Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world my beautiful, vulnerable self!

Archive for the ‘soul searching’ Category

December 14, 2014 Slowing down to a crawl #shericonaway

Taking it slow is one thing, but barely moving is quite another.

For the last couple of days, I’ve been suffering from a severe lack of motivation. I get up in the morning with good intentions, but somehow, they just drizzle away like a Southern California rain storm. I’m not sure if it’s the added stress of having to medicate four cats morning and evening (thankfully, only drops in the ears!) or if I just hit a point where I can’t quite figure out where I’m supposed to be going, so I’ve hit a dead stop. It certainly isn’t for lack of things to do!

My gym routine has been sadly neglected, as have my blog and my novel in progress, but so has pretty much everything else. The only reason the vacuum cleaner made it out of the closet this week was because Scrappy Doo pushed a Corelle bowl to the floor, and it’s normal resiliency had reached its limit, sending shards of crockery over the entire floor of my office. (pretty tough to do when it was only a dessert bowl). Allowing the cats to find those tiny slivers with their paws was not an option, though I have, despite a very thorough vacuuming, still managed to find a couple myself. But better me than them!

Perhaps it’s the winter doldrums or my first holiday season without Heather here to do all of the silly stuff we do before Christmas. I just can’t seem to find my normal, busy, cheerful self right now, and I have to tell you, it’s annoying as hell!

Life truly is about the moments that take your breath away.

That isn’t to say there haven’t been a few special moments mixed in with the ennui. A small, brown bird tapped at my office window last night, scaring the bejeebers out of me. After I recovered from the surprise, I found myself thinking “Awww, how cute. Scrappy and Pye have made a friend.” Sadly, there were brown bird feathers on my garage floor this morning, and I’m really hoping my little friend wasn’t the victim of Hailey’s hunting prowess.

Dancing with my friends last night was amazing, and there was a plethora of laughter and warm hugs. I’m smiling now, just remembering how it felt. And of course, the cold weather is making the cats want to snuggle even more, in spite of the torture I’m putting the boys through with ear drops. In fact, the house was a chilly 62 degrees when I woke up this morning, forcing this wimpy California girl to turn on her heater for the first time in ages.

Is there such a thing as too much introspection?

In fairness to myself, it hasn’t been all about laziness. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of soul searching, reading and watching inspirational videos. While no earth shaking conclusions have been reached, I’ve gotten a lot of things to turn over in my non-linear thinking brain. In labyrinthian terms, perhaps, the problem right now is a need to find my way out of the mental maze I’ve unwittingly created.

So that’s my excuse for sporadic posts. Pinning myself down to a topic or two has been, on some days, simply impossible. Sitting down to write has been more than my frenetic mind could accomplish. But like everything else, it’s one day at a time. Today, a blog post, tomorrow, a pilates class and maybe some Christmas shopping, a few chores around the house and who knows what else might come up.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for a mind that works, even if it occasionally goes into an overdrive state in which, seemingly, nothing gets accomplished.
2. I am grateful for down time, despite the fact that I feel a little guilty about taking too much, though the only one who really suffers for it is me.
3. I am grateful for friends who post things which make me think.
4. I am grateful for options including the one to change my mind if something isn’t working.
5. I am grateful for abundance: joy, laughter, friendship, love, quiet time, introspection, redirecting, allowing, forgiveness, harmony, peace, health and prosperity.


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