Traveling Solo By Choice

Solo Travelers of Different Ilks

I was talking to a friend about her latest solo adventure; creating a tentative itinerary, but allowing the wind, fates, and her own curiosity to alter her path at random. Her animation as she recounted her adventures and the course alterations which led to new and interesting discoveries was a beacon in the darkness of my own solo travels. While I don’t have her courage, or frankly, her desire to take off on a solo road trip like that, we do have one thing in common; our lack of desire to share accommodations.

In the last year or so, funds have not only allowed me a few mini vacations, they’ve begun to allow those vacations to happen without having to share my personal space. I’ve spent several glorious days being able to enter a hotel room or ship’s cabin and shut the door on the world, if only for a little while. The sheer pleasure of not having to share a bathroom, or have to be at least marginally sociable is something, short of my own home, I’ve been unable to experience, usually because the cost was prohibitive given my means up to now.

A Partner, Not a Roommate

Once my mind started chewing on the thought, though, I realized it isn’t that I’m anti-social and no longer want to be somewhat attached at the hip with someone when I travel. It’s that I no longer want to travel with a roommate. If the time comes I find someone with whom I’d like to be partners, I’d happily give up those solo rooms and cabins, and maybe even go on an uncharted adventure or two.

Like most people, I’d like one of those deep, soul connections but my own history, and the examples I was set early on have left me unprepared and woefully under-equipped to identify characteristics on which I could build a relationship like that, much less the tools with which to do it. While I’ve worked on fixing a lot of my broken places, that part of my life is like a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle with at least 300 pieces missing…and most of them edge pieces.

A Time to Heal, and a Time to Test My Wings

You might think this lack of capabilities would leave me discouraged, and hopeless, and at one time, it did. I realize now it was partially old self-defense mechanisms (if I didn’t put myself out there, I wouldn’t get hurt), and partially because I was still healing, and wasn’t ready for something (or someone) which would pull me away from the task at hand.

Slowly, but surely, my heart has been unwinding the protective wrappings I put there to keep it safe from harm. Many of the wounds have healed leaving scars of a much tougher texture. Knowing it could still get broken is no longer a reason to keep it tucked away from all the possible pleasures I’ve avoided most of my life. I finally allowed it to heal, grow stronger, and to know that while it can heal again with less trauma now, it is strong enough to withstand whatever might happen. It’s strong enough to make better choices, and to be able to revel in the wonders of true connection and love.

I will always need my alone time, especially when I travel to places where I’ll be amongst throngs of people during the trip, but I’m learning by watching friends with healthy relationships that the right traveling companion will bring additional shelter from the emotion-fraught storms rather than adding to the chaos. Until now, I didn’t believe another person could clear space for me to breathe, even though I’ve held space for others a time or two. It’s about time I understood I can get a little of what I give, but it’s up to me to open a door in the wall I’ve guarded so fiercely for so long.

Grateful for the Changing Landscape of My Life

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for friends who share their experiences, and inadvertently give me insight into myself.
2. I’m grateful for the lessons which once hardened my heart, but are now beginning to soften it again.
3. I’m grateful for the ability to travel solo until I find someone with whom I’m comfortable sharing space.
4. I’m grateful for the peace and quiet of a Sunday morning. It doesn’t happen often when neighbors drive big, noisy trucks, and pull out the even noisier motorcycles on weekends.
5. I’m grateful for learning to understand Sable’s moods, and respect her desire to remain in the crate a little longer at times.

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

Sometimes You Just Gotta Brain Dump

Brain Dump Your Way to Peace

The last couple of decades have been very good to me. I’ve learned to let people see my flaws, and found a wonderful, loving, supportive community where I am able to give and take, while honing my ability to ask for help. Even so, there are things I can’t talk to my friends about, for one reason or another, so I go back to my old, tried and true friend, the brain dump.

Brain dumping was how I used to solve problems, or talk myself around to a solution before I started blogging. I spent many a sleepless night pounding away at the keyboard, doing my best to talk myself down off the latest ledge. Most of the time it worked, but there were times I had to dump night after night before I at least reached the point where I accepted where I was until I was willing, or able to change things up.

You’d think since I talk about almost anything in these posts, I’d have out grown the need to do brain dumps that never see the light of day, but I haven’t. There are still things I can’t, or won’t talk to my friends about, and definitely won’t share with the rest of the world. Though I’m still learning what and when to share, there are certain boundaries I won’t cross. There’s still a time and a place to keep my thoughts private, but air them so they don’t consume me.

Nip the Downward Spiral in the Bud

Like a pit bull with a tasty bone, I have a tendency to chew on things until they’re a mangled mess, and continue chewing on them until my teeth hurt too much to keep chewing. Then I’ll stew about it until my mind is taking me back down some dark, dank tunnels I promised myself I’d never visit again if I could help it.

Fortunately, before I spiral down too far, I’ve learned to put fingers to keys and type out whatever is bothering me, for no one else to see. I’ve learned there are times I’m justified in feeling the way I do, but most of the time, I’ve created a mountain out of a mole hill. The amazing part of brain dumping isn’t so much the relief of getting the words out, as the message it sends to the Universe.

My most recent dump resulted in an opportunity to clear the air, and show me my fears and concerns were, if not entirely, mostly in my own head. Isn’t that often the case anyway? I get so mired in what I think, feel, and want, I fail to see the nose in front of my face. The solution might be blatantly obvious, but I’ve erected a smoke screen that clouds my vision, allowing me to see everything painted in darkness and gloom, when I could see my way clear if I allowed even a glimmer of sunlight to show me a way out.

Don’t Let the Pressure Build Up Inside

Photo-FoodCraftLab via Flikr

I’ve also learned if I allow things to fester inside me for too long, I’ll invariably create an explosion which rarely offers satisfactory results. In fact, all too often, it’s like trying to kill a spider with a flame thrower. I make more of a mess than if I’d let the poor thing live it’s life, keeping the flying creatures from taking over my house. And I’m always worse off for the excessive force.

Doing a brain dump is a lot like opening the valve on a pressure cooker and allowing the steam to escape before you open the lid. Failing to do so could result in a nasty burn, and is easily avoided if you treat the thing with the care it deserves. The mind can be a pressure cooker if some kind of relief isn’t sought regularly.

It might be a walk in nature, or something that gets your heart rate up, or a brain dump. Different situations call for different actions to release the pressure. Knowing what works for you will save you a lot of pain, as well as keeping the mess cleaning to a minimum.

Taking Ownership

Once I blamed others for the mess my life was in. I blamed co-workers and bosses for making life tough; I blamed my ex for all my struggles; I blamed my mom for what I saw as pushing her ideas onto me. When I finally took a good, hard look in the mirror, I didn’t like what I saw….at first. Then I realized the power to change things lay with that face in the mirror.

In order to change your life, I learned you have to be brutally honest with yourself. That honesty has to include both what you are, and are not responsible for. You are responsible for:

• Your own behavior
• Your reactions to outside influences
• Being true to yourself
• Authenticity
• Owning your imperfections
• Setting and maintaining your boundaries

You are not responsible for:

• What other people think of you
• How others treat you (it’s up to you to set boundaries, and when necessary, walk away)
• Other people’s expectations

Make Yourself Your Priority

By now, you should be seeing a pattern. You are only responsible for yourself, your thoughts, and your actions. You cannot control what other people think, say, or do. If you don’t like what they’re saying, speak up, or leave the building.

For decades, I believed I had to stay in a miserable, dead-end job because I needed to support my family. I thought I didn’t deserve to be treated better, and my own behavior showed others they could abuse and mistreat me without consequences. Slowly, but surely, I disabused myself of those notions.

The first time it happened, I left a job when they offered me a demotion, or a layoff. They were surprised I opted for the layoff, and told me “you need this job.” I looked the CAO square in they eye and said: “I need a job. I don’t need this job.” I walked away with my head up, while he sat there speechless.

Writer, Know Thyself

Over the years, I left a couple more jobs, and a couple left me due to layoffs, bankruptcies, and other calamities beyond my control. I learned from each one, and frankly, used brain dumps extensively at times.

Eventually, I figured it out, and left the corporate world entirely, and spent more time writing for public consumption, and less time brain dumping.

Still, there are times I get frustrated, or just plain stuck. Then, I open a blank document, and type until I have no more words. I may or may not reach a solution, but I’m no longer consumed by doubt, frustration, and misery. Ultimately, I’ll get past whatever’s blocking me, and be on my merry way once again.

Grateful for Brain Dumps

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for learning to brain dump, as it got me through many a dark, lonely, miserable time.
2. I’m grateful for friends who listen, and who don’t tell me what they think I want to hear.
3. I’m grateful for a life that necessitates fewer brain dumps, and more open, honest conversation.
4. I’m grateful for the opportunities that allow me to live a life of simplicity, and minimal stress most of the time.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; opportunities, inspiration, wisdom, lessons, challenges, friendship, diversity, balance, peace, health, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook as Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author

Healing Energy: The Power of the Purr

A Constant Source of Purr Therapy

In the middle of my meditation, Scrappy Doo climbed into my lap, curled up, and began to purr. I realized I was feeling some cramping in my lower abdomen, and gave myself up to the purrs I knew would ease them.

While enjoying Scrappy’s melodious ministrations, I thought to myself, “How does he know?”. He doesn’t sit in my lap very often, but when he does, it’s as if he senses I need him, no matter where in the house he might be when he gets those “mom needs me” missives. He’ll do the same on nights when sleep eludes me. I’ll be lying in bed willing my body to relax when I hear his deep, loud purr coming from the foot of the bed. It isn’t long before I relax and fall into a deep, healing slumber.

He’s not the only one. Many times, Dylan will drape himself across my chest, or curl around my head knowing I need that special kind of energy only a cat can offer. Mulan presses herself against my leg as soon as I get comfortable on the couch. Each in their own way knows what I need, be it comfort, healing, or simply companionship.

Appreciating the Attention and Love

Just as many people use meditation, reiki, energy work, and other mediums to heal, bring peace, and invigorate, our pets are a constant, unflagging part of the process, yet many overlook their input as it’s often subtle, or such a regular thing, they take it for granted.

Unlike many, I don’t take any of my cats’ efforts for granted. I know they’re in tune with my moods, and with my body’s rhythms. They know when I’m off, whether it’s physically, energetically, or emotionally, and lend their support without question, sometimes when they, too need some support.

In Munchkin’s final days, I was saddened by the fact she was no longer able to purr. Hers had comforted and healed me through many rough days and years, and I sorely missed it. As she grew weaker, and it grew closer to the time when I’d have to make the hardest decision a pet owner faces, she began to purr again as she lay curled in my arms, struggling for breath. I know it was in large part to comfort herself, but it brought me a lot of peace to hear her purrs one last time before I had to let her go. It was as if she was telling me it was OK, and that she was ready.

Yes, it still breaks my heart I’ve had to make that choice so many times in the last few years, but I’m also filled with gratitude that those who remain are happy, healthy, and supportive. Dylan will be 16 in March of 2021, and even with the IBS he’s had for a couple of years now, remains frisky, well-groomed, and as demanding as ever. Even the vet says he looks and acts like a much younger cat. Still, I’m ever-watchful in case he shows signs of being in any kind of distress so I can get help before it escalates.

Love and Support Without Asking or Expecting

My daughter sees the same thing with her older 2. Throughout her pregnancy, both her dog, Gwen and her older cat, Arthur have stuck close to her wherever she might be in the house, and get upset when she leaves, or even steps outside. They’ve taken responsibility for her health and well-being, and take their jobs very seriously. My cat, Missy did the same when I was carrying Heather and her sister, all those years ago. I’m convinced they can hear the babies sloshing around, and like to get close so they can listen, and maybe even communicate with them.

I’ve had at least one cat in my life since I was six. Even when I was in apartments or dorms, or even on my honeymoon I managed to adopt one of the cats who roamed the area keeping the place rodent-free. It wasn’t unusual for one to find its way to my room for a visit and a treat.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m often more comfortable in the company of animals than people. I’ve learned I’m even less comfortable around people who don’t love and appreciate what animals offer. If you want to lose my trust in a heartbeat, simply make it known that you have no love for animals, nor would you want one in your life. I’m unable to fathom that mindset, and seriously question the capacity for kindness and compassion.

Choosing to Go Where Kindness and Compassion Flow Freely

In recent months, I’ve become even more acutely aware of where kindness and compassion do and do not exist. I’ve strengthened my shields to filter out their unpleasant counterparts even more thoroughly, erring on the side of over filtering. The global exhibitions of hate, cruelty, and disregard for other inhabitants of this planet are increasingly exhausting, and send me scurrying for the peace and solitude of my home and my cats.

All too often, I’ve left social media for hours or days because the outflow of sadness, fear, and misery became too much to bear, especially when it erupted in anger and hate. While I can’t change other people, or convince them to look at other perspectives, I can prevent myself from adding to the ugliness with knee-jerk reactions, or responses to posts I’m better served to ignore, or better still, hide.

I’m even getting better at leaving a conversation before it turns into a case of tossing bombs at each other’s walls. I no longer see any purpose in sharing my views with someone who is passionately attached to their own. I’m better served to write out my feelings here, or better still, go snuggle with a more-than-willing cat.

Keeping the Peace

Life always gives us choices, even when it seems we have none. Not all choices are in our best interests, nor do they help us be better people. Still, we often have to choose anyway, and making no choice is still a choice. You’re just letting circumstances choose for you. I do believe stepping away is a valid choice, though I’ve suffered my share of abuse for exercising that option.

Some people are looking for a fight, and resent it when you don’t give it to them. The older I get, the more I realize I prefer the peace, serenity, and company of my cats over any human who wants to use me to vent their fear, anger, and frustration. Frankly, those people will always find someone who’s willing to engage. Taking myself out of the mix isn’t going to leave them alone and without a target for long.

In this crazy, mixed-up, fear-filled, angry world, I’ve learned when all else fails, emulate my cats. Curl up somewhere cozy, have a snack, and purr quietly until the ugliness fades away.

Grateful for All My Furry Blessings

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the comfort and company of my cats.
2. I’m grateful I’m learning to stay out of conflict.
3. I’m grateful for a more peaceful, stress-free life.
4. I’m grateful for friends who understand and love their animals, and appreciate what huge contributions they make to their lives.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; love, comfort, joy, solitude, friendship, cat love, purrs, inspiration, motivation, peace, health, harmony, balance, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Namaste

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

Pick Your Battles

Refusing Invitations to Verbal Battles

People can be passionate about their opinions. Disagreeing is enough to instigate a tirade of support for those beliefs, often from questionable or unverifiable sources. But their minds rge closed to other points of view or perhaps more reputable sources so why even engage? It’s unlikely they’re going to change their opinion no matter how much hard evidence you might be able to produce, and trying will only enrage them. There are times it’s best to listen politely, and bite your tongue.

I recently experienced an impassioned tirade claiming Bill Gates created a COVID vaccine before releasing a genetically modified virus out into the world. In addition, wearing a mask was worse than not wearing one, especially for people with certain conditions—and there were numerous articles by reputable virologists and epidemiologists to support this contention. Alrighty then.

There was a time when I would have engaged the speaker, producing articles of my own to disprove their statements. I knew it wouldn’t change their mind, viewpoint, or passion, but could expose me to a heartfelt and lengthy rant, so why go there? I wasn’t looking for an argument. I wasn’t trying to bring them around to my point of view. They’re entitled to their beliefs even if I don’t share them. So I bit my tongue and let it go.

Protecting My Peace

I chose not to engage for many reasons. First and foremost, I was in their space. I’ve learned it’s poor form to create conflict in someone else’s home or space, thereby tainting the energy with my discordant opinion. There’s a time and place to have certain conversations, and this was neither. I knew their beliefs were drastically different from mine, and could tell from their voice and posture their mind was closed and locked on the subjects raised. I’d have lost far more than I gained by trying to share the opposing viewpoints and research.

I won’t say I didn’t stew about it a little, or spend time feeling baffled by how stories like this get started. Fortunately, my writing is my outlet for frustration, bafflement, and biting my tongue to keep the peace. I can let something like this sit for a few days, then write about it somewhat objectively—and admit there are topics I, too am passionate about, and for which I unconsciously block dissenting viewpoints. We all do it. It’s one of the many quirks inherent in the human psyche. There are times we believe what we believe, and have no desire to change our beliefs no matter how much evidence is produced to the contrary.

I’m not proud of my own blind disregard for opposing viewpoints, and am working hard to at least listen to what others have to say. I’m far from open-minded on certain subjects, and admit in some cases, I always will be. Even there, I pick my battles, though they might be with myself. There are many things I could change in myself, but without the desire, or a really valid reason for doing so, I focus my efforts elsewhere. I suspect the same is true of anyone and their strong beliefs and opinions. They hold onto them for reasons known only to them, and frankly, couldn’t care less about my opinion on the matter—unless it agrees with theirs.

To Speak, or Not to Speak

As I’ve matured, I’ve become better at sensing when a person wants to hear my opinion, and when they don’t. To be honest, I’ve learned to err on the side of caution, and share only when I’m reasonably sure I’ll be well-received, which doesn’t mean agreed with. I actually enjoy talking to people with different viewpoints. It’s where I learn and grow. I appreciate people who can share their beliefs knowing on the surface they run contrary to mine. It doesn’t make either of us wrong, nor does it make us right. It simply means our experiences lead us to see things from a different point of view.

Life is full of choices. Every day, and with every person you encounter, you get to choose whether or not to engage. One of the yardsticks I use in these anything-but-normal times is whether I believe the person wants to have a conversation, a discussion, an argument, or a rant. As you might surmise, I tend to decline invitations to the latter two. I might listen politely for as long as necessary before I’m able to extricate myself, or even on occasion, make the mistake of voicing my own thoughts on the matter, but much like “depression town”, it’s not somewhere I choose to stay for any length of time.

After decades of living on the edge of madness, I’ve learned to appreciate peace and tranquility, and seek it actively. Even when I’ve been in a crowd (though not for quite awhile now), I learned how to withdraw into myself when I began feeling overwhelmed. It might be a quick meditation either seated or on the dance floor, or I might spend a few minutes typing a 1500 word blog post into my iPhone. The key is to find my center and re-balance my energy without disrupting the ebb and flow around me. Perhaps that’s why I’m finally learning to hold my tongue, or withdraw from rants more easily. If I can withdraw in the middle of a noisy crowd, distancing myself from a single angry, passionate person should be easy.

Maintaining an Aura of Calm Under Difficult Circumstances

Unfortunately, “easy” isn’t the word I’d use. The energy flowing off someone who is angry and passionate about something is more insidious and unmanageable than the untethered emotions of someone who’s under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Passion in any form raises the level of emotions, and increases their trajectory and power. Else why would those who teach “Laws of Attraction” instruct you to put your passion behind your desires? It doesn’t matter that their emotions aren’t directed at me personally. They’re flung, and if I don’t protect myself, I’ll absorb some of them in spite of myself.

