Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world your beautiful self!

Human Behavior is a Never-ending Variety Show

As a writer, I spend a lot of time observing human behavior. After all, you never know when I might need inspiration to make a character in one of my stories more believable. And as many before me have observed, you just can’t make this shit up! Ordinarily, my observations are directed outward, but over the last couple of days, that has changed, not by design, but because of an anomaly.

Though I’m sure this isn’t really a new phenomenon, it was, perhaps elevated in importance after several days of crazy busyness and a higher than normal activity level. However, for the last couple of days, I’ve found myself extremely slow to get started, sleeping later than normal, moving slowly, taking hours to eat the single cup of yogurt and cup of coffee I have for breakfast every morning, and accomplishing little of note for an entire day. Today in particular, I sat down to do my daily meditation, ended up in a dream sequence with an extremely involved story line, and finally woke up nearly three hours later!

From Zero to Sixty in Three Seconds

This behavioral anomaly would probably have escaped my notice had this lengthy period of laziness been the end of it. Instead, around 4 or 5 in the afternoon, I suddenly experience pangs of guilt over having a completely unproductive day and seem to acquire an infusion of energy which has me zipping around the house doing chores or finishing a project I’d left half done. In short, making up for lost time in the space of a couple of hours. But it doesn’t stop there.

While my body is busy making up for the hours of sloth, my brain goes into overdrive. Ideas for some of my works in progress start weaving themselves out until I have an entire scene fleshed out in my brain. It even remains long enough for me to commit it to memory by writing it on an index card or adding it to a document on my computer. Even the dreams I have during the slow periods are vivid and memorable, demanding they be added to my perpetual journal called, coincidentally, Weird Dreams.

Could I be Channeling my Inner Vampire?

Though the lengthening days mean that this bizarre behavior begins while the sun still shines, it is important to note that I’m rarely in bed before 2 or 3 in the morning these days. So either I’m practicing to be a vampire or have secretly become my cats (though to be honest, they don’t have a problem sleeping at night or any other time within any twenty-four hour period). As I type this, two of my darling furbablls have suddenly started demanding attention after snoozing on my bed most of the day.

As a writer, I do tend to write what I know, but somehow, the idea of becoming my own muse is a trifle horrifying. Granted, it would give me the ability to create the body, face and personality I’ve only dreamed about, but no. Too weird! Much better to focus on the behavior of others.

And yet…I do see other writers using themselves as a template. Maybe not their current selves, but the selves they were before they took control of their own destiny. Perhaps that’s where I need to focus. Like many others, I wasn’t exactly the most well-adjusted kid, and as a teenager, being part of the wallpaper was often my best option. Being an introvert will do that to you! Over the years, I learned to hide the soft, squishy part of myself and even, to some extent, become hardened to those annoying things we call emotions.

Just as History Repeats Itself, So, Too, Do We Humans as We Experience Our Own, Personal Evolution

Not unlike other Humans, my life has had its ups and downs, twists and turns and even backtracks. In the process, I’ve been called upon to re-evaluate and re-work what I’d become. This was especially true when I took the Ascension Resonance Therapy course a couple of years ago (has it really been that long?). During the class, I was forced to look at the things which were causing me pain, frustration and aggravation and delve into the true causes. As a result, I made a move which many would consider foolish when I quit my job to write full time.

Over a year later, I wouldn’t say that I’ve written full time at any point. I’ve actually put more time into it over the last month than at any time before, but I’m learning it isn’t all about writing. Part of the time, I market, part of the time, I study or read, part of the time I network, and then, there are the actual writing sessions. In between all of that, I live my life, do my chores, interact with people (in small doses, of course!), and allow my stories to just grow inside my head for awhile until they take on a life of their own. Because the truth of the matter is, being a writer isn’t just about writing any more, if it ever really was.

I’ve seen many opinions on writing lately, and frankly, that’s all they are in many cases. There are those who claim that you should never write for the money, but then, where would columnists and technical writers and those who write infomercials be? Where would the people who write for social media and commercial blog sites be if they weren’t making money writing? Sure, a purist writes for the joy of writing, and I’m sure that in between assignments most of those people do their share of writing for the pure joy of it as well. But not all of us are happy in a 9 to 5 job and have to find ways to ensure that we continue eating, paying the bills and taking care of our pets (I add the last because in the lonely life of a writer, I believe pets are essential to our sanity).

I think I’d qualify the idea and say that I don’t do the writing which feeds my soul, create the stories which run around in my head for the money. I don’t write my blog, sharing my feelings, thoughts, observations and experiences for money. But I will do blog posts, social media and articles for others and expect to be paid for my efforts. Just like those who have a day job which doesn’t allow them to write, it is my way of giving myself the ability to write the things I do for love rather than money. After all, only the few very lucky ones are able to combine the two, and who knows how long it took or what they sacrificed to get there, or even what they sacrifice now to continue being able to write what they love. What writer wouldn’t want to walk a mile in Stephen King’s or Nora Roberts’ shoes? I, for one, would love to know how my favorite writers survived while spending endless hours writing and perfecting the stories we now get to enjoy.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to do what I love.
2. I am grateful for a mind which views and dissects everyone and everything it sees.
3. I am grateful for a mind which kicks my butt when I’ve accomplished nothing all day.
4. I am grateful that I am solely responsible for the upkeep of my home, myself and my cats. There are days when this responsibility is all that gets me off of my butt and moving.
5. I am grateful for abundance: love, inspiration, motivation, writing, health, harmony, prosperity, philanthropy and joy.

Blessed Be

And now for some shameless self-promotion:
I’d love it if you’d visit my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/SheriLevensteinConawayAuthor?ref=aymt_homepage_panel and my website, http://www.shericonaway.com/. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!

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