Dancing outside my comfort zone

A Friend Had to Remind Me that Passover is this Weekend: It Makes me Sad

When Mom was alive, we always did Passover dinner at her house. Back then, I failed to appreciate the time, the effort or the meaning behind it, and often felt like it was a command performance I really didn’t want to attend. After her death, my daughters and I honored the holiday with my Dad by attending Passover dinner at a local deli.

Flash Forward Eleven Years

We’ve had one Passover dinner since Dad’s death in September of 2003. My daughter was taking a class which covered both religion and other Spiritual practices and was required to visit different places of worship, so we attended a Passover dinner at a local temple. But that was several years ago, and as she now lives about 3 hours away, getting together for the holiday is somewhat impractical.

Despite the fact that we’ve never really practiced our religion, we have tried to keep at least some of the traditions alive. Sadly, Passover isn’t one of them, but I’m suddenly feeling that it should have been. While my daughter has plans to go to a deli in her area for a traditional Passover dinner (sans ceremony), I know of no place which still does it around here and it’s too late to get tickets for the one at the temple, though frankly, I am not inclined to go by myself.

The Loss of Another Piece of my Past Plays a Melancholy Chord on my Heart

It isn’t really the idea of not eating the traditional food, nor have I even participated in the ceremony (aside from the temple) since my paternal grandmother died when I was a child. It’s more the thought that a beautiful part of my family’s heritage is fading into oblivion, at least with my branch. Then it occurred to me: I wonder if there is a way to observe the holiday by myself. There are solo practitioners of Wicca, so why not of Judaism?

As it has been my experience that you can find anything with a Google search, I tried “Can Passover be celebrated solo” and found just one post with suggestions for solo Passover celebrations. As most of them aren’t really solo at all, I gather that Jews who want to observe the holiday, even if they are far from home, find a way to do so.

I Was Once Called a Goysiche Jew. It Seems the Title Fits

In truth, I consider myself a Jew by culture, but not by religion. Does not practicing the religion make me less of a Jew? I know only that, right now, I feel very disconnected, but that isn’t necessarily entirely due to lack of religious affiliation. I work from home so I don’t see too many people on a regular basis. This alone affects my sense of community. Add in a Spiritual practice which does not require the participation of others along with my introverted nature and what is left is an individual with few real, strong human connections.

Another Chicken and Egg Story

The gist of the matter is that my alone-ness for Passover is not the malady at all, but just another symptom. Red ButerflyThis is a malady I, alone can cure, but it means yet another leap outside of that comfortable little cocoon I call my comfort zone. I take reminders like this very seriously, as emotions are a strong indicator of both things we do right and things we need to change. Mine are clearly telling me that I’ve been a caterpillar long enough and that there’s a butterfly inside of me who really needs to spread her wings and fly now.

My gratitudes today are:
1. I am grateful for my emotions which alert me to things I need to work through.
2. I am grateful for my writing which gives me an outlet to work through things my emotions target.
3. I am grateful for my studies which teach me how to improve my posts, where to find the resources and how to safely and legally use those resources.
4. I am grateful for my dancing and my crit group which keep me from becoming a complete hermit.
5. I am grateful for abundance: resources, opportunities, friendship, challenges, lessons, health, love, harmony, peace, joy and prosperity.

Blessed Be

And now for some shameless self-promotion:
I’d love it if you’d visit my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/SheriLevensteinConawayAuthor?ref=aymt_homepage_panel and my website, http://www.shericonaway.com. I’ve created these pages as a means of positive affirmation and would be very grateful if you’d “like” them or leave a comment! Thank you!

photo credit: 033e eye of the tiger watching you via photopin (license)

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