Releasing What No Longer Serves

Time to Release the Past

This has been an interesting year; a year of change, and a year of letting go of who and what no longer serves me. As such, there’s been a fair amount of upheaval and a lot of uncertainty. Where I’ll be going, and with whom are the biggest uncertainties I face now. Though when I stopped chasing what wasn’t working, several appeared as if by magic, though I know they were simply waiting for me to notice they’d been there the whole time. They’re the ones who understand sometimes I need time, and room to process. They give me space, and don’t push when I say I’m working it out. They’re the ones I actually will turn to for help if I find myself stuck in a holding pattern too long.

I’m not a clock or a toaster. I don’t need someone to pick me up and fix me when I’m running around erratically. I need to be left alone to slog through the latest swamp I’ve wandered into when I wasn’t paying attention. Eventually I’ll emerge, water dripping off me in muddy waves, with reeds tangled in my hair. I may not have figured out which direction I want to head next yet, but I’ll certainly have figured out where I don’t want to go. Sometimes, that’s far more helpful, since it knocks a few options off the list.

So I’m releasing my stranglehold on people, places and things which are unable to honor my need to chew on things for awhile before I’m ready to talk about them; who take my silence personally when they should be grateful I’m taking the time to put things into perspective instead of haring off in any old direction, blasting down walls, and burning bridges to smoldering piles of cinders. I often need time to work through my naturally reactive self; to calm her down and let her see most of the mountains she’s attacking are little more than mole hills, easily kicked aside; and to put down the blow torch, engaging, instead, her infrequently used patience.

Lessons Can Get Messy

I’ve learned a lot this year; who I can truly trust with my messy, complicated self; where I still need to work on responding rather than reacting; and the many places I’m still in the process of healing which are still so easily triggered. I’ve spent a lot of time circling back when something I thought I’d healed has a flare-up.

Most of all, I’ve learned I don’t need to keep being patient with people who only show me their masks and facades, and think I don’t recognize the difference between real and fake. Trust me, my Empath/Spidey sense knows the difference because fake doesn’t feel good to me at all.

I especially appreciate people who can disagree with me without making it an “I’m right and your wrong” scenario. We can see things differently without right or wrong ever entering the conversation. Our life experiences conspire to make us see things from a different perspective. Often, sharing our different perspectives in a non-confrontational, non-self-pitying manner opens our eyes to other possibilities. Anything else tends to annoy me, and throw up my own walls because I know I’m not going to get an actual discussion.

A Smaller, Stronger Circle

While I appreciate a good performance, another sure way to lose me is to dial up the drama. But I suppose that goes hand in hand with showing up in full costume, with the mask firmly in place. The intention is clearly to engage and sway an audience, not communicate on a level playing field. There are plenty of people out there who prefer the performer to the authentic. Being an audience rather than a participant is safer and easier. I’ve always been the one to take the hard road.

I’m also releasing those who see me as B of A or Amazon Prime. I’ve closed those doors while working on taking better care of myself and yes, treating myself to a few more nice things than I have in the past.

Sure, it means my circle has become significantly smaller, but I’ll always choose quality over quantity; authentic over pretend. I talked a good game for awhile, as I learned to embrace my own authenticity and vulnerability. It’s an amazing place once you get there, but the road can be treacherous and scary as hell. Part of the journey lies in knowing you can step back and regroup whenever you want, and in identifying the people you can safely ask for help when you need it.

My road looks a lot different now than it did at the beginning of the year, but I’ve cleared a lot of land, and flowers are starting to emerge from what had become a rather stark vista for a little while.

Grateful for the Lessons, and the Teachers

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for being able to walk alone when I can’t find my true companions.
2. I’m grateful for accepting my own way of doing things, and sticking to my guns even if someone’s feelings are hurt by my process.
3. I’m grateful for the people who can share their perspective with in a constructive manner.
4. I’m grateful for a continuing flow of writing material. (I was sure I wouldn’t get a post written tonight!)
5. I’m grateful for a small but mighty community of authentic, vulnerable, refreshingly real people.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.