The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Exposing the Lies

Years ago, I convinced myself I didn’t have enough words or thoughts to write a blog post every day. I allowed myself to post 3 times a week, and called that good. But over time, even the thrice-weekly posts dwindled and died.

As I resurrect the daily posts, I realize I was basically writing my blog posts on Facebook and calling them daily gratitude posts (deja vu, anyone?). Cutting my Facebook time down to almost zero made me realize I had the words and the thoughts. What I’d lacked was both confidence and focus. I’d been telling myself I needed to write for my audience, when the response to those daily gratitude posts made me realize I needed to write for myself, and I’d attract the audience with whom it resonated.

As the response to rebooting my blog grows, I am taking that lesson to nd doing what I did on Facebook for almost 4 years; writing from my heart. The silly thing is, that’s what I kept telling others to do, but wasn’t observing that advice anywhere but social media!

Writing From My Heart Again

I’m re-learning writing from my heart makes the words flow almost effortlessly. I’m often starting the next day’s post hours before it’ll go live because a thought occurs to me, and won’t be ignored until I get the beginnings of it on screen. After writing a daily gratitude post for the better part of 4 years, I’ve learned it doesn’t matter how silly or trivial my thoughts might seem to me (and I’m my worst critic, after all), there is often a germ of an idea encased in my ramblings which might touch someone exactly where they need to be touched.

Though I’ll still edit my posts a  little, I’ve learned to allow the words to flow freely without engaging the nasty, picky, hyper-critical internal editor who wants to cut out the heart of my writing leaving nothing but bare bones which have been picked clean by its vulturous jaws. What attracts people to mine, or anyone else’s writing is the raw, unabridged emotions encased in the meandering prose. Who am I to deny the often blatant authenticity which hits the page on the first pass? Who am I to allow the internal editor to put their clinically severe, double-gloved hands on the child within who seeks only to be heard?

Forging My Own, Unique Path of Feelings

This will never be the clean, professional-looking blog which frequents the internet, nor will I try to sell you anything except maybe your own right to be heard without judgement or criticism. I’m leading by example, and kicking those lies to the curb; eschewing the tight, impossible societal rules we’ve all been spoon fed which dictate fitting in, and mummifying feelings. Instead, I’ll share my own hopes, dreams, frustrations, and challenges in hopes you’ll find at least one space where you feel safe sharing your own.

I only hope less people spend the first half of their lives believing they’re supposed to turn their feelings on and off like a faucet. The words “you shouldn’t feel that way” should be stricken from our vocabulary forevermore. Feel what you feel, and emote like crazy. The world doesn’t need more tightly clenched fists. It needs more open hearts!

Grateful for Exposing My Lies

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for finally learning feelings are a good thing, not something to be stuffed down inside.
2. I’m grateful for making the decision to move my gratitudes back to my blog where I can ramble on as long as I see fit, or as briefly as I need to.
3. I’m grateful for encouragement from friends to keep writing, even if I change the platform yet again.
4. I’m grateful for the ability to allow the words to simply flow once I turn off the inner critic and allow myself to simply be who I am, and say what I feel.
5. I’m grateful for clear, bright, sunny days, and time to sit in the sun with my garage cats if I choose.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Wherever the Road Takes Me

Flying by the Seat of My Pants

I thought about having a weekly theme, then tossed the idea as impractical; not for those who think linearly, and can plot out their writing in tidy, little outlines, but for people like me whose ADD brains jump from topic to topic with reckless abandon. The writing which has guided my healing process is better suited to seat-of-the-pants rides where the mind disengages; where whim and whimsy guide the journey.

Living life, learning, growing, and healing aren’t done in a vacuum. We all need help at one time or another. For some of us, our progress is stunted until we learn it’s OK to ask for help, or, in my case, use the gift of written gab to unburden ourselves. No matter what, or who you unburden yourself to, space must be cleared for progress to commence.

My process began with many a late night brain dumping session. Sleeplessness would move me from bed back to desk where I’d open a Word document and type whatever came into my head. Whether or not it made sense was never a consideration. Emptying my head of all the crazy, sleep depriving thoughts was my only goal. Little did I know how the floodgates would open, and old hurts and traumas would flow out. Nor did I know at the time I’d later be sharing some of those thoughts with a tiny microcosm of the public.

