Dancing outside my comfort zone

Oft-Uttered Words Hit Pierced My Heart

Tonight I was chatting with a couple of girl friends while waiting for the next line dance set when one of them made a comment which froze my blood in my veins, not because it was frightening or heinous, but because it was one I’d oft-repeated myself. Hearing it from her made me realize just how ludicrous the statement was. Not only that, I realized that I’m in good company in sharing the utterly false belief she voiced.

The words she spoke were Oh, I don’t attract anyone. If I had a nickel or even a penny for every time I’d made that ridiculous and utterly false statement, I’d be a very wealthy woman. It brought home to me the fact that there must be far too many women who blame their singleness on their own inability to attract someone when the reality is something completely different.

Many years after the fact, I learned on more than one occasion that someone was indeed interested/attracted to me but I just didn’t understand the signs. Because I’m not expecting anyone to be attracted to me, I’m completely oblivious when they are. Though I’m sure none of them went to great lengths to try and let me know how they felt, assuming I understood the rules of the game and would respond appropriately if I shared their interest, it bothers me that others besides myself have such a false assessment of their own situations.

This particular friend is attractive, smart, independent (I know, that one can sometimes be the kiss of death, but frankly, I have no patience for women who need a man more than life itself!), happy, friendly and altogether delightful. There is no reason on earth why she shouldn’t be attracting all manner of the male of the species…except for that one, single self-defeating statement.

As single women, especially those of us on the north side of 50, we’ve often spent a number of years raising kids, growing our careers and, in many cases caring for aging parents. We don’t have time for the sophomoric games we probably weren’t even interested in when were were 20-somethings. Those of us who don’t find it necessary to actively seek a mate enjoy the company of friends, have interests which take us outside the home, and wonder of wonders, are comfortable in our own company as well.

That does not mean we wouldn’t enjoy the attention and maybe even return it under the right circumstances. But as we have been managing our own lives for so long, we often don’t know the subtle signs that say “Hey, cutie, I’m interested in you. Can you give me a sign so I know whether it’s safe to approach you?” You might have to actually walk over and introduce yourself or ask for a dance. Most of us have learned not to crush a man by declining an invitation unless we have a really good reason like we’re about to leave or someone already asked or we’ve been on the dance floor for 30 minutes straight and just need a break. In the last case, we’ll usually make it clear that if they ask later, we’d love to dance with them. (and in my experience, most, if not all of them do come back).

Yes, the number of single men who have learned to dance at least a passable two-step is about 5 times less than what is necessary to keep us on the dance floor as much as we’d like. Even worse, we have to compete with the married and attached women who come without their husbands or boyfriends. Line dancing has definitely saved us from life as a wall flower. And yet, couples have met dancing. Some have dated and eventually married. Others have decided that they weren’t compatible after all. Either way, connections do occur, despite the dearth of men who dance. (that was a not-so-subtle hint, by the way).

To wrap this all up in a nice, neat package, I just want to say that as women, we need to lose the notion that just because we’re unattached it is because we don’t attract anyone. Take that statement and strike it from your repertoire before the Universe thinks it’s what you want and grants your wish.

Revising the Mantra

I’m giving all of the single women out there a new mantra. This is good for any of you, regardless of age.
“I am a beautiful, intelligent, interesting, talented woman. I want to attract the few who will understand, respect and appreciate the unique and wonderful individual I am.”

Or you can use my abbreviated version: “I’m beautiful, sexy, sassy and delicious.” Look yourself in the mirror and say one or both of these mantras every day. You might find the results surprising.


1. I am grateful for my friends who show me where I need to work on myself.
2. I am grateful for my crit group who gave me a great deal to think about today.
3. I am grateful for a better attitude and approach to my writing.
4. I am grateful for weeks which are more productive and full of variety and change.
5. I am grateful for abundance: lessons, changes, love, friendship, joy, productivity, dancing, connections, peace, harmony, health, philanthropy and prosperity.

Blessed Be

I invite you to visit my Facebook pages at https://www.facebook.com/SheriLevensteinConawayAuthor?ref=aymt_homepage_panel and https://www.facebook.com/HLWTAccounting . Please also drop by my website, http://www.shericonaway.com and check out my Hire Me Page. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!

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Comments on: "September 26, 2015 You Never Want to Hear Your Own Words From Someone Else’s Mouth" (2)

  1. I absolutely love the mantra! Mine is nearly identical and it really does work!
    We, as women, have societal scaffolding that has conditioned us to think there must be something wrong with us if we didn’t get asked to the dance, or if we are single for “too long” by societal standards. Think of all the negatively toned terms to describe single women as opposed to the few terms that are positively toned to describe single men (i.e. “Old maid” versus “bachelor”). Ladies, there is nothing wrong with you! I love that you put into perspective that self-love is what comes first!

    Like

    • Too true, and we have to realize that we are the ones who need to change that conditioning and take ownership of our lives and how they play out. Only we can really make the rules and the sooner we eschew those society tries to shove down our throats, the happier we’ll be. Thankfully, there are plenty of men out there who are supportive of our doing so too.

      Liked by 1 person

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