Poor Choices and Lessons Learned
About 19 years ago, my life was a mess. Mom had been gone only a couple of years and I had not yet learned to properly grieve. I was bouncing from job to job since being laid off in the aerospace implosion at the end of ’95. I was making a lot of poor choices both personally and professionally. But at least my divorce had been final for over a year and I was back in my house with my girls. It is a time I am quite happy to leave in the past.
The Universe, however, sees things differently and has seen fit to throw one of those poor choices back in my face in the form of a very odd little man my incredibly battered self-esteem was grateful to keep company with, if only for a few months. Even my daughters, with the wisdom of 9-year-olds told me flat out Mommy, he’s weird!
The first time he reappeared was in a place we’d frequented together. I danced with him once, felt incredibly repulsed and left soon after. Now, a couple of months later, he’s shown up twice in the last two weeks where I dance; a place he, to my knowledge, had never been. The first time, he struck up a very awkward conversation so I’ve made it a point to be surrounded by friends or engrossed in something on my phone when he draws near. It’s rude of me and I don’t feel good about it, but frankly, I don’t want the reminder of some stupid choices I made a long time ago.
To make it worse, he has what I call ‘crazy eyes’ that drill into you like a pair of lasers intent on sucking your brains out through your eyes. In short, he’s very creepy which makes those choices I made long ago all the more disturbing. As the commercial says, if this is an example of the choices I was making back then, what other, possibly worse ones did I make? But more, why am I being give the opportunity to revisit them now? What possible purpose could it serve to be reminded of how pathetic, needy and misguided I was?
Reaching Desperately for a Positive Spin
I could look at this as a reminder of how far I’d come, except that his very presence makes me feel creeped out. Worse, it drives me to be rude because he is, and in retrospect, always was, oblivious. I even considered telling him flat out that his presence makes me uncomfortable, but tossed the idea aside on two counts. First, the eyes. I’d have to look at them to talk to him. Second, it’s a public place and he has as much right to be there as I do. OK, maybe not quite as much as I do. 🙂
Have you ever had something from your past come back to haunt you with no apparent reason? Do you have skeletons from your past you wish would remain buried forever? Is it really just a matter of time before old transgressions come back to remind you that you’re only human? I look forward to comments and suggestions on this one.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful for the Human Mystique.
2. I am grateful for friends I can surround myself with in times of creepiness.
3. I am grateful for secrets which are mine to bury, drown or otherwise dispose of. Now, if the evidence and reminders would stay buried as well!
4. I am grateful for new business and things to fill my days.
5. I am grateful for abundance: friendship, love, my readers(especially the lurkers who raise their heads every now and then), peace, harmony, kitty cuddles, Dylan’s never-ending-belly-rubs, incentives, inspiration, butt kicks, health, prosperity and philanthropy.
I’d appreciate your taking a moment to visit my Facebook pages at https://www.facebook.com/SheriLevensteinConawayAuthor?ref=aymt_homepage_panel and https://www.facebook.com/HLWTAccounting . Please also drop by my website, http://www.shericonaway.com and check out my Hire Me Page. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!