Break Free of Early Programming

Break Free to Find Your Authentic Self

Like many of you, January is a time to both reflect back on the previous year, and set intentions for the one that’s laid out before me; an open road which will take many twists and turns on the journey ahead. It’s a blank canvas upon which new memories will be painted of lessons learned, experiences added to my repertoire, some successes, a failure or two, gains, and losses; but mostly, long stretches when I do nothing more miraculous than living my life on my own terms. It’s also a time to break free of programming which no longer serves you, and was never meant to last a lifetime anyway.

My wish; my intention; my desire is that the lessons will move me forward on my life path, the experiences, successes, and gains will be many, and the losses and failures be few. I know there are things which are out of my control. They’ll test my ability to respond, rather than react, and to build on previous lessons. Others will depend on the choices I make, and my flexibility when the road takes an unexpected turn.

I’ve learned those turns aren’t “better”, or “worse”, but simply different. The only certainty is change. My ability to adapt will determine how I view, and respond to the unexpected. I’ve learned when my gut starts chattering at me, it’s not necessarily something to be feared, and worry is nothing more than anticipating the worst. Instead, I’ve learned to ask myself, what changes are coming for which I need to be ready to adapt, and adjust my course? It’s certainly made life more enjoyable than when I immediately asked myself: “OK, what calamity is about to occur, and how quickly can I batten down my hatches?”

Set Your Expectations Mindfully

Once, I lived in a constant state of expecting the worst, and you know what? The worst was what I usually got. There were layoffs, promotions for which I was passed over, raises that never came, and problems dealing with my kids. Money was always tight, and things always happened to make it tighter. It wasn’t until I turned my mindset on its ear when things started to change. I realized I didn’t deserve all the pain and trauma, and I was giving it to myself!

Realizing you’re the reason for most, if not all the misery in your life is a pretty tough nut to crack. It’s so much easier to blame your job, co-workers, and boss; your ex, and everyone else you interact with; the hand you were dealt, and so much more. In the end, though, it all comes down to the stories you tell yourself, and the way you talk to the child within who’s only real desire in life is to be loved and accepted for who she is.

Admittedly, I got used to having people enumerate my faults, and tell me I wasn’t good enough. It was easier to believe them than to step out of the comfortable pit I was in and think for myself. Granted, that pit wasn’t so much comfortable, as familiar inasmuch as it showed an ugly, worthless lump of flesh when I dared look in the mirror. That the image was a false one, conceived by those who preferred me to be less, than to exceed their expectations, and my need for their approval (which, by the way, I’d never, ever earn), didn’t occur to me until I blew a few large holes in the facade of my belief system.

Get Off the Merry-go-round of Approval

That’s the real crux of the matter, isn’t it? So many of us are taught we can’t survive without the approval of parents, friends, family, co-workers, etc. We’re led to believe being different; seeing the world through clearer glasses, will leave us up begging on a cold, snowy street corner if we stop trying to live up to (or more likely, down to) unreasonable, unachievable expectations. I’ll admit, it wasn’t easy to decide I wasn’t going to do that any more. I had to shut down, in order to finally bloom, and grow into the person I was meant to be.

Life is a series of traumas meant to make us strong enough to survive. Like a seed bursting through it’s casing so it can grow into the plant inscribed in its DNA, we humans have to push our way through the birth canal, sometimes literally, others, figuratively, in order to get the blood moving through our bodies; the spirit moving through our minds, so we can grow and thrive. At times, the push reaches cataclysmic proportions because it’s the only way to escape from a life view that never was, and never will be our own.

We learn a lot of lessons from our parents, and for awhile, assume they’re the end-all, and be-all of our world. Not all of those lessons are healthy ones. Some are meant to show us the darkness so we can differentiate it from the lighter, brighter, free-er world we can experience if we learn to break away from what we think we know, and allow other viewpoints to enter, churn around for a bit, and alter our perspective, not once, but repeatedly throughout our lifetime.

Forced Out of the Nest by Trauma

Some of you figure that out early on, breaking away, and becoming your own person, regardless of what you’ve been taught, or others around you believe. Others are like me, and have to be pushed, shoved, compressed, and pretzeled before you get enough gumption to get off that merry-go-round, and forge your own path. In doing so, you have to clear away the rubble of the life you had to shatter in order to build a more solid structure on stabler ground. In some ways, the old saying “the first step is a doozy” means a whole lot more once you’ve traversed that particular birth canal.

Breaking away from those familial, familiar patterns is not for the faint of heart. In many ways, it’s a re-birth, where you once again come into the world, naked and defenseless. Except you aren’t actually defenseless. It’s more like being unsupported until you get your legs back under you. Like a newborn colt, you push yourself upright so you can reach the nourishment that will help you grow stronger, and more able to forge your own way according to your own rules, and the new beliefs you’re forming, not all at once, but as you begin seeing the world without the dogma, filters, and misconceptions.

You learn as you go this time, with experience, and trauma giving you tools, both helpful, and harmful, to create the new path you want to follow. As time goes on, and you have a few successes under your belt, you learn support comes, not from walls, masks, and coping mechanisms; not from trying to live up to the expectations of people who are broken themselves, but by attracting what you need with your authenticity.

Become a Better Attracter Authentically

Because part of the process is changing who, and what you attract, you might believe alone is better, and for a short time, it probably is. You need time to break away from the people and things which tore you down, and made you believe yourself unworthy. Those albatrosses hanging from your neck, and the baggage you acquired need to be put down, and detached from your mind, body, and spirit before you can move forward, free to attract what will be beneficial on your new, improved, unfettered journey.

That’s what I’ve been doing for the last 20 or so years of this lifetime; detaching from the old ways and beliefs, and re-creating myself according to the DNA I was given. I wasn’t meant to blindly follow my earliest teachings, though for a long time, I thought it was all I had; all I deserved. It took a series of traumas to make me see where I’d end up if I didn’t change my mindset, and as such, my life path sooner rather than later.

Today, that path includes an amazing, supportive community who loves me as I am, without expectations. Being my authentic self—always and forever, ensures I’ll continue to attract what serves me, and helps me be an even better version of myself year after year. It includes better relationships overall, and bigger, better opportunities to do the work I love, with the people I love. In all ways, I feel valued, and appreciated. It’s a place I never expected to be, and wouldn’t be had I not made some world-shaking changes in the last couple of decades. I’m infinitely grateful for the traumas which kicked me out of that familiarly uncomfortable nest!

 

Grateful for the Life Lessons

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the traumas that helped me learn and grow.
2. I’m grateful for the lessons…all of them. The ones I’ve carried with me, and the ones I learned I could leave behind.
3. I’m grateful for learning to value myself, to form my own beliefs, and to let go of the ones that kept me from blossoming into the beautiful, unusual, unique flower I’m supposed to be.
4. I’m grateful for the community I attracted when I learned to be myself instead of what others wanted me to be.
5. I’m grateful for the family into which I was born, and from whom I’ve broken free.

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author