You Can’t Make Everyone Happy
Sometimes, there’s no other choice but to stand our ground and not worry about what others think. After all, if we’re so busy pleasing everyone else, we’re neglecting the most important person in our own lives.
Recently, I had a conversation with a young woman about being called “bitch” both to my face and behind my back. She said for her, it was usually behind her back (which smacks of cowardice on the part of the name flingers, if you ask me). I said a had a few decades on her and a lot more practice at being firm, and even unpleasant if need be, so there were plenty who’d used the term to my face over the years, with less than the desired results.
Doing What’s Right
The funny thing is, most who use it intend it as an insult, but to me, it usually means I haven’t given them what they wanted, and above all, I have not been someone’s doormat. To me, being called a bitch affirms I’m not afraid to stand up for myself, my family, and my friends regardless of what others think.
Are there times I regret being forceful and immovable? Sure. Every once in awhile I discover I was in the wrong, and, if possible, do my best to apologize and own up to my mistake. Still, sometimes the best fix is to simply walk away. Engaging further when someone is already angry is guaranteed to escalate the situation rather than soothe it, mainly because everything you say from that point on is going to be wrong. As humans, once we’re angry, we tend to close down the listening side of our brain, replacing it with the reactive part.
Bitch is Often Another Word for Strong
There are many misconceptions about women who aren’t afraid to stand up for themselves, or just say no. We are not militant or frigid (as has often been appended to the “b” word for me). We simply believe in our own right to choose, and to defend those close to us from bullies and those who believe they have the right to shove their opinions down the throats of others.
We don’t hate men. Often, quite the contrary. We have many in our close social circle and, in many cases, a warm loving relationship too. (OK, so I’ve yet to figure that one out, but as I’m not dead yet, there’s still hope. And even some of my non-Jewish friends seem to have inherited the yenta gene of late!) I personally have a great deal of respect for the men I’ve come to know and love. But that love and respect goes both ways too.
All through history, strong, forceful women have gotten a bad rap. In the Corporate world what would be called “assertive” in a man would be “aggressive” in a woman. A man with strong leadership skills is respected and revered. A woman is “pushy”, or a “control freak”, or even a “ball buster”. The sad part is, some of the loudest complainers aren’t men, but other women. I think most of it is their own insecurities and even jealousy speaking. When they can’t be strong and assertive themselves, they’ve learned playing the weakling and tearing other women down can work to their advantage with the big, strong, menfolk.
Increasing Strength in Our Younger Generation
I found myself at odds with women of my generation and even many younger than myself all too often while working for corporations both large and small. I haven’t worked as much with Millennials, but what I’ve seen socially is both inspiring and comforting. More and more of the young women I meet are strong, independent types who don’t allow people to push them around.
Many are entrepreneurs who are doing far better than I am at the moment, and from whom I’m learning a few new tricks. Their confidence and lack of concern over looking or acting perfect warms my heart, especially in light of all the reports of body shaming and other heinous acts meant to objectify and embarrass young women. The ones I know and see are happier in their skin than most of my generation learned to be. And they own it! Boy, do they own it!
What Others Think of Me Is None of My Business
The one thing we share is our amusement when someone sees fit to label us a bitch for being strong and self-assured. Many have already learned what took me decades:
What other people think of me is none of my business.
I actually had a former employee challenge me on this one time. In her opinion, I should care what others think of me. My question to her was Why? She didn’t have an answer which satisfied me, and frankly, I didn’t care. It was still someone else’s opinion, and was outside my own desire to understand.
Life is About Kindness and Compassion, Not Popularity
What truly matters isn’t what people think of us. It’s that we are kind and compassionate while still upholding our values and beliefs. Because someone doesn’t agree with my values and beliefs doesn’t make them wrong. It simply makes my standards wrong for them, and that’s OK. I never asked anyone to live by mine, nor am I willing to turn myself inside out to fit theirs just so they’ll like me.
Life ain’t a popularity contest. I couldn’t care less if I’m part of the “in” crowd. To be honest, it’s a lot more fun being a rebel. What matters is I’ve found the people who love and respect me for who I am without pretenses. They know what to expect, not because I’m conforming, but because I’m honest, transparent, and vulnerable. The people I’m drawn to these days value those qualities far more than a bunch of cookie cutter friends who try to look, act, and think alike.
Making Myself a Priority
I stifled my own entrepreneurial spirit for decades, and only made myself miserable in the process. I was stressed out, angry, irritable, and cranky most of the time—except when I was on a dance floor.
It’s no coincidence I learned to drop the pretenses when my life included regular dancing and a lot of internal work to heal the old wounds and self-limiting beliefs. It’s also when I learned to live a full, complete life, and to embrace my inner bitch.
A Daily Practice of Gratitude
My gratitudes today are:
- I am grateful for the example so many young women are setting today.
- I am grateful I learned to stop caring what others think of me.
- I am grateful to friends who’ve helped me own my honest, transparent, vulnerable self.
- I am grateful for my circle of friends which includes strong, straightforward women and men who appreciate us as we are.
- I am grateful for abundance; opportunities, inspiration, vulnerability, transparency, strength, self-confidence, love, joy, friendship, community, health, harmony, peace, philanthropy, and prosperity.
Love and Light
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws , of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward