Embrace Your Unique Self

You’re Not Imperfect, You’re Unique

Photo – Marisha Fox via Flikr

Recently I started rethinking the contention I’m perfectly imperfect. Why? Because I’m replacing “imperfect” with “unique”. I don’t need to abide by anyone’s definition of perfection because anything anyone else defines creates a set of standards I neither want, nor need to aspire to. So if I ditch other peoples’ standards, I’m perfect in my own right. Uniquely so. And so are you.

The biggest lie parents hand down from one generation to the next is the lie about needing to fit in. Since everyone learns the same dangerously wrong rules, by the time you reach puberty, you’re turning yourself inside out trying to look, act, think, and be like everyone else—and everyone is fighting the same losing battle.

Sure, there are “popular kids” who seem to have it all, and to make all the rules. Quite often, they’re the most stressed out of all, having to maintain a certain image all the time. They might be the most brainwashed of us all, forced to climb to the top of the pecking order, and do everything in their power to keep their spot on the mountain top, thereby setting a devastatingly horrid example for everyone who will never be as pretty, as smart, or as personable.

Using the Right Measuring Stick

I’m here to tell you, everyone is smart in their own way. It’s simply a matter of finding your path. Everyone is beautiful in their own way provided you don’t use someone else’s arbitrary measuring stick. And not everyone is meant to be the belle of the ball; the life of the party. It took me a lot of years to embrace my shy, introverted self because I grew up thinking it was a fatal flaw. I finally learned being alone was when I could be creative, or contemplative, or learn something new, since I’ve always been an avid reader. What’s wrong with that?

I’ve finally learned fitting in means giving up some of the most important pieces of yourself, and getting nothing of value in return. There’s a tribe for everyone, but you won’t find it if you’re busy trying to fit in with the wrong people. Here’s a news flash. It’s OK if not everyone likes you!

Granted, it’s important to be able to get along with the people you see socially, or where you work. You don’t have to change yourself to do that. Instead, you learn there are times and places you keep some things to yourself. You play your cards close to the vest, and do more listening and watching than playing along, until you find both the job and the social circle where being yourself, and, as they said in the 60s, letting it all hang out is not only accepted, but valued.

Be Appreciated for Your Uniqueness

After more than 4 decades of working in offices, going from job to job and never finding my happy place, I realized my ideal job required minimal interaction with humans. It meant ditching the makeup and the business casual wardrobe, starting my day on my own terms, and enjoying a 20-foot commute. I’d already determined, on those occasions when I could work from home that I am far more productive when left alone to do what I need to, than I am when dancing to someone else’s rhythm, and being too available and too easily distracted.

When presented with schedules and deadlines, I’m highly self-motivated to the point where I meet or beat every single deadline. If it means working on something until 2 in the morning, so be it. I’m a night owl anyway. But like any human, those extra efforts need to be appreciated.

I remember one time, a co-worker and I were working on pricing for a proposal and were on the phone until 2AM going over what we had, researching, pulling data, and fine-tuning the schedule. After emailing it to the members of the proposal team, we caught a little sleep, then I went to the office for a 10AM meeting. My own boss had the audacity to tell us we hadn’t gotten the information to him in a timely manner, ONLY because he didn’t bother to check his email. Thankfully, the VP of Sales spoke up for us, saying he received our email as soon as he turned on his computer, early that morning. Sadly, my motivation and dedication to the company went on a downhill slide from that point on, and likely had a lot to do with my giving notice a few months later.

Sure, my work schedule and style don’t fit well with the 9-5, “be at your desk where I can see you whenever I bellow” mindset. But if you treat me with respect, and most of all, trust, I’ll do whatever it takes to give you what you need, and much more.

Dance to the Beat of Your Own Drum

The worst part of trying to fit in is the lack of respect. The more time you spend trying to be something you’re not, the less people respect you for it, because you appear to be exactly what you are—inauthentic. They may not be able to put their finger on what it is about you that rubs them the wrong way, but the phoniness comes across loud and clear no matter how good you are at playing your ill-fitting part. Even more disturbing is the lack of respect you show yourself by not honoring, and even celebrating your uniquely wonderful self.

At this point, I can’t change the awful message I passed on to my children. They’ve taken what they learned from me, and thankfully, formed better opinions. In at least one of them, I know it’s been a hard-fought battle to accept, love, and respect her unique self, but in so doing, she’s learned her own children deserve better lessons. In my turn, I support her in finding and embracing her uniqueness, and applaud her for breaking away from the old standards. I know it wasn’t easy, and took awhile before she found her own rewards for those efforts.

The long and the short of it is, there’s a huge difference between fitting in and peacefully coexisting. To fit in, you have to somehow alter the entire fabric of your being, and the rewards are nil in the long run. To peacefully coexist, you simply need to recognize you won’t see eye-to-eye with everyone, and know when to let something ride, and when to push. In other words, learn the fine art of picking your battles. Most things aren’t worth the trouble, so save your energy for the ones that are.

Grateful for the Lessons and  the Wrong Turns

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning I don’t have to fit in, nor should I try.
2. I’m grateful for my own unique, wonderful self.
3. I’m grateful some of the old standards passed down from parent to child are loosening.
4. I’m grateful for greater opportunities for introverts.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, friendship, freedom, self-expression, creativity, motivation, inspiration, joy, peaceful coexistence, different opinions, health, peace, harmony, balance, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author