Cycles Up and Cycles Down
Everyone has cycles whether they admit it or not. I know I have mine. They range from mild and barely noticeable to a white-knuckler of a roller coaster ride—and everything in between. Sometimes they take me into the depths of despair where it seems everything in my life is blowing up in my face…sometimes literally. Yet once it’s over, I can look back and see how everything came together in either a massive high or a cesspool of despair. Nowadays, I’m also able to recognize the point where everything begins to turn around and express gratitude that I made it through another bout of depression and misery.
Recently, I had a bunch of things blow up in my face at the same time: false friendships, both of my computers, several seemingly great opportunities with clients, and even my fairly successful management of diet and exercise. For four days, I was left out, disconnected, and frustrated. I didn’t make the connection until I was most of the way out of the abyss.
By then, I’d taken care of much-needed household chores, resumed the walking routine that high winds, a nagging headache and disinterest had temporarily stalled. I had a couple of achievements under my belt, my blogs up-to-date again, and the numbers on the scale were heading back in the right direction. Only then could I see past the clouds of misery with which I’d covered my eyes to the fact that I’d attracted all of the events to myself.
Matching My Energy Both Positive and Negative
The further I fell into denial and negativity, the more things around me tried to match my energy—and the more the shit hit my personal fan. Even Dylan, the cat who chose me was moving more slowly, and seemed to be feeling his years more. When his energy returned and he started exerting his sovereignty over the other cats while ensuring I adhered to my regular schedule, it really hit home how much I affect this household and everything in it.
Did I cause my computers to die? Maybe not directly, but I wasn’t giving them a healthy environment in which to operate. Was I affecting Dylan’s health? Without a doubt, and boy, will I be more aware of that one in the future! Fortunately, he’s a very wise cat, and gave him plenty of time to rest and recover from my toxic outflow. Now that I’m back to normal, he’s at my side nearly all day, and joins me on my pillow much earlier in the morning. Poor guy needed a break from the human he loves the most.
I’d like to say I can completely control these periodic downswings, but I believe even they serve a purpose. Sometimes I get caught up in outside influences and lose sight of what’s important to me and mine. Then I get to experience a kind of cosmic shakeup that might only affect my own world directly. Unfortunately, it bleeds off onto the people closest to me as well. I’m not happy with myself when that happens, and often tend to do some self-flagellation in a mistaken attempt to atone for my sins. It usually has the opposite effect, causing others to worry or even slide into their own pit of despair.
Impacting My World and Beyond
It’s a not-so-subtle reminder I don’t operate in a vacuum, and when I allow myself to pile misdeeds on my own head, I impact those around me too. It’s not merely my crabbiness either. There was a time I could comfortably isolate and it wouldn’t affect anyone else…or so I believed. Whether it was entirely true is a subject for another day. These days, I’ve made myself too visible with inspirational messages, gratitude, and excessive content. When I disappear for a day, it’s no big deal. But when it stretches out to 3 or 4, and when the content I do offer is sad and woebegone, it begins to have an effect, and it ain’t a pretty one.
I’ve been known to drag one of these downward spirals out by allowing guilt to engulf me. No one does a better job of beating me up than me, myself, and I. If anyone knows my hot buttons, it’s those voices inside me who are happy to cite a laundry list of reasons I’m not good enough, or a complete disappointment.
Shutting the Negative Voices Down
There was a time I’d let those voices win, but a combination of supportive friends (led by my amazing daughter, Heather), a deep-seated stubbornness, and elaborate visions of what and where the future me will be, the voices eventually get shut down, and even punished for trying to throw a monkey wrench in my hard-earned progress.
I’m learning the cycles will happen, like it or not. They’re there for a reason; sometimes to humble me a bit, sometimes, because I need a break, but most often because I’ve headed down a path that isn’t serving me well. At those times, the downward cycle stops me in my tracks for a little while so I can’t wander further off track. When life resumes, I’m back on the road that leads to my goals and dreams, and have shed some more baggage that’s weighing me down or misdirecting me.
This time around, I shed some false friends and a couple of computers. The friends, I can easily do without, but I’m sure going to miss my laptop! Able or not, I had to replace the desktop quickly, as it is my livelihood, and often, my link to the outside world as well. With any luck, the added expense will inspire me to work harder at promoting myself, writing great content, and connecting with people. As someone I respect recently pointed out, the person I need to love and connect with most is myself. I guess I lost sight of that for a little while. A nice sledgehammer to the head courtesy of the Universe certainly cured me of that oversight!
A Gratitude a Day…
My gratitudes today are:
- I am grateful for my cycles; the ups, the downs, and the side trips.
- I am grateful for my daughter who knows me too well, and understands my cycles from her own personal experiences.
- I am grateful for friends who know when to take me at face value, and when to dig deeper.
- I am grateful for forward progress. It doesn’t always come in nice, tidy steps. In fact, most of the time it doesn’t. But a quick glance behind me is enough to recognize how far I’ve truly come.
- I am grateful for abundance; love, friendship, progress, inspiration, motivation, uplifting thoughts and words, joy, writing, gratitude, peace, health, balance, prosperity, and philanthropy.
Love and Light
About the Author
Sheri Conaway is a writer, blogger, ghostwriter, and an advocate for cats and mental health. Sheri believes in the Laws of Attraction, but only if you are a participant rather than just an observer. Her mission is to Make Vulnerable Beautiful and help entrepreneurs touch the souls of their readers and clients so they can increase their impact and their income. If you’d like to have her write for you, please visit her Hire Me page for more information. You can also find her on Facebook Sheri Levenstein-Conaway Author or in her new group, Putting Your Whole Heart Forward