Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world my beautiful, vulnerable self!

Posts tagged ‘dreams’

Living My Life Unapologetically At Last

Unapologetically Me

I used to apologize for everything, probably even my very existence; as if everything I did was wrong; a mistake. I guess it makes sense as I only recently realized I’d felt like I was a mistake most of my life. Though I finally understood and got past it, the feeling had a major impact on my life, and in a way, still does.

I’ve always been rather rebellious, though less than my parents wanted me to believe, and far less than I could have been were I to shake off the ties that bound me for so long earlier than I did. I followed the rules—to a point. I got away with things—also to a point. Overall, I played it safe, a choice which even now haunts me a bit. Slowly but surely I took more risks; some planned carefully, but most, not so much. To be honest, I’ve been flying by the seat of my pants for several years now.

Owning My Choices

What I gained was a willingness to accept consequences or triumphs, whichever I got, and to take the lesson and leave the pain behind. My attitude didn’t happen over night. I had to fall a few times, and get up each time before it finally sunk in that I could and would get up every time, no matter how hard I fell.

In the process, I’ve learned to own my actions; my choices. I’m responsible for everything I do and reap both the consequences and the rewards. Most of all, I owe no one an explanation for my actions and choices. They were mine to make, and the results are mine to own. No apologies, no excuses.

The lesson didn’t come easily. It was too easy to hang my head and apologize when I didn’t measure up to what I thought were someone else’s standards. Of course, I realize now, it was merely my perception of their standards, as how can we really understand someone else’s expectations. Like ours, they’re influenced by so many factors, and can change in an instant when something in their environment shifts.

Wasting Effort on Other Peoples’ Happiness

Created with CanvaI was fighting a losing battle, trying to keep other people happy but I’d been doing it for so long, I didn’t recognize the futility. I only saw myself consistently failing to measure up; to meet expectations set by everyone but me.

What a revelation it was to realize all these years I’d wasted trying to please everyone except the one person it was truly my job to please—ME! It was as if the entire world had dropped off my shoulders! I was no longer chasing something I’d never be able to catch. Instead, I got to chase my own dreams—something I truly believed in and wanted with all my heart.

Driven by Passion, Not by Fear

It’s a funny thing about passion. While it may drive me to take risks I’d never consider if passion hadn’t finally taken the wheel of my life, it also keeps my dreams in sight, even when my conscious mind can’t quite see the manifestation. Yet passion lets me take things one step at a time, and doesn’t beat me up when it’s taking longer to get “there” (wherever “there” is) than I’d planned.

Passion doesn’t ask for explanations or excuses. It simply continues to shine, lighting the way, and waiting patiently when I stumble. It doesn’t dim my vision, or give up on my dream. It understands there will be times I feel discouraged and will question whether or not to keep going, and it supports whatever decision I make.

Holding the Dream Loosely

It’s been nearly 6 years since I turned my life upside down. I’ve written a lot of words, some of which actually form a coherent story. I’ve moved in and out of a couple of different social circles, and continue to do so, trying to figure out where and why I fit. I’ve been shot down a couple of times, and allowed it to make me stagnate for a little while—but only for a little while.

My overall dream hasn’t really changed though. It’s evolved, and become more detailed. It’s aligned me with some like-minded people. I’ve learned from a few, and let a few go who were teaching something which didn’t fit with my own vision. None of them were wrong; they were just wrong for me.

I’m learning following my passion is a process; an evolution. The closer I get to my dream, the more I learn and grow. Some aspects might change when I get closer, but the bigger picture remains the same. The changes come in the details, and those are easily altered. I change in my attitude and confidence as I realize those dreams are achievable.

Clearing the Clutter

Recognizing and accepting I’m only answerable to myself was perhaps the change of all. It wasn’t an “Aha moment” though. Realization came slowly as I shed a lot of old baggage: unexpressed grief and blame over my parents’ suicides, beliefs that no longer serve me, trying to fit in by changing who I am.

In short, I cleared out the cobwebs and old file cabinets in my mind to make space for the dreams I envision. I had to clear both the mental and physical clutter to make room for those dreams. In believing they weren’t possible, I’d filled the space with nonsense so I’d have an excuse to stagnate. As long as there was no space or time to fulfill the fantasies in my head, I had no responsibility to make them a reality. Yet the only one to whom I didn’t apologize was me.

Committing to Myself

Perhaps my greatest lesson was in committing to myself as single-mindedly and whole-heartedly as I’d committed to other people; partners, parents, employers, false friends. Once I turned all my committing skills inward, my world opened up like a blown rose, it’s petals soft and brushed by dew, swaying softly in the breeze.

Now I honor that commitment every day. I write, I walk, I read, I take time out to cuddle my cats, and I indulge myself in some kind of self-care every day. Some days it’s the gym, others, I’ll sit on the front porch when the sun has set and the night air is cooler, communing with my barn cats, the night birds, and the bats. Most days, I meditate, though not always with my eyes closed, sitting in one place.

Like everything else in my life, the operative word is flexibility. No longer do I commit to a hard and fast schedule. That was someone else’s rules. It doesn’t suit me, so I exclude it from my life. I tossed it out with apologies. I’m happier since I ejected such things, and my creativity is thriving as a result. I couldn’t ask for more.

A Daily Practice: Gratitude

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I’m grateful I’ve learned to commit to myself.
  2. I’m grateful I’ve learned I’m enough, and disappoint no one for following my own heart.
  3. I’m grateful for increased creativity and productivity.
  4. I’m grateful for supportive friends and colleagues.
  5. I’m grateful for abundance; opportunities, creativity, inspiration, motivation, friendship, support, love, joy, peace, harmony, balance, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light


About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Inspired by Morning Walks

Oh the Things You Can See When You Walk

I don’t know any of my neighbors well. I’ve lived in this house for almost 40 years, but am, for the most part only passingly acquainted with the ones who’ve been here longer than me. The rest, not at all.

It surprised me to learn the ones I have gotten to know in passing are aware of my latest new habit of taking morning walks. I ran into one walking with her friend around the small park at the end of our street. She commented that she’d seen me go by her house every day, and congratulated me for my efforts (she’s in her 70’s to my 60’s).

I’m a little more friendly with my next door neighbors, a lovely couple in their 80’s who bought their house when it was new back in 1961 (I suspect they were newlyweds at the time, and the 8- or 10-thousand dollar price tag was huge!). They’ve become fond of my outdoor cats because of their propensity to decimate the rodent population. They too have noticed my morning forays, and as daily walkers themselves, offered their own words of encouragement.

Lost in the 60’s Can be a Good Thing

This is kind of an interesting neighborhood. Because it was built so long ago and in fact, wasn’t even connected to the city sewer system until the 70’s, we don’t have any common areas other than the small city-owned park I mentioned. We also don’t have HOA’s which thrills me as I don’t have a lot of good things to say about those organizations. My own experiences with my parents’ condo as well as a business adventure leave me less than enamored with the way they’re run or the people who see fit to govern them.

We also have a lot of families who are either renting or managed to buy by moving several families into these 1100 to 1200 square foot homes. Quick research on current rents showed me the newer renters are paying somewhere around 3 times my house payment including taxes. But newer homeowners also paid 4 or 5 times what I did, and a good many more times what the few original residents paid. (and much to my dismay, their tax bases and bills are less than half what mine are. I shudder to think what the newbies are paying in property taxes!)

I’m a Homebody at Heart more than one occasion, I’ve been asked why I don’t get tired of living in the same house. The reason is similar to why I keep a car for over 10 years. If I stay in the same house, my monthly payments are predictable and manageable. If I keep a car for 10 years or more, I have no payments for at least 5 or 6 of those years. It’s simple economics. I also don’t need a bigger house, though my dream is to have one in a more remote place (kind of weird to think of as I’m finally starting to get to know my neighbors better) where my nearest neighbor is neither visible nor audible.

I have friends these days who can’t afford to buy a house at today’s inflated prices (an $8000 house in 1961 sells for upwards of $500,000 today), so they’re renting. The last time I paid rent was in 1992 when I was divorcing my ex-husband. A two-bedroom apartment in one of the nicer parts of town cost me $800 a month. The same apartment now rents for upwards of $1800. Meanwhile, my friends living in nearby areas are reeling under rent increases which mean they have to pay as much as $2500 a month for a smaller 2-bedroom apartment!

Appreciating What’s Been There All Along

My daily walks are giving me something I hadn’t found in the last 30-some odd years; an appreciation for the neighborhood. Because it’s been here awhile, the trees are tall and the bushes are thick, providing a haven for a vast assortment of birds, butterflies, and June bugs. The cheerful chirping and exuberant soaring from place to place lifts my heart. While chatting with my next-door neighbor, a stunning orange and black Monarch swooped down and gave her stamp of approval to our conversation.

It’s not just the butterflies, lizards, and birds that bring me joy. Neighbors I’ve never even talked to are recognizing me from my morning walks. We smile and exchange pleasantries when I pass. Sometimes I even stop to talk. I’m meeting a lot of the local canines too. Most are friendly, though one named Tammy nipped my leg as I passed by, as cantankerous as her elderly owner. (thankfully, he wasn’t the nipping sort!)

Keeping Things the Same on the Outside

I know people who are either moving or remodeling every few years. Though I’d love to upgrade my kitchen and maybe add a little more space, my friends’ woes with contractors as well as my own fiasco lead me to believe at this point that the remodel will happen when I find someone patient enough to help me do it myself, and who’s willing to teach me in my own slow, fumbling way.

For now, I’ve heard no complaints about the accommodations at our annual post-Thanksgiving gathering. The kids and I have developed a routine to manage the cooking and the furniture re-arranging quite nicely. Some of my friends stick around to help put the house back to rights afterwards too.

Keeping the Dream Alive While Appreciating the Now

I may have grand dreams of a solitary piece of property overlooking the beach, for now, where I am suits my lifestyle and budget. It’s more than enough to manage by myself, and my kitties have plenty of places, both low and high to rest their weary bones after stalking flies and spiders who’ve managed to sneak into the house. Friends drop by occasionally, and my red Adirondack chairs are a welcoming sight on the front porch. Like Happy Face Hill, seeing those chairs gives me a feeling of home.

