Break Free of Early Programming

Break Free to Find Your Authentic Self

Like many of you, January is a time to both reflect back on the previous year, and set intentions for the one that’s laid out before me; an open road which will take many twists and turns on the journey ahead. It’s a blank canvas upon which new memories will be painted of lessons learned, experiences added to my repertoire, some successes, a failure or two, gains, and losses; but mostly, long stretches when I do nothing more miraculous than living my life on my own terms. It’s also a time to break free of programming which no longer serves you, and was never meant to last a lifetime anyway.

My wish; my intention; my desire is that the lessons will move me forward on my life path, the experiences, successes, and gains will be many, and the losses and failures be few. I know there are things which are out of my control. They’ll test my ability to respond, rather than react, and to build on previous lessons. Others will depend on the choices I make, and my flexibility when the road takes an unexpected turn.

I’ve learned those turns aren’t “better”, or “worse”, but simply different. The only certainty is change. My ability to adapt will determine how I view, and respond to the unexpected. I’ve learned when my gut starts chattering at me, it’s not necessarily something to be feared, and worry is nothing more than anticipating the worst. Instead, I’ve learned to ask myself, what changes are coming for which I need to be ready to adapt, and adjust my course? It’s certainly made life more enjoyable than when I immediately asked myself: “OK, what calamity is about to occur, and how quickly can I batten down my hatches?”

Set Your Expectations Mindfully

Once, I lived in a constant state of expecting the worst, and you know what? The worst was what I usually got. There were layoffs, promotions for which I was passed over, raises that never came, and problems dealing with my kids. Money was always tight, and things always happened to make it tighter. It wasn’t until I turned my mindset on its ear when things started to change. I realized I didn’t deserve all the pain and trauma, and I was giving it to myself!

Realizing you’re the reason for most, if not all the misery in your life is a pretty tough nut to crack. It’s so much easier to blame your job, co-workers, and boss; your ex, and everyone else you interact with; the hand you were dealt, and so much more. In the end, though, it all comes down to the stories you tell yourself, and the way you talk to the child within who’s only real desire in life is to be loved and accepted for who she is.

Admittedly, I got used to having people enumerate my faults, and tell me I wasn’t good enough. It was easier to believe them than to step out of the comfortable pit I was in and think for myself. Granted, that pit wasn’t so much comfortable, as familiar inasmuch as it showed an ugly, worthless lump of flesh when I dared look in the mirror. That the image was a false one, conceived by those who preferred me to be less, than to exceed their expectations, and my need for their approval (which, by the way, I’d never, ever earn), didn’t occur to me until I blew a few large holes in the facade of my belief system.

Get Off the Merry-go-round of Approval

That’s the real crux of the matter, isn’t it? So many of us are taught we can’t survive without the approval of parents, friends, family, co-workers, etc. We’re led to believe being different; seeing the world through clearer glasses, will leave us up begging on a cold, snowy street corner if we stop trying to live up to (or more likely, down to) unreasonable, unachievable expectations. I’ll admit, it wasn’t easy to decide I wasn’t going to do that any more. I had to shut down, in order to finally bloom, and grow into the person I was meant to be.

Life is a series of traumas meant to make us strong enough to survive. Like a seed bursting through it’s casing so it can grow into the plant inscribed in its DNA, we humans have to push our way through the birth canal, sometimes literally, others, figuratively, in order to get the blood moving through our bodies; the spirit moving through our minds, so we can grow and thrive. At times, the push reaches cataclysmic proportions because it’s the only way to escape from a life view that never was, and never will be our own.

We learn a lot of lessons from our parents, and for awhile, assume they’re the end-all, and be-all of our world. Not all of those lessons are healthy ones. Some are meant to show us the darkness so we can differentiate it from the lighter, brighter, free-er world we can experience if we learn to break away from what we think we know, and allow other viewpoints to enter, churn around for a bit, and alter our perspective, not once, but repeatedly throughout our lifetime.

Forced Out of the Nest by Trauma

Some of you figure that out early on, breaking away, and becoming your own person, regardless of what you’ve been taught, or others around you believe. Others are like me, and have to be pushed, shoved, compressed, and pretzeled before you get enough gumption to get off that merry-go-round, and forge your own path. In doing so, you have to clear away the rubble of the life you had to shatter in order to build a more solid structure on stabler ground. In some ways, the old saying “the first step is a doozy” means a whole lot more once you’ve traversed that particular birth canal.

Breaking away from those familial, familiar patterns is not for the faint of heart. In many ways, it’s a re-birth, where you once again come into the world, naked and defenseless. Except you aren’t actually defenseless. It’s more like being unsupported until you get your legs back under you. Like a newborn colt, you push yourself upright so you can reach the nourishment that will help you grow stronger, and more able to forge your own way according to your own rules, and the new beliefs you’re forming, not all at once, but as you begin seeing the world without the dogma, filters, and misconceptions.

You learn as you go this time, with experience, and trauma giving you tools, both helpful, and harmful, to create the new path you want to follow. As time goes on, and you have a few successes under your belt, you learn support comes, not from walls, masks, and coping mechanisms; not from trying to live up to the expectations of people who are broken themselves, but by attracting what you need with your authenticity.

Become a Better Attracter Authentically

Because part of the process is changing who, and what you attract, you might believe alone is better, and for a short time, it probably is. You need time to break away from the people and things which tore you down, and made you believe yourself unworthy. Those albatrosses hanging from your neck, and the baggage you acquired need to be put down, and detached from your mind, body, and spirit before you can move forward, free to attract what will be beneficial on your new, improved, unfettered journey.

That’s what I’ve been doing for the last 20 or so years of this lifetime; detaching from the old ways and beliefs, and re-creating myself according to the DNA I was given. I wasn’t meant to blindly follow my earliest teachings, though for a long time, I thought it was all I had; all I deserved. It took a series of traumas to make me see where I’d end up if I didn’t change my mindset, and as such, my life path sooner rather than later.

Today, that path includes an amazing, supportive community who loves me as I am, without expectations. Being my authentic self—always and forever, ensures I’ll continue to attract what serves me, and helps me be an even better version of myself year after year. It includes better relationships overall, and bigger, better opportunities to do the work I love, with the people I love. In all ways, I feel valued, and appreciated. It’s a place I never expected to be, and wouldn’t be had I not made some world-shaking changes in the last couple of decades. I’m infinitely grateful for the traumas which kicked me out of that familiarly uncomfortable nest!

 

Grateful for the Life Lessons

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the traumas that helped me learn and grow.
2. I’m grateful for the lessons…all of them. The ones I’ve carried with me, and the ones I learned I could leave behind.
3. I’m grateful for learning to value myself, to form my own beliefs, and to let go of the ones that kept me from blossoming into the beautiful, unusual, unique flower I’m supposed to be.
4. I’m grateful for the community I attracted when I learned to be myself instead of what others wanted me to be.
5. I’m grateful for the family into which I was born, and from whom I’ve broken free.

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author

Allowing for A Break in Routine

Manifest Abundance by Taking a Break

Most of December and January are now a blur. I didn’t get a lot done on any front. I didn’t write or publish a single post on Medium for the month of January, and am not even feeling like I missed a chance to get more exposure. It was all I could do to schedule posts for my own blogs a week or two in advance.

I’m not apologetic, nor feeling guilty about it. It was, whether I realized it or not at the time, what I needed; plain and simple…a break. Towards the end of January, my motivation and inspiration came back, allowing me to get back to a minimum of 3 weeks of posts in my blog queues. Publishing on Medium, and for “An Idea” will resume for February, and perhaps will even be better for having taken a month off.

Taking a break from blog writing and posting doesn’t mean I accomplished nothing. Instead. I shifted gears for a little while. I had what I like to think of as a mental decluttering in which I changed my routine temporarily.

Taking Credit for the Small Stuff

I actually accomplished something I was unable to finish this time last year; Tut’s “Love Your Life in 30 Days Project”. Last year, I only got as far as day 18 before I crashed and burned. Around day 14, I realized I’d altered my expectations a bit. I didn’t expect to knock any of the lessons out of the park. I simply needed to get something down each day.

For example, the task for Day 14 was to create a mock calendar of events you want to see happen in your life. Last year, I sweated over this task, thinking I needed to fill everything in for the next year or so. This time, I put in a few key events, knowing I can go back at any time to add something else to the calendar. In other words, I don’t have to set expectations for everything my life will encompass right now. I get to keep on dreaming!

