Sometimes You Just Gotta Brain Dump

Brain Dump Your Way to Peace

The last couple of decades have been very good to me. I’ve learned to let people see my flaws, and found a wonderful, loving, supportive community where I am able to give and take, while honing my ability to ask for help. Even so, there are things I can’t talk to my friends about, for one reason or another, so I go back to my old, tried and true friend, the brain dump.

Brain dumping was how I used to solve problems, or talk myself around to a solution before I started blogging. I spent many a sleepless night pounding away at the keyboard, doing my best to talk myself down off the latest ledge. Most of the time it worked, but there were times I had to dump night after night before I at least reached the point where I accepted where I was until I was willing, or able to change things up.

You’d think since I talk about almost anything in these posts, I’d have out grown the need to do brain dumps that never see the light of day, but I haven’t. There are still things I can’t, or won’t talk to my friends about, and definitely won’t share with the rest of the world. Though I’m still learning what and when to share, there are certain boundaries I won’t cross. There’s still a time and a place to keep my thoughts private, but air them so they don’t consume me.

Nip the Downward Spiral in the Bud

Like a pit bull with a tasty bone, I have a tendency to chew on things until they’re a mangled mess, and continue chewing on them until my teeth hurt too much to keep chewing. Then I’ll stew about it until my mind is taking me back down some dark, dank tunnels I promised myself I’d never visit again if I could help it.

Fortunately, before I spiral down too far, I’ve learned to put fingers to keys and type out whatever is bothering me, for no one else to see. I’ve learned there are times I’m justified in feeling the way I do, but most of the time, I’ve created a mountain out of a mole hill. The amazing part of brain dumping isn’t so much the relief of getting the words out, as the message it sends to the Universe.

My most recent dump resulted in an opportunity to clear the air, and show me my fears and concerns were, if not entirely, mostly in my own head. Isn’t that often the case anyway? I get so mired in what I think, feel, and want, I fail to see the nose in front of my face. The solution might be blatantly obvious, but I’ve erected a smoke screen that clouds my vision, allowing me to see everything painted in darkness and gloom, when I could see my way clear if I allowed even a glimmer of sunlight to show me a way out.

Don’t Let the Pressure Build Up Inside

Photo-FoodCraftLab via Flikr

I’ve also learned if I allow things to fester inside me for too long, I’ll invariably create an explosion which rarely offers satisfactory results. In fact, all too often, it’s like trying to kill a spider with a flame thrower. I make more of a mess than if I’d let the poor thing live it’s life, keeping the flying creatures from taking over my house. And I’m always worse off for the excessive force.

Doing a brain dump is a lot like opening the valve on a pressure cooker and allowing the steam to escape before you open the lid. Failing to do so could result in a nasty burn, and is easily avoided if you treat the thing with the care it deserves. The mind can be a pressure cooker if some kind of relief isn’t sought regularly.

It might be a walk in nature, or something that gets your heart rate up, or a brain dump. Different situations call for different actions to release the pressure. Knowing what works for you will save you a lot of pain, as well as keeping the mess cleaning to a minimum.

Taking Ownership

Once I blamed others for the mess my life was in. I blamed co-workers and bosses for making life tough; I blamed my ex for all my struggles; I blamed my mom for what I saw as pushing her ideas onto me. When I finally took a good, hard look in the mirror, I didn’t like what I saw….at first. Then I realized the power to change things lay with that face in the mirror.

In order to change your life, I learned you have to be brutally honest with yourself. That honesty has to include both what you are, and are not responsible for. You are responsible for:

• Your own behavior
• Your reactions to outside influences
• Being true to yourself
• Authenticity
• Owning your imperfections
• Setting and maintaining your boundaries

You are not responsible for:

• What other people think of you
• How others treat you (it’s up to you to set boundaries, and when necessary, walk away)
• Other people’s expectations

Make Yourself Your Priority

By now, you should be seeing a pattern. You are only responsible for yourself, your thoughts, and your actions. You cannot control what other people think, say, or do. If you don’t like what they’re saying, speak up, or leave the building.

For decades, I believed I had to stay in a miserable, dead-end job because I needed to support my family. I thought I didn’t deserve to be treated better, and my own behavior showed others they could abuse and mistreat me without consequences. Slowly, but surely, I disabused myself of those notions.

The first time it happened, I left a job when they offered me a demotion, or a layoff. They were surprised I opted for the layoff, and told me “you need this job.” I looked the CAO square in they eye and said: “I need a job. I don’t need this job.” I walked away with my head up, while he sat there speechless.

Writer, Know Thyself

Over the years, I left a couple more jobs, and a couple left me due to layoffs, bankruptcies, and other calamities beyond my control. I learned from each one, and frankly, used brain dumps extensively at times.

Eventually, I figured it out, and left the corporate world entirely, and spent more time writing for public consumption, and less time brain dumping.

Still, there are times I get frustrated, or just plain stuck. Then, I open a blank document, and type until I have no more words. I may or may not reach a solution, but I’m no longer consumed by doubt, frustration, and misery. Ultimately, I’ll get past whatever’s blocking me, and be on my merry way once again.

Grateful for Brain Dumps

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning to brain dump, as it got me through many a dark, lonely, miserable time.
2. I’m grateful for friends who listen, and who don’t tell me what they think I want to hear.
3. I’m grateful for a life that necessitates fewer brain dumps, and more open, honest conversation.
4. I’m grateful for the opportunities that allow me to live a life of simplicity, and minimal stress most of the time.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; opportunities, inspiration, wisdom, lessons, challenges, friendship, diversity, balance, peace, health, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author

Fear: A Mountain or a Mole Hill?

To Write or Not to Write: Is There Really a Question?

Lately, I’ve found it difficult to convince myself to sit down and write. It doesn’t matter whether it’s one of the 3 articles about the events I’ve attended in the last week, a blog post or one of my many literary projects, I’ve been finding any and every excuse to do anything but write. Knowing it’s simply a matter of discipline doesn’t help. It’s as if I’m suddenly afraid of putting fingers to keyboard for any creative endeavor.

This morning, I took my recalcitrant self in hand and vowed to break the pattern, and hopefully, break it permanently. I found myself looking in the mirror as I put in my contacts, asking What is it you really fear? I nearly fell into the litter box when the answer came back immediately. The only thing you fear is yourself.

Really? I fear meek and mild little me? Is that all? Surely it has to be something larger-than-life which throws me back into old, tired patterns at the slightest provocation. So I asked again. What is it you really fear? The voice came back again, sounding a touch annoyed. The only thing you truly fear is your idiot self! Now go do something about it instead of asking stupid questions!

F.E.A.R. Face Everything and Rise

My inner voice sure has an attitude. But maybe that’s the point. If I want to get past my blocks, both writing and otherwise, I need to take a page out of my inner voice’s book and stop taking crap from myself. In a recent weight loss challenge I’ve been participating in, there’s a particular quote which resonates with me: “No shame, no blame, no guilt.” I could add to that, “and no excuses”.

What I’m getting from this is I have a deeply ingrained fear of putting myself out there, whether it’s socially, in print or anything else. That fear has prevented my success on any number of levels. Just as I’ve built several layers of protective insulation around my body and spend a good deal of time tucked away in my house, I’ve held back on sharing my writing. I’ve gotten too good at starting things and not finishing, procrastinating, or just, plain avoiding.

But recognizing the problem is half the battle. I’ve beaten the one which had me sleeping away the day and not rising until 10 or 11. In fact, even the last couple of nights when I was up past 2 AM, my body still woke at about 8 or 8:30 singing Rise and shine! There are things to be done and stories to be written! I crossed the first hurdle; getting up. Now, this is me, leaping the harder, higher one; writing those stories.

A Lesson in Every Sentence

In the months and years I’ve had the luxury of writing as many hours a day as I like, I have, indeed, typed many a word. I’ve also learned some valuable lessons, the most important of which is to just get the words down and edit afterwards. I used to very diligently insert the HTML code into every paragraph as I typed, but discovered it not only slowed me down, but arrested the flow of thoughts clamoring to reach the page. Now, I just type away, letting the thoughts hit the page in whatever scrambled and only partially sane fashion they might wish. There’s plenty of time afterwards to review what I’ve written and put it into what, for me, is a semblance of sense.

I just heaved a huge sigh of relief, much like the one you let out when you reach the end of a bout of constipation. In my case, my brain was feeling very stuffed, very congested for lack of word flow. Other writers may understand how the mind fills with things to be said and unless those thoughts are released in the only way we know how, writing them down, they’ll just back up the works until the brain shuts down. I was perilously close to complete shut-down when I awoke this morning.

Creatively Mind Dumping

Blogging, I’ve found, is the simplest means for releasing my dammed up words. I don’t have a particular story I’m trying to tell or facts I need to include. It is simply the thoughts and lessons I experience daily. Maybe it’s also those thoughts and lessons which need to come out on the regular basis I used to follow, but have fallen away from lately. In a lot of ways, this is the brain dump I used to use when I couldn’t sleep for the thoughts, plans, lists and frustrations flying around in my head. I have, in fact, been denying myself my own personal mode of therapy, and it’s taken it’s toll.

Putting these words on the page feels very cathartic but the proof is in the pudding. I still have those articles to write, books to edit and complete and more to come. The event schedule I share with my photographer friend is continuing to fill up which means more articles to write. She gives me 2 weeks, but I keep saying that’s too long. Yet I still procrastinate about writing them. My goal is to finish all 3 articles no later than Sunday, but sooner would be better.

I have one last task to complete which will ensure my compliance, and that is to build another healthy salad so meal prep is minimal mid-day. It’s on the agenda for this afternoon, after I return from Physical Therapy (which may not go on much longer as I’ve suddenly taken a huge turn, gaining strength almost daily and leaving most of the pain behind).

As I spend more time out in the real world, I have more material with which to regale and challenge my readers. Hiding out in my hovel with my cats is all well and fine, satisfying my inner hermit, but there’s nothing like a little human contact to augment the material I write about; even if it’s just my own inept efforts to interact like a normal person.

Keeping the Gratitude Flowing

My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful that the word famine has ended.
2. I am grateful for the realization that my fears are so easily managed.
3. I am grateful for support groups and people who face much greater challenges than me.
4. I am grateful for the creativity which lies inside me if I just get out of my own way.
5. I am grateful for abundance: creativity, support, inspiration, motivation, commitment, joy, love, health, peace, harmoney, philanthropy and prosperity.

Blessed Be

I invite you to visit my Facebook pages, Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author and HLWT Accounting. Please also drop by my website, www.shericonaway.com and check out my Hire Me Page. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!