Upgrading Outside to Heal Inside

Spending on Myself to Heal

Years ago, my dad used to joke he was spending my sister’s and my inheritance. At the time, I told him to go for it, as he’s the one who amassed whatever he had in the first place. There was no inherited, or even gifted money as my mom had spent every dime of what she’d received when her father passed. As far as I was concerned, he deserved to do whatever he liked with that money.

Fast-forward to today. I’m, finally getting over the need to hoard, and the resistance to spending the money I’ve earned (or in some cases inherited and invested) on myself. I took the comparatively small amount I received from my father’s estate and invested it in stocks which have now increased significantly in value. It was all I inherited, or stand to inherit as my grandfather left half of his estate to my mom, and the other half, divided between my two daughters. Though I could have used the money at the time, it meant figuring out how to manage on my own during one of the hardest periods of my life, both financially and emotionally. I can now look back and say I made it work, despite more setbacks than successes for a number of years.

Learning I Deserve a Few Luxuries

As I look around my space which has been in pre-remodel demo mode since 2011, I know there are things I could tackle if I was willing to throw enough money at them. At the moment, I’m taking things in smaller bites. The vertical blinds in my living room, and the minis in my bedroom were old, broken, had seen better days decades ago. They were the first to go, with the added bonus of blinds on the kitchen window which faces the street and the morning sun. That big bullet bitten, I looked at the old, second-hand couch and love seat which were no longer doing my back any favors, and decided they were the next to go.

It all started with the first cruise I took without sharing a cabin, and continued when I booked 3 more over the next year or so. Not only will I be cruising alone again, but I’ll have my balcony on all 3. Sure, it’s an added luxury and expense on cruises I’ll spend out of the cabin dancing for many hours, but it also means I can start each day quietly with a leisurely, and smaller breakfast outside with the scent of the ocean filling my head and heart. I know myself well enough to know first, I don’t require more than a bowl of oatmeal, some fruit, and coffee to start my day, and second, I have no will power when it comes to buffets.

The truth is, I go on the cruises to dance, and to get to know the people in my dance community better, not to eat my way through the days and nights, only to come back a little disgusted with myself for the resulting weight gain. With each trip, I’m learning ways to manage by tendency to go a little crazy at the sight of endless food. My body thanks me in the long run for being more resistant.

Focus on What Makes Me Happy

But I digress. In the spirit of my dad, and in my own response to his declarations, I realize I, too, deserve to spend my daughters’ inheritance. I may not have earned all the money I have directly, but I’m the one who invested most of what I didn’t earn, and allowed it to grow into the tidy sum it is now. I’m the one who has the right to feel free to spend it frivolously (something I think I’m mentally incapable of, to be honest), or use it on things which make me happy. OK, so paying off one of my mortgages might seem like a small, silly thing to some, but to me, it’s huge, and will soon lead to owning my home free and clear. Paying off the first is a smaller bite, and with a little planning, won’t involve reducing my assets by much, if at all, this time.

Meanwhile, the areas where I spend most of my time are slowly becoming a little more pleasant. I use the two little robots regularly to vacuum and mop, I got a little gadget which allows me to scrub the tub, and even the more stubborn spots on the floors without annoying my back. I’ll soon replace the seating in my living room with the first pieces of furniture in decades that aren’t hand-me-down. Not that I don’t appreciate the hand-me-downs, but I love being able to choose my own and have it covered in fabric I chose. Next up will be painting the exterior of my house which it desperately needs. Hard to believe the last time it was painted, I was still married! Talk about decades ago!

Planning for the Future, and the Now

I also want to look into a living trust as there are things I’ll leave one daughter and a couple of the grands, and things I’ll leave to the one person who has been there for me this year while I’ve struggled with a cancer scare, surgery, and post-surgery, and who’s kept me walking (3 miles a day now!) through rain, wind, heat, and emotional turmoil.

When our later walk time due to the heat was being threatened due to earlier darkness, he found headlights for us to use while walking through the unlit park which is on our route. In fact, we’ve both become rather fond of walking through the park, watching the trees loom before us in the light of our headlamps. On the rare occasion we walk during the day right now, it feels odd to be able to see everything clearly.

Knowing I’m Truly Blessed

Granted, none of this would have been possible had I not been gifted with my dream client a few years ago. Not that there wasn’t help along the way in the form of a few small clients, and stimulus checks from the government during COVID. Somehow, despite draining my IRA and 401K’s; thousands spent when Dylan’s health failed, and a variety of smaller annoyance like dying appliances, I found my way back to being financially comfortable again.

With the biggest worry we all face, aside from our health and that of our families, both furry and human, now a thing of my past, it became glaringly apparent another healing session was overdue. This one revolves around the lesson my dad inadvertently gave me so many years ago; I deserve to spend the money I’ve amassed in any way I see fit. I’m under no obligation to leave it, gift it, or spend it for the benefit of my progeny, though frankly, it’s more than likely there’ll be plenty left by the time I’m finished with this Human experience.

For now, it means solo cruises and improving my space, but with each small step, I’m learning I have everything I need, and a lot of what I want too.

Grateful for All the Gifts I’ve Been Given

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning to release my old, tired lack mentality.
2. I’m grateful for learning I deserve a few creature comforts with no guilt attached.
3. I’m grateful for the small but significant improvements to my space.
4. I’m grateful for opportunities to ultimately make the larger improvements I envisioned years ago.
5. I’m grateful for all the opportunities I’m being given to improve myself, my space, my finances, and my health on all levels. I hope I send my soul into the next lifetime with a lot less baggage than it came into this one with.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.