Self-Love is the Best Love You Can Have
As holidays go, Valentine’s Day has long been my least favorite and one I often choose as a day to isolate myself from the world. I stay off Social Media, and bury myself in a book or some other task to avoid seeing all the happy, sappy posts about ooey gooey love.
It’s not that I don’t believe it exists. I just don’t think it’s necessary to remind the multitudes like me who are alone, by choice or otherwise in so blatant, and let’s face it, commercial a manner of our aloneness. I think I’d be less averse to the day if the commercialism wasn’t so rampant, and if there was an emphasis on self love.
Why self love, you may ask? I believe no romantic partnership can be strong or complete unless each partner, individually loves him or herself. I see so many posts from people talking about the flaws in their relationships. They look at what their partner does or doesn’t do. Maybe some of them are valid, but if so, why stay in a relationship like that? I read into the complaints without solutions that the whiner doesn’t care enough about him/herself to either speak up and ask for what they need, or decide the relationship is broken beyond repair, and leave before it negatively impacts their future.
Love Your Imperfections. They Make You Unique.
Maybe I’m overly simplistic, but at least I speak from some experience. I left a broken relationship, and to be honest, I did it long before I learned to love myself as I am, flaws and all. In fact, I didn’t love myself much at all when I decided life was too short to be that unhappy. The ensuing years weren’t always easy, but I can look back now and recognize I got through the tough times, and eventually I did learn to love myself.
I also learned no one can give you self love or even teach you how to love yourself. You might somehow internalize examples you see, or gain some techniques from self-help books, gurus, and support groups. But you have to do the work. You have to want to stop hating yourself and perpetuating your unhappy life by obliterating your self-defeating habits.
I’ll help you out a bit on that one. Here are some things that helped me climb out of that pit of self-loathing into a place where I can usually accept my flaws (face it. I’m human, and I will occasionally see the extra pounds and fling poo at my self-esteem), recognize my accomplishments, and truly believe my goals and dreams are achievable.
Taking Baby Steps to Self-Love
- Focus on eliminating negative self-talk. This is best accomplished by having an accountability partner to help you see when you’re doing it.
- Educate yourself. Read excessively. My books of choice began with “The Secret” and “Laws of Attraction”. As I evolved, so did my reading list.
- Create positive affirmations and post them all over the place; your house, your car, your office…
- Subscribe to emails or groups that are all about positive affirmations. Some of my favorite’s are:
- Messages from the Universe (email)
- Contagious Optimism (Facebook)
- Tiny Buddha (Facebook)
- Speak Your Soul (Facebook)
- If you spend much time on Social media, unfollow anyone who focuses on negativity, be it political bashing, complaining about life, or anything else that doesn’t feel good when you read it. The occasional mention of health issues or other life challenges is one thing, but avoid the wallowers who complain but don’t seek solutions.
- Look yourself in the mirror first thing in the morning and say something positive. The one I used and still do when I need a pick-me-up is “I’m beautiful, sexy, sassy, and delicious!”
- Flip all negative thoughts with something positive you’ve achieved, or a challenge you’ve overcome. e.g. I gained half a pound today, BUT I got more than 10,000 steps in yesterday and what I ate, while perhaps not perfect, was mostly healthy AND I avoided the cookies at the Grand Opening I attended.
Committing to Yourself is Priority One
- Make solid commitments to yourself. Mine include getting my pre-scheduled blog posts up to 4 weeks ahead. I allowed myself to do it in baby steps. Get it to 2 weeks and hold it there for awhile, then move it to 3. After keeping the 3 week program in place for awhile, ease into the 4 weeks. And what do you know! Here I am.
- Never, ever focus on how long it took you to achieve a goal. The only important thing is that you achieved it. You took as long as you needed to. Period.
- You deserve to take care of yourself first. Remember the story of the plane, the child, and the oxygen mask. You have to put yours on first or you won’t be conscious enough to help the child.
- It’s OK to say no. Refer to the previous bullet point. Your first priority is your own self-care. Everything and everyone else is secondary. Even your kids! Sure, when they’re really young, you have to take your moments a little more selectively, but you can still take them. I figured out how as a single mother to twin girls. You can too.
- It’s OK to ask for help. In fact, I highly recommend it. No one can or should do everything themselves. There’s a world of experience and possibilities for you to draw on. Use it!
- Don’t sweat the small shit, and everything is small shit.
- There’s only one moment you can control, and that’s the one you’re in right now. Worrying about all the stupid stuff like paying bills, making dinner, grocery lists, or the crabby boss you have to face tomorrow are not in this moment, so love it. Enjoy it. Make it the best moment you can.
A small caution. This list evolved over a number of years. Start small and remember, it’s a lot easier to take 1,000 baby steps than it is to take one giant leap. Those baby steps add up to giant leaps a lot faster than you might think. Also, don’t isolate yourself. Learning self-love is easier when you have someone in your corner both supporting and supported. Humans need to both give and receive. It’s called balance.
Share Your Story
Wherever you are in your journey, feel free to share here or on one of my Facebook page. I’m more than happy to be one of your cheerleaders. I believe if more people loved themselves, there’d be a lot less room for hating others. Think how quickly all the blaming and shaming would end if everyone felt good about their own damn selves.
Sharing Your Load: The Ultimate in Self-Care
Are you struggling to keep all your entrepreneurial balls in the air? Would you like to take a task or two off your plate? Maybe it’s content creation, or perhaps it’s getting your books in order and creating a budget. If this sounds familiar and you’re ready to streamline your life and give your business and your life space to grow and thrive, CONTACT ME and let’s talk!
Gratitude is the Most Powerful Tool in Your Toolbox
My gratitudes today are:
- I’m grateful for the many people who have helped, and continue to help me on my self-love journey.
- I’m grateful for my ability to stand alone, accepting I haven’t found someone to share my life, but knowing as long as I’m breathing, the possibility is still alive.
- I’m grateful for the many examples in my life of couples who both love themselves and each other.
- I’m grateful for all the different kinds of love in my life: friendship, kitty love, family, self, and the love of life itself in all it’s twists and turns.
- I’m grateful for abundance; love, joy, friendship, family, support, compassion, kindness, positivity, inspiration, motivation, self-care, peace, health, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.
Love and Light
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward