Shifting the Obsessive Mind

Shifting Perspective

I learned last week that a major, but thus far, unrevealed change is coming in the new year; one which will affect my earning potential. As it’s unclear whether the change will be partial, or complete, my brain is, of course obsessing; where do I need to reduce my outflow; what changes can I make myself to minimize the overall effect?

Thankfully, I already have a couple of plans in place for the new year anyway, but it doesn’t stop my brain from slipping merrily into worst case scenario. The worst thing you can tell my overly obsessive brain is “we’ll talk about it later”. Not that I’m likely to end up in the streets or anything so dramatic. Especially with one of my plans for the new year, I’ll be reducing my overall debt such that my monthly outlay won’t be unmanageable on income from other sources. Still, I’d rather know now what I can expect in 2025 so I can start acting accordingly (emergency vet visits notwithstanding).

Meanwhile, my mind churns through the developments in 2024, trying to make sense of what was, what is, and what is to come. I actually had a bit of an epiphany. While focusing so fixedly on the lack of support since my hysterectomy, I lost sight of the times those same people did support me in whatever way they could, bringing me beautiful roses from their garden or cupcakes for my birthday, knowing no one else would think of it, including me in a group walking down the street for dinner during WWLA…  In short, it’s time I started focusing on the positive aspects of certain relationships instead of all the times this year I felt hurt, rejected, and alone.

Reclaiming My Happy

The saddest part is I’ve lost the one thing which has been my happy place for most of my life because I’ve been too busy feeling hurt over the tumult triggered by a possible cancer diagnosis, a hysterectomy, and a flood of hormones I thought were already dead and gone. If nothing else, it’s teaching me to stop putting all my eggs in one basket; expand my social circle beyond the dance community; allow myself to indulge in activities which encompass the arts, lunches with friends, and perhaps even a movie, alone or with company.

I’ve become single-minded in my obsessions, and frankly, it hasn’t been in my own best interests for a long time. There’s more to life than dance nights or ballet classes, and it’s taken an extended break from both, and everything connected to them to realize I’m only short-changing myself. Not that the quiet nights alone, watching Christmas movies and snuggling with the cats hasn’t been its own kind of therapy. But maybe there’s been a tad too much wallowing, and feeling sorry for myself in there as well.

I wonder if I would have reached out when the rescue asked for volunteers if I hadn’t been feeling so lost and disconnected? It’s taken me outside my comfort zone at times, but in a good way. Meeting other animal-obsessed people who don’t share my connections with the dance community has been healthy and healing. Just as my daily walks get me outside and away from my own, four walls on a regular basis, so too, do my weekly volunteer hours.

Many Flavors of Friendship

In some ways, spending too much time in my own company has given me a skewed idea of what friendship should be. In fact, friendship comes in many flavors, including the close, tight bonds I continue to lack. In an odd way, I’m reminded of the Grinch’s epiphany about Christmas.

All my friendships in the dance community are of the “no frills” variety: no get-togethers outside of dancing, no shared confidences or inside jokes (other than maybe “walk, walk”). But we’re genuinely happy to see each other on dance nights to share the floor and the passion we all embrace whole-heartedly.

Maybe I’m not meant to find my close friends on a dance floor. Perhaps, like the song says, I’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places. As recently as the current week, I wasn’t ready to return to the scene of the crime, so to speak. With this latest revelation, perhaps I’m ready now.

Focusing on Gratitude

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful I’ve learned I can, and do change my mind when I start to see something from a different angle.
2. I’m grateful for discovering I don’t need to find everything my heart wants in one place.
3. I’m grateful for friendships that are like a warm, fuzzy blanket as well as those that are more like a litter of excited puppies.
4. I’m grateful for being able to constantly look within to find lessons, healing, and love.
5. I’m grateful for having my mother as an example, all too often, of what I do not want to be.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.