Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world my beautiful, vulnerable self!

Archive for the ‘re-focus’ Category

Retraining Myself to Focus on My Assets

Switching My Focus From Ass to Assets

Created with CanvaLike many women, I have a tendency to obsess over the parts of me I’ve deemed less than perfect. Needless to say, those parts appear larger than life, while I sometimes have a tough time recognizing my assets. It’s been especially difficult the last few months when I’ve danced at a friend’s house once a week where one wall is mirrored. I see myself in the mirror and notice every bulge, every hair not quite laying right. I compare myself to my friends, all of whom are slimmer than me, and of course, find myself wanting.

Recently, I realized how cruelly I was treating myself, and resolved to focus only on my qualities, not my faults. It came as quite a surprise when I looked in the mirror and realized I looked pretty darn good when I wasn’t magnifying and obsessing over those faults! In fact, as I focused on a pair of legs made strong and solid through a lifetime of dancing, an upper body strengthened by over a year of regular weight training, and a face which reflects the weight I’ve already released and kept off, I found I didn’t even notice the roundness of my mid-section at all!

Getting Away From the Need to Fix Myself

I think many of us spend far too much time focusing on things we need to “fix” until we magnify them out of both proportion and importance. In part, it’s through years of seeing ads promoting the perfect body, the clearest skin, the silkiest hair…you get the picture. We’re conditioned to see ourselves wanting, no matter how hard we work or how perfectly imperfect we might be (and everyone is!).

Yet, I discovered with the teeniest change of focus you can reverse some of the negative conditioning. Of course, I realize the change I made is only temporary—for now. Like every other habit I’ve set over the last few years, it’s going to take time and repetition to make it stick. But the positive reinforcement I gave myself already is an integral part of setting my new outlook in the proverbial stone.

Encouraging Positive Changes With My New Outlook

I’m also finding what so many have observed; obsessing over the numbers on the scale does not make them go down! Instead, I’ve reinstated food logging using MyFitnessPal. So far, results are mixed, but at least I can see where I am self-sabotaging. Currently, I’m seeing too much sugar in my diet. Yes, I know it tastes good, but the numbers help me remember the harm it does to my body. And I’m working too hard to both heal and strengthen it to lose ground by eating something I can do without. (I was going to say “easily” but face it. Ice cream and chocolate taste good for a reason!)

Of course, all the activities like food tracking, weight training, and consciously moving during the day are important, but the single most important factor in self-improvement is mindset. As I mentioned earlier, when I look for my faults, I see them in movie-screen sized technicolor. But when I look for my qualities, suddenly the faults shrink to, if not invisibility, at least a more manageable size. I can honestly look at myself in the mirrored wall and think you’re looking pretty darn good! All the hard work and discipline are paying off!

Even first thing in the morning when most of us are at less than our best, I can honestly tell the face in the mirror she’s looking especially radiant—and mean it!

Change Can Be Its Own Reward

Often when we think about making improvements, we assume doing so means have to sacrifice, and frankly who enjoys sacrificing? But I’m finding when I focus on the good parts and give my obsession on the needy parts a rest, the gremlin inside me who thrives on self-sabotage either curls up for a long, winter’s nap, or goes off in search of easier prey.

I’m no longer inclined to camp in front of the TV with snacks at my elbow for hours on end. In fact, the idea is becoming distasteful (sorry Hallmark movies). I can’t even sit for hours at a time in front of the computer. I need to get up, do a chore, go outside and visit with my barn cats, or re-stock my freezer. Granted, I haven’t worked my way up to a daily walk yet, but I suspect that will come in time as I continue to reinforce my positives.

Could You Use a Change in Perspective?

If you’d like to “play along” with my new self-improvement process, here’s how you get started:

  1. Pick something about yourself you don’t like, but currently obsess over.
  2. Find something in the same area (looks, health, habits, etc.) that you love.
  3. When you find yourself focusing on the quality in #1, switch your focus to the one in #2. Make a conscious effort until it becomes a habit.
  4. Positively reinforce your focus on your positive qualities. This can be something as simple as giving yourself a compliment.
  5. If applicable, add a new habit which emphasizes and builds up the positive qualities.
  6. Share your progress with my readers. (we all love success stories!)

The truth is, you can be your best cheerleader or your worst bully. Too often, you allow outside influences to make you see yourself through the most hideous of fun house mirrors. For your own sake, try using a mirror that’s lit softly, emphasizing the smoothness of your skin and the soft curve of your cheek; the way your hair curls softly around your face (or hangs shiny and straight). And look at the heart shining from your eyes.

I guarantee, when you change your focus just a little, miracles will happen!

Is Overwhelm Causing You to be Too Hard on Yourself?

Sometimes it’s simply overwhelm which has you seeing yourself in an unflattering light. Are you beating yourself up because you have too much to do and not enough time? Would you like to take a task or two off your plate? Maybe it’s content creation, or perhaps it’s getting your books in order and creating a budget. If this sounds familiar and you’re ready to streamline your life and give your business space to grow and thrive, CONTACT ME and let’s talk!

For Best Results, Keep Your Gratitude Meter Full

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I’m grateful for small changes which yield big results.
  2. I’m grateful for the ability to refocus my attention when I start going down the rabbit hole of negativity.
  3. I’m grateful for friends who see my qualities and remind me to look for them too.
  4. I’m grateful for the opportunity to share my epiphanies as well as my stumbles with my readers. It helps me be a better person and a better, happier me.
  5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, joy, friendship, inspiration, opportunities, motivation, dreams, self-improvement, peace, harmony, health, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light


About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws , of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

How Do You Re-focus When Intentions Go Awry?

Untangling Our Mixed Signals keep setting intentions to attract clients and money, and release weight but somehow I get my wires crossed. Lately it’s become a real struggle to avoid self-sabotaging by eating too late and snacking on the wrong things. Meanwhile, every time I attract more money, something happens and I attract more expenses as well. I’m stuck trying to figure out how to uncross my wires and get back on track in all area of my life.

It reminds me of a conversation I had years ago with someone who said: Every time I ask for abundance, I put on weight!

So how do we clarify our signals? How do we re-focus our intentions so the Universe (or whichever force you happen to look to for guidance) understands where we want the changes in our life to occur, and in which direction?

Those Negative Voices Again

I believe it comes down to the stories we tell ourselves without realizing it. Too many times, we’re telling ourselves we don’t deserve what we’re asking to find or attract. Every time we tell ourselves things like “you’re too fat”, or “you’re no expert. Others are smarter/better/more talented than you”, or simply “what makes you so special that you deserve this more than someone else?” we’re sending mixed messages to the Laws of Attraction.

Recently I was tasked to create 3 tips I could post various places on Social Media. I found every reason/excuse in the book to avoid the task. My coach finally asked me point-blank, Why are you really avoiding this?  Without thinking about it, I said: Because so many people in the audience (groups, pages, etc.) are smarter and better at this than I am.

She pointed out to me where I was unique and why I could honestly put myself out there as an expert. Not THE Expert, but an expert. The world I’m in is broad enough to allow many of us to be experts in our own area; our own niche. Mine happens to be both my age and experience with life, and my ability to write from someone else’s heartfelt voice. She said she’s worked with a number of copywriters, but none have been able to match her voice. Some came close, but no one really nailed it.

We’re Shaped by the Decades We’ve Lived Through, the World Events We’ve Experienced

Part of that is where they’re coming from. A 30-year-old will find it difficult to write from the point-of-view of a 60-year-old. It has nothing to do with their talent and skill. They simply haven’t seen some of the things the 60-year-old has seen in their lifetime. They haven’t lived in an era of dial phones, no computers, and actually being unreachable for hours a day because you couldn’t take a phone or even a pager with you. And they haven’t failed as many times, nor picked themselves up and reinvented the person they were to become as many times either.

