The Lies We Tell Our Aging Brains

Innocent Lies

The older I get, the more I give myself too much credit for remembering a thought beyond the moment it’s thought. Things like:

• I don’t need to write that down
• I don’t need to set my alarm so I’ll be up in time for an 11:00 AM appointment
• I will put this away and remember where I put it when I need it
• I don’t need to check my calendar daily

The trouble is, with each passing year, we fill our brains with more and more information, both useful and trivial. We don’t have compartments which might make the useful pieces easily accessible. Those bits get dumped into the same bucket as things like:

• What’s a baby swan called?
• How many steps does it take to get from point A to point B?
• Who were the actresses in “The Golden Girls”?
• What are the names of the seven dwarfs?

Forgetfulness is Not Senility

The sad part is, I’ll remember the trivial, but forget where I put my glasses, or what time my appointment on Tuesday is. I solved the first one by putting at least one pair of glasses in every room, but if I leave a pair on top of my head, you can be sure I’ll set it down where it doesn’t belong, then go looking for it when I need it again. I partially solve the second by putting things on my calendar. Remembering to look at it is still a work in progress.

Some might say this forgetfulness is a sign of impending senility, but in the first place, I’ve been forgetful most of my life, and in the second, I’ve stuffed an awful lot of information into this head of mine. Without a decent information retrieval system, or even a logical storage system, retrieval becomes more and more difficult the fuller my brain becomes. The fact my ADD brain is easily sidetracked and sent on wild goose chases doesn’t help.

After decades of apologizing, or groping for the right word, I’ve learned it’s OK to forget a name…5 or 6 times. It’s OK when the I fail to retrieve the word I’m looking for, and describe what I mean in a few more words instead. It’s even OK to spend half a day searching for something I put away somewhere I was sure I’d remember. None of these things point to losing my faculties but many of them point to my lifelong inability to think in a straight line.

Lying to Conform

My daughters used to laugh when I’d stand in the middle of a room saying: “If I were that thing, where would I be?” or “What did I come in here for again?” They used to accuse me of being senile until they realized it happened to them too. They’re just as easily sidetracked as I am, and like me, they’ve learned little tricks to help them navigate a world designed for linear thinkers, and in one daughter’s case, right handers too.

We could continue to tell ourselves lies thinking we need to follow the same rules and expectations as other people, or we could simply accept we aren’t going to remember something unless we write it down, set an alarm, or do whatever it takes to simplify our retrieval of non-trivial information. What it all boils down to is admitting we need help, and asking for it, even if it’s of ourselves.

Maybe that’s why we began telling ourselves the lies in the first place. We wanted to fit in. We wanted to be “normal” instead of recognizing the beauty in our kaleidoscopic uniqueness. We tried to color inside the lines even when our souls wanted to break free and bring something which  cavorted inside us to beautiful, random, opulent life.

Embracing the Unbeaten Paths

It’s time we learned others don’t need to understand the convoluted path we take to get from point A to point B, or even that we don’t need to hit all the points in order to go from the beginning of one leg of our journey, to the beginning of the next. We don’t require the order of checking every box, or following a pre-defined path. We need both the side trips and the short cuts as we make our own, multi-colored, multi-faceted way through life.

As for me, I’ll keep using those reminders, and doing my best to ignore the lies. I know I need to write things down; to set an alarm; to look at my calendar daily; to repeat someone’s name a few times in my head. I’m OK with not remembering, and even for asking indulgence when I miss a reminder, or write something down wrong. I appreciate the ones who send me reminders so I’ll check my calendar to make sure I wrote things down correctly. I appreciate those who don’t take it personally when I ask their name for the twelfth time.

There are plenty of us out there who will indulge and understand those idiosyncrasies and memory challenges. They, too have absorbed a lot of knowledge, both useful and trivial without a viable way of separating one from the other. They understand we all need a little help, and won’t always ask, because that’s one trait we all share.

So make yourself those reminders. Write things down when they occur to you, even if you have to use the Notes function on your phone, or a handy napkin or receipt. Check your calendar 12 times a day if you need to. Most of all, be kind to yourself when (and there will be whens) you forget something, or lose another pair of reading glasses. After all, you’re only Human.

Grateful for Non-Linear Thinking

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning it’s OK to not remember
2. I’m grateful for friends whose minds are as cross-wired as mine.
3. I’m grateful for calendars, Notes, and lists.
4. I’m grateful for learning to be kinder to myself.
5. I’m grateful for my crazy, convoluted, non-linear brain.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

3 Solutions for Erratic Memory

Give Your Memory a Boost

The human brain may seem to have an unlimited capacity for remembering, but after a lifetime of lessons, experiences, memories, and an abundance of useless factoids, your retrieval system is stretched to its limits…and then some. With the added challenges of age and ADD, I found myself frustrated more often than not every time I lost a bit I desperately needed to remember.

At wit’s end, I finally came up with a solution—or to be accurate, three solutions.

• Solution 1: Write it down
• Solution 2: Create a routine
• Solution 3: Do it as soon as you think of it

I know these sound simplistic, but let me give you details, and a few examples.

Solution 1: Write It Down

As a writer, I have a billion ideas for stories, characters, blog posts, and groceries flying through my head at any given time. After losing things time after time, and growing more and more frustrated by what I mistakenly assumed was lack of memory, I realized I needed to use someone, or something else’s memory to augment, not my memory itself, but my retrieval system.

When my existing, manual system broke down I knew I had to find a more lasting, semi-permanent solution. Jotting things down on random bits of paper or sticky notes is all well and fine until you:

1. Lose the bit of paper, or
2. Can’t decipher your own handwriting

Luckily for me, our digital age provided other solutions. If I’m mobile, be it out and about, or wandering my house and yard, like so many of you, I’m rarely without my phone. I’ll use my almost-ever-present phone’s Notes app, or shopping list function to jot down a reminder of some sort which can range from a few words to an entire blog post.

If I’m near, or in my virtual office, I’ll commit it to memory either in a Word document, or the beginning of a new blog post, if it’s a blog post idea I’m trying to remember. If the idea comes while I’m writing my Morning Pages, I’ll highlight the passage, then mark it with a sticky note flag with a few words explaining the idea, or a suggested title for the post.

When ideas are coming hot and heavy, I either add them to my growing list of blog ideas in the Word document I created for that purpose, or again, jot it down in a Note on my phone. Though there are still times I lose ideas or tasks because I assure myself a few mental repetitions of the idea will be enough to stick it into an easily retrievable portion of my brain, using one of these methods has ensured I retain more than I lose.

Solution 2: Create a Routine

For years, I was inconsistent about taking all my supplements every day, scooping sandboxes, and washing and moisturizing my face. Starting to do daily Facebook Lives was a perfect opportunity to turn them all into a regular routine because it meant I got up from the computer after breakfast to make myself presentable for the live video.

Since I was in the bathroom already, I could pick up wastebasket and scoop, and get the sandboxes scooped before brushing my teeth. Since I already had a full cup of water in my hand, it was a short hop to going through all of my bottles and taking those pesky supplements. My ADD brain was happy because I always take my supplements in the same order so as not to forget everything.

As the same was true for making coffee, cleaning the kitchen, and getting things ready for the next morning’s breakfast, those became a routine as well. Soon, all regular tasks became an opportunity to start a new routine.

Laundry and the limited supply of gym clothes I wear unless I’m going out mean I do laundry after I finish dancing and chatting around 9:30 every Thursday so the clothes I hang to dry are ready for drawers and clothes racks by the next day.

One of the things I’m most likely to put off is cleaning floors. Though my current system is imperfect, thrice weekly ballet classes have led to Swiffering the living room and hallway at least 3 times a week, thereby keeping the house felines’ game of tracking-the-sand to a livable minimum when combined with regular sweeping while I’m scooping.

Each time I find a task I’m slacking off on, or forgetting entirely, I now look for a place in my regular routine where I can slip it in without unduly stressing myself out, or adding too much to the list. Where there isn’t a good fit, I see an opportunity to add another routine to my schedule. Oddly enough, I’ve learned it doesn’t tie up my day, or take away from my newly created, regular writing routine much, if at all.

Do It As Soon As You Think of It

I’m notorious for letting supplements run out, using the last of a condiment in the kitchen, or letting the toilet paper in the bathroom enter the critical stage. As the cats have yet to be trained to retrieve something I’ve forgotten, I’ve had to develop a method for ensuring I never run out.

Since most thoughts are gone from my brain in a nanosecond or less, I came up with a workable solution. When I use the last of something, I immediately (or as soon as possible) go to the cupboard or garage for a replacement. It doesn’t matter if it’s a jar of cinnamon, a roll of paper towels, or a bottle of potassium. As soon as the vessel is empty, I make a move to replace it—well before my erratic memory relegates it to the slag heap where it sends anything it deems unimportant—which means almost everything.

Even so, there are times I’ll get to the cupboard or garage and forget why I went there in the first place. Often, going back to the scene of the crime can jostle the memory loose. What that means is I go back to the room I was in when I thought about retrieving a replacement. Invariably, I’ll either see or feel something that reminds me of the mission I so quickly forgot.

Imperfect at Best, But Better Than Nothing

None of these solutions, either collectively or separately means remembering everything, but nowadays, I rarely forget to take all my supplements, make coffee, or replace the toilet paper, so I consider the exercise a success. Most of all, I get to continue to evolve and grow as circumstances, needs, and goals change.

None of my routines are exactly engraved in stone, though a few have become non-negotiable. (If I don’t get my coffee as soon as I head, fully dressed, bed made, contacts in, and morning pages writ to the kitchen, I’ll start the day on the wrong foot, and nothing good comes of THAT!)

As long as I remember enough of my blog ideas to fill my queue, enough of the story ideas to use when I’m ready, epiphanies for edits to one of my WIPs, and the things I do to keep myself healthy, I consider my multi-faceted, memory-retrieval system a smashing success.

Feel free to use one or all of my methods, or come up with some that work for you. And please share any new ones you discover. I guarantee I’m not the only one who would benefit from your suggestions.

Grateful for Improvements

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for lessons I’ve learned that help me improve my life on so many levels.
2. I’m grateful for routines that ensure I get things done regularly.
3. I’m grateful for tools that augment a memory retrieval system that bogs down regularly.
4. I’m grateful for another day to improve my life and world.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, lessons, tools, joy, challenges, successes, failures, opportunities, friendship, peace, health, harmony, balance, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author