My needs are simple, and I have no airs to put on or people to impress. The ones in my life now like me for a lot more than how I look or what I own, as I do them. After many years of working to have better stuff, I’ve learned it isn’t worth it if you haven’t learned to enjoy whatever you have and wherever you are. When you do that, you’re happy almost anywhere!

How about you? What is your dream abode like? Draw a picture with words, crayons, paints, or whatever moves you. Put in all the special touches you believe will make it perfect. Are you there now? If not, what do you need to do to get there. But more importantly, are you happy where you are now, even if it’s not perfect?

Gratitude Wherever I Turn

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I’m grateful for my furry roommates who remind me what’s truly important.
  2. I’m grateful for my daily walks which are teaching me a greater appreciation of my neighbors and neighborhood.
  3. I’m grateful for things that stay the same, holding space for things that are changing.
  4. I’m grateful for butterflies. I see at least a couple every day now and just seeing one brings me joy.
  5. I’m grateful for abundance; energy, love, joy, exercise, strength, opportunities, inspiration, encouragement, chats, life, imperfections, friendship, peace, harmony, balance, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light


About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Morning Pages Have Improved My Life

To Think Changes Began With Morning Pages

I don’t usually write or do much of anything besides going to the gym and running errands on Wednesdays, but for some reason I’m inspired to get the last May post written and scheduled a little ahead of time. Am I anxious to be in June? Not particularly. This year is going by fast enough without rushing into things.

I do find it amusing that after spending thirty years in accounting where we were always working on a month after it had ended, I’m now in a mode where I push myself to get as many weeks ahead as possible. Little did I realize when I flipped my entire career path on it’s head that the flip would involve more back flips, aerials, spins, and whoop-de-do’s than I could have ever envisioned. In hindsight, had I known, I might have run back to my safe but boring accounting job and never discovered that what I truly love to do is write; for me, for other people, for public consumption, and for my eyes only. It doesn’t really matter as long as I write.

The More I Learn, the More I Know I Have to Learn

I’ve learned a lot in the last few years, not the least of which is I have a lot more to learn. But I’ve also come to realize when I task myself with writing every day, whatever writing I might do counts. I used to think the days when I “only” wrote my morning pages were days when I did not write. But the truth is, every time I put my pen to paper and spew forth a stream of words, it’s writing.

Sure, the morning-pages-only days don’t necessarily result in something others might consider useful or productive. Yet the truth is, my creativity is oiled as soon as I get up. What I might do with it that day is anyone’s guess.

Sometimes, I get a blog idea or a chapter for one of my works-in-progress. Others, I simply get something off my chest which would otherwise weigh me down and prevent progress in any direction. And yes, there are days when what comes out is little more than a stream of words only loosely connected to a train of thought.

Working the Writing Muscle Any Way I Can

Whatever comes out of my mind and pen is exercising my writing muscle, which is the point of it all There used to be days I’d bemoan my lack of inspiration, believing I had no good, creative ideas in my brain. By writing every day and not worrying so much about what comes out, I’ve learned the creativity is there. I just lock it up unintentionally at times. Writing what might to others seem like a bunch of nonsense loosens the clenched fist which holds those ideas hostage.

One of the best parts of writing morning pages is how it helps with my frequently vivid dreams. I have more than my share of WTF mornings when I wake from a dream that was both vivid and disturbing. By writing about it as soon as I get up, I’m able to sort through the craziness to see if there’s a message, or if the dream was meant only to get my attention.

Granted, there are mornings when I finish writing and haven’t answered that question. But there are plenty of others when I pull out the message I was meant to receive. Most of the time, the message is well-buried and miles away from the actual point of the dream. And because my dreams tend to jump around the same way my awake and ADD brain does, it’s often a jigsaw puzzle to pull out pieces which actually make sense and belong together.

Messages in Our Dreams

Our minds give us clues through our dreams. Of that, I’m certain. The clues may be completely nonsensical at times. They might just be telling us to be especially careful while driving that day, or there might be a repetitive number; a color that stands out for some reason; a name we don’t recognize, but which will be somehow significant in the next few days.

Once in awhile, I even get a precognitive dream. Once I dissect it, I might figure out I need to contact someone I haven’t spoken to in awhile. Maybe they’ve just suffered a trauma. Or perhaps we need to cross paths again for a singular purpose. Whatever the message might be, I’ve learned not to question, but to make an effort to understand, especially if certain details are stuck in my brain like the “Baby Shark” song when you unwittingly hit “play” on someone’s adorable Facebook post.

Starting the Day With a Clear Head

Mostly, though, when I’ve finished dissecting a particularly vivid dream, put down my pen, and gotten on with the rest of my day, I have nothing more than a clear head and the beginnings of a plan for how I’ll be spending the day. If I get an idea or two for blog posts as well, I consider it a bonus.

What I’m trying to say here in my usual convoluted fashion is I’ve put a lot of routines in place in the last few years; things which, in one way or another improve my life. I’ve learned to give myself credit for accomplishing those daily or weekly tasks, even on days when that’s all I get done. There was a time not so long ago when they didn’t get done at all. Things like:

  • Writing my morning pages
  • Making the bed
  • Cleaning up the kitchen before I go to bed
  • Going to the gym 3 times a week
  • Having at least 2 weeks worth of blog posts written and scheduled
  • Having posts for Medium scheduled, often a full month ahead

This list might not look like much to you or anyone else, but I know how much time and effort went into making these things happen consistently. I also know how much flexibility it allows me knowing if nothing else happens, these things are done.

Creating New Habits Gets Easier the More You Do It

I’m adding new habits to the list fairly regularly now, and often laugh at myself when I find a can’t not do some of the things which have become habits. As I de-clutter my home and my life, I both revel in the amount of clear space I have around me and rebel if I try to clutter things back up again.

When I started putting my shoes away instead of leaving a few pairs in the alcove next to my laundry hamper, I didn’t think a lot about it other than the convenience of not having to move them when I vacuumed. But lately, no matter how tired I am when I get home, I simply cannot kick off my shoes and leave them next to the hamper. I have to open the closet door and put the shoes on the rack. My mother must be laughing her butt off, assuming she’s watching me from wherever she landed. I know she despaired of ever teaching me to minimize the clutter in my house, much less keep it clinically clean the way she had to in order to keep her demons tamed.

Learning to Love a Certain Amount of Order

The older I get, the less patience I have for disorder. That’s not to say I don’t still have my share of chaos, but it’s more organized, and I no longer have all available surfaces covered with stuff. I’ve learned to love coming into my office and finding a clear space on my desk to work. Or going into the kitchen to find the counters clean and the sink empty.

Things others take for granted are novel for me, and I marvel at how much I’m learning to enjoy things like seeing my bed made up, the director’s chair empty, or dishes and clothes put away right after they’re washed. And to think it all started my morning pages. As I began to regularly de-clutter my mind, I found I had to expand the process and de-clutter my life as well. So to say my practice of writing 3 pages long hand every morning isn’t writing is, in my opinion, ludicrous.

Need Help De-cluttering Your Life?

Are you having a tough time getting everything done? Do you beat yourself up when your To Do list grows instead of shrinking? Would you like to take a task or two off your plate? Maybe it’s content creation, or perhaps it’s getting your books in order and creating a budget. If this sounds familiar and you’re ready to streamline your life and give your business space to grow and thrive, CONTACT ME and let’s talk!

Gratitude Helps Improve Your Perspective

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I am grateful for the practice of writing morning pages. It’s helped me see how much I really do accomplish.
  2. I am grateful for learning to clear the piles of stuff, and for recognizing when I need to do another purge. Clear space when and where I need it has simplified my life in innumerable ways.
  3. I am grateful for connections. Not a day goes by when I don’t communicate with at least a couple of friends. It might be one of us checking in on the other, or making plans to dance, meet for a meal, or plan an outing. Never being completely alone and disconnected is a new concept for me, and one I’m coming to appreciate more and more every day.
  4. I am grateful for friendship; true friendship. The kind where you’re there for each other, but not because anyone expects it. Because you’re exactly where you want to be.
  5. I am grateful for abundance; love, friendship, writing, opportunities, challenges, lessons, dancing, hugs, harmony, peace, health, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light


About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Insecurity May Lie Dormant But Never Dies

The Scared Little Girl Who Lurks Inside having a disturbing and bizarre dream, I remembered someone saying that the really bizarre and disturbing ones carry a message, but not what we’d think. The more disturbing and bizarre they are, the more they’re simply trying to get our attention. After spending 30 or 40 minutes writing out what I remembered of the dream, I found the underlying message. The message itself was uncomfortable and disturbing.

For all the work I’ve done on myself, the scared, insecure little girl is still alive and well. I still believe people don’t notice when I’m not around, and that I have no one to turn to if I’m feeling really disturbed or distressed.

Talking to a couple of girlfriends later that night, I realized I’m not alone on many levels. First, because I have people who understand and are there for me, but second, because they too feel insecure and alone a lot of the time.

Self-Protection on Overdrive

This feeling of alone-ness wasn’t the biggest revelation, however. As I looked at myself, my friends, and what we have and haven’t shared, I realized there are still large parts of me I share with no one. Whether it’s fear of being judged (something I learned I share with my friends), fear of letting more of my broken parts see the light of day, or fear of losing my ability to, at least occasionally wear a strong facade, I’m stuck in some of the same old patterns.

On a conscious level, I know until I’m willing to accept and acknowledge those parts I continue to keep hidden, I am, in some ways no closer to healing than I was 10 years ago. Sure, I’ve made progress, but there are parts of me still unwilling to let go. There are pieces of my heart still encased in bubble wrap to hold all the broken parts together.

The Long, Winding Healing Journey

Created with CanvaHealing means carefully unwrapping those parts, laying them out so I can see where the broken edges fit together, then fitting the pieces back together like an intricate jigsaw puzzle. Once the edges are matched, I need to glue them back together, not with adhesive or even gold like the Japanese kintsugi, but with love and understanding. I have to share my brokenness with the people who love me so they can help me put the broken parts back together stronger and more resilient.

I realize now I’ve opened up about some things, but most are experiences I’ve had, not my deepest, darkest feelings. Those continue to hide in the depths of my mind and heart, mired in darkness, afraid of coming into the light. They blink and squint if I so much as allow a single beam into their sacred space.

Overcoming My Own Resistance

Like my mind resisting change, those broken bits and pieces resist being put back together. know the process will mean they have to grow and adapt because the reassembly won’t be the same as their original construction. In fact, I may find a way to put them together into a different structure entirely; one which utilizes parts from all.

