Compassion Freely Given

Losing My Heart in the Month of Love

Dylan My Heart

February ended on a low note for me. I won’t sugar coat it. In so doing, it taught me a couple of valuable lessons. But let me lay the ground work first.

Though the vets and I fought hard, my sweet boy, Dylan lost his last battle, and went home to join Toby, Scooby, Munchkin, Loki, and Patches, as well as the many cats who came before them all. I grieve all of their losses, but Dylan, and Toby before him are probably the hardest of all. Dylan was my soul cat, and Toby had a way of winding his gargantuan, fluffy self around your heart.

Dylan chose me by putting his paws on my shoulders and licking my cheek when I met him at PetSmart. We’ve been a bonded pair for over 14 years. He’s gotten me through the losses of the others, and some pretty rough roads on my rarely smooth, and never dull lifetime journey. I’m not entirely sure how I’ll get through the next ones, though Scrappy Doo, Pyewacket, Mulan, Cinders, and Max are doing their best to ensure I do.

So many people reached out to me during Dylan’s unsuccessful fight for life, boosting my spirits, making me feel loved, and ultimately, sharing my pain. Support came from so many directions I didn’t expect, and didn’t come from one I did. At first, I was angry, but as I dealt with my grief, and continued to receive an outpouring of love and compassion from many directions I realized something. Who you give compassion to is your choice. That being said, though you’ll always give more to some than others, it shouldn’t be selective, yet I, myself have been guilty of offering it selectively.

Expect Nothing, Appreciate Everything

Only by experiencing lack from an unexpected direction am I learning to look in the mirror and recognize I need to acknowledge an area where I need to make improvements. Though it hurts to experience this particular lack, I doubt the lesson would have been as meaningful any other way, or have raised my own failings to a level where I’d be inclined to do something about it.

I realize compassion is most genuine and honest when it’s given without judgement or reservation, to any and all who need it. Sometimes those who need it most are the ones we’re least inclined to give it to. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the words, deeds, or affiliations that inhibit your compassionate nature. Those are simply a reflection of their internal pain, and magnify their need for compassion rather than judgement.

Learning not to expect compassion is the first piece of a two-part lesson for me. The funny thing is, I don’t typically believe certain bonds would mean it was always there. I took it for granted those bonds couldn’t be broken, and in that, I was wrong on two counts, the first of which was taking anything for granted.

The human element of free will means people will often do the unexpected, both positively and negatively. More often than not, it’s in the gray area that’s neither. Thus, the best rule of thumb I’ve learned when dealing with humans is; expect nothing, appreciate everything.

Letting Go of Expectations

Photo-Philip Leara via Flikr

Failing to find compassion where I once expected it has actually taught me a couple of things. Not only will I look for more opportunities to offer compassion myself, and to do so while putting my judgement aside, I’ll be more likely to recognize and appreciate every single bit that comes my way.

Knowing what I see is the tip of the iceberg, and is given from someone’s heart unreservedly is truly the greatest gift one person can give to another. Recognizing compassion is never an obligation, but always a true, honest desire is reinforcing my faith in humanity.

Feeling compassion for those who are as yet unable to offer it themselves is part of one of my own life lessons. Giving kindness and compassion isn’t about getting anything in return. It’s about living from your heart, or to use the phrase I adopted a couple of years ago, “putting your whole heart forward”. It doesn’t mean you won’t get slapped down or stomped on at times. It means you’re willing to risk it because kindness and love feel better than anger and hate, or worse, indifference. That process, contrary to popular belief, begins with what you exude, not with what you receive.

Learning to Respond Rather than React

It doesn’t mean I’m not working through my own hurt, angry spaces, or that there aren’t people to whom I simply can’t offer compassion right now. But I do recognize I need to work through the hurt and anger, find forgiveness, and allow myself to see the pain from which their words or actions came in the first place. Most of all, I need to recognize and accept their pain has nothing to do with me, nor can I do anything to assuage it. Sometimes, stepping away and offering no further fuel is an act of kindness and compassion in and of itself.

I guess what I’m saying is compassion comes in many forms. While the overt examples are easiest to recognize, the subtle ones are probably more commonplace than you realize. It might be sending good thoughts towards a woman who’s child is screaming in a store, or the aforementioned stepping away from a situation so you no longer fuel another’s anger or pain.

In situations like these, it’s all too easy to react with anger or frustration, thereby making the whole situation worse. Giving yourself a moment to step back, and maybe put yourself into the other person’s shoes can give them space to do the same. Instead of having to defend the child, or their own irrational response, you give them space to deal with what’s in front of them without feeling judged or defensive. Think about how many times you’ve been the one feeling judged, exposed, and frustrated. How far did someone else’s calmness or understanding go in defusing the situation for you? Conversely, how did someone else’s judgement and anger escalate things until they were completely out of control?

The older I get, and the more I’m able to recognize compassion in its many forms, the more I realize I’m responsible for my own behavior. I’m the one who gets to choose whether to react and escalate another’s pain, or respond and assuage it. It took a lot of personal pain for me to finally realize not only do I have the choice, but that the choice is obvious.

Grateful for the Many Blessings in My Life

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the lessons that taught me to choose compassion.
2. I’m grateful for the pain I’ve experienced which allows me to understand others are struggling too.
3. I’m grateful for the people who’ve shown me by their examples that I, too can be a compassionate human being.
4. I’m grateful for the people in my life who make my road a little smoother.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, compassion, friendship, kindness, peace, harmony, balance, health, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author