A Change of Vibe

Seeking a Better Vibe

This week, having grown tired of my Maroon 5 station on Pandora, I switched back to the more poignant, mellow strains of Simon and Garfunkel, and friends. It’s proven to be a choice both appropriate and timely.

Songs like “Sounds of Silence”, What’s Going on Here” and “Both Sides Now” reflect not only the downturn in my mood, but how it’s isolating me further and further every day. And yet, belting out a song along with Joni Mitchell, or some of my other 70’s era favorites is releasing a lot of the pressure I’ve allowed to build up over the last week, especially when I don’t get the words quite right, and end up giggling at my own lunacy.

Removing myself and my regular, uplifting and inspiring posts from social media has done more than proven what I already suspected: I’m nothing to others if I’m not being inspiring or uplifting. If I show up and sit in a corner by myself, few will cross the abyss to check in on me, and even less when my absence is virtual. Even though I can’t trust myself to be unselectively cordial, or even civil, every reminder of my now, almost complete isolation is both rude and painful. Frankly, I doubt I’ve recovered emotionally from the aftermath of my hysterectomy when I learned just how unimportant I am to the lives of what I now realize are merely acquaintances. I learned then I can count my friends on one hand and still have leftover fingers.

Maybe Alone Really is Better

They say “no man is an island” but I’m afraid “they” hadn’t met me when those words were penned. I may not be an island when it comes to love and attention from felines, and even the occasional canine. It’s humans I don’t relate well to, and of late, I’m less and less able, much less willing to relate, even on the limited basis I’d grown accustomed to.

Thankfully I have my work, both as a contractor and charitable. One keeps my mind busy and sharp, while the other is an emotional balm to my wounded, broken spirit. Spending 3 hours a week socializing some sweet, affectionate cats and kittens is an absolute joy for me, and I’m excited for each one who has found a home the next time I return. Deciding to volunteer was one of my wiser decisions of late, and I’m seriously considering adding more hours to my week.

It might sound like I’ve initiated another pity party, and perhaps, to some degree, I have. These are troubling times, and I, for one, am especially troubled. Even a trip to Costco was exhausting. People were completely oblivious to everyone and everything around them. I lost count of the number of times I almost had a collision, as people darted from one side of the aisle to the other without looking where they were going. I only hope they show a little more care when they get behind the wheel of their cars! So far, I’ve seen no evidence they have, and my own defensive driving is proving invaluable right now!

Whose Rights Really Matter Now?

It’s almost as if people now feel they have permission to be as inconsiderate, rude, and frankly, insufferable as they can possibly manage given what must be limited imaginations. After all, they bought into a pack of lies as big as one which had a naked emperor parading in front of subjects afraid to tell him the truth.

Have I lost faith in Humanity? Maybe only the ones who still call themselves “Americans”. Do I see things changing for the better any time soon? Not before they get a whole lot worse. Will I, for once in my life, detach well before I get sucked down into someone else’s rule book and agenda? You bet your sweet bippy I will. If I have to cut loose from all but that partial handful of people, and surround myself with cats to do it, so be it. The cats are always happy to see me!

So don’t go looking for me in all the usual places. I’ll more likely be found tooling down the road in my Just-try-and-ignore-me red SUV, singing along with my heroes of the 60s and 70s loud, off-key, and with my interpretation of the lyrics. I’ll either be on my way home to my own clowder who loves me, or off to visit with those who are waiting for their perfect home: with names like Emmy, Katniss, Xena, Blue, Smokey, Serafina, Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn, Taylor, and Gato knowing when I get where I’m going, I’ll be greeted with purrs, snuggles, and as much fur-love as I can handle.

I Still Believe in Gratitude

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for my new job as a volunteer for an animal rescue.
2. I’m grateful for my day job which only requires limited interaction with people, and that the people I do get to interact with are amazing.
3. I’m grateful for recognizing I’m in danger of being sucked into someone else’s idiocy so I can get the hell out of Dodge well ahead of the circus and the monkeys.
4. I’m grateful for the partial handful of friends who, whether they know it or not, are doing a great deal to keep me only slightly in the red zone on the insanity meter.
5. I’m grateful for a lifestyle which allows me to isolate when the world around me becomes to miserable to bear.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.