Isn’t that really what our lives entail? We break apart and put ourselves back together, but never in the same way. New experiences become part of our new structure making it stronger, but also changing it forever. Once reassembled, there’s no going back to the old ways, because who we were no longer exists. We’ve taken life’s experiences and woven them into the fabric of our lives indelibly.

By hiding all the times I shattered into a million pieces inside myself I don’t allow the rebuilding. I don’t allow myself to be stronger for my experiences. I fail to grow and evolve.

A Reminder I Still Need to Get Out of My Own Way might believe I’ve come a long way, and in fact, I have. But I’ve put giant boulders in the way to prevent progress in certain directions. Thus, I’m rebuilding on shaky ground once again, because I’m leaving too many crumbling parts in my foundation.

My disturbing and bizarre dream was a pointed reminder I can’t ignore all those piles of broken pieces. I need to incorporate them into the newest version of me I’m building. Leaving them out means returning to ground zero again and again until I figure out how to weave them into the fabric of my life, not as failures, but as lessons.

The voice of the frightened little girl inside me is growing louder and more insistent. Opportunities to open up, bring those pieces into the light, and join them to the pieces I’ve acquired through life lessons are here. They become more obvious and accessible every day. But until I bring those broken pieces into the light, I can’t fully avail myself of those opportunities. I can’t complete the assembly without those pieces as well.

Creating a Mosaic of My Life

Like you, I’m a mosaic; a combination of pieces accumulated over the years from each time I created with Canvabroke, but also, each time something or someone came along and offered me some of the missing pieces to help strengthen my structure. How many times did I turn away and fold further into myself, refusing the help, ignoring someone else’s need to help me grow? How many times did I fail to see my broken parts fit exactly into someone else’s?

Talking to my friends, we admit to holding back parts of ourselves we’re not ready to share. Yet do I; do they really know what those parts are any more? They’ve been buried so long, I suspect were we to pull out all of our parts and lay them on the table, we’d find we could put them together in just about any manner, taking pieces from each other and fitting them into our own mosaic. The result would not only be stronger, but more beautiful for all the different shades and facets we bring together.

Creating a Safe Space Together that’s the answer. Instead of trying to force ourselves to open the box where we store all our missteps, our broken dreams, our losses, and our fears, we need to open them in the safety and comfort of friendship where everyone shares pieces, and we create one giant piece of art which is better able to withstand life’s earthquakes and mudslides.

We learn different lessons as we travel through life. What I know well, someone else needs support and guidance. Where I feel weak and unable to withstand the gentlest breeze, someone else has mastered and can help me become stronger.

Years of trying to manage everything alone has certainly left its mark on me. It’s left a similar mark on many of my friends. We’ve all learned we’re stronger together, but are still learning how to maneuver the “together” part without needing to pull back into our shells, afraid of being let down or broken once again. Until I do; until we do, we’ll continue fumbling in the dark in some areas, never quite seeing that the path in front of us is smoother than we believe.

Need Help Putting it All Together?

Are you struggling to keep all of your entrepreneurial balls in the air? Would you like to take a task or two off your plate? Maybe it’s content creation, or perhaps it’s getting your books in order and creating a budget. If this sounds familiar and you’re ready to streamline your life and give your business space to grow and thrive, CONTACT ME and let’s talk!

Grateful for Who I Was, Who I Am, and Who I Can Become

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I am grateful for friends who understand I’m still struggling in some ways.
  2. I am grateful for disturbing and bizarre dreams which make me take a good hard look at what I’m doing with my life.
  3. I am grateful for friends who aren’t afraid to share some of their broken parts with me.
  4. I am grateful for days alone when I can sink into introspection. They make me face the world outside with more confidence, not so much in my abilities alone, but in the knowledge that I’m not alone at all.
  5. I am grateful for abundance; love, friendship, imperfections, community, joy, dancing kitty love, peace, harmony, health, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light


About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws , of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Writing in the Zone

Taking the Zone Into Our Subconscious Minds

I realized this morning I was no longer getting a plethora of blog topics from my morning pages. Stopping to wonder why, I realized I’d gotten into the habit of doing exactly what the morning pages are meant to do; turn off my conscious mind and tune into the zone. Interestingly enough, it’s how I write most of my blog posts, but for awhile, I’d spent far too much time thinking about what I was going to write when I was doing my daily free writing.

I started noticing I was blowing through the first couple of pages without even seeing the page on a conscious level. I’d simply get up in the morning, use the bathroom, put my allergy drops in my eyes, select the colored pen I was going to use, and start writing. It didn’t matter what came out. It was merely a vehicle, a vessel into which I dumped the first thoughts of the morning without editing or, as I’m realizing now, conscious thought.

Disconnecting Before We Remember Not To

I’m sure there have been places along the way when I did it without thinking, but somehow, I’d gotten so used to finding blog topics therein, I started paying too much attention to what I was writing in those moments before I’m fully awake or starting to plan out my day. I suspect there actually are some topics hidden in those pages, and I’m inclined to go back and look, but without realizing it, I started using the 30 minutes or so first thing in the morning for the proper purpose.

It’s a bit overwhelming to realize how often I create without conscious effort; how often the words you see on the screen came from somewhere deep inside me. All too often, the words reflect a part of me I’m not usually aware is impacting my life, and yet, it does to a greater degree than I realize.

Tapping Into Our Inner Reactive Selves

We all have habits, either learned or innate which take over from time to time. How many of us think about breathing unless we’re meditating or doing yoga? But we also have conditioned responses. We shiver when we’re cold, and maybe put on more clothes. There are things which scare us on one level or another and cause us to withdraw into ourselves. Perhaps we emerge when we believe the danger has passed, or sooner if we determine the danger isn’t as bad as we expected.

I’m learning it’s important to allow those subconscious thoughts and reactions to come to the surface. Too many times, I find mine are deeply rooted in something which happened during my childhood, and which I need to revisit and revise. The soul-deep reactions to certain situations have long-since outlived their usefulness. But like many knee-jerk behaviors, I enact them without conscious thought.

Gently Disentangling Deep-rooted Behaviors, part of their deep-rootedness stems from the years I kept stuffing things down until everything became impacted. I’ve had to disgorge many of the more recent behaviors and responses before I could get to the mother lode. By now, many of those deep-rooted behaviors have entwined themselves around my psyche in intricate knots requiring a great deal of patience and persistence to unwind.

Though tempting, simply yanking them out by their roots isn’t an option. They’ve entwined themselves around a great deal which has value, or worse, which needs to be untangled and dealt with as well. Harsh removal will only result in stronger, more impenetrable bonds being formed with those outdated, yet tenacious patterns. Shock treatment is not an effective way to deal with the old hurts and traumas which formed our subconscious behaviors.

When All Else Fails, Allow

I’m learning the best method is to allow everything to come out in its own crazy, convoluted, much like writing the first draft of my books. The rule of: “write first, edit later” can easily be applied to working through old patterns which continue to rear their ugly heads, yet hinder rather than help us.

Like dreams, if we seek to grab those patterns and the root system they’ve developed, they’ll slip away, hiding behind something seemingly innocuous. But if we allow them to flow freely without judgement or the slightest inkling we’ll try to fix our re-route them, we’ll learn things we didn’t even know we held inside. Only then can we put forth the necessary effort to change how we react to what used to be scary or painful, but no longer is.

We mature and grow. We lose our sensitivity to pain in many circumstances, but that maturity doesn’t always communicate well with the root of the issue. The root functions on blind emotion. It’s impervious to logic. (How often have you heard “You shouldn’t feel that way”?) Emotion and feelings weren’t created in the same universe as logic so no argument is going to sway them, no matter how much sense it might make.

Reassuring the Child Within go back to those feelings time and time again. Sometimes it’s a reaction, but others it’s because we’re trying to understand why we reacted that way in the first place. We know it defies logic, yet something inside ourselves says run away fast! Danger ahead!

When a child is scared, we don’t tell them:

“There’s nothing to be afraid of! Suck it up and deal with what you see right in front of you!”

Instead, we seek to reassure them what they are perceiving isn’t what’s really in front of them. Those innate responses inside us are no different. The frightened child created them and will continue to see an unchanged environment where a particular circumstance elicits fear, and even pain.

In short, we have to allow our inner child to express themselves before we can address what makes them fearful. We have to give them free rein to say whatever they feel without judgement; without question; without trying to fix them while they’re expressing their fears, shame, and hurt. When they feel safe talking about the heretofore unmentionables, we gain insight, not only into the basis of those conditioned responses, but the necessary steps towards assuaging the fears, healing the hurts, and gaining their trust.

I speak a lot about the dichotomy within ourselves; the child and the adult. Too many of us stifle the child, even denying their existence. Yet we’re unable to explain why time and time again, we react in the same manner, and can’t seem to stop ourselves from reacting. All I can tell you is what I’ve learned myself. We have to take the time to listen quietly. We have to allow triggers to bring forth strong emotions from deep inside ourselves. Only then can we effect a change; a healing which will replace the fear-and pain-based reactions with an ability to assess each situation independent of itself.

Our Greatest Tool is Gratitude

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I am grateful for my child within. She’s taught me a great deal about my self, my past, and my future.
  2. I am grateful for the ability to write without conscious thought. Many insights have come from my process.
  3. I am grateful for Julia Cameron and her morning pages. I have more than two years, and more than half a dozen notebooks filled with my thoughts, my frustrations, my pain, and a great deal of insight into the child who became the woman I am today.
  4. I am grateful for my ability to sit still and write, tuning the rest of the world out, and creating something I didn’t even know was there until I read it on the page after it’s done.
  5. I am grateful for abundance; opportunities, motivation, love, friendship, dancing, kitty love, joy, energy, Consciousness, inspiration, motivation, peace, harmony, health, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light


About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws , of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Miracles Happen When We Stay In The Moment

A Miracle A Day

We all hope for miracles at one time or another; the perfect job, the perfect mate, healing the ills of someone we love. Yet every day is a miracle, and too often, we fail to recognize the small but significant wonders. One of my most cherished wonders is my cats’ purrs. Each one is as unique as their personalities, and I can recognize them in the dark.