Yes, I always have the option to avoid such people, but if I did, I’d be standing alone sooner or later as everyone has something they feel especially passionate about, and most are indiscriminate about where they fling that passion once the ball gets rolling. I’d also miss the opportunity to learn from the ones who are a bit more rational, and even open-minded about what makes them see red.

Granted, I have been hiding a lot of posts lately. Many might contain valuable information, but when it’s covered in the slime of negativity and abuse, I really don’t care who or what they’re supporting, or whether or not I agree with them. Ugly is ugly, and I do my best to both avoid it, and refrain from producing more (still working on that one too).

Overall, I’m calmer, and more at peace for all the battles I’ve walked away from lately. Each time I do, I remember how good it feels to let people have their vent without helping them escalate their rage. I might walk away from them shaking my head, but I walk away rage-free, and at peace with myself and my own deeply, passionately held beliefs.

Showing Gratitude for Calmness and Peace

My gratitudes today are:

1. I’m grateful for the peace I’ve learned to embrace and invite into my life.
2. I’m grateful for my little oasis of calm in the midst of a raging storm.
3. I’m grateful for the calming effects of nature, even if it simply means sitting on my patio or porch with my outside cats.
4. I’m grateful for an outlet when something is bouncing around in my head. Once written down, the power no longer overtakes me.
5. I’m grateful for abundance; opportunities, inspiration, motivation, focus, healthy habits, consistency, joy, love, friendship, connection, passion, peace, harmony, balance, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a Holistic Ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income.

If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

If We’re Perfect in Our Dreams, Why Are We Less So Awake?

As Perfect As Our Dream Selves

Like many women, I spend a lot of time focusing on my weight. Whether I do it overtly or not, I am telling myself I’m not good enough at my current weight and that I need to lose some of my excess baggage. The trouble is, as long as I keep telling myself I’m overweight, I’ll continue doing things to maintain the status quo, hard as I try to alter my behavior.

I realized something recently which rather confounds me. In my dreams, I’m always at my ideal size and weight! What this means is, deep down inside my subconscious, I am perfect just the way I am. I’m not critical of my weight or my complexion or any of the million and three things we find to dislike about ourselves or at the very least, want to improve upon.

It made me realize we have many conflicts within ourselves. The obvious one is mind vs. heart. And maybe this is simply one aspect of that conflict. Our mind sees fault and our heart—well, it sees, if not perfection, lack of imperfection. Our heart loves us unconditionally and our mind nitpicks us to death. While our heart thrives on adventure and change, our mind wants to keep things the same at all costs.

Live a Peaceful Life. Stop the Internal Strife.

Do you see where I’m going with this? We seem to spend our lives fighting with ourselves, and it has to stop! If we can’t find a way to make our own facets get along and find compromises, how are we going to successfully maneuver the 60-lane high-speed highway of humanity, all struggling to make their internal voices get along?

I’ll be the first to admit people annoy me, sometimes constantly, while others, it’s a dull rumble at the back of my mind. In pretty much every case, if I take a step back and disconnect from the situation, I’ll find what’s annoying me is something I fight within myself. The harder I’m fighting to control or change something I, myself am guilty of, the uglier my response when I see it in someone else. Think how much more pleasant I’d find other humans if I’d just stop hating all the things that make me unique. If I’d stop considering those qualities flaws.

Amplify the Heart’s Voice

I suspect the me I see in my dreams is my heart’s attempts to show me the part which really matters is anything I want her to be. She isn’t constrained by physical characteristics, false modesty, or vanity. She goes on adventures and sometimes things don’t turn out so well. But she gets up, deals with the consequences, and moves on, happy to be alive.

In my dreams, I never go shopping and find nothing fits right or looks good. I never overeat or otherwise abuse myself. That isn’t to say I haven’t been awful to other people, but those dreams invariably wake me, leaving me shaken and confused about what transpired in the depths of my subconscious.

Not all my dreams are memorable or self-involved. Often I’m someone else entirely, or even playing multiple parts. Sometimes, I don’t even remember what I dreamed or even that I did, but those nights are rare. My already overactive imagination runs rampant when I stop thinking about all the mundane crap we fill our lives with, and allow whatever lurks in my shadows to come out and play.

Coming out of the Shadows

Maybe that’s really the answer. If we let our shadow selves come out and play more of the time, we’d have less time to think critical thoughts about ourselves. We’d be less inclined to judge others by the faults we’ve manufactured and magnified about ourselves.

I was listening to a web broadcast talking about comparison, but I think what they said works as well for judgement too. Essentially, when you find yourself judging someone else, step back and recognize 5 things in them you find amazing. But don’t stop there. Look at yourself, and recognize 5 of your own amazing qualities. By doing this, you’ve cut off 2 damaging and pointless processes in your mind. You’ve stopped looking at someone else through your own pain and discontent, and you’ve cut that discontent off at the knees by seeing yourself in a kinder, more accepting light.

When a person is unhappy or discontented, the emotions color their outlook; darken how they look out upon the world. Take them low enough, and they fail to see even the most beautiful visions through their darkened viewpoint. A conversation with them about the virtues of almost anything is an exercise in frustration.

Asking for Help When the Gloom Overtakes Us

Yet we all go down that road at times. We see everything that can go wrong, and nothing that has already gone right. We are Eeyore’s who can see darkness on the sunniest of days. Sometimes we can pull ourselves out of it alone. We can make a conscious effort to see the beautiful flowers, smell the delectable scents, and hear the sweet sound of birdsong.

But sometimes we can’t, and find ourselves sliding further and further down into the abyss of misery and gloom. We might know on a conscious level that getting up and moving, or a change of scenery will help improve our outlook. But we’ve reached a point where we don’t think we are worth the effort. Hard to believe we personally could sink that low, especially on one of our good days. But we are all there at times.

Offering Help to a Friend in Need

You might look at someone who is always happy and smiling, always has a kind word for someone else. But I promise you, they have days when they struggle too. There are times when their body gives up for a while, forcing them to stop and deal with everything they’ve been holding back or covering up with their sunny disposition.

What’s my point in mentioning this here? It’s simple. If we’re conscious of our own drops in mood and do our best to counteract them, we’ll become more conscious and sensitive to the moods of the people around us.

I have a good friend who lights up the room whenever she walks in. She’s a spark of energy, much like Tinkerbell, flitting around the room, bringing everyone joy. But there are times I can feel her energy wane—when she’s expended so much energy keeping everyone else up, she’s worn herself out—used herself up. She won’t admit it unless someone asks her point-blank. Even then, she’ll try to sidestep the question.

Nevertheless, she, too has to step back and recharge from time to time, even if she waits until her body forces the issue with a sucker punch to the gut. I can see some of myself in her too. She doesn’t easily ask for help. Sure, she’ll ask for rides because she doesn’t see well at night, but I have yet to see her ask for help with something which affects her deeply. Granted, I may just not be one she feels comfortable reaching out to, but I do see her struggling with some pretty hairy stuff, though she may not realize I see it.

Clear Your Crud and Be A Friend

At any rate, returning to my point about consciousness and sensitivity, being aware and available to those who may not willingly reach out and ask for help is something we can only do if we stop allowing the negative voices to tear us down. When we stop listening, or tell them they’ve said their piece and can now go sit in the corner and think about their meanness for awhile, we’re ready to listen to what those around us aren’t saying, but are communicating silently. We can offer help even if it’s rejected 75 times because maybe the 76th will be our opportunity to help someone climb over a few of the boulders that have tumbled down and are blocking their way.

Our perfectly imperfect selves may be just what another person needs to refocus on what’s good and beautiful in their lives and send the sad, depressing, down-pulling side of themselves back into the dark corner it crawled out of. That side will always be within each of us. It’s our choice whether or not to allow it to affect our lives.

When All Else Fails, Try Gratitude

My gratitudes today are:

1. I am grateful for friends who help me see my beauty, and realize the faults I see are my dark side trying to gain a foothold.
2. I am grateful for opportunities to help others, but also for finally learning to accept their help when I need it.
3. I am grateful for days when I feel unmotivated, only to have them turned around by a chance word, a bright spot amidst the darkness.
4. I am grateful for sunshine and rain, darkness and light, days when everything goes right, and days when things seem to snowball downhill fast. It gives me perspective and the realization that nothing stays the same for long. The only constant is change.
5. I am grateful for abundance; love, friendship, joy, discovery, inspiration, motivation, opportunities, green lights, energy and even sloth, health, peace, harmony, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws , of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward

 

Getting Back to Our Passion

From Sound Bite to Epiphany

I caught a sound bite while at the gym and it got me thinking. It said a lot of the chaos being caused in places like NATO, G7, and other high profile political arenas is solely for the purpose of generating anger and divisiveness. I can’t say the news surprises me as I’ve said the same thing so often it’s becoming almost redundant.

Creating anger, pitting people against each other, and glorifying hate feeds the bullies, the ogres, and the demons who have been released upon our world to run amok unchecked. The sole purpose of this feeding frenzy of greed and hate is to allow the soulless, heartless minority to steal everything we hold dear while we’re too wrapped up in being angry to appreciate and protect our inalienable rights. To me the most important of those rights are the right to love and be loved, the right to treat others with kindness and receive the same, and the right to join together in communities working towards common goals for the greater good.

Bringing Idealism Back Into Fashion

This may make me sound like an idealist and in many ways I probably am. Yet I have faith we can create the world I’m not alone in envisioning where we can have different beliefs and still come together in a single cohesive, productive unit. A community which understands different opinions make us stronger because they encourage us to look at our world from alternate points of view without treating disagreement like a personal affront.

I believe we can and will turn our world around and bring people together. We’ll return to a place where freedom of religion, and liberty for all once again actually means something. Where people no longer need a designated scapegoat to excuse their own unwillingness to put forth the effort to achieve their own goals and dreams but instead ask for help from others regardless of heritage, beliefs, religion, race, or sexual preference. Most important is getting back to where we understand, believe and act on the truism that the community is stronger which takes care of its own. In other words, where helping each other is part of our nature and not an obligation.

Imagine

John Lennon envisioned such a world decades ago when he wrote his song, “Imagine”. That world may not have come to pass in his lifetime but I believe the seeds were sown long ago. We need to nurture and cultivate those seeds. The more of us who choose to nourish the crop, the more abundant it will become. There will come a point where our fields of love, kindness, and acceptance will be sufficient to choke out the weeds of hate, greed, and divisiveness. In my mind, that’s the love people like Dr Martin Luther King tried to tell us would overcome the evil and hatred running rampant in our world. Many have lost faith in his timeless words, but the few who keep it alive are stronger than they might think.

The interesting thing about feeding the love seeds is not only do you feel good when you do it, you don’t need constant infusions to maintain the level of intensity you reach. In fact, unlike hate which only grows stronger with regular infusions of pain, love grows stronger the more you give of yourself for the benefit of others. Even better, the well of love is infinite. It never runs dry.

Fake News Creates Fake Hate

The artificially instilled anger being poured into the world right now is continuously depleted and can only find more fuel in the pain and suffering of someone—a whole lot of someones. Right now, we are all “someone”. We are the pool from which those who feed on pain, suffering, hate, and anger will draw. We alone have the power to stop being used as fuel for a machine which operates in the best interests of only a select few who care nothing for the well-being of the world as a whole or the people in it.

It starts with a pebble in the pond of humanity. The pebble creates ripples which meet ripples created by other pebbles tossed into the pond. As more pebbles are tossed and more ripples created, connections form and the potential for a global support system becomes, not an impossible dream, but the reality we all deserve. But it won’t come by pointing fingers or blaming others for our imperfect lives. It will only happen when we realize we are the pebbles creating those ripples and make a conscious choice to fill our ripples with love instead of hate. We have to lose the destructive us-them mentality and realize we have the potential to be one global community where we give of ourselves unselfishly and receive what we need with gratitude.

Making the Dreamers’ Dreams a Reality

If you ask me, we owe it to the dreamers like John Lennon and Dr. King to turn their dreams into reality. It starts with a single person; a single act. Holding a door for another person, letting a car merge in front of you on the freeway, speaking out when you see someone being mistreated, rescuing an animal, listening to a friend, or smiling at a stranger. What I’m saying is making those dreams reality starts with caring.

For me that means redoubling my efforts to reach out to people who have been impacted by suicide or suicidal thoughts, depression, or mental health. I’m learning something really incredible; something I’d have deemed impossible even a few months ago. Hold onto your hat, because I’m going to share what for me at least was a HUGE epiphany.

Passion: The Strongest Catalyst We Have

When you discover your passion, the thing that makes you light up like the Aurora Borealis just thinking about it, and as brightly as the mid-day sun when you start talking about it, people who will either enhance or benefit from that passion will appear in your life almost magically.

You heard me right (or rather, “read” since I’ve yet to move from blog to vlog). Passion is one of the most attractive forces in the Universe, for both definitions of “attractive”. Feeling and expressing that passion is akin to becoming the most powerful magnet imaginable. But the glow you engage when you bring your passion out to play brings out the passion in others as well. If you ask me there is nothing more beautiful than people and their passions coming together to create a world of love and cooperation.

What makes you light up brighter than the sun? How can I help you turn your spark into a blazing fire that encompasses all humanity? It all begins by tossing the first pebble into humanity’s pond.

Fueled by Gratitude

My gratitudes today are:

1. I am grateful for the amazing, inspirational people who have not only come before me, but the ones who are in my life right now, inspiring, encouraging, and occasionally butt kicking.
2. I am grateful for the virtual flood of ideas I’ve been getting this week.
3. I am grateful for blocks I’m discovering and learning how to release them, not just for the moment, but forever.
4. I am grateful for the opportunity to help others and the inspiration to find ways to do just that.
5. I am grateful for abundance; inspiration, motivation, brilliant people, warm friendships, encouragement, opportunities to leave my comfort zone further behind, love, peace, joy, harmony, health, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

 

About the Author

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, Virtual Assistant and advocate for cats. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. She specializes in creating content that helps entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author

Peace Makers in a Volatile World

Keeping the Peace Behind the Scenes

There are people in our lives who willingly accept the role of peace maker. They’re the ones who seemingly sit quietly in the background, stepping in to extend a gentle hand when our emotional campfire threatens to explode into a full-fledged forest fire. They bury their own needs in favor of those of the people around them just to avoid arguments.

Most of the time we don’t even recognize what they’re doing, much less appreciate it. We don’t see how often their own wants and needs aren’t met just so they can keep everyone else happy. Worst of all, we don’t see what it costs them to consistently occupy this place in our lives.

It isn’t that they wouldn’t like to have things their way once in a while. They just value peace and quiet more. They’re typically extremely sensitive so arguments and unrest upset them terribly.

So they allow a sibling or friend to have it their way all the time. They back down from an argument though they know they’re in the right. They agree when they’d rather stand up to someone and make their point without being shouted down. Yet deep inside, the resentment and frustration build to what we’d consider staggering levels; levels we’d not tolerate in ourselves, yet silently expect them to endure all the time.

Peace Makers in Volatile Families

I don’t think my daughters ever knew a time when there wasn’t some kind of tension in our household. At first, it was between their father and me, but eventually, my daughter Jenni and I filled in the gap when he was no longer a part of our lives. Meanwhile, Heather did her best to stay in the background, letting Jenni have the limelight and make all the choices I asked them to make together. Jenni learned Heather would give way rather than risk the wrath of her red-headed virago of a twin. That left me to manage the explosions. In hindsight, the kindest thing I did was to give them separate bedrooms when they were about 11. It gave Heather the sanctuary she desperately needed, even if it was just a thin door between herself and the near-constant volatility of our household.

As children do, my girls grew up—Jenni still believing creating a category 5 storm would make us bend to her will, and Heather allowing her resentment towards her sister to surface and grow. I regret to say she fed my own annoyance with my youngest child until it no longer hurt to sever the relationship.

The truth is, both of my girls are hard-headed and stubborn. They’re both quick to anger but Heather lets hers go more quickly. Jenni seems to hold her anger close like a security blanket. As if as long as she gets her way, she’ll be happy, and yet, I don’t think she is. I think she’d like to have her real family back, but believes she’s gone too far to come back.

Releasing Pent-up Anger and Resentment

On the bright side, since Jenni chose to remove herself from our lives, Heather and I have grown closer. But better than our closeness, she’s learned to release some of the anger and frustration that built up throughout her childhood. She’s no longer living in the shadow of a sister who’d willingly throw her under the bus if it meant someone would like her. I often wonder if she sacrificed her relationship with her sister for nothing. Nobody ever thought better of her for turning her back on her sister. People remember her for her bright red hair, but they remember Heather for her kindness and helpfulness.

Every group dynamic has at least one peace maker. It might be you or someone else. Whoever takes on the role sacrifices a great deal of themselves in order to fulfill the weighty obligations it entails. Some may hold the role for a lifetime while others will find a way to allow their own wants and needs to be met.

Sadly, the resentment which builds up is often left to fester, unspoken and without release. It might manifest itself as broken families like ours, or as health issues, or even interpersonal ones. A peace makers ability to love and be loved is thwarted and misguided by constantly subverting their own needs for the sake of peace in their environment.

Being a Peace Maker Whether We Like it or Not

I also believe that we are all the peace maker at some point in our lives. We all find ourselves in situations where it’s better to just keep silent and go along because someone else is so desperate to be right that they simply shout the rest of the world down. I can think of several occasions where I worked for someone like that and in my own way, became the peace maker. However, as it was so contrary to my normal state of being, the silence with which I tolerated the situation was anything but peaceful inside myself.

The unrest and resentment I carried around while exposed to what I realize were merely desperately insecure narcissists is really what made me realize what the real peace makers must be carrying around inside. Well, that and what I’ve seen break loose in my daughter, Heather since the split with her sister. That resentment hurts my heart, but I know anything I do or so would, if anything, just make matters worse. Like the place I hold for Jenni should she decide to re-establish our relationship on more mutually satisfying terms, I hold the same place for both girls to reach some kind of understanding and acceptance. They are very different people with divergent values, they share a bond of twin-ship only another twin would understand.

Give your Peace Makers a Break

My purpose behind writing this article is to raise awareness of the people around us who keep life on a more even keel. But it’s also to acknowledge those of you who have taken on the role yourselves. The peace makers need and deserve to be heard. They have opinions and a unique perspective which just might bring solutions we’ve never even considered. They also need to be allowed to step away from the role, whether forced on them or self-imposed. They carry a lot of our tension and stress so we can function as reasonably normal human beings. It isn’t an easy job and is often a thankless one as well.

It’s time we acknowledged our peace makers and helped them drop their burden. It’s time to allow them to shine unencumbered by everyone else’s shit.

Remembering to be Grateful

My gratitudes tonight are:

1. I am grateful for the peace makers who have made my life easier, and who have shouldered my crap at those times when I neither noticed nor appreciated their sacrifices.
2. I am grateful for the outpouring of love I’m getting while trying to figure out what’s ailing my sweet boy, Toby.
3. I am grateful for the gift of writing which has helped me work through the challenges in my life pretty much since the time I was able to write complete sentences.
4. I am grateful for the understanding I’m getting from my more outspoken friends as I quietly break my silence over our current political climate. There will be no soapboxes. I’m still a behind-the-scenes kind of girl.
5. I am grateful for abundance; health, happiness, beauty, communication, joy. inspiration, new clients, lessons, challenges, harmony, peace, philanthropy, and prosperity.

Love and Light

You can find the original video about peace makers here.

 

Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, Virtual Assistant and advocate for cats. She believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. She is available for article writing and ghost writing to help your website and the business it supports grow and thrive. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information.

February 15, 2015 Putting off posting for the wrong reasons

My name is Sheri and I’m a blog-a-holic

It has been four days since my last post, and my only excuse is that I allowed myself to be overwhelmed by a task. I was nominated for a Liebster award which is essentially designed to help folks like me boost their blog traffic. Unfortunately, the current version going around requires that I tag 11 other bloggers, and I just got stuck on that as either those I visit with regularly have already been nominated or I need to go back into my archives to see where I’ve commented. With accounting work to catch up and pieces to critique, I just shoved the whole thing to the back burner.

I realize that pushing a project to a back burner is about as effective as using alcohol to get rid of worrisome thoughts, I’m still guilty of…what’s that onerous word? Oh, yes, procrastination. That insidious pastime has had me playing stupid computer games again instead of working on my writing, and made me sigh with relief when my critique group’s next meeting was pushed out to March, giving me time to gather all of the versions of my children’s book together to see which one or ones I need to merge to make a reasonably presentable submission for my turn as the critiquee.

Thankfully, all bad things must come to an end

Yet, the writer in me says “thou shalt write, read or pursue activities related to such on a regular basis lest thee fall into the dreaded depths of ennui.” So I start with my sadly neglected blog and move on to one of my other projects.

At yesterday’s Inklings meeting we were again discussing how some of us can have several projects going at once (or, in my case, several books being read while pursuing several different projects). Part of it is the ADD/ADHD nature of many of the writers, part of it is that some of us have learned to turn off the logical/editorial part of our brains, but for me, most of it is simply that I have the time to do so now. Granted, I have always needed multiple projects to keep my brain happy, but actually pursuing all of them with any success is far easier when I don’t have a boss breathing down my neck and actually expecting me to show up for work every day! I am free to spend the daylight hours going to the gym, running errands and even on rare occasions, meeting a friend for lunch, because I seem to be happier working late into the night. This past week, I either read, worked on client accounting, critiqued or wrote until well after midnight nearly every night. (Two of those nights turned into mornings, barely an hour or two before daylight!) Frankly, some of my most productive writing sessions started after 10PM and ended around 3 or 4AM. Maybe that’s why I dream so vividly. Those stories really want to come out in the hours typically given over to human dream time. Maybe I was a cat in a past life?

I’ve read a lot about finding the time you work best, and know that mine is late at night. These days, even dancing doesn’t interfere as my peak hours are after I’ve finished my twice weekly (and sometimes more) dose of aerobics and socialization. Sure, some weeks are more productive than others, and sometimes, the need to research and study becomes more important than simply getting words on a page. One of the things I’ve learned after many years of self-therapy to rid myself of the counterproductive habit known as ‘beating myself up’, is that there are many forms of productivity and each is necessary at one point or another. To berate myself because I spent twelve hours reading instead of writing is not only pointless, but hinders further productivity while I salve the ego I bruised with self-flagellation. Sometimes age actually does bring us wisdom!

A feeling a peace and relief now permeates my being

This simple act, this writing of a blog post is what I needed to get back on track. As a junkie needs a fix, I need to post, to write, to share my convoluted thoughts and observations in order to maintain my equilibrium. In part, it is because I am not constrained by following a plot line or making my characters dynamic and believable. This, then, is the brain dump I used to do on the nights I couldn’t sleep. It’s the social connection I am so clumsy about in person. I speak to you and hope that sometimes, what I say makes a connection and causes you to think as well, to find what best works for you and allows you to pursue the things which feed your soul.

My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful that I was given the gift of gab, at least in print, to help align my thoughts and fulfill my needs.
2. I am grateful for the company of my cats as, despite my loner tendencies, I would not do well completely alone. I can do without humans for a long period of time, but not without company.
3. I am grateful for beautiful, sunshiny winter days when I can open the windows and let the cats chirp at the birds.
4. I am grateful for the re-opening of the children’s story I wrote for my daughters. I now face the challenge of pulling all of the versions together into a cohesive whole.
5. I am grateful for abundance: love, life, health, happiness, joy, writing, friendship (even if I’m a difficult friend at times), opportunities, inspiration, productivity and prosperity.

Namaste

January 6, 2015 Music: It really is everywhere

You can find music in the most extraordinary places…

It’s easy to recognize the music in birdsong or a train whistle; a fire truck siren or a doorbell. But if you listen…really, really listen, it’s in everything

When the wind is whipping through the trees howling out it’s melancholy song of life ended too soon or lost loves or loneliness, then finds that almost imperceptible crack in your carefully built house and the howl becomes a slightly more joyful whistle. When your cat curls up on your lap and begins to purr contentedly (or in my case when a second one joins in and you really hear the highs and lows in their throaty voices). When the water zings out of the shower head to plip plop on the floor of the tub, singing a merry tune as the droplets dance to music of their own making. When fresh vegetables hit the oil sizzling in the bottom of a wok, their voices higher or lower, louder or softer depending on the density of the vegetable.

These sounds, this music is what I’ve become incredibly attuned to lately. I’m hearing something beyond just the sounds. There’s a melody which runs through our lives, through our world, which usually goes unnoticed.

Don’t just stop and smell the roses. Also, stop and hear the music!

In our world of fast cars, faster computers, electronic everything, I believe we lose sight of the simple wonders all around us, patiently waiting for us to tune back in. I’m sure we noticed them as children, but like the baby in Mary Poppin’s who grew up and could no longer speak to the birds, we’ve simply forgotten. It’s time to reverse the process.

Start with something easy.

When the wind howls, moans and whistles, listen. Try to hear the melody in it’s song. When sirens pass nearby, listen to the rise and fall, the melding of voices as each vehicle’s siren makes a slightly different sound. Stop and enjoy the sound of birds chattering back and forth, mocking the cats in the window or cursing the one who raided their nest.

When you hear the easy ones without effort, push yourself.

When you’ve retrained yourself to hear the obvious songs around you, push a little harder. Hear the music in the water pulsing out of the shower head and dancing in the tub. Explore the different tones the vegetables make as they hit the hot oil or listen to the meat and vegetables sizzling as you prepare chili or pasta sauce. Tune into the cadence of a helicopter or a diesel engine as it idles.

Now that you’re hearing the music all around you, what do you do with it?

I know, it’s all well and fine to hear the music in everything, but we can’t just stand around listening, right? Of course not! Once you can hear it again, you need to rebalance yourself, tune back into that rhythm and follow it…be that rhythm; be that music! If we could all tune back in, I’m convinced that there would be no more wars; no more abuse; no more mistreatment of Mother Earth and in it’s place, love and respect because, no matter what our beliefs, we would be in harmony. Harmony brings acceptance, even appreciation of our differences because without harmony, we would just be a single note, alone and uninteresting.

If you ask me, Barry Manilow had it right all along while being way ahead of his time.

One of my favorite Barry Manilow songs of all time, maybe favorite song period of all time was “One Voice”. I never really knew why, but it always made me feel joyful. I realize now that it also makes me feel connected to everyone and everything; every person, every animal, every freaking blade of grass and every rock! I realize now that the connection is the music in everything around us and the music inside of us. But more, it is our ability to recognize that music if we just retrain ourselves so we remember that wonder we had as a child but were taught to ignore. It’s still there! Pull it out. Examine it. Feel it. Own it.

If a single voice sings its song loudly and confidently, but nobody listens, will the song be wasted?

Frankly, I don’t think it’s possible for even the smallest song, the weakest melody to go unnoticed by someone. We just need to get away from all of our electronics long enough to hear those tunes without amplification, without dubs and remixes, but in their purest, most elemental form, because when we do, our own voices will join in harmony of their own accord. There will be no thought to whether we’re on key or sound right. We’ll simply do what we’re meant to do: blend with the music and add our voice to the fundamental, elemental, universal song.

My Gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful to have been shown the reason I’ve been hearing the music in everything.
2. I am grateful that I have a place to share the things I learn.
3. I am grateful for the loving energy I’m feeling after writing this post and listing to “One Voice”.
4. I am grateful for, and humbled by my part in the harmony of the Universe.
5. I am grateful for abundance: harmony, cooperation, love, music, joy, friendship, peace, health and prosperity.

Blessed Be

July 24, 2014 Learning new things

The world wants more drama! Who knew?

Over the last few days, I’ve published several posts, but the one which got the most attention, hands down, was the one in which I went completely out of character and addressed a controversial issue. Granted, I did it objectively, providing facts and figures to support my statements, nonetheless, it received more attention than any other post since I moved to this platform.

This phenomenon distresses me, if only because my purpose lately has been geared towards love and acceptance. I left my rabble rousing, rebel self behind and have grown unaccustomed to stirring the pot until it boils over. I sincerely hope that it won’t be necessary to bring back anger and strife just to woo readers. If so, I may have to rethink my current goals!

When I began this blog about five years ago, the purpose was two-fold. First, I wanted to be more compassionate about my parents’ suicides, and second, I wanted to share my healing journey with others who might have had the same experience. Part of the journey towards healing is to accept and forgive, unequivocally, everyone and everything.

We see examples every day of people who carry around unimaginably heavy burdens of anger, guilt, blame, self-recrimination and other self-inflicted packages which, if they are not released, will ultimately bury them under health problems and emotional misery which could have been avoided by finding a way to let go and bring joy instead of misery into their lives. I say this, not from the point of view of someone who stands outside looking in, and passes judgement over whether someone else’s problems are heavy or not, but as someone who, for years, held onto blame and anger and negative thinking; and was much the worse for it.

It wasn’t until I found a way to not only let go and forgive, but accept everyone else’s choices that I found my burdens lessening. As I emerged from the hole I had created for myself, I found that the world was really a place where people could find joy in spite of the challenges life might put before them.

My first “Aha moment”.

And then I learned something really amazing! Those challenges with which we are constantly presented aren’t put there to try to bury us! Quite the contrary! They are there to teach us how to be stronger, or more forgiving or more patient…the choices are as endless as the lessons we humans came her to learn! So, instead of complaining about how everything kept going wrong, I learned to be grateful for the lessons and for the fact that, each and every time, I found a way through it! Instead of coming to the end of the latest challenge and asking “OK, what’s next?” I learned to say: “Hot damn! I figured another one out and added another tool to my virtual tool box!”

I have to say that it’s a darn good thing that tool box is virtual because I’ve added so much to it in the last few years that it would take someone of gargantuan proportions to actually carry it otherwise!

Once again, I’ve rambled off into unforeseen territory, but I will always revert to my ADHD run amok style in the end. I’ll be the one dancing through the halls throwing imaginary heart shaped confetti while the doom and gloomers continue to argue over who has more right to this piece of land or whose killing of other humans is more justified.

If you want things to change, change where you’re directing your energy.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…and again…and again. Emotions are a very powerful energy source. With our emotions, we can either choose to fuel a war or help forge a peace. I’ve chosen to don my Pollyanna attire and, whatever the situation, send love and compassion to ALL parties involved. I don’t care if it’s the guy who shot up a bunch of people or the families who have to mourn someone who died too young. I don’t care if it’s the suicide bombers or the families of their victims. Both sides deserve our compassion and love because both sides have reason to feel hurt and abandoned. Please don’t think that means I feel that the actions of the perpetrators were justified. I simply feel that they deserve compassion for the situations which led to their actions.

Think about it for a moment. If I send anger and hate to those who killed innocents, what am I really doing? I’m fueling them. I’m giving them more energy to do more harm. But if I send them love and compassion, it’s not only completely unexpected, but it sucks the energy out of their harmful actions and plans.

I’ve always had a problem understanding the phrase “fight for peace”. If you’re fighting, how can you be peaceful. I’m hoping for a time when human beings cease to find it necessary to have power over other human beings and can, instead, live together in harmony, sharing their strengths and honoring someone else’s weakness as an opportunity to give of oneself.

As I meander back to the original topic of this post, I just can’t bring myself to use this forum to generate conflict. I may, on occasion, spur a debate, but I will always expect the participants to be respectful of each other and their right to a different opinion.

Stepping off of the soapbox now.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the diversity of my friends. Without it, I’d be a lot dumber!
2. I am grateful for a sweaty night of dancing with a bunch of like minded people. When we’re all sweaty, there’s nothing wrong with sharing a sweaty hug!
3. I am grateful for air conditioning. Without it, I’d be melting!
4. I am grateful for my own little place in the world to share my opinions, asked for or not.
5. I am grateful for the opportunity to spread a little joy and maybe, just maybe, make the world a better place!

Love and Light.