe they’re thin enough. No amount of material success is ever going to satisfy the people referred to as workaholics because they never allow themselves to reach their milestones before raising the bar. But more importantly, because they don’t allow themselves downtime to enjoy what they’ve built, nor let anyone get close enough to truly share those accomplishments, or the ease they might bring to their lives should they give themselves a minute away from working, or thinking about work.

Real Success Means Work/Life Balance

To me, truly successful people have achieved a work/life balance. They know

Photo by Preston Rhea via Flikr

when to take time off to refresh and recharge. They have friends and family to whom they give their full attention on a regular basis. Above all, they know when to disconnect from electronics.

In my opinion, Bill and Melinda Gates set amazing examples. Articles in Inc., and Style demonstrate not only their co-parenting style, but also how family time is encouraged, while discouraging what’s become a rampant dependence on electronic devices in many households.

The time you spend with others, be they friends, family, or pets, giving them your full attention rather than letting work, or other responsibilities distract you from giving them your all will always be time well spent, if you ask me. Not only are you setting an example, but you’re putting more kindness and compassion into the world, even if it seems like you’re only affection a microcosm of the whole. Every act of kindness, every moment you give to yourself and others raises the overall vibration of all Humanity.

Sure, you might see no tangible results from taking time to be with others to feed your own soul, but it means you’re spending less time feeling frantic, overworked, buried in deadlines, and stressed out. How can that not affect the overall energy of the world?

Bring Joy, Not Gloom

Imagine this. You’re in a room full of people, talking, laughing, sharing hugs and friendship. Someone walks in who’s had a particularly hard day, and wasn’t able to leave their troubles at the door before joining the party. You can almost see the tension they’re exuding; a dark, heavy cloud that stifles any gaiety or sense of ease it touches. You can almost see the path as a swathe is cut through the joy that previously filled the room to overflowing. Perhaps a gap grows between this person and everyone else. Then someone walks over, wraps the person in a warm, heartfelt hug, and you see the dark pall shrink and soften, allowing harmony to once again reign.

Every one of us is part of that happy throng enjoying each other’s company, casting aside worries and troubles, if only for a heartbeat of time. But for that heartbeat, you’re affecting the entire world because it’s one less spot where worry and strife create a dark pall that drags everything it touches away from a sense of joy, peace, and well-being. It colors the attitude of everyone in its path, making it harder to see past the troubles and worries to a place where love and joy await.

Maintaining your own energy at a higher level means you’re not adding to the dark pall. You’re not touching others with a sense of gloom and doom, but instead, you’re giving them hope. It might be a smile you give a stranger, a moment you take to stop and watch a butterfly flit by, or listen to a child’s laughter. Whether you notice or not, you affect others. Someone stops to see what you’re watching that’s made you smile, or listens for the sound that’s made you cock your head to listen. They get to share your joy.

Recognize the Warning Signs

Photo – Alexander Svensson via Flikr

I’ve cut my grocery shopping trips down to once a month lately. I also try to limit my stops. I’ve learned if I go too long without eating, it causes me to be cranky, and my patience dwindles until I’m ready to snarl at anything or anyone causing me delays. It makes what might otherwise be a pleasant trip out into the world a dreaded chore, and I’m not doing anyone who has the misfortune of coming in contact with my crabby self any favors.

Once I honed in on the problem, I learned to either start my trip shortly after a meal, or take something with me to snack on to take the edge off. Admittedly, it was easier before COVID when I could snack on a sample from Costco or Trader Joe’s, but it’s really not their responsibility to maintain my blood sugar levels. Taking care of me is my job, whether the need is food, water, or giving and receiving attention.

Just as I would do my best to leave trouble and worries at the door when I made my twice-weekly visits to my beloved Borderline, I’m learning to do the same whenever I go out into the world. When I’m feeling like I can’t let things go, I either keep to myself, or avail myself of a recently discovered option; close girlfriends who can share both the good times and bad, and best of all, be honest with each other. I don’t always see the forest for the trees, so opening up to them gives me another perspective, and most of the time, pulls me out of the pit I’ve dug myself into a calmer, happier place.

To make a long story short, you are going to find yourself in dark places it’s hard to see past, much less find a way out. Not only do you affect those around you, you have people who can shine a light and show you the way out if you let them. Wallowing in a pit of despair is a choice. Though it was one I made for years, it’s never the best one for you or anyone else. Learning to relax; learning to vent when you need to get a new perspective, or simply blow off steam; learning to balance your own life will bring balance to the world around you. Isn’t it worth the effort?

Use Gratitude to Stay in Balance

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for friends who help me keep my life on a more even keel, and in fact, give me more joy than sadness.
2. I’m grateful for the kindness I’ve learned to bring to the world, and for those who’ve set me better, healthier examples.
3. I’m grateful for each day, whether it’s lazy, productive, or a combination of both.
4. I’m grateful for the healthy habits I’ve formed, and the space I’m making to form even more.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, joy, kindness, compassion, happiness, friendship, sharing, caring, opportunities, motivation, inspiration, dedication, peace, harmony, balance, health, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author