Slowly Shifting Gears

Taking a Pause

I had grand plans last week, after finding my schedule suddenly wide open. What I planned, and what I did looked decidedly different. I learned shifting gears as dramatically as I did required a lengthy cooling 0ff period. Instead of tackling the chores I’d neglected, I spent the week reading, playing computer games, watching TV, and best of all, snuggling with my cats. The cats, by the way, were big fans and have expressed an interest in having last week’s schedule continue indefinitely.

Unfortunately, reality sets in; the house needs cleaning, and weekly errands still have to happen. Between visits from the plumber, feeding and medicating my brood, and scheduling appointments for myself, life is once again picking up the pace, though at a slower one than I’ve followed for the last few months. I’m taking advantage of the time to do some heavy housework as I know it’s only a temporary respite, at best. While work duties will only take up to 34 hours a month between now and April 17, my personal books were neglected all last year.

Added to the chaos is a switch from Quickbooks desktop to Quickbooks online, as I’m unwilling to pay Intuit $1000 a year for a POS program that crashes every five minutes. I’ve lost a lot of functionality since I’m unwilling to spring for anything but their cheapest, most basic plan, but work-arounds are my specialty, so I’ll make it work until I find something else to migrate to.

Getting Chores Done

Though housework may not be my favorite task, the cats have me beat, hands down, in their dislike of the activity. The vacuum cleaner alone drives them berserk, and this time, Miss Mulan of the private quarters had to suffer it too. Needless to say, I’ll have a lot of comforting in my future to de-stress her from a few minutes of vacuuming in her abode even without Ishtar’s unwelcome visits every time I open the door. As for the others, they’ve learned the vacuum cleaner typically stays on the ground, so the bed, or the back of the couch are usually safe. I say “usually” because next on the list is moving the furniture, and vacuuming the tops and sides of the sofas and chairs. I may need an extra round of treats tonight.

Meanwhile, walking, circuit training, and weekly volunteer hours with the rescue cats continue, while dancing remains sporadic, at best. I haven’t been able to work up the desire, much less, the excitement I used to have about going to my formerly usual place for an evening of dancing and community. Sadly, once I realized the community was a figment of my imagination, the joy disappeared.

Though the likelihood of running out of chores isn’t good, I’d like to work in a couple days a week at the gym, at some point. I dislike having unused resources, especially when they’re paid for by someone else! And heaven knows, my body could always use more exercise! It’s not that I feel uncomfortable, nor that I can’t find anyone to sit with between dances. Instead, it’s a lack of motivation to clean myself up after my afternoon walk to go where I was never as important as I’d hoped in the first place. The joy of dancing is still there, and I’m finding it in different places, just not on a regular basis right now.

Nevertheless, while the relative quiet continues, so does my restlessness. I need to be doing something productive, but my options are on my least enjoyable list, for the most part. I do enjoy walking on non-crunchy floors, however, so maybe I can learn to find joy in cleaning at this late date in my life. Something tells me, my options will open up once I complete a few household chores, and maybe a project or two I’ve been putting off for too long.

Grateful for the Peace and Quiet

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for being able to continue my independence, even if it includes doing my own housework. I have to remind myself what a blessing it is I can still vacuum, mop, and move furniture by myself.
2. I’m grateful for a short respite before my world goes back to its usual, crazy self.
3. I’m grateful for the consistencies in my life, even if some of the ones I believed in turned out to be facades.
4. I’m grateful for knowing when to cut cords. Not all benefits are worth having if the strings attached are skewed towards someone else.
5. I’m grateful for sticking to certain routines, even on days I’d rather lay around doing nothing.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful. In her spare time, she’s also an accountant with extensive experience in Government Contracting.

Shifting the Obsessive Mind

Shifting Perspective

I learned last week that a major, but thus far, unrevealed change is coming in the new year; one which will affect my earning potential. As it’s unclear whether the change will be partial, or complete, my brain is, of course obsessing; where do I need to reduce my outflow; what changes can I make myself to minimize the overall effect?

Thankfully, I already have a couple of plans in place for the new year anyway, but it doesn’t stop my brain from slipping merrily into worst case scenario. The worst thing you can tell my overly obsessive brain is “we’ll talk about it later”. Not that I’m likely to end up in the streets or anything so dramatic. Especially with one of my plans for the new year, I’ll be reducing my overall debt such that my monthly outlay won’t be unmanageable on income from other sources. Still, I’d rather know now what I can expect in 2025 so I can start acting accordingly (emergency vet visits notwithstanding).

Meanwhile, my mind churns through the developments in 2024, trying to make sense of what was, what is, and what is to come. I actually had a bit of an epiphany. While focusing so fixedly on the lack of support since my hysterectomy, I lost sight of the times those same people did support me in whatever way they could, bringing me beautiful roses from their garden or cupcakes for my birthday, knowing no one else would think of it, including me in a group walking down the street for dinner during WWLA…  In short, it’s time I started focusing on the positive aspects of certain relationships instead of all the times this year I felt hurt, rejected, and alone.

Reclaiming My Happy

The saddest part is I’ve lost the one thing which has been my happy place for most of my life because I’ve been too busy feeling hurt over the tumult triggered by a possible cancer diagnosis, a hysterectomy, and a flood of hormones I thought were already dead and gone. If nothing else, it’s teaching me to stop putting all my eggs in one basket; expand my social circle beyond the dance community; allow myself to indulge in activities which encompass the arts, lunches with friends, and perhaps even a movie, alone or with company.

I’ve become single-minded in my obsessions, and frankly, it hasn’t been in my own best interests for a long time. There’s more to life than dance nights or ballet classes, and it’s taken an extended break from both, and everything connected to them to realize I’m only short-changing myself. Not that the quiet nights alone, watching Christmas movies and snuggling with the cats hasn’t been its own kind of therapy. But maybe there’s been a tad too much wallowing, and feeling sorry for myself in there as well.

I wonder if I would have reached out when the rescue asked for volunteers if I hadn’t been feeling so lost and disconnected? It’s taken me outside my comfort zone at times, but in a good way. Meeting other animal-obsessed people who don’t share my connections with the dance community has been healthy and healing. Just as my daily walks get me outside and away from my own, four walls on a regular basis, so too, do my weekly volunteer hours.

Many Flavors of Friendship

In some ways, spending too much time in my own company has given me a skewed idea of what friendship should be. In fact, friendship comes in many flavors, including the close, tight bonds I continue to lack. In an odd way, I’m reminded of the Grinch’s epiphany about Christmas.

All my friendships in the dance community are of the “no frills” variety: no get-togethers outside of dancing, no shared confidences or inside jokes (other than maybe “walk, walk”). But we’re genuinely happy to see each other on dance nights to share the floor and the passion we all embrace whole-heartedly.

Maybe I’m not meant to find my close friends on a dance floor. Perhaps, like the song says, I’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places. As recently as the current week, I wasn’t ready to return to the scene of the crime, so to speak. With this latest revelation, perhaps I’m ready now.

Focusing on Gratitude

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful I’ve learned I can, and do change my mind when I start to see something from a different angle.
2. I’m grateful for discovering I don’t need to find everything my heart wants in one place.
3. I’m grateful for friendships that are like a warm, fuzzy blanket as well as those that are more like a litter of excited puppies.
4. I’m grateful for being able to constantly look within to find lessons, healing, and love.
5. I’m grateful for having my mother as an example, all too often, of what I do not want to be.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

A Week for Shifting Gears

Throwing Regular Schedules Out the Window

The last week has been so upside down and backwards, I honestly have to stop, think, and look at a calendar to even know what day it is! The last time I danced was Saturday. The last time I took a ballet class was…I’m not even sure. I even missed my weekly training session, but rescheduled it for Monday along with my nail appointment. And Thursday’s walk didn’t happen because I was both exhausted and out of it after being up almost all night with Max at the vet.

To say the week went sideways is an understatement, but with Max ensconced in my guest room and on the mend, things are beginning to level out again. I always knew he was exceptionally smart, even for a cat, but who knew he’d adapt so well to confinement, or become as demanding, if not more so than any of my inside cats? Who knew he’d understand, despite the discomfort and unfamiliar territory I was trying to help him heal?

I brought one of his blankets in from the garage, and he was quite happy to make that his nest, at least until he discovered the bed. Any time I go into his room to check on him or feed him, he turns that wonderful, deep purr of his up full blast, and won’t let me leave until I’ve given him a few minutes of skritches, especially around his neck and face where the evil cone-of-shame rests. I know he’s trying to tell me to remove the evil thing, but excessive washing are what caused the wound to get infected so he’ll have to put up with it for a few days until I can see obvious improvement. He’s especially annoyed he can’t wash his tush. Perhaps I’ll have to help him with that area, as he’s doing a bang up job of filling his sandbox!

An Old Cat Learns New Tricks

Meanwhile, he gets to spend these increasingly cold nights in a heated room with all the conveniences close at hand. Not a bad life for a cat, even one used to roaming a 4-house radius hunting for gophers, rats, mice, and the occasional bunny. He’s even spared the clumsy, messy racoon visitations. One day, when he was having trouble settling down, much less, allowing me to leave, I took one of the many naps I’ve been needing on the guest room bed. He settled down on his blanket almost immediately.

For a cat I might often not see between breakfast and dinner, he’s taken a sudden liking to near-constant company! As for Sable, she doesn’t seem any the worse for wear being left alone outside right now. She follows her usual routine; meowing at the door for breakfast, wandering for a bit, then coming back to spend the day either on top of the ladder, or on the stack of cat litter bins. She, too, is up for a few skritches any time they’re offered.

Down Time to Allow Life to Shift Gears

Needless to say, I’m trying to fit work and writing in between going from room to room paying attention to cats (Mulan still occupies the den, and meows pitifully several times a day though she still refuses to emerge from her haven). At night, I now have at least 2 sleeping on top of me (3 if you count Pyewacket on my head), and as I’m watching a lot of Hallmark movies right now, am rarely without a furry blanket.

While this deviates from my normal schedule, I can’t say it’s a bad thing. Perhaps I, too just needed some down time to snuggle with the kitties, focus on keeping a temporary invalid safe, warm, and medicated, and doing nothing more strenuous than taking my daily walks. I’ll return to my regularly scheduled activities, and create one for my on-demand ballet classes in due time.

Perhaps this is just the healing time I needed after a year when the world as I knew it went up in flames. As the fires burn themselves out, I’ll be able to sweep away the ashes, and rebuild on a firmer, more loving, more supportive foundation. Maybe topsy-turvy was exactly what I needed!

Grateful for Building a New Normal

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for upheavals which clear my slate.
2. I’m grateful for Max’s unexpected adjustment to confinement while he heals.
3. I’m grateful for an abundance of kitty cuddles. There, at least, I know I’m always supported.
4. I’m grateful for a quiet holiday season with no expectations on my side, or anyone else’s.
5. I’m grateful for another chance to reassess, and rebuild.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.