Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world your beautiful self!

Losing myself and an evening watching TV

After a week’s hiatus from the one-eyed monster, I sat down to watch “a couple of shows” I’d recorded on my DVR, only to spend the better part of the evening cuddling kitties and watching crime shows. Now, lest you think this was a completely wasted evening (aside from the cuddling), let me say that there was a method to my madness.

Most of the shows I record are crime shows of some sort: Castle NCIS, Forever, Rizzoli and Isles and Perception: as I enjoy watching how a puzzle is solved. If shows of this sort which did not involve murder or mayhem were available I would gravitate towards those, but Hollywood feeds their perception of the human need for violence. And this is where I feel that my writing is lacking.

I’m in the midst of a scene in which my antagonist has had his minions kidnap the protaganist’s child and am having a really hard time writing it with enough evil intent. In fact, I’m struggling overall with the antagonist’s evil intent. I figured that watching a few shows where this characteristic was captured might help me draw a little more evil out of my own soul.

Though I have not yet sat down to write again, I don’t feel that the experiment was successful, but one never knows what might have crept into my subconscious undetected. Since my initial pass on any project comes from said subconscious, I shall hope that the necessary evil seeps in and will flow onto the pages. Otherwise, I will need to try some other resources or exercises to trigger my inner criminal.

Thinking about over-thinking

The story I’m working on is a first draft and, typically, I disconnect my brain and just let whatever wants to hit the page do so. The reason I mention this is that I think I’ve been shooting myself in the foot trying to figure out how to make the scene work perfectly at this stage of the game. Instead of just sitting down and writing, I’ve been fretting, stressing, beating myself up and, above all, procrastinating. It isn’t like anyone is going to see what I write at this stage of the game (I don’t even share the first draft with my daughter who is as uncritical as they get about everything I write!). So, why in the name of all that’s literary am I hitting a wall right now? I don’t even have writer’s insecurity to blame at this stage of the game.

So, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to go into the kitchen and fix a little dinner with the veggies I got in my Harvest Box. I am going to eat that dinner while reading part of a tarot e-book I downloaded a couple of days ago. Then, I will do a couple of chores so I am not thinking about all of the things I need to do.

Then, gol durn it, I’m going to WRITE

I will close Firefox and email and I will sit in front of the computer, turn off my internal critic and editor and just put some bloody words on the freakin’ page! Enough is enough, here!

I thought about blaming this on the Super New Moon or sunspots or something equally unlikely, but the real culprit is none other than me. So this is me, getting out of my own way!

Whew! OK, rant over.

My gratitudes tonight are:
1. I am grateful that I can allow those voices in my head to either help me or hinder me, but when they hinder me, other voices will set them straight.
2. I am grateful for the amazing massage I had today, and the beautiful visuals I got in the process.
3. I am grateful for a refrigerator full of healthy veggies.
4. I am grateful for the companionship of my cats who never allow me to feel lonely or alone.
5. I am grateful for abundance; down time,up time, inspiration, motivation, perseverance, overcoming obstacles, opportunities, friendship, love, ego, intelligence, good examples, bad examples, health, harmony, peace, health and prosperity.

Blessed Be

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