I also added daily Tarot card pulls to my routine, using them to help me focus on the day ahead. My plan was to pull another card in the evening to see if things went according to plan or flew off the rails, but it’s been intermittent at best. I guess my brain thinks it knows whether or not my life got really crazy, and actually went according to plan, and would rather not be reminded that my normally chaotic approach to life got derailed for a day.

Stagnation Takes Many Forms

The truth is, I was feeling stuck for at least the last couple of months, and didn’t really know why. It took a major break from my routine, and replacing some things with others before I realized the problem was stagnation. I needed to shake things up a bit, or as much as possible when I spend most of my time within my own four walls.

I’ve long since grown bored of Hallmark movies. Nowadays, I may watch one per day, and “watch” is used loosely. More likely, it’s on in the background, and I look up every now and then so I’m at least following the latest version of one of their pat story lines. More than one a day, and my brain is screaming for mercy, be it more writing (my preferred option), or a computer game. I’ve even evolved past solitaire and word games to Sudoku challenges. Clearly my brain needs more of a challenge.

In the process, I’m back on track with blog posts, and have a plan for other projects in my queue that temporarily fell by the wayside. Thanks to some of my self-help rituals, I’m getting better about letting go of the past, and focusing on the moment at hand, and maybe a bit of future planning too. Slowly but surely, I’m allowing my fledgling self to step to the edge of the nest in preparation for launching into the unknown. It’s actually exhilarating standing on the edge, looking down and not being able to see the ground; looking outward, and not being able to see the horizon.

Embracing Change

I’m equal parts terrified and excited by the prospect of change. Excited usually wins, as

Photo Courtesy of sammydavisdog via Flikr

stagnation is far more terrifying for me than change, even if I can’t see where I’m going. It beats sitting still by a long shot! Maybe that’s why I don’t get bored with the scenery inside my house and yard. My imagination, and possibilities don’t allow me to spend much time obsessing over what I can see with my eyes, but leap ahead to all I can imagine.

Admittedly, there are times when my imagination creates so much chaos, I need to reign it in as well. I’m flying in so many different directions that nothing gets done. At that point, it isn’t lack of imagination or inspiration that stalls me, but too much of a good thing. A break from my self-induced chaos is as important, or even more so than the breaks I take from sameness, and boredom.

It took me a long time to understand the balancing act my life requires between excessive variety, and soul sucking sameness. The truth is, I need both, if not in equal portions. When I start feeling stuck, or my productivity drops to nil, I’m beginning to recognize it’s not always a rut that’s holding me back, but too much of a good thing.

Create New Habits Regularly

The habits I’ve put in place for starting my day have helped a lot in controlling the chaos. I expect myself to accomplish certain things before I get to write, or research, or embark on my latest series of lessons. Some days, I want to leap past writing my morning pages, and dive head-first into a day filled with energy, excitement, and stories to tell. So far, I haven’t yielded to the pull.

I’ve also learned it’s good to add something to my routine for a finite amount of time, like the “Love Your Life in 30 Days Project”. It changes things up, but ends before it becomes boring, or a drudgery. When it’s gone, I’m left with a block of time I can use to either add another routine, or increase the time I spend on all the fun stuff that makes up my current career path. Thus, I achieve that balance; a little routine, and a little variety.

It’s a tenuous balancing act at best, fraught with missteps and backpedaling. Yet, somehow, I manage to make progress, just as a butterfly makes its meandering way across the sky. There’s a purpose, but the road is an erratic path filled with spirals, switchbacks, and distractions that often lead to new discoveries. My methods aren’t for everyone, but they’re perfect for me.

Grateful for Balance, Change, and Chaos

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for my crazy, meandering, life of side roads, back roads, and roads less traveled.
2. I’m grateful for the ideas that come to me when I least expect it, probably because I’ve stopped fighting or pushing, and am allowing them to come in their own time and form.
3. I’m grateful for my non-conforming lifestyle. It may not look so great from the outside looking in, but it’s mine, and it works for me, and my stress levels are usually far lower than average.
4. I’m grateful for friends who may not understand me and my ways, but accept me as the quirky one who is prone to unexpected tangents.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; inspiration, imagination, creativity, tangents, joy, freedom, love, happiness, quirkiness, motivation, peace, harmony, balance, breaks, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author