Making This Journey Together

Learning others actually related to some of what I’d experienced was, to say the least, eye-opening. It was also a huge leap over the rubble and chasms which had been blocking my healing journey. Learning that not only were others actually reading what my fingers pounded into the keyboard day after day, but understood what I was feeling, and why was a sensation my poor, misunderstood mind saw as a balm for many of the hurts, and for the years I’d kept my feelings tightly secured behind walls and masks.

I was born into a family who believed feelings were never meant to be shared. Letting anyone, even those closest to you, see that anything had affected you emotionally was considered the worst possible social faux pas you could commit. The phrase “you shouldn’t feel like that” was, and at times, still is emblazoned on my brain where it created agony both within, and without. As a child, I spent hours crying silently into my pillow, a stuffed animal, or a cat in a futile attempt to conceal feelings that ached to be seen and heard.

As an adult, I’m still unable to understand why a natural part of the human psyche is meant to be stifled, stuffed down, and held back, when allowing ourselves to emote (within reason, of course) is such a healing, loving gesture. Even hugging was eschewed in my family, and when it did occur, there was no emotion behind it; no heart touching heart to soothe, love, and share.

The Walls That Bind Us

Too many of us spent years walled off from humanity, and worse, from ourselves before we figured out, either by talking to someone, or dumping our thoughts onto paper or a computer screen, those emotions were meant to be aired. Granted, there were times I shared, or shared too much with the wrong people, but that, too was part of my healing process. I had to learn where, and with whom it was safe to share, how much was safe to share with each level of friend, and when I had to overshare anyway because what was crowding those ever-weakening walls needed to come out so I could feel the pain, and grow stronger for it.

I’ll never be one who feels comfortable paying a therapist to listen to my troubles, nor will I be likely to have more than a couple of friends with whom I share the deepest, darkest parts to without reservation. Instead, I’ll continue dumping it all onto a computer screen, or into a 5-subject spiral notebook. Some will be shared in its raw, unedited form. Some will be edited before sharing. And there will always be thoughts I save for my eyes only, though over the years, the latter has become a smaller part of my mental meanderings, and the edits on the rest have become less important.

Living Authentically

I feel what I feel, and take responsibility for my emotions, but I no longer feel the need to shield or hobble those emotions. Someone once told me “you’re not everyone’s cup of tea”. I’m OK with that now, though at the time, it gave me pause because I lived in a world where showing any kind of emotions was dangerous if I wanted to climb the Corporate ladder. It took me another couple of decades to realize that ladder was a hideous, soul-sucking illusion, and that I deserved so much better.

Long story short, I’ll continue to dump my thoughts and feelings here, willy-nilly. I’m not looking for a huge following, nor recognition as an influencer. I merely hope to continue touching the hearts and minds of those who have told me over the years they needed to hear something I shared for the same reason I write it. We all need to know we aren’t living in a vacuum. We need a safe place to share the experiences we have in one way or another, and feel the feels. Opening the door and allowing ourselves to feel those emotions, and to embrace the raw, vulnerable, authentic person we’re meant to be is the only way we’re going to heal and grow.

So read as much as you’d like. Share your own thoughts too. This isn’t meant to be a one-sided conversation. Your experiences help me learn and grow too.

Grateful Every Minute of the Day

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning to share my emotions instead of trying to keep walling them up behind a facade that crumbled decades ago.
2. I’m grateful for learning I am not my family, nor do I need to share their world views.
3. I’m grateful for being given the gift of written gab. It’s literally saved my life on more than one occasion.
4. I’m grateful fro moving my gratitude posts back where they belong; to this blog. I may not touch as many hearts, but I feel like I can share my thoughts, feelings, stumbles, falls, and resurrections more freely here.
5. I’m grateful for the people who make the effort to not only move from social media to this blog to read my daily gratitude posts, but who are brave enough to share their own thoughts and feelings away from the crazy unreal world we all get sucked into from time to time.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.