Yesterday, I made a decision with far-reaching implications, and today, I worked it through.
Last year, I purchased the Accelerated Copywriting course from AWAI. Over the last several months, I’ve done my darndest to work through it, but it was in fits and starts at best, and by July, I was really struggling to keep going. I kept promising myself I’d get it done and had it on my To Do list where the row for time spent was more often than not blank.
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve done a lot of soul searching, exploring the real reasons I’d purchased the course, and reached a couple of conclusions which should have been obvious all along.
1. I started the class with the sole purpose of finding a source of income while I worked on becoming a real writer.
2. The course was hindering my writing by taking up time while I both fretted over it and tried to make it work.
Admitting these things to myself was painful, as most brutally honest admissions are. They led me to admit a certain amount of failure, but also allowed me to let go of something which wasn’t working. Thankfully, AWAI has a money back guarantee and were very nice about refunding my fee.
It is always humbling to admit that a decision you made with the best of intentions was not the best of decisions for you.
Once I realized that I’d registered for the course for all of the wrong reasons, it was easier to make the decision to give up on it, despite the awful feeling of failure I am experiencing. I put that energy to good use, however, as the day started off in direct opposition to my plans anyway (a rather common occurrence lately). I thought I’d do some organizing and went searching for notebook dividers I was sure I had. In the process, I cleaned out a bin of office supplies, then moved on to the last, and worst of my desk drawers. This one is used for files and had an accumulation of stuff in it that was beyond anything I remembered.
Not only did I clear out decades of those odd things we save, then wonder why, I found an old letter which I thought I’d tossed years ago. It was written by a cousin who gave me a lot of information about the brother we never knew my grandfather had as well as sisters and cousins. As a friend had been helping me with my family’s rather twisty-turny genealogy, this letter was an incredible wealth of information to help us in our search. I was also able to finally fix the rack which holds the file folders so the drawer will be far more manageable now, and will allow me to clear some of the accumulation on top of the desk too. Sadly, those dividers never turned up, but the fruitless search had very fruitful results.
Sometimes, all we need is a good clearing
As I travel along life’s unpredictable highway, I have learned that there come many opportunities in our lives to clear things out so we can start fresh (and here is where my friend, The Tower, often makes its appearance). Often, though, it isn’t the clearing out which is difficult, but the admissions and decisions leading up to that clearing which turn us inside out. I think, in its own way, the decision to stop doing something is just as much of a leap of faith as a decision to start doing something. Either way, you’re changing direction, though perhaps in a smaller way.
One thing is certain tonight. I am feeling considerably lighter of heart and clutter. These can only bode well as I slip into this second week of the New Year, full of new dreams and goals. Removing things from my life which weren’t working will make space for those which are already there and anything new which might have been waiting in the wings until I stopped trying to force my hexagonal self into a round hole.
So ends the lethargy and “stuckness” I’ve felt for the last few days and as far as I’m concerned, good riddance! Now I can take that spaghetti squash and kale I got in my Harvest Box this week along with some lovely fresh basil and make turkey spaghetti sauce to eat over the squash. Maybe even a little steamed brocciflower on the side.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for life’s leaps of faith, both large and small.
2. I am grateful for the things I found while reducing my clutter some more.
3. I am grateful for the turkey/kale spaghetti sauce which is simmering on my stove and the spaghetti squash which is just waiting for me to separate meat from rind.
4. I am grateful for the support of my friends, even if I don’t always express that appreciation properly.
5. I am grateful for abundance; space, time, friends, love, compassion, encouragement, joy, peace, harmony, cooperation, health and prosperity.