Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world my beautiful, vulnerable self!

Posts tagged ‘self-image’

DUFF No More

Refusing to Remain a DUFF

https://www.flickr.com/photos/mikecogh/8225835927/in/photolist-dwTyrn-a3ks33-9mvXys-6ja1gb-9yrH2G-nDdzvx-XUYUcB-5mVAik-aGc4QM-rcaJkB-te2rAP-a7Uq98-3dzbhp-GAf1t-n7eEii-SdF6ND-NpW4QT-Nn4EE7-Q1PXro-6GmuAj-Nb8fd-aGc4LK-5rvjUB-9G5iLz-dViNns-47qcTR-8gCJx7-53s2we-8Amcx2-651TAL-e3ogb6-3Sf9H3-23Jx66D-4beknX-477UHP-Nb8cA-61cxQD-7htzF3-e3tWNL-58nCxm-e3ogk4-27FNZKJ-9NHU1S-i23hC-8Rg5Yu-5tzpF9-CvzijW-Ck2RtR-28aTBt3-MweagTI looked around at my current circle of friends at a recent dance gathering and realized a few things. First, I’ve migrated to a younger circle of women lately. I can’t always keep up with them, but there’s no shame in going at my own pace. Second, they’re all slender and look cute in their little dresses and skirts—and I’m not.

My first reaction was frustration with myself for allowing the weight to creep back on over the last few months. Not all of it, but enough that some clothes were tight again, and others looked pretty awful on me. Meanwhile, I see myself in cute little dresses but the cute little dresses don’t see themselves on me.

Protecting My Heart a Little Too Well

Too often in my life, I’ve been the fact chick amongst the skinny ones; the DUFF if you will. But https://www.flickr.com/photos/gastaum/14490581818/in/photolist-o5u28y-YfsirJ-k8x7MM-bxbe69-W1rTYx-arWoEp-9hSaAd-ahFY4U-dUPFnv-cbTML-9dRrhQ-nNcDz4-W1scJn-6Q5kQB-aPHuVt-dF2PfA-qsan3a-9Q3GD-7puXf-ca3kUb-8Qnh5S-7EPcJ1-9RZQ7L-2jv27s-3ytNAS-4Ax3Vm-7P6ms6-fLeJCZ-9eA4z4-dUzmHi-dJ2ajE-4s4eeJ-9ZWATV-4Ax3K3-6459Qr-r7YPq9-7ZBske-3ypqPa-7yi435-9uRzwZ-kdLtng-2c5brCn-HLfJSP-qTk7jd-oSdAwv-pNeYXi-3fqAZV-5btNtn-72Kth6-V4V7jqin the past, though I may not have realized it, I used my weight as a defense mechanism. Guys wouldn’t approach the fat chick when the skinny ones were around. Nobody would get close to my heart if they were too disgusted to even try to get to know me, right?

As logic goes, it was effective but faulty. I’ve since learned I don’t need excess weight to guard my heart, if that’s what I want to do. My demeanor alone can manage that task effectively. So I set myself an aggressive but reasonable goal, put it on the spreadsheet I use to track my weight, and vowed to accept all suggestions for additional dance nights. My knees may scream for awhile, but they’ll thank me in the long run as I reduce the amount of pressure they endure while carrying more pounds than they’re designed for.

Our Inside Controls Our Outside

One of those cute, slim friends pointed out I’m more of a DFF than a DUFF as I’m not and never have been ugly. Sure, there were times I was less attractive, but it was my bearing, my anger, and the misery I held close like a security blanket which contributed to my unattractiveness. The attributes I was born with had nothing to do with it.

We all control our outward appearance from the inside more than we realize. I’ve seen people the world might consider unattractive looking absolutely breathtaking because of a glow which came from within. I’ve also seen strikingly beautiful women who made me turn my head away in distaste because they exuded such ugliness and filth from within, it completely negated whatever pretty packaging they were either born with or had enhanced.

Loving Who and Where We Are

I’ve learned when we’re truly enjoying what we’re doing, or our life in general, people see that far more than what our meat suit looks like. They’re drawn to the energy (or repelled as the case may be). The face, the hair, the eyes, how we look in clothes are secondary.

Still, we tend to focus and even fixate on those characteristics in ourselves. I’m as guilty as the next person in that regard. But our outside image is fixable to some degree. I’m not a proponent of drastic measures like plastic surgery, liposuction, fat freezing, or stomach stapling, but I’ve proven I can effect the desired changes in myself. I realize it’s not the case for everyone, and some may need help getting started.

I’ve also learned we’re not going to make positive changes until we love and accept ourselves as we are. That doesn’t mean we believe we’re perfect as we are or that we couldn’t stand a little improvement. But we believe we are lovable and beautiful in our own way as we are, and worth the effort to make improvements we believe we need to make. Without that self-love, no diet, surgery, or health plan will ever be successful. It may appear so to others from the outside looking in, but to the child inside ourselves, we’ll still find ourselves lacking and in need of improvement in order to be loved.

Starting from the Inside

What I’m saying is, we need to do the internal work first or we’re doomed to fail when trying to https://www.flickr.com/photos/jessicamullen/15936340893/in/photolist-qheUWa-6tvCyC-mfcahW-kF42vg-7aHRKn-dozSYs-upc1JR-5nU36i-6ZX1X8-9soFsZ-b6p5F2-dKgSFh-9soP3r-9GGyf-edzaxy-dKgQLq-4oLacT-9z49UC-aBS6db-kF5mTy-dbhFbp-83VBDF-JGdSxG-dKgR3q-dKbnZX-kF3i5M-kF2WWF-25sqyfg-kF3het-dKgU63-7121pw-dKbnLT-6ZXghB-7aMFFo-6ZXfye-a6G8a6-26PQPAR-ceZ3mw-7aF5cr-7aHRUn-kF3FwP-dKboVp-dKbj4F-3jqo8-dKbmgk-kF5cCu-dKgPvE-edzags-dKbjKc-dKbjtVimprove our outsides. How many people spend their lives yo-yo dieting, trying the latest craze only to be discouraged? Either they lose a lot of weight only to gain it back, or find it impossible to stick with a program long enough to see significant results.

I’ve been working out consistently for a year now. I’ve seen small changes, but nothing huge. At this point, I’m still seeing only small changes, like finally seeing a hint of my collar bone. But I see myself every day. If I looked at a photo from a year ago and compared it to today, I’d see a different story. Recently, I was complaining about the weight I’d put back on. My daughter looked at me in surprise. In her eyes, I’d lost weight because my face was thinner. It didn’t matter that I felt the tightness in my pants and blouses. She only saw the slimming in my face!

Others See Progress Where We May Not

https://www.flickr.com/photos/erix/66519749/in/photolist-6SW1e-VTKUdm-M1eYnL-242z7nc-oqkg1j-proThx-fsTWuh-6k2FkX-o4wR24-y6Zwr-KfMCGq-SFv9cS-8hfbmZ-bfs4it-SkpXJ5-fTkgBF-SRG43L-oaSpyU-6LELFf-8sY2Wq-65Q84A-4uhkK6-4CwKmQ-21jdqXp-ry5GpM-RHagrR-s7emTJ-b8moxH-pgqTW-GmKEPY-7h7g9p-6tuV9R-r3UHnJ-9kePpX-b1DnC2-9Gv9Kj-RFjn7k-6tuPQR-2b4oHPW-nxaMN8-Kez8E-6tuN7i-dUaLfP-6nXEKq-TiiQCx-nXxmkn-hCDNRa-CFeyn-2YRhRS-9BUEVMaybe what my daughter sees is more than a slightly less round visage. Maybe she’s seeing the improved self-love I get from committing to a weekly routine of self-improvement. It’s a funny thing about committing to yourself. First, you love yourself enough to make the commitment. Then you love yourself enough to turn the commitment into a habit. After awhile, you see the success you’ve had with one commitment and start making others. Pretty soon, whether you realize it or not, you have a brilliant internal glow because you care enough to treat yourself like someone you love fully and completely.

It only took me the better part of a lifetime to learn what some people find so obvious. I created a lot of terrible habits I had to break before I could set better ones. I’m sure I still have a barrel-full to break and re-set, but knowing I’m on the right track; knowing I can make commitments to myself and stick with them until they become habits is a gigantic milestone in the dark, twisty path that’s been my life up to this point.

Flipping the Switch

Are you self-sabotaging? Do you focus on hating things about yourself instead of loving the person you are deep inside? If so, try committing to loving yourself. Look yourself in the mirror every morning and tell the face in the mirror how much you love them. Then make a commitment to make a small change. Schedule it, reinforce it, and stick with it for a month or better until it becomes a habit. Even small changes raise our self-esteem. I learned the hard way; but our lessons stick better for a little pain in the learning process, don’t they?

Gratitude: The Most Powerful Tool in Our Toolbox

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I am grateful I learned to commit to myself first and foremost.
  2. I am grateful for friends who inspire and uplift me.
  3. I am grateful for perspective which shows me improvements I hadn’t even noticed.
  4. I am grateful for inspiration guiding me to write further and further ahead.
  5. I am grateful for abundance; opportunities, friendship, commitment, exercise, self-love, joy, dancing, music, writing, kitty love, clients, peace, harmony, health, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws , of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Random Thoughts While Waiting for the Start of #Nanowrimo2015

Remember to Allow

With NaNoWriMo only hours away, I was becoming rather frantic as I had no story, no characters and no idea how I was going to come up with 50,000 words about nothing. I turned to the many inspirational messages I find on my Facebook news feed. Though not 100% successful, I’ve managed to attract more positive affirmations than anything else lately.

The first message which caught my attention recommended relaxing and not trying so hard. Check. Stop freaking out about not having a story. I went into my meditation focusing on staying in the moment and being true to myself. Not 10 minutes in, the story idea hit me right between the eyes. It was so vivid and alive I wanted to start writing then and there, but knew I had to wait. So I let the meditation continue and the story development went on, giving me a plot, some back story, the main character and a supporting one. It also gave me several scenes in rough form to be fleshed out later as my Muse sees fit.

Later in the day, I ran across a post which talked about thinking of yourself as desirable. I wish I’d re-posted it so it would show on my own page as I can no longer find it. The gist of the post was that you will attract others to you when you believe you are desirable, likable or any other -able which will ultimately draw the kind of people you want to be with and, in fact want to be.

I was already feeling pretty good about dancing tonight because Thursday was unusual in that there were more single men than usual and less single women to take up all the dance partners. Needless to say, I danced until my feet were too sore to keep going and was extremely grateful for such an amazing dance night.

Somewhere between reading about thinking of myself as desirable and the glow from Thursday night’s dancing, the Universe was listening and gave me another night of particularly excellent dancing. I even got to do my favorite couples dance with a partner for a change!

In Conclusion…

From where I sit, this was a day when I attracted exactly what I wanted and needed. My blessings are accumulating so rapidly, all I can do is sit back and enjoy the flow of positive, beneficial energy. It isn’t every day that things fall into place so neatly, nor would it be healthy if they did. The most valuable lessons come when we have a little adversity, a little challenge in our lives. Being given the opportunity to rise to the occasion is a blessing unto itself and I wouldn’t trade the pleasure I feel from overcoming adversity for all of the easy days in the world.

I am at least as grateful for the days when things seem to come together effortlessly as I am for the days when I have to push past the frustration and the failed attempts until I reach the attempt that works. By the time I do reach that point, I’ve learned to discern between something which simply works and something which adds to the stability of my foundation. I’ve learned that the best answer may not be the easiest nor the first one you find that works. You have to be willing to ask the tough questions and to fail again and again until all of the cogs line up and the system is stable enough to survive an 8.2 earthquake. Only then will you have arrived at the answer which will yield the results you really want and still be flexible enough to adapt when the inevitable happens and the world changes around you.

Be Good to You

It’s so easy to get caught up in the challenges in our lives, whether it’s our family, money, a job, a relationship…the list is endless. The way to live rather than merely surviving is not. Make it a point to look yourself in the eye whenever you’re near a mirror. Whether you’re washing your hands or brushing your teeth. Combing your hair or just passing through, take an extra second or two to say something nice to yourself; to tell yourself how beautiful, special, talented, desirable, sexy, lovable…worthy you are. You are all of these things and more, and deserve to hear it every single day. Give yourself this gift and you will see miracles.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for all of the blessings in my life.
2. I am grateful for all of the challenges I have overcome, and those which I have not yet discovered.
3. I am grateful for the advice which made me relax and allow my Muse to do what she does best.
4. I am grateful for the Inklings who convinced me to do another NaNo even though I thought I wasn’t ready.
5. I am grateful for abundance; dancing, friendship, joy, laughter, inspiration, motivation, peace, harmony, allowing, releasing, accepting, health, philanthropy and prosperity.

Blessed Be

I invite you to visit my Facebook pages at https://www.facebook.com/SheriLevensteinConawayAuthor?ref=aymt_homepage_panel and https://www.facebook.com/HLWTAccounting . Please also drop by my website, http://www.shericonaway.com and check out my Hire Me Page. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!

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