When the Messages Get Most Insistent, it Pays to Pay Attention
For the last few days, I’ve actually accomplished quite a bit, but with the exception of a delicious batch of tzaziki and a much-improved shoulder, nothing I’ve done has yielded much in the way of personal satisfaction, forward progress or even material improvements. Even the one card Tarot readings I’ve been doing every day are reflecting the frustration and even annoyance at where I am and what I’m doing.
Today’s reading was especially pointed. From the Celtic Tarot, I drew the Page of Pentacles which depicts a young man standing on a hilltop before recently planted fields gazing at a golden coin. He’s not accomplishing anything, nor does he seem satisfied with where he’s at, however beautiful it might be. The cut card from this deck was Temperance, which depicts a woman pouring liquid or stardust or something into a stream while a rainbow gleams behind her. I always see it as a need for balancing my energy, but it also indicates a need to spend some time formulating and tempering my needs, desires and purpose so that they are stronger and more viable.
My Spiral tarot yielded the Ten of Swords in which a woman stands on the sea shore watching the sunset with swords piercing her skin, energy spasming around her body, and her arms raised in the stance of a victim. I saw this to mean that I was trying to fit myself into the molds and ideas of others instead of honoring my own dreams and purpose. The cut card was the Five of Cups which has been coming up at least every other day of late. It shows a woman chasing 3 golden chalices as they’re swept out to sea while two more sit calmly beneath a tree which blooms on the shore right behind her. The tree gives off a golden glow as if to say Look at me! Here I am! Turn around. Everything you need is right here.
Making Sense of it All
My meditation this afternoon was almost useless, aside from a few minutes with Scrappy Doo purring in my lap with his head resting on my hand. I felt loved and blessed, but no closer to finding my way. After I did the Tarot reading, I took my Poppy Jasper and Fluorite heart stones and lay backwards on my bed with my head on the body pillow and my feet on the decorative ones. Munchkin joined me with purrs and little meows as I contemplated the week so far and the messages the cards and the Universe are sending me. I realized that I need to get out of the house and into nature where I can clear my head and do some thinking.
Taking a Day Off to Get Back on Track
Tomorrow’s plan sprung almost fully formed as I lay backwards on my bed. I’ll load my blue backpack with a towel, sun screen, water, a sandwich, some fruit and a notebook and pen and drive to a beach which at least used to be less frequented by the summer sunbathers. I’ll walk for as long as I feel like it, then spread my towel in the sand and maybe take a dip in the ocean. Then I’ll sit with my notebook and pen (going old school for the first time in awhile) and just write whatever comes. It may be a story or just a brain dump, but I feel certain that by the time I turn my car towards home, I’ll have the answers I need and the direction which has been eluding me.
What’s in a Word?
I realized tonight as I was hanging with my dance friends that what I’m feeling right now is discouraged. If I take the low view, I have nothing tangible to show for the last year and a half other than mounting debt. Granted, I seldom look that far down, and have to admit that I have a completed first draft of one novel, a second draft of another and the beginnings of a third and a few great ideas for improvements on my children’s book. I also have 6 blog posts which have been published to sites other than mine, a website which is constantly being improved upon and hundreds of thousands of words of blog posts. If I go by what I read a couple of years ago about needing over 100 pages for a website, and assuming that each blog post represents 1 page, I have nearly 1000 pages now. Looking at things from this perspective, I have, indeed, done what I set out to do.
I’ve also established and maintained at least a few of the healthier habits I set out to add to my repertoire. The long and the short of it is, the beach day tomorrow has probably been a long time coming and is precisely what I need to get out of this lumpy, grumpy, cranky place I find myself now, and which is immensely uncomfortable.
My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that feeling low isn’t acceptable to me any more.
2. I am grateful for friends who help me put things in perspective, even when things are falling apart in their own lives.
3. I am grateful for a full weekend of dancing and culture.
4. I am grateful for the love and entertainment value of my furry roommates.
5. I am grateful for abundance: love, inspiration, motivation, changes, peace, harmony, friendship, prosperity and philanthropy.
I’d appreciate your taking a moment to visit my Facebook pages at https://www.facebook.com/SheriLevensteinConawayAuthor?ref=aymt_homepage_panel and https://www.facebook.com/HLWTAccounting . Please also drop by my website, http://www.shericonaway.com and check out my Hire Me Page. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!