Recognize a Narcissist’s Signature Moves

Narcissists Play a Circular Game

I get constant status updates about my physical and mental state via my gut, my head, and my body. The ones best addressed as soon as the reminders arrive are those which involve absorbing other people’s energy and problems. When I fail to acknowledge and act on the first, more subtle reminders, the voices and physical effects become worse until I have no choice. I prefer to avoid having them reach such levels, but occasionally, I get so self-absorbed or otherwise focused I forget what will come from my lack of appropriate attention.

When things are relatively quiet; I have no pressing commitments, no deadlines crawling up my back, and no one other than my cats requiring immediate attention, it’s easy to become complacent. It’s also the perfect time for my mind to dredge up old, unmanaged trauma, small slights I failed to release, or recent exposure, both in person and virtually, to someone who needs an energetic house cleaning of their own. Often, the effects of such exposure hung around long after the person left my presence. Some weren’t even recognized until my environment cleared and I felt the residual oiliness of their cloying energies.

As an Empath, I’m not immune to the games and ploys of Narcissists. As many red flags and warning signs as I’ve stored in my memory banks, there will always be one who comes along with new tricks up their sleeve. I admit being impressed by the extent of their creativity, while making sure I add the new games and their defenses to my own arsenal. I suspect the level of creativity is inherent to the breed, else they’d run out of potential victims too quickly.

Seeing Everyone as Innocent Until They Show Their True Colors

While unintentionally studying the works and wiles of Narcissists, I’ve learned subtlety and insidiousness are the core of their tool chests. Like a poisonous gas, they seep in beneath the defenses, and often choose Empaths whose compassion and natural willingness to help lend themselves to a Narcissists insatiable need for attention, adoration, and fulfillment.

There was a time when being at the beck and call of a Narcissist was a life sentence for many Empaths who lost their will and identity to someone who could only take, and never give. Thankfully, as people become more open about their feelings, and concerned about how others treat them, information becomes available on breaking those ties and seeking healthier attachments. I suspect it’s also caused Narcissists to up their game by becoming even more creative. Else Empaths like me wouldn’t get caught in their snares even for a minute.

I’m not ashamed to admit I still get sucked in at times. The trouble is, I still go through a bit of self chastising afterwards because I think I should have seen it coming. To be honest, I’m not sure what stresses me out more; getting sucked in, or giving myself hell afterwards. I know the latter tends to last longer.

Their Success at Manipulating Is No Reflection On Me

Eventually, I take a good, hard look in the mirror and admit the person was remarkably skillful, but, as the song goes, I won’t get fooled again. It’s as if they left their mark in my guest book, and once they left, the ink started to simmer and boil. I realize in trusting them, I failed to engage my filters and shields, and have absorbed some of their discordant energy into my own field. Once I’ve finished beating myself up over allowing it in the first place, it’s time to engage my cleanup crew to remove the rotting, toxic carcass and allow my own energy to flow clean and clear once again.

Learning to see past the well-crafted facade of a Narcissist is a constantly evolving skill. No two people are alike, and though Narcissists share traits, the way they employ both traits and skills is different every time. Those who’ve been wielding their tools successfully for many years are typically the most difficult to detect as they’ve learned to hone in on their target and weave their web with preternatural skill.

If there’s anything I truly hate, it’s being manipulated. Even more, I hate being so easily read that someone can get past my guard to engage my compassion when they neither need, nor deserve it. Hard as I may try, I’ll stew about it for days, trying to figure out how they managed to fool me, even for a minute.

OJT for Narcissist Avoidance

The trouble is, I don’t know how to think like a Narcissist, and frankly, I’m not interested in learning. Nonetheless, each new experience; each new game I fall for teaches me how to avoid another kind of trap. In the meantime, I’ve learned to recognize the traps sooner than I used to, and I can tell when there’s a game being played whose rules are unfamiliar to me.

Though I may familiarize myself with those rules, it’s purely for avoidance purposes as it isn’t a game I choose to play. In the first place, it would never be a level playing field, and in the second, it’s a game that sets off every alarm bell I have. With everything I’ve learned in the last couple of decades, and the appreciation gained for my own gifts, I am physically unable to play the part required of me in a Narcissistic game any longer.

In my personal evolution as an Empath, I’ve discovered there’s no education like on the job training (OJT). The process is decidedly unpleasant and, for a long time, I chose avoidance over the painful lessons I needed. No one wants the lessons imparted by a Narcissist even if they don’t realize it. But the fact is, you can’t learn to both recognize the signs and protect yourself if you don’t know what to look for, or how much damage they can do if not parried.

In the end, I have only gratitude for those who plied their skills in my direction so I could learn how to be strong, discerning, independent, and protected. Their manipulations and machinations taught me how to see through facades when I encountered others of their ilk, and helped me recognize the only one who truly has power over my energy and emotions is me. I have to be willing to stand up for myself, and to take the painful lessons they left to strengthen my skills, and more importantly, my power of observation. Most of all, I’ve learned to trust my initial feelings…most of the time.

Grateful for Being My Innocent, Gullible Self

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned, and the reminders when I let my guard slip.
2. I’m grateful for true friends who give me the best examples of what I deserve.
3. I’m grateful for the ability to recover more quickly from the gifts left by a Narcissist.
4. I’m grateful for knowing where I belong, and who with.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; friendship, love, joy, compassion, support, opportunities, inspiration, motivation, dedication, peace, health, harmony, prosperity, and philanthropy.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward