Adapting to Live Outside the Box

A Box is Only Temporary Shelter

For decades, my social life was defined; in fact, began and ended with where I was dancing on a given night. It has undergone a series of upheavals since one, fateful night in 2018. The initial volcanic-like eruption which shattered the worlds of many was exacerbated by wild fires, the COVID shut down, and finally, a greedy landlord. Still, the community endured, dragging me willingly along for the ride.

Different people stood ready to lead the Borderline family to new dance venues, putting time, effort, and heart into ensuring we gathered as community to do what we all loved. Yet there were cracks in the foundation of the community, growing ever wider with each upheaval; each passing year without a permanent home.  For awhile I ignored them; closing my ears to dissenting comments from various members of the original community towards each other…until some of it began affecting me directly.

Isn’t that always the way though? I’m not proud of myself for realizing I didn’t pay attention when I felt like I was included somewhere, quick to defend those who were verbally maligned behind their backs. Only when it became personal did I start noticing the smiling faces were often masks which were beginning to wear thin and brittle from overuse. Doing so is embedded in our collective history, and sadly, repeats over and over still.

Grabbing Life’s Reins

Better late than never, I recognize the facade; the false god, even, I’ve been worshiping for too long, and realize we’re all just humans doing the best we can with what we have. For me, it’s time to stop following mindlessly, and start forging my own path again.

I understand the need for these periodic upheavals as I continue to learn, grow, and evolve. Some are more cataclysmic; more life-changing than others. So it seems to be with my latest evolution. The world which was the center of my social self is becoming less important and all-encompassing. I’m opening myself to a new, as yet undefined set of experiences.

It’s an oft-repeated pattern in my life whether it’s been a job, a relationship, or some other ill-fitting way of life I’ve settled into rather than subject myself to yet another birth canal of change, until something happens to force my hand, and kick me out of the womb, as it were. The current case is a little different, as I could have continued on, unsatisfied but settling. It was I who finally shouted “Enough!” and took steps to remove myself from a situation which was extremely one-sided, and did NOT favor me.

Relatability is Key to Healthy Relationships

Granted, I had the audacity to believe I deserved more than I was receiving, and worse, compared myself to others (a huge no-no in my book) as far as how I was being treated. Taking a dozen or so steps back helped me see I was expecting what others were incapable of giving in the first place, and in the second, had no point of reference for understanding the kind of person I am, even had they wanted to. At best, we’re a poor fit for each other. The only reason I have even an inkling of the people they are is because I have reference points from my past relationships to use as touchstones.

Those touchstones, however, are people I never truly understood, and learned early on I wasn’t meant to relate to. Why I didn’t see the flashing neon signs this time can only be explained by my need to continue healing old relationships which ended badly, and continue to affect my ability to relate to certain people.

Nevertheless, the fact remains, it’s time for me to mix things up; to move on to something new, different, and challenging in a positive manner. I’d become as comfy as a pig in mud, but unlike the pig, I was far from happy. Now, I get the chance to change that, even if it means upending my social life, perspective, and point of view in order to navigate the necessary changes.

New Possibilities Abound

Ordinarily, I’d say this isn’t the first time I’ve journeyed alone for awhile, but the interesting thing is, I’m less alone now than I was even a couple of weeks ago. It’s not that people have suddenly appeared, but more that I’ve opened my eyes to some who’ve been there patiently waiting for me to get my head out of my tush. They noticed I’d been going through the motions for awhile, but needed to get miserable enough with it to finally cut a few cords, and open my eyes to the new possibilities gathering at the edges of my comfort zone.

Even so, a very telling conversation initially had me believing another person, and ignoring my own perceptions. Fortunately, I’m a processor. I left the conversation feeling somewhat bruised and battered to come home and mull the whole thing over in my head. I learned from dissecting the conversation I was, once again, being played, and had been for a long time. Though it meant giving up, or at least re-directing some of the things I loved, I had to see the love was faltering, not because the activity had changed, but because I was, as the song goes, looking for love in all the wrong places. I knew the time had come to find my passion in other places, with different partners in crime.

Thus, I’ve begun a difficult and painful, but ultimately necessary process which will disengage me from a compartment in a box that’s been itching and chafing for too long. It may take a few tries to restructure my social life into something uplifting and character building, but out of the rubble I made when I shattered those walls, are some good, solid pieces upon which to erect my stronger, healthier, happier foundation.

Grateful for Eye Opening Experiences

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the upheavals which send my life in new, different directions, while sometimes leaving me quaking in my boots for a little while.
2. I’m grateful for the people who were there when I finally opened my eyes and saw things without blinders or tinted lenses.
3. I’m grateful for the ability to walk alone for a little while until I find the ones who take me as I am, and let me see their own perfectly imperfect selves.
4. I’m grateful for a continued flood of writing which has me spewing words on the page like there’s no tomorrow. May it continue without interruption this time.
5. I’m grateful for all the wonderful possibilities opening up in front of me since I stopped clutching what doesn’t fit to my breast like a lifeline.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.