That isn’t to say people of different ages and generations can’t relate on a deep level. But it does pose a challenge if you’re trying to write as if you were someone whose experiences with life are vastly different from your own. In order to do that, you have to be able to put yourself in their shoes, and if you lack key experiences, that’s a tall order.

Sending the Right Messages to Attract What You Desire returning to the topic at hand, how do you tell the Universe you want the numbers on the scale to go down while your bank balance goes up?

Once you’ve gotten the subconscious voices under control (and you have to constantly be on the alert, as they’re sneaky little devils), you can try being a little more specific, but leaving it open for a bigger improvement than you’re asking for.

For example, you might say: I want to add at least one $3000 client in the next two weeks, or better. Or I want to release 10 pounds in the next 30 days, or better.

In both cases, you’ve set a specific goal instead of something nebulous and you’ve left the door open for improvements on your request. Now the Laws of Attraction know exactly what you intend to increase, and what you intend to decrease. No confusion.

For me, I might also add: I would like the will power to avoid salty and sugary snacks. I also want to avoid eating after 7PM. For the attraction of money and clients, I could say: I want my expenses to decrease by 10% or better in order to keep the outflow from rising to match the new inflow. Again, specificity not only affects what you attract, but helps you keep your mindset in the green, so to speak.

Stopping the Negative Thoughts in Their Tracks negative thoughts aren’t going to stop flowing in. The trick is to catch them when they’re still a seedling and pluck them out before they’ve had a chance to establish a strong root system inside your head.

Not as easy as it sounds sometimes. I go to the gym 3 times a week, and while there, I see a lot of people of all ages who wear the spandex pants and sports bras and look great in them. I show up in a baggy men’s t-shirt and shorts that are now a size too big (that’s a good thing!), my hair yanked into a messy bun with a twisty, and a good deal rounder than they probably ever were. BUT, there are also people who are a good deal heavier than me, and who can barely lift 5 or 10 pound weights.

Because I’ve been consistent (yay me!) I’ve worked my way up to weights that even surprise me! I’m doing chest presses and flys with 32.5 pound free weights (though I’m about to increase that to 35), I use a 50 pound bar for tricep work. Six months ago, I was using a 20. And I’m doing leg work with weights I’d never have imagined would feel remotely comfortable back in February when I first started getting regular with my workouts.

Looking at How Far We’ve Come Instead of Comparing Ourselves to Others

The point is, I may not look as strong and healthy as some of the people at the gym, but I’m stronger than many, and look better than enough. Yet the real point is, I’m not them, and have no business comparing myself. Where I need to shift my focus is to how much I’ve accomplished, and ignore any outside stimuli. Whenever we allow ourselves to compare unfavorably with someone else, we let those voices out of the corral where they run amok. When they run amok, they scramble our message and cross our wires. That’s where what we truly want gets confused in the execution.

When it comes to physical fitness, look at how much more you can do than you could x number of months ago, or what size you’re wearing now vs. then. With your financial abundance, look at your earnings, or if that hasn’t manifested yet, look at how much you’re putting yourself out there or how many people are starting to ask you to connect, or something else that’s changed for the better as you’ve been working on bettering yourself.

In the end, it’s about celebrating your wins, and minimizing the time you spend thinking about your losses. As I’ve told my kids for years, take the lesson and leave the pain behind.

Show Gratitude for the Wins, Both Large and Small

My gratitudes today are:

  1. I am grateful for the progress I’ve made in all areas of my life.
  2. I am grateful for the free flow of words I get from a mere glimmer of an idea.
  3. I am grateful for being able to get up earlier these days.
  4. I am grateful for more productive days and less that leave me feeling guilty about what I haven’t done.
  5. I am grateful for abundance; high-ticket clients, increased strength (you should see me fling a 5-gallon bottle of water around like it weighs a lot less), a strong, unforgiving mentor, my supportive community, connection, growth, lessons, challenges, opportunities, joy, laughter, love, health, peace, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light


About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws , of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward.

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: