The Lies We Tell Our Aging Brains

Innocent Lies

The older I get, the more I give myself too much credit for remembering a thought beyond the moment it’s thought. Things like:

• I don’t need to write that down
• I don’t need to set my alarm so I’ll be up in time for an 11:00 AM appointment
• I will put this away and remember where I put it when I need it
• I don’t need to check my calendar daily

The trouble is, with each passing year, we fill our brains with more and more information, both useful and trivial. We don’t have compartments which might make the useful pieces easily accessible. Those bits get dumped into the same bucket as things like:

• What’s a baby swan called?
• How many steps does it take to get from point A to point B?
• Who were the actresses in “The Golden Girls”?
• What are the names of the seven dwarfs?

Forgetfulness is Not Senility

The sad part is, I’ll remember the trivial, but forget where I put my glasses, or what time my appointment on Tuesday is. I solved the first one by putting at least one pair of glasses in every room, but if I leave a pair on top of my head, you can be sure I’ll set it down where it doesn’t belong, then go looking for it when I need it again. I partially solve the second by putting things on my calendar. Remembering to look at it is still a work in progress.

Some might say this forgetfulness is a sign of impending senility, but in the first place, I’ve been forgetful most of my life, and in the second, I’ve stuffed an awful lot of information into this head of mine. Without a decent information retrieval system, or even a logical storage system, retrieval becomes more and more difficult the fuller my brain becomes. The fact my ADD brain is easily sidetracked and sent on wild goose chases doesn’t help.

After decades of apologizing, or groping for the right word, I’ve learned it’s OK to forget a name…5 or 6 times. It’s OK when the I fail to retrieve the word I’m looking for, and describe what I mean in a few more words instead. It’s even OK to spend half a day searching for something I put away somewhere I was sure I’d remember. None of these things point to losing my faculties but many of them point to my lifelong inability to think in a straight line.

Lying to Conform

My daughters used to laugh when I’d stand in the middle of a room saying: “If I were that thing, where would I be?” or “What did I come in here for again?” They used to accuse me of being senile until they realized it happened to them too. They’re just as easily sidetracked as I am, and like me, they’ve learned little tricks to help them navigate a world designed for linear thinkers, and in one daughter’s case, right handers too.

We could continue to tell ourselves lies thinking we need to follow the same rules and expectations as other people, or we could simply accept we aren’t going to remember something unless we write it down, set an alarm, or do whatever it takes to simplify our retrieval of non-trivial information. What it all boils down to is admitting we need help, and asking for it, even if it’s of ourselves.

Maybe that’s why we began telling ourselves the lies in the first place. We wanted to fit in. We wanted to be “normal” instead of recognizing the beauty in our kaleidoscopic uniqueness. We tried to color inside the lines even when our souls wanted to break free and bring something which  cavorted inside us to beautiful, random, opulent life.

Embracing the Unbeaten Paths

It’s time we learned others don’t need to understand the convoluted path we take to get from point A to point B, or even that we don’t need to hit all the points in order to go from the beginning of one leg of our journey, to the beginning of the next. We don’t require the order of checking every box, or following a pre-defined path. We need both the side trips and the short cuts as we make our own, multi-colored, multi-faceted way through life.

As for me, I’ll keep using those reminders, and doing my best to ignore the lies. I know I need to write things down; to set an alarm; to look at my calendar daily; to repeat someone’s name a few times in my head. I’m OK with not remembering, and even for asking indulgence when I miss a reminder, or write something down wrong. I appreciate the ones who send me reminders so I’ll check my calendar to make sure I wrote things down correctly. I appreciate those who don’t take it personally when I ask their name for the twelfth time.

There are plenty of us out there who will indulge and understand those idiosyncrasies and memory challenges. They, too have absorbed a lot of knowledge, both useful and trivial without a viable way of separating one from the other. They understand we all need a little help, and won’t always ask, because that’s one trait we all share.

So make yourself those reminders. Write things down when they occur to you, even if you have to use the Notes function on your phone, or a handy napkin or receipt. Check your calendar 12 times a day if you need to. Most of all, be kind to yourself when (and there will be whens) you forget something, or lose another pair of reading glasses. After all, you’re only Human.

Grateful for Non-Linear Thinking

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning it’s OK to not remember
2. I’m grateful for friends whose minds are as cross-wired as mine.
3. I’m grateful for calendars, Notes, and lists.
4. I’m grateful for learning to be kinder to myself.
5. I’m grateful for my crazy, convoluted, non-linear brain.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.