Scattered Mind

An Unpleasant State of Mind

I’m in a state of being mentally scattered. My mind barely settles on one topic before racing at warp speed on to the next several dozen. Even my dreams are all over the place, marrying unlikely bed partners like triggers, closed roads, and both wild and domestic felines and canines living in blissful harmony while munching on raw vegetables.

Nothing makes sense right now, be it my dreams, my thoughts, or the unholy mess the American public willingly created by handing the country over to a passel of unprincipled buffoons who care only for increasing the contents of their own wallets. Worse, those who approved of this increasing chaos via their votes continue to wander around in blissful oblivion to the blank check they signed last November.

I feel like I’m in the path of a tsunami or volcano, wanting to move out of the way, yet knowing I can’t possibly get out of the way quickly enough to avoid disaster. In some ways, I’m becoming a deer in the headlights; terrified to the point of immobility. The truth is, I don’t even know which way to move to protect myself and my furry family. I’m frozen in place because I see no direction I could run which leads to safety.

Looking for Elusive Joy

I was reading a series by Nora Roberts a couple of years ago, but had to put it down because I could see nothing but horror coming in the next few chapters. I couldn’t pick that book up now if my life depended on it because a lot of what was portrayed in those pages is a future I can too easily see coming to pass in the next few years…minus the supernatural aspects. At this point, I’ve eschewed my beloved science fiction for lighter, more magical stories because the dystopian worlds the writers depict are nipping at my heels, and those of the people who weren’t sucked in by glamours and empty promises; unlike those who are just happy to be angry, mean and ugly with no repercussions.

A few days ago, I told my walking partner I was going to choose joy as it was something the cult members don’t understand, nor know how to respond to. They see being angry and mean as their G-d given right, and they exercise it as fully and completely as they continue to follow what’s really nothing more than smoke and mirrors. They ignore the fact they’ve sold their souls to the Devil, and he’s coming to collect.

Finding joy, and refraining from falling into the doom and gloom so many are portraying is becoming more and more difficult. Which may be why I’m feeling so scattered. I want to see, feel, and believe something that’s in direct opposition to the reality that’s being shoved in my face whether I want to see it or not. I’m trying to find the silver lining; the road that still leads to possibilities, but the darkness is obscuring more and more of that path.

Keeping My Head Out of the Sand

Suspending my disbelief is requiring more energy and faith than I’m currently able to muster, left to my own devices.I feel like I’m caught in a story line similar to “Lord of the Rings” where darkness obscures everything, and the more I reach for a lighter, kinder, gentler world, the more it gets sucked into the dark, further from my reaching, groping hands.

Sure, I could turn off social media. I could ignore all the latest news of our so-called leaders dragging us further into Dark Ages 2.0. I could pretend our rights and privileges, not to mention the fruits of our labor are being sucked into a gigantic vacuum cleaner called Greed and Hate. But the voters chose Project 2025, and they’re getting exactly what they chose. The sad part is they don’t even see their rights and livelihoods disappearing, but continue to cheer for the Devil and, and remain his willing disciples.

Yet, while there’s still light…somewhere…I’ll continue reaching for it. I’ll continue believing the voices of dissension will get louder and stronger, and will refuse to be silenced. I’ll continue to applaud when other parts of the world take note of the enormous mistake we made, and ensure they don’t follow in our tainted footsteps. And I’ll continue searching for joy in the small things I can still control.

History Continues to Repeat Itself

I don’t know if I can continue believing love and kindness will find a way to beat back the darkness. I can’t ignore history which shows how this kind of ugliness sucks up a lot of once fertile ground before it’s vanquished. I do believe it will be vanquished, though at what cost, I don’t even want to imagine. I suspect the process will take years rather than weeks or months, with a lot of good being sucked away forever first. I’m not naive enough to believe there’s a knight on a white horse waiting in the wings for the right moment to ride in and slay the villains.

Perhaps the answer really is something I’m ill-prepared to do right now; get the hell out of Dodge before everything implodes and sucks us all into a big, black hole of devastation. I know I’m not typically a purveyor of doom and gloom, but with every edict; with every bill passed; with every piece of evidence the little guys who built this country have been sold to the highest bidder; I find it harder to hold on to hope.

While my little spark still sputters and continues to shine, albeit diminished, I know it needs to seek out others who refuse to allow the darkness to win. Now is the time community is going to be of the utmost importance as it’s the only way to keep those little sparks of hope alive. The larger we’re able to build our combined flame, the more likely we’ll find the path that leads us out of this unrelenting, ever-growing darkness, though what will be left when the darkness lifts is anybody’s guess.

Grateful for Continued Clear Thinking

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for my tiny, struggling spark of hope.
2. I’m grateful for a few people in my life who help me keep my spark lit.
3. I’m grateful for deciding not to engage with those I know are helping feed the darkness.
4. I’m grateful for choosing joy and kindness over anger and hate.
5. I’m grateful for finally being able to put my confusion into words, even if they aren’t very joyful right now.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.