Holiday Ho Hums

The Holidays are Here?

Here it is, the holidays again. My happy, happy, joy, joys have left the building. It’s not that I’m sad or depressed. I’m just bored of all the hoop-la…except for the decorations lighting up my neighborhood. I love those, and am going to miss them once Hallowthanksmas is behind us once again. It’s been a hoot taking my almost-daily 3-mile walks and checking out what the neighbors have added since the last time.

But despite snowmen, penguins, polar bears, Santas, Grinches, and more, I’ve failed to acquire even a touch of holiday spirit this year. The few gifts I bought for the grands were shipped weeks ago. I did have a lovely lunch with a friend with whom I exchanged gifts (eventually, I’ll get a picture of the beautiful water bottle she had made for me with an adorable picture of Scrappy Doo and Artemis).

It’s not really even about the gifts though. Work has been extra busy of late, both with end of the year activities, and a software implementation, so my focus isn’t even on it being a holiday other than the fact I’ll get a couple of days to work without interruption while the rest of the staff celebrates with family and friends. I have no real plans for the next couple of weeks other than work, volunteering, and my usual round of chores and errands.

Honoring Traditions

Granted, I’ll pull out my menorah and start lighting candles Christmas night, and I need to decide which establishment I’ll order my traditional Jewish Christmas Eve dinner from, to eat while watching more sappy movies. But there are times I actually do miss those crazy years…those trying to stretch a dollar while covering our gift list years when my kitchen was a frenzy of baking and gift boxes for a couple of weeks. I do not, however, miss the office Christmas parties; more a command performance than anything else, shared with people I had no commonalities with.

All in all, it’s kind of a mixed bag this year. There are things I miss from prior years, and those I’m glad I no longer revisit. I didn’t even party with my dance community this year, for reasons which I’ve belaboured in other posts, so won’t reiterate here. I love the friends I will be sending well-wishes too, and the kitties who snuggle with me whenever I’m not working, running errands, or doing chores.

Max has woven himself into the fabric of the inside community despite still needing to wear his cone until all potential areas for him to lick back open have healed up. Ishtar only hisses at him and his weird get-up occasionally now, but the boys have completely accepted him. It does leave Sable outside by herself, but she doesn’t go far, and can often be found right outside the kitchen door waiting for her share of attention, or a meal. Even the raccoons seem to have cut back on their nocturnal food runs.

Maybe it’s Too Quiet?

There’s an odd sort of feeling of anticipation, though heaven knows what might be on my horizon right now. Holiday high jinks are at an all-time low this year. Aside from the decorations and the holiday movies, they could almost pass without my notice. Without ballet or regular dance nights, I’ve settled into a kind of fugue state, punctuated by the usual things like food runs, volunteering, laundry day, and daily walks.

I suppose it’s the quiet life I worked for years to achieve, not knowing this is what it would look like. I’m not disappointed, nor am I overjoyed. Work and volunteering give me the sense of purpose I find I still need though; more since the only ones who truly need me at this point have pointy ears, and long tails. Even that’s OK.

Enjoying Being Not Needed

As I watch people I know dealing with family issues like aging parents, or helping raise grand kids, I’m selfishly grateful I have no such demands on my time. I come and go as I please with only a couple of things actually scheduled in during the week. Yet there’s a certain emptiness to my life; to my days; as well. Being needed is definitely a double-edged sword.

For now, I’ll be grateful for the time to read, write, watch movies, and snuggle with my cats; to take those walks with my friend; to work the schedule I want to instead of one dictated by another. I have Sundays to look forward to when I get to help socialize cats and kittens so they can find their perfect, forever home. At some point, I can add in a dance night or two, a ballet class or ten, and maybe even a date with myself. The beauty of this point in my life is the options are endless. I simply need to reach out and grab one.

An Attitude of Gratitude

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for this quiet, if dull holiday season.
2. I’m grateful for my walking buddy who gets me out of the house when I need it most.
3. I’m grateful for my kitties who are happy, healthy, and snuggly.
4. I’m grateful for my friends who may be few, but they’re incredible.
5. I’m grateful for the traditions I still keep.

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