My sweet girl, Munchkin was diagnosed with cancer on December 4th. By the time I got the diagnosis, I hadn’t heard her purr for four days. So to wake up on the morning of December 13th to her jumping into my spot on the bed when I got up to use the bathroom, then proceed to give me a serenade in her full, loud, rumbly, voice was nothing short of a miracle on the grandest of scales. With all she was already going through, I thought the purr was gone forever. I’ve never been so happy to be wrong in my entire life.

Her purr reminded me the world is full of possibilities. Just because we fall on our faces one day doesn’t mean we can’t soar into the stratosphere the next. Just because we have to accept a cancer diagnosis as ultimately terminal in our pets most of the time, doesn’t mean there are other areas in our lives where we’ll be seeing doors open and efforts rewarded at some point in the near future. No matter what happens, no matter how many curve balls we’re thrown we can’t stop believing. If we do, we’ll miss the miracles which present themselves to us with each sunrise, with each new child born, with each step we take towards our goals and dreams.

Loosening Our Grip on Outcomes

Yet it’s easy to lose sight of our dreams in all the things that aren’t going right in our lives, or at least as we see it. Too often, we set rigid expectations. When they’re not met, we see it as a failure instead of looking at what happened instead. Many times, the reality exceeds our expectations, but we’re too busy bemoaning the might-have-beens to recognize the Universe improved on our wishes and dreams and gave us something far better than we imagined.

I’m a firm believer in the Laws of Attraction. I know I have to set a top-level expectation, then open my heart and mind to the bread crumbs that will lead me to my next task; my next step towards achieving my dreams. Too many people set large expectations, but also define how, when, and why they want to get there. Then they’re disappointed when things don’t happen according to the script.

I’ve learned the fastest way to my dreams is to leave myself open to possibilities, side roads, and even plot twists. The path we take through life is seldom straight. It’s almost never a fast-moving, six-lane highway. More often than not, it’s a back road that winds its way around mountains, lakes, streams, and potholes. There are so many switchbacks we may, at times think we’re wandering around in circles, hopelessly lost.

The Long Way Around Might Be The Most Direct Route

In my experience, the side roads and switchbacks are where the true magic happens. We stumble upon something or someone unexpected which takes us on a journey of wonder and new experiences. We have our mettle tested and learn we’re capable of far more than we realized, even if we have to fall on our face to see we can, and will get up and move on.

Years ago, a wrong turn in Yosemite took us into a cloud of Monarch butterflies. The joy of standing still and feeling the beat of thousands of delicate wings is an experiences I’ll always cherish and never forget. Nor will I lose the image of the deer standing mere feet away in a grassy field, as curious about us as we were about her.

It doesn’t have to be something out of the ordinary though. There is wonder in each and ever minute we live; every breath we take. We have to stop focusing on what we think we need to do in the future and pay attention to what’s right in front of us in the current moment. When I think about how much I’ve missed by being anywhere but right here, I can’t help but wonder if things would have been different had I noticed.

Remembering to Stay in the Moment

But even that takes me out of this wonderful, precious moment. Besides, I can’t change what’s already I can only live each moment I have, giving it my full attention.

It isn’t easy to stop ourselves from making lists in our head or planning out what we’re going to do later today, tomorrow, next week, or next month. It takes a determined effort to stay in the moment and not be distracted. The rewards when we do, though, are incredible.

Like many, I’m often distracted while driving, thinking about where I’m going, what I need to do, or any number of non-driving related topics. But when I draw my attention back to the road and to arriving at my destination safely, I start noticing things. Maybe it’s an especially beautiful tree, or a shape in the clouds, or the clear, blue sky embracing a snow-topped mountain. The what is not as important as just noticing these things. How often do we drive for miles never seeing what’s around us? What are we missing in our blind oblivion?

Staying Present and Living the Miracles

If you ask me, we’re missing miracles happening every minute. We’re missing all the little things that might bring us joy if we’d only drag our attention away from the past and future so we can see what’s right before our eyes.

I beat myself up for not being where I want to be with my business, financially, socially, physically. Like many, I lose sight of the fact that I need to put one foot in front of the other in order to achieve any or all of my goals. While I’m focusing on where I’m not, I’m making no progress towards getting there.

Munchkin’s returning purr reminded me today of a few things. First, don’t give up. Maybe things look bleak right now, but keep walking. Eventually you’ll see sunshine, or maybe even a rainbow again. The only way we stop our own progress is by standing still. By focusing on anything except the present moment, the only moment we can control or change, we are, in effect, standing still.

I, for one, am tired of standing still, or worse, moving backwards. I’m going to find more effective ways to keep myself in the moment where the miracles happen.

My Grateful Heart

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I am grateful for all the little miracles in my life.
  2. I am grateful for reminders to stay in the moment.
  3. I am grateful for friendships which grow stronger every day.
  4. I am grateful for the life experiences I’ve had and will have.
  5. I am grateful for abundance; love, friendship, miracles, joy, challenges, lessons, peace, health, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws , of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward;

Getting Back to Our Passion

From Sound Bite to Epiphany

I caught a sound bite while at the gym and it got me thinking. It said a lot of the chaos being caused in places like NATO, G7, and other high profile political arenas is solely for the purpose of generating anger and divisiveness. I can’t say the news surprises me as I’ve said the same thing so often it’s becoming almost redundant. anger, pitting people against each other, and glorifying hate feeds the bullies, the ogres, and the demons who have been released upon our world to run amok unchecked. The sole purpose of this feeding frenzy of greed and hate is to allow the soulless, heartless minority to steal everything we hold dear while we’re too wrapped up in being angry to appreciate and protect our inalienable rights. To me the most important of those rights are the right to love and be loved, the right to treat others with kindness and receive the same, and the right to join together in communities working towards common goals for the greater good.

Bringing Idealism Back Into Fashion

This may make me sound like an idealist and in many ways I probably am. Yet I have faith we can create the world I’m not alone in envisioning where we can have different beliefs and still come together in a single cohesive, productive unit. A community which understands different opinions make us stronger because they encourage us to look at our world from alternate points of view without treating disagreement like a personal affront.

I believe we can and will turn our world around and bring people together. We’ll return to a place where freedom of religion, and liberty for all once again actually means something. Where people no longer need a designated scapegoat to excuse their own unwillingness to put forth the effort to achieve their own goals and dreams but instead ask for help from others regardless of heritage, beliefs, religion, race, or sexual preference. Most important is getting back to where we understand, believe and act on the truism that the community is stronger which takes care of its own. In other words, where helping each other is part of our nature and not an obligation.


John Lennon envisioned such a world decades ago when he wrote his song, “Imagine”. That world may have come to pass in his lifetime but I believe the seeds were sown long ago. We need to nurture and cultivate those seeds. The more of us who choose to nourish the crop, the more abundant it will become. There will come a point where our fields of love, kindness, and acceptance will be sufficient to choke out the weeds of hate, greed, and divisiveness. In my mind, that’s the love people like Dr Martin Luther King tried to tell us would overcome the evil and hatred running rampant in our world. Many have lost faith in his timeless words, but the few who keep it alive are stronger than they might think.

The interesting thing about feeding the love seeds is not only do you feel good when you do it, you don’t need constant infusions to maintain the level of intensity you reach. In fact, unlike hate which only grows stronger with regular infusions of pain, love grows stronger the more you give of yourself for the benefit of others. Even better, the well of love is infinite. It never runs dry.

Fake News Creates Fake Hate

The artificially instilled anger being poured into the world right now is continuously depleted and can find more fuel in the pain and suffering of someone—a whole lot of someones. Right now, we are all “someone”. We are the pool from which those who feed on pain, suffering, hate, and anger will draw. We alone have the power to stop being used as fuel for a machine which operates in the best interests of only a select few who care nothing for the well-being of the world as a whole or the people in it.

It starts with a pebble in the pond of humanity. The pebble creates ripples which meet ripples created by other pebbles tossed into the pond. As more pebbles are tossed and more ripples created, connections form and the potential for a global support system becomes, not an impossible dream, but the reality we all deserve. But it won’t come by pointing fingers or blaming others for our imperfect lives. It will only happen when we realize we are the pebbles creating those ripples and make a conscious choice to fill our ripples with love instead of hate. We have to lose the destructive us-them mentality and realize we have the potential to be one global community where we give of ourselves unselfishly and receive what we need with gratitude.

Making the Dreamers’ Dreams a Reality

If you ask me, we owe it to the dreamers like John Lennon and Dr. King to turn their dreams into reality. It starts with a single person; a single act. Holding a door for another person, letting a car merge in front of you on the freeway, speaking out when you see someone being mistreated, rescuing an animal, listening to a friend, or smiling at a stranger. What I’m saying is making those dreams reality starts with caring.

For me that means redoubling my efforts to reach out to people who have been impacted by suicide or suicidal thoughts, depression, or mental health. I’m learning something really incredible; something I’d have deemed impossible even a few months ago. Hold onto your hat, because I’m going to share what for me at least was a HUGE epiphany.

Passion: The Strongest Catalyst We Have

When you discover your passion, the thing that makes you light up like the Aurora Borealis just thinking about it, and as brightly as the mid-day sun when you start talking about it, people who will either enhance or benefit from that passion will appear in your life almost magically.

You heard me right (or rather, “read” since I’ve yet to move from blog to vlog). Passion is one of the most attractive forces in the Universe, for both definitions of “attractive”. Feeling and expressing that passion is akin to becoming the most powerful magnet imaginable. But the glow you engage when you bring your passion out to play brings out the passion in others as well. If you ask me there is nothing more beautiful than people and their passions coming together to create a world of love and cooperation.

What makes you light up brighter than the sun? How can I help you turn your spark into a blazing fire that encompasses all humanity? It all begins by tossing the first pebble into humanity’s pond.

Fueled by Gratitude

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I am grateful for the amazing, inspirational people who have not only come before me, but the ones who are in my life right now, inspiring, encouraging, and occasionally butt kicking.
  2. I am grateful for the virtual flood of ideas I’ve been getting this week.
  3. I am grateful for blocks I’m discovering and learning how to release them, not just for the moment, but forever.
  4. I am grateful for the opportunity to help others and the inspiration to find ways to do just that.
  5. I am grateful for abundance; inspiration, motivation, brilliant people, warm friendships, encouragement, opportunities to leave my comfort zone further behind, love, peace, joy, harmony, health, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light


About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, Virtual Assistant and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. She specializes in creating content that helps entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author

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