Can Doors We Close Be Re-opened?

Revisiting Closed Doors

Photo-Tim Green via Flikr

I’ve closed many a door in my lifetime, and had a few closed on me. Sometimes, the reason was clear, while others, it was a bit hazy. Still, whoever closed the door, be it me, or someone else did so for reasons believed valid at the time. What happens when the reason for the closure is either forgotten, or has faded? What if the pain you felt at the time no longer hurts? No longer matters?

I’m pondering those questions now as Mother’s Day nears. I’ve had no contact with my youngest daughter for a number of years to the point where she didn’t even tell me when she left California shortly before the birth of her sons. At that point, the door which had been slightly ajar slammed closed, perhaps on both our parts. I know I was hurt to learn she’d moved away, but worse, moved closer to the father who’d barely participated in her life after he and I split up. I’ve barely acknowledged the fact she’s given me 3 grandchildren because, quite frankly, they don’t know me from Adam, and as far as I know, have been taught their grandmother is someone not related by blood or marriage.

Those reasons, in and of themselves might be enough to continue to leave the door closed on my side, and yet, I wonder if the time has come to reach out and see if there’s a little give on the other side; an opportunity to open the doors a little and see if there’s some common ground; some neutral territory where we might meet, put aside our differences, and reconnect.

Some Doors Were Closed When the Lesson Was Learned

It isn’t an easy choice to make knowing previous history, and knowing there

Photo-Spiral Tarot

may be an unwillingness to find that neutral place where past hurts, both real and imagined can be put aside, or at least forgiven. Frankly, I don’t know for sure I could do it myself. Until I can be reasonably sure I’d go in with an open mind, leaving the past in the past, I believe it’s best to leave the door closed for now, though maybe with the lock turned.

I look back on the many doors I’ve closed over the years, and the reasons for doing so. I look at some with regret because I know I caused someone pain when I turned my back and walked away with no explanation. My only consolation is my belief they’re better off because many of the doors I closed were when I was a person even I couldn’t like today. I choose to believe I left them to make better choices, and to bring people into their lives who would enrich them rather than draining them as I’m sure I did.

The doors which were closed on me are a different story. I’m able to look back and realize those people were in my life for a season, or a reason, but not a lifetime. I learned valuable lessons in the brief time our paths crossed; about me, about life, and about changes I needed to make before I could give and receive love in a healthy, supportive, sustainable manner. I look at both the acquaintance, and the closed door with gratitude and acceptance.

Gaining Perspective

It wasn’t always that way. For years, I looked at closed doors as a personal affront. I failed to recognize the lesson in their action, nor their right to protect themselves from my toxicity. Most of the doors that were closed in my face occurred before I learned to lower my walls and act like a Human instead of an emotionless robot.

My version of love, both giving and receiving, was abusive and unkind at best. Those who experienced the former me were right to close the door and plaster over it so it could never be re-opened. I honestly believe they deserved better, and hope they found it. I also hope they never look back and wonder.

The doors that have closed and the doors I’ve opened in the last decade or two have taught me more than I could ever put down in mere words. The people who’ve come into my life, given me patience, love, and understanding are the true gifts. None of them had to wade through the muck of my former self that still floats around me at times, yet they chose to. They didn’t have to stick around when I regressed and showed that ugly side of myself which isn’t truly eradicated, as it’s part of the fabric of my soul. Yet they chose to stand by me while those moments passed.

Embracing Imperfections

I’ve learned the ugliest parts of myself serve as reminders of who I was, and how far down I could sink if I allowed that part of my personality to take hold again. Knowing it’s still lurking somewhere deep inside, and that it comes out to play every time I get angry or judgemental serves as a reminder to keep focusing on kindness and compassion, and on the people who exude it freely and naturally. I’m still working on evolving to that point permanently.

Granted, no one is perfect. Even the kindest souls occasionally get pushed too far, and respond with less than their usual compassion. Life is about tempering. You can’t grow stronger if there are no challenges to test your strength. You can’t become better if there’s no higher ground to strive for. But there’s nothing to be gained by hiding the cracks and flaws behind walls and masks either. The key is finding a balance between showing it all, and showing what is necessary to connect with, and help others work through their own dark sides to become kinder, more compassionate Beings.

I choose to believe the difference between a door closed forever, and one closed while the parties evolve is obvious once the ego is disengaged. Letting go of the pain which led to closure is only the first step. Opening heart and mind to the possibility the other person has grown stronger and kinder for the experience allows for a true meeting in the middle. Realizing and accepting there may still be no middle ground, and not taking it personally is a lot harder. Perhaps it’s why so many doors remain closed which might have re-opened if one party or the other didn’t secretly fear being rebuffed.

For now, I choose to be open to the possibility certain doors will be re-opened, kinder, stronger, and more lovingly, but I also choose to allow the opening to happen in its own time, and not because I’ve deemed it time.

Grateful for Lessons

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned, the doors that have closed, and future possibilities.
2. I’m grateful for the changes I’ve made to myself, and for the people who’ve helped me make them.
3. I’m grateful for people who have stood by me, even when I fell back into my uglier self for a bit.
4. I’m grateful for opportunities to learn, grow, and further temper myself into a stronger, kinder, more compassionate, Human. I may have a long way to go, but I’ve come a long way already.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, joy, friendship, compassion, kindness, forgiveness, awareness, acceptance, peace, health, harmony